“Nothing,” she laughed and actually tried to play innocent. “She’s just such a nun. And she never took you seriously.”
He hefted up another piece of fencing. “You never took me seriously.”
“How could I?” she cried. “You were always so distracted. I could never hold your attention for more than five minutes.”
He walked back, rubbing his palms together. “I lasted more than five minutes.”
“Mmm… That’s what I was thinking about today.” She reached out and caught his arm, and her voice turned into a purr. “It’s been a while since we were together.”
He didn’t pull away like I wished he would, and for a moment, I almost ran in and started yelling. But I had to know how this would play out between them.
Julian frowned. “Aren’t you dating some guy at Fulton?”
Renee slid her hand down his arm and lifted his hand into her lap. “Keeping up with me? I like that.”
“I just heard Rachel talking to Brad,” he said, pulling his hand away. “But I’m where I want to be, so it’s cool.”
“I don’t believe it.” Renee pushed her hair back and leaned forward, showing cleavage. “We were so hot together.”
He shook his head. “Don’t do that.”
He stepped around her, picking up one of the sketches and then going to his pile of scrap. Renee hopped down and followed him.
“Rachel said they’d be living together at Loyola next year,” she said. “That must sting knowing how close she’ll be to Jack.”
My breath caught as my eyes went wide. I didn’t think it was possible to hate Renee any more than I did at that very moment.
But when I heard Julian’s tone, my hate turned to panic. “What’s that?” he frowned.
“She didn’t tell you? Anna the Nerd got some major, full-ride scholarship. Rachel said they’ve been apartment hunting for weeks.”
“No.” Julian had stopped working and leaned against the table beside her. I saw the side of his jaw clench, and I desperately wanted to run in and explain. But I was frozen in place. “I knew she was waiting on her best offer.”
“Well, lucky Anna.” Renee reached over and ran a finger down the side of Julian’s arm. He glanced at her, and she stepped forward to catch his chin. “I’m not going anywhere.” I closed my eyes as she kissed him and rolled my back against the wall. I could feel the tears in my throat. He would never understand, and it served me right if I lost him to that super-ho Renee.
“You’d better take off,” I heard him say, and I crept back in case she was leaving in this direction. When I got outside, I leaned against my car. What could I tell him now? I had to get in there. I had to explain. I pulled myself together and strode toward the garage as Renee was coming out.
“Hey, Anna,” she smirked looking me up and down.
“Hey yourself,” I spat back.
Inside, Julian was still leaning against the table. He was looking down as if he was trying to decide what to do next. I went over to him and slid my arms around his waist. Maybe if I acted like I didn’t know what just happened, I could smooth things over by just telling him. Like I’d meant to all along.
“Hey,” I said, kissing his cheek.
He reached for my arms and pushed me back to face him. Pain shot through the sides of my stomach when I saw his expression. “Renee just left.”
“I saw her,” I tried to stay light. “And I’m completely ticked. Is she trying to steal my guy?”
“She said something about Rachel and you being roommates at Loyola next year.” His blue eyes held mine. So much for acting innocent.
“I guess Rachel told her,” I said quietly. “But we’ve been talking about living together for a while. We only just finalized everything.”
“When were you finally going to tell me?” He was clearly mad, and I didn’t know what to say to fix it.
“I was going to tell you…” But I wasn’t really sure why I’d kept the news to myself. “It’s a great scholarship, and I think it’s the best offer I’m going to get.”
He nodded. “So you’re going to Loyola next year.”
I reached for him again, but he stopped me. “Julian, please…”
“Maybe you should go home,” he exhaled, stepping past me. “I’m not really up for this anymore.”
I followed him quickly, pain radiating through my chest. “Up for what? What are you thinking? This doesn’t change anything between us.”
He turned back then. “It doesn’t? No, you’re right. It doesn’t change anything for you, but it changes things for me.”
I shook my head, trying not to cry. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“It’s like all this time we’ve been together, you’ve just been passing time. Waiting to decide.”
“Decide what? I already decided. I want to be with you!”
“Then why didn’t you tell me about this? Why do you always hold back?”
