“When it came time for him to marry, I knew that his choice of bride was essential to ensuring that in marriage, at least, he could conduct himself with some restraint. However, before I could even present him with some ladies who were spirited enough to stand up to him, he’d already compromised a Miss Fairbanks, Alex’s mother.”
“I’d never heard that,” Merry said quietly. “Would it not have been gossiped about?”
The dowager shook her head. “You have a great deal to learn about the powers of the nobility to cover up those scandals they wish to keep secret. It was easy enough to turn the story from one of compromise to one of impetuous young lovers too swept away by their emotions. They were married by special license and the tawdry tale turned into one of romance.”
“Does Alex know this?” Merry asked, suddenly realizing what this might do to his own perception of himself.
“I’ve never told him,” the dowager said with a shake of her head. “But his mother may have said something during his trip to France. It’s not quite as bad as it sounds. I do believe she was genuinely in love with Edward and he with her. And they were happy for a time. Before his temper got worse
“By the time Alexander was eight or nine, however,” the dowager continued, “his father’s temper had got the better of him too many times to count. And though Alex was away at school, his mother was here and an easy target for my son’s anger. When I saw that the Sheringham’s dancing master had taken an interest in her, I admit I encouraged it. Because I believed that he might be able to get her away from Edward. I did what I could to help her. She was far too miserable to take the reins of the household. So I did that for her. At the same time, I admit that I was cruel to her. But it was with a purpose. I wanted her to leave.”
“Because you wanted her safe,” Merry said. She realized that her understanding of the dowager’s character was altering. Was she being manipulated herself? She considered it, but dismissed the notion at once because the dowager’s words had a ring of truth to them. “Why didn’t you simply have Lady Wrotham sent away somewhere? Or let her take Alex with her?”
“My son would never have let her go if she’d taken Alexander. As Edward’s son and heir, Alexander was far more valuable to him than a mere wife. If she left with another man, Edward might be jealous, but he was hardly going to advertise the fact that he’d been cuckolded. So, when she left, he did nothing. There were some rumors about her affair, but not enough to last for very long. And not long afterward, he died himself.”
“Did you not invite her to return?” Merry asked, thinking that Alex might have reunited with his mother long before if only the dowager had acted.
“By that time, it was widely known she’d left with her lover,” Lady Wrotham said. “It wasn’t on the tip of all tongues, but if she’d returned, married to the man who’d spirited her away, the talk would have reignited. And Alexander would have been forced to defend his mother’s honor at some point. I wasn’t willing to risk his life on the dueling field. He’d already endured enough hardship by then.”
Though Merry was inclined to agree that she wanted Alex safe, she thought perhaps there would have been some way to do that and let his mother figure into his life again. But that was long in the past. She wanted, now, to know about the dowager’s actions five years ago.
“You obviously care for your grandson,” she said with puzzlement. “So, why did you ruin his chance at happiness with me?”
At this the dowager looked down. “I know it seems unforgivable from your perspective,” she said. “But I was trying to protect him. You see, his father’s marriage was one between unequals. His mother was not from a distinguished family. Which is something that Edward pointed out to her every chance he had. Though Alex is nothing like his father, I feared that marriage to someone—even someone he seemed to love—who was not on the same level as he was socially might lead him to become angry at his choice later on. And I couldn’t risk it. Not for him, whom I loved, and not for you, whom I had only just met and didn’t wish to see trapped into such a marriage.”
Merry was stunned. “But you just said that Alex is nothing like his father. Did it not occur to you that in separating us, you were finding a solution to a problem that did not, in fact, exist?”
“My dear, I’d lived through the horror of my son’s marriage with him, and I was not willing to take the chance. Especially when it came to Alexander’s long-term happiness. I realize it is difficult to understand, but at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“And what of Cassandra?” Merry said. She was torn between sympathy for the dowager and anger over her continued meddling. She might have had good intentions, but there was the saying about the road to perdition.
The dowager flushed. “That was a misstep on my part,” Lady Wrotham said with a look of shame. “In my defense, you’d only arrived that afternoon, and I could see that Alexander was already becoming attached to you again. I thought if I embarrassed you into leaving, you’d go before things became too serious between the two of you.”
Before Merry could respond, the dowager surprised her by turning to take Merry’s hand. “I was wrong, Miss Parks, I know that now. I cannot deny the happiness I see in my grandson’s eyes when he is with you. I still have fears that your marriage might have difficulties, but it is obvious that you still love one another. Even after the years apart.”
She showed eyes bright with unshed tears to Merry. “I give you my word that I will not interfere with your lives again. Though he’s not made any announcement, I’m quite sure that my grandson will ask you to marry him soon. And when he does, it will be, wanted or not, with my blessing.”
* * *
When Merry finally emerged from the dowager’s sitting room, Alex was fit to burst with curiosity.
He’d expected the conversation to be brief, and for Merry to emerge triumphant but subdued.
