As nervous as she’d been to send the original text, she grew even more nervous during the entire day she waited for a response. Sitting on her couch, with her days off ahead of her, she curled up to watch crappy television. Her phone finally pinged with a message from her Mate.com app, and she looked down at it with surprise. She flicked over her screen and tapped a few times to make the message come up.
Finally, it lifted onto the screen, and she could hardly read the words through the clouds in her eyes. She blinked away the darkness and focused, trying to see Shane’s message.
I want to meet with you.
That was all it said. She waited, hoping he’d say more, but he didn’t. She took a deep breath and thought for a moment before typing.
We can meet tomorrow at the park. I have something to show you.
She sent him the time and location, and he agreed to meet her then. No more responses came after that. She sat on her futon staring at an infomercial for half an hour before she finally laid down and went to sleep.
The next morning, she got Theo ready, feeling faint the entire time. When she finally got them in the car, she sat there taking deep breaths until Theo asked her what was wrong.
“Nothing, baby,” she said. “We’re going to have fun at the park today!” she said, turning on the car.
“Yay!” Theo said.
She pulled onto the street and drove across the river to the city park where there was a playground and picnic tables and a big lot of green grass. It was a warm day, but it had been raining. She and Theo were dressed in jackets, jeans, and rain boots. She let Theo run out into the playground. Her hands shook as she shut her car door. Turning on numb feet toward the park, she shoved her keys in her pocket and looked around.
He wasn’t there.
She saw a pregnant mom with her toddler. A human man with a dad bod and a grandmother with her grandkids. There weren’t any broad shouldered, six-foot-four, tattooed chefs in the bunch. She sighed, relaxing. Maybe he just wouldn’t show up. That would be like Shane. Just running away.
Theo hopped in front of the toddler and bent down to say hello before climbing up the ladder to the slide. Her son had always been active. He was a shifter through and through, and she’d had to rein him back most of his life.
She laughed at Theo as he came down the slide hands first. When she looked past the slide, she saw Shane. Lily jumped out of her seat. She hurried across the playground and stood stiffly in front of Shane. He looked as hot as ever, his masculine form wrapped in dark colors. His gaze pierced her heart like an arrow.
“Hello, Lily,” he said in his growly bear voice.
Lily’s body clenched with arousal. That was not supposed to happen. He lifted his arm to lean against the playground equipment, revealing his slim waist. He’d worn slim fitting jeans, a pair of boots, and a leather biker jacket. He focused his sharp blue eyes on her face and stroked his ruddy beard.
“What did you have to show me?” he asked, his tone dark.
She cleared her throat.
“Well, hello to you too. How have things been? Wild that we were mated on that website, right?” she said, the words pouring from her mouth.
“I went to war.”
“You left…”
“I did.”
“Shane, why?” The words came quivering out of her mouth as if they’d been ripped from her heart.
He released a growl and pulled away. He stiffened and crossed his arms. She could see his tattoos below the cuffs of his jacket.
“This isn’t why I came here.”
He would know she had a child from her profile. He would know how old Theo was and that he was a bear shifter too. She’d spelled it out on the dating site. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. There was no doubt that he knew Theo was his cub.
She had to remind herself that this was about Theo, not her. She had to put her own pain aside and focus on her child.
“We both know why I’m here,” he said, cocking his head in Theo’s direction.
Lily turned to see Theo hopping toward them.
“Hi, Mommy. Who’s that?” he said, pointing at Shane.
Lily looked from Theo to Shane and scrunched her eyebrows together at Shane before addressing her son.
“Theo, this is Mommy’s old friend—his name is Shane,” Lily said sweetly to her child.
“Hi, Shane,” Theo said, holding out his hand to shake his father’s.
Shane blinked and balked. He stood motionless for several seconds before bending down to the child and taking his hand.
“Pleased to meet you, Theo. Now go play. Mommy needs to talk to her old friend,” Shane said as he rose to his full height.
“Yes. Go play, buddy,” Lily said, breathless.
When Theo was out of earshot, Shane leveled his devil blue eyes on Lily.
“I want to provide for the child. Whatever you need. I want to take care of my son,” he stated.
“I never told you he was yours,” she corrected him.
“There was another shifter six years ago?” he said, drawing back.
“No. There wasn’t. Of course there wasn’t.”
“So he is mine.”
7
“Yes,” she said, breathlessly.
Shane blinked twice and put his hands to his waist. His inner bear was frantic, growling for his mate like he had since they’d met. He had to keep her safe. He had to keep the dark part of himself away from her. He couldn’t let it loose on his mate. He couldn’t let it loose on his child.
“I want to take care of the child. Whatever he needs. But he can never know I am his father.”
“What? Why?”
“The same reason why this,” he waved his hand back and forth between their hearts, “can never happen.”