Instead she’d been closeted with Grandmama for the better part of an hour, and there hadn’t been any shouting or, really, any raised voices at all.
“Have you been waiting here this whole time?” she asked as she closed the door behind her.
He scanned her face for some sign of what might have transpired, but he could find none.
Deciding the hallway beyond the dowager’s door was not the proper place for him to conduct this interrogation, he led her farther along, toward her own sitting room.
Once he’d pulled her inside and shut the door, he backed her against it and kissed her breathless.
When he finally pulled away, her eyes were laughing. “What was that for?”
“I was nervous on your behalf,” he admitted with a twist of his lips. “I have faith in you, but I know the dowager can be difficult. And you asked me to let you go alone, so I did. But that didn’t mean my poor nerves were sanguine over the meeting.”
Merry’s smile sent a jolt of affection mixed with desire through him.
“I thank you for your concern,” she said, resting her arms on his shoulders as she joined her hands behind his neck. “But as you can see, I survived.”
Then, her eyes turned serious. “I learned some things I’d like to tell you, however.” She kissed him swiftly, then took him by the hand and led him to her settee.
He listened intently as she told him what his grandmother had said. As she spoke, he felt a sense of disbelief mixed with sadness and frustration wash over him.
Finally, she concluded her tale by explaining what the dowager had said about their lives now.
“It’s incredible,” he said, resting his head against the curved rosewood of the settee’s back. “Why did she not tell me all of this years ago? Obviously she didn’t wish to say why she’d got rid of you. But the business with my mother was decades ago. She could have divulged all of this before I left for France.”
Merry squeezed his hand. “I believe, though it seems mad to say it, that she was afraid of how you’d react. You seemed happy enough. And you’d settled into
your somewhat combative relationship. And she didn’t wish to stir up things.”
“But I might have had a happier relationship with her for all these years,” Alex said, frustrated by the whole situation.
“I believe she accepted your anger as some sort of punishment,” Merry said. “Though she’d done so for good reasons, you were still without your mother. And without a wife. She tried to make amends by bringing you potential brides whom she thought would suit you, but you, my dear man, are stubborn.”
“And I was already in love with someone else,” he pointed out, turning to look at her.
“There is that, as well,” she agreed with a smile.
“I know I’ve said I didn’t care,” Alex said, “and I don’t, but what was it that my grandmother said to you to make you leave? I’ve wracked my brain and cannot conceive of what it can have been.”
He watched as Merry’s expression turned sad. “She told me that you would come to hate me. Because I wasn’t your social equal.” She looked down at her hands. “I might have stood firm against any other blandishments. I wouldn’t have believed it if she’d told me you were in love with someone else, or didn’t care for me. But the notion that you might one day come to despise me for not being your equal? That frightened me. Because I’d seen such unequal matches disintegrate before. And I could endure anything but your hating me. So I left, thinking that if you hated me for leaving you, at least it would be better than having you hate me for something I had no control over.”
Unable to stop himself, he gathered her in his arms, realizing again how much he’d almost lost. He knew now that his grandmother had thought her reasons for encouraging Merry to leave were well-founded, but that didn’t make up for the five years of pain and loneliness he and Merry had endured as a result.
“I could never, in a thousand years, hate you,” he said into her ear. “No matter what you might do.”
“I didn’t know that,” she whispered. “And I was so afraid. I couldn’t bear it, Alex.”
They pulled away then, though Alex kept her hand in his. Unable to be in the same room and not touch her.
“It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was wrong,” Merry said sadly. “But by that time, too much time had passed. And I didn’t want to risk upending whatever kind of peace you’d found in my absence. It wasn’t fair for me to come slinking back to ask for forgiveness once I’d hurt you.”
He would have welcomed her with open arms, no matter how much pain he’d felt, but Alex didn’t dare tell her that now. It would make her sacrifice—and it would have been a sacrifice—seem pointless. And he had a very strong suspicion she’d already come to that realization on her own.
They sat silently for a moment. Side by side, contemplating the past, and on Alex’s part at least, the future.
It was time, he decided.
But before he could move, she spoke again.
“This is the first year I can recall that I’ve not spent Christmas with Papa,” she said with a bit of sadness. “I know I’m often resentful of the way he’s taken me for granted. But I don’t know how I could have survived these past years without the escape my work gave me from thoughts of you.”
Alex couldn’t help himself. He turned and took her face in his hands. Kissing her.
“There’s no shame in missing your father, Merry,” he said when he’d pulled away. “You’re close. No matter how distracted he is by his studies. He is your family. And I will welcome him here if that is your wish.”
Her blue eyes lit with pleasure. “Yes, I would like that.”
She shook her head, as if unable to believe her good fortune. “To think only last week I was quaking in my half boots at the idea of confronting you. It had been five long years since I’d seen you, but I was determined to see you for Lottie’s sake.”
“And this week?” he asked, almost afraid to hear what she said, though he knew that was foolish. It must be the ring in his pocket making him nervous, he thought wryly.
“And this week,” she said, leaning in to kiss him. “I am in your arms and looking forward to a lifetime with you.”
He couldn’t have stopped the triumphant grin that lit his face then even if he’d tried.
Still, he did pull away, which made Merry’s smile falter.
“At least, I believe that’s what will happen,” she said, a line appearing between her brows. “Isn’t it?”
Deciding it was now or never, Alex stood, then dropped to one knee before her.
* * *
At first Merry thought something was wrong. Her mind interpreted Alex’s drop to his knee as distress for precisely three seconds before the significance of his kneeling before her made her heart beat faster.
It was really happening, she realized. She’d thought she’d thrown away all chances at happiness when she left this house five years before. But she’d been wrong. She’d underestimated herself and this dear, dear man who, despite her foolish fears, had given her another chance.
It was all there, shining in his green eyes. His love as plain to see as the glint of gold in his hair. Despite her vow to remain calm, she felt her eyes well with emotion.
“Merry,” he said, taking her hand. “My dearest, darling girl. I asked you to marry me once before and you said yes.”
Her heart caught in her throat at the reminder.
But his next words reassured her.
“It’s taken years, and courage on both our parts to find our way back to one another, but now that you’re finally here where you belong, please allow me to tell you how much I adore you. I love your generous heart, your brilliant mind, but most importantly, your patient soul that waited for me to find my way back to you.”
Tears made it difficult for her to see his dear face clearly, but she heard his next words as clear as a bell.
“Will you consent to be my wife, Miss Merry Parks?”
“Yes, you foolish man,” she said, pulling him to his feet and covering his face in teary kisses.
They spent several minutes murmuring nonsense and kissing until Alex pulled away with a gasp. “I almost forgot,” he said lifting her hand and slipping the sapphire over the first knuckle of her ring finger. “With this Christmas ring, I thee betroth . . .”
She giggled. “I’m not sure that’s even the proper grammar. Wouldn’t it be . . .”
He stopped her mouth with a kiss. “We’ll have a lifetime for you to school me in grammar, Miss Parks. We are celebrating now. There’s no need for grammar.”
“Not even for me to tell you I love you?” she asked, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt the weight of the ring on her finger and smiled. It was nice to have a solid reminder that none of this was a dream. That this was happening, At long last.
“Maybe for that,” he amended softly, his solid arms holding her against him. “If grammar is the price I must pay to hear you say you love me, I’ll allow it.”
“Good,” she said into his ear. “For I mean to tell you I love you for a lifetime.”
Epilogue
When Alex walked arm in arm with Merry into the drawing room some hours later, he was a little nervous. He’d arranged this Christmas surprise for her before they left London, thinking that whatever happened between them, at the very least she deserved to have someone of her own with her to celebrate Christmas.
But as soon as they opened the door and she saw who was now seated in the armchair before the fire, she gave a very un-Merry-like squeal of delight and flew across the room to throw her arms around her father.
And Lord Wrotham, for the first time in years, was blissfully content. He’d put his ring on her finger; his relationship with his grandmother, while not perfect, was improving. And it was all because of Merry.
Who was at that moment, hugging her father like he’d just returned from an Amazon expedition.
“Merry, my girl, you’ll muss my cravat!” Sir Thomas Parks protested, even as his large arms wrapped around her.
When s
he pulled away, he stood and got a good look at her. “None the worse for wear so far as I can see,” he said with a nod of approbation. “Vessey told me what happened last night. If he hadn’t told me you were well in hand, I’d have been over at first light.”
“Oh, that,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I’m quite well. But you must tell me how you came to be here. I thought you’d be in Oxford or London at the very least.”
Then, upon just realizing he’d mentioned Vessey, she laughed. “Of course! You were one of the gifts Vessey brought from London.”
The older man nodded, his slightly wild hair waving as he did so. “I had a letter from Lord Wrotham asking me to the Keep for Christmas since it would be likely my daughter would be here for the holidays as well.”
Her eyes narrowed and she turned to give Alex a questioning look. “You left a letter for him before we even departed London?”
He gave a slight shrug. “It was likely at this time of year that some sort of weather calamity would make it difficult for you to return to London in time for Christmas. And if it hadn’t snowed, I’d have found some other way to keep you here.”
It was bold of him, but he hadn’t waited five years to see her again only to let her go in the course of a few days.
“I can see by the ring on your finger that his lordship also went forward with the plan he told me about,” Sir Thomas said, calling her attention back to him. “You’re old enough to make your own decisions, but I like that he asked me for my permission.”
Merry looked from her father to Alex and back again. “The two of you have been quite cozy, haven’t you?”
“Vessey brought me over this morning so that I’d be here for the celebration,” her father said simply. “I’m your Christmas present.”
She shook her head. “You’re really here.” She hugged him again, and then turned to bring Alex forward. “I suppose the two of you are old friends by now?”
With This Christmas Ring Page 14