“And why is that?” Lily demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. Lily sounded like she was ready to have it out, here and now, at the playground, in front of all these parents and kids. He knew she’d waited too damn long for an explanation. He’d run out on her twice. She had a right to be angry.
“I can’t talk about that now,” he growled through clenched teeth.
She should just give up on him because he was no good for anyone. She needed to be strong for the kid. She couldn’t get broken down by Shane’s inner demons.
“Tell me,” she demanded.
Shane could tell she meant it. He huffed out a breath and spat out his words.
“I can never be what you need. My bear is dangerous. Too wild to be good to you.”
“That’s bullshit. That’s no reason to run away like you did!”
“Lily, come here,” he said, taking her hand.
He led her away from the playground with an eye on the child. Taking her to the trunk of a big old oak tree, he angled her to rest her back against it. She could calm down. He didn’t want to hurt her. She was so beautiful in that corduroy dress and the cute flowery rain boots. She was curvier and prettier than ever now that she was a woman, a mom.
“What?” she said, her voice quivering.
His arousal rumbled to life, making him growl and look away. He knew this shit would happen. He couldn’t be around this woman without going stiff. It had been hard as hell to get through those high school years without taking her.
But he knew he couldn’t. Every man in her life wanted to put his hands on her sweet curvy body. Shane couldn’t be one of those people. He’d been her friend. Her confidant. He’d never meant to lead her on. But he needed her as much as she’d needed him. Even during that year in the cave before he’d turned eighteen, he’d still needed her comfort.
“I never wanted to hurt you. I’ve always cared for you,” he said, leaning into her.
He shouldn’t have left her the first time, and he shouldn’t have left her the second time. At least not without saying goodbye first. She deserved that much from him. She deserved so much more. Lily had been the one person to really know him. But there was no telling what he could do i
f he lost control.
“You can’t hurt me,” she said, raising her chin in defiance.
But he could. He’d hurt humans before, and those memories still haunted him.
“I can. I have. And I will,” he said, close to her ear. He took a long draw of her scent. Lilies. Damn it. Shane was more bear than man.
“I know you, Shane Keenan, and I know exactly what you’re capable of.”
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Lily. I was at war for four years. The bear is ten times wilder than when I mauled my stepfather.”
Enchanted by the smell of her skin, his inner bear rumbled for the woman, as crazed as ever for her touch.
“You know what makes you different from all the other shifters who came back from the war? You’re not a hero, you’re a coward.”
Her words snapped him out of the smell, and he growled, frowning as he stepped away.
“I’m not a coward, Lily. I’m protecting you,” he said, pointing at her.
He started to walk down the path, and she called after him.
“Shane, wait,” she said, trotting up to him.
“What? What else is there to say? You don’t get it at all, Lily. You think I stay away because I’m afraid? I stay away because I’m making sure I can never hurt you.”
“You only hurt me when you leave, Shane,” she said, stopping short to reach out for him.
She held his hand, looking up at him with her big brown eyes. He wanted to cup her face in his hand and comfort her with his kiss. It was the same desire he’d been denying for so many years.
“I want to keep it that way, Lily. I’d die before I’d let my bear tear you apart,” he ground out.
She let go of his hands and continued down the path. He followed her, but she didn’t look at him when she started to speak.
“So, you want to help take care of Theo. Great. I could use it. Money or otherwise. Get me that child support check whenever you’re ready,” she said, turning back to the playground to pick up her child. Theo ran into her arms.
Shane felt deflated as he watched her carry her son a few paces down the path back to the parking lot. She set him down and they hurried back to the car. Lily caught up to Theo and helped him inside. Watching them drive away, Shane’s heart sank into a dark pool of regret. He could never have them in his life. He could never be part of a family. That was not an option for a man like him.
Even at his most stable, while running the restaurant, he’d still been right on the edge of being civilized. He’d growled at everyone and had a reputation as a terror in the kitchen. As a chef, that had worked for him. The people ate it up like they ate up his food. His Food Network show had been the most popular one on the channel.
But it was just a shadow of the truth of his inner bear. There was violence in his heart. The chain he’d kept around his ankle at night kept him from running wild in the streets, mauling everyone.
When it came out that America’s favorite angry chef was actually a shifter, the media tore him apart. Everything they had liked about him before became fodder for gossip magazines and early morning talk shows.
It seemed like everyone was complaining about Shane Keenan, bringing up clips from past shows, pointing out what a terrible man he had always been. When they thought he was a human, it was nothing but entertainment. As soon as they found out he was a shifter, it became proof that all shifters were dangerous.
He walked back to his motorcycle and climbed on, revving the engine to life. He pulled out of the parking lot and tore onto the road, headed back to the lodge.
He’d made the mistake of getting too close to Lily six years ago. That night, his bear would not be controlled. They’d made love. He never should have let that happen.
All he’d ever wanted to do was protect her. Protecting her from his inner wild bear was the most important thing to him. How could he do anything less than protect his mate from the biggest danger that he knew?
The last time Shane had seen his stepfather, he’d locked Shane in a cage as he had ever night since his mom died. Shane’s bear wouldn’t take it anymore. The bear tore out from inside of him in the middle of the night. He’d smashed bars of the cage until he was bloody. When he broke through and chased his stepfather down, he tore him up and left him for dead.
Shane took to the woods that night, and didn’t return for months. He assumed his stepfather was dead. The bear didn’t care anymore. He wanted the man to be dead. When he finally wrangled himself in and shifted back to his human form, he sought out Lily and asked her what had happened. Lily told him his stepfather had been in the hospital for months but had finally recovered.
Shane expected the police to be after him, but his stepfather never pressed any charges. Maybe the man finally realized he was in the wrong, or maybe he realized if he did press charges, Shane would have nothing left to lose and would finish what he’d started. His stepfather had kept his bear’s identity secret even then.
Shane still hated the bastard. The man deserved whatever he got. But Shane had little memory of attacking him.
There had been several other occasions when Shane’s bear had gotten loose and hurt people. Shane couldn’t remember those events either, and he knew he had no control over his bear. The safest thing for everyone was for Shane to stay far, far away from any humans he cared about.
8
Lily drove Theo home, feeling hopeless. She didn’t know what she’d expected. She should have known Shane would behave exactly as he had. He took no responsibility for his own behavior. What did he mean he was protecting her? He’d never done a damn thing to protect her heart. All he did was hurt her over and over again.
Her body had hummed at the sight and smell of him. All the old feelings came flooding back, threatening to take her under. She still longed for him. She couldn’t deny it. But that only made her angrier at herself and everything else.
When she parked in front of her building, tears were forming in her eyes. She wiped them away before opening the car door to help Theo out of his booster seat.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Theo asked.
“Nothing’s wrong, sweetie,” Lily lied.
She and Theo went upstairs, and she let them both into the apartment. It was cold inside and felt as empty as her heart. Seeing Shane again had brought up all of the same old feelings. The same old emotions, the same need. It was all still there and she had no idea how to turn it off.
Why did she want him? Shane was a beast. He was wild and barely civilized enough to mingle among humans. She knew exactly what happened to his stepfather. Shane had told her all those years ago that he had nearly killed the man and couldn’t remember doing it. His bear had taken over and blocked the memory from Shane’s mind.
Maybe being with his mate would help him. Maybe being around his child would soothe the savage beast within.
If he would just try, then they would know for sure. She was willing to risk it. Wasn’t it her choice to make? What could be worse than living your entire life apart from the person you were meant to be with? What could be more painful than running away from the love of your life?
Theo sat at the table as Lily made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. While she spread the strawberry jelly, she considered leaving Fate Mountain altogether.
How could she possibly live here knowing that Shane was here as well? She never expected him to come back to town after what happened here. She had never planned on telling him about his son. Shane said he wanted to provide for the child, but wanted nothing to do with either of them.
How could she take his money when he treated her the way he had all these years? It was the principle more than anything. She’d been taking care of Theo by herself all this time. She didn’t need Shane’s money, especially if he was going to keep telling her the same old story about why he abandoned her every time they had a chance to be together.
She sat down at the table with Theo and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white brea
d, watching her little boy. His sweet little mouth smiled and his blue eyes sparkled, so like his dad’s.
Her anger was the only thing that kept her from dissolving into a puddle of despair. She wanted Shane so badly. The moment she’d seen him, her body had awakened, yearning for his touch. She would give anything for him to hold her again. If he would just try to get over the past like she had. Maybe they could make things work.
She knew she was Shane’s fated mate, and he would always be attached to her. He would never love another woman the way he loved her. Why wouldn’t he let her love him?
As Lily wiped the crumbs off the table and turned on the TV for Theo, her heart ached painfully inside her chest. The tears she’d been hiding finally fell, and she hid behind a stream of mousy blonde hair, not wanting Theo to see her cry.
She took the plates back to the kitchen and stood over the sink, tears silently dripping onto the stainless steel. She turned on the water to drown out the sound of her stifled sobs. How could she go on like this knowing he was here? She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She wanted to be with Shane, no matter how broken he was. She had been broken too. She believed they could heal each other if he would just let it happen.
That man was so wrapped up in his old anger and pain that he couldn’t see how he affected others. Lily wiped the tears from her eyes and washed the lunch dishes before joining Theo on the futon.
She pulled her phone from her purse and opened the Mate.com app she’d finally gotten to download on her phone. Sniffling, she typed out a message.
I don’t want your money, Shane, she typed.
She stared at the phone for a few moments before a message came up on her screen.
I’m going to help you raise my cub.
Then help me.
I’m trying, he responded.
I can’t be this close to you.
Don’t leave Fate Mountain. This is the best place for the child.
Wild Bear Page 4