“I don’t know. I just…” I shook my head. “I don’t know how to explain it. I was afraid, and things are changing…” The miserable truth that had held me silent for days finally appeared clearly in my head. “What if we don’t stay together next year?”
“I want us to be together next year,” he said. “But maybe you want to keep your options open.”
“I don’t! I only applied to schools in New Orleans because Jack and I were still together then. But everything’s different now. Now there’s us.”
He leaned back against the worktable again, studying the floor. “You should’ve told me.”
“I know.” I quickly closed the space between us. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I didn’t want you to be mad, and… I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.”
I studied his eyes, still focused elsewhere, still thinking something I couldn’t tell. All the heaviness of the past several days, all my fears, were pushing so hard inside me. I felt like I’d explode, and I wanted to kiss him so badly. I wanted him to kiss me, to take this pain away. I slid my arms around his waist, and this time he didn’t stop me as I lifted my lips to his. He kissed me, but it wasn’t right. He didn’t pull me to him, and when I stepped back, I knew he was still upset.
“It won’t work,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t be in Savannah and you in New Orleans with him. Especially with you not telling me stuff. I don’t want us to end that way.”
Pain hit me like a medicine ball right in the guts. “No, Julian. Don’t do this.”
He shook his head. “It’s easier to do it now.”
“It is not easier!” My voice was loud, and I grabbed both his arms.
“I think we should go back to being just friends,” he said, straightening up and pushing my hands away.
I stepped back as my breath caught in my throat. The tears were flooding my eyes, on the brink of spilling over. I turned to run out. I wouldn’t cry in front of him. My heart was smashing into a million pieces, and all I could think was how far we’d come, everything we’d said, the nights we’d spent together. How could he just quit on us?
I made it to the car and climbed inside. I could barely see to drive, but I had to get out of here. Pulling onto the road, I gasped a painful breath as the first tears hit my cheeks. This was my fault. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I tell him? Everything I’d lost slammed into my mind over and over with each passing minute—Julian’s clear blue eyes and his soft laugh, him slipping into my bed and holding me all night. I looked down at the dragonfly ring sparkling on my finger, and sobs shook my body violently. Oh, God. This couldn’t be happening.
Chapter 15
Breaking up with Julian was so much worse than breaking up with Jack. At least Jack had broken up with me early, and even though he kept coming around confusing the situation, I wasn’t constantly bombarded with months of happy memories. And I never saw him at school.
Math loomed in front of me like a horrible nightmare. I took a different route to class, walking as slowly as I could,
but as I approached the door, I froze. Where was Mrs. Harris? She was always standing there scowling. Did she have a sub? If she did, I was cutting class.
I stood at the door and tried to decide what to do.
“Going in?” My whole body tensed at the sound of Julian’s voice.
I looked down and clutched my books closer to my chest. He breathed an annoyed sigh and jerked the door open. I watched his tall, slender body move ahead of me to his seat. My chair, the one right beside his, was empty, so I quickly sat down at the first desk to my right in the very back row. Montage came bustling in and froze.
“Aw, no, Anna,” he said as he towered over me.
I realized I’d taken his seat, but I gave him pleading eyes. He glanced at my empty chair in the front beside Julian.
“I’m not sittin up there,” he said. Then he grabbed the skinny guy in the desk in front of me and pushed him down the aisle. “You just got promoted, Poindexter.”
Montage threw his books on the ejected student’s desk and sat down. The boy straightened his clothes and slouched into my former seat. Julian glanced up at him, then looked back at me and shook his head.
At lunch, I relocated back inside the cafeteria to the senior table, and I had the pleasure of sharing my cold sandwich with Summer.
“What’s going on? Aren’t you always with Julian?” she asked in her typically insensitive manner.
“We’re taking a break.” I said quietly.
“A break!” she cried. “Is it because of Renee Barron?”
I glared at her. “No.”
“I don’t understand relationships,” she shook her head. “You two seemed pretty happy.”
“We were,” I mumbled, picking at my sandwich.
“So who dumped who?”
My eyes cut to her, and she was lucky I was too miserable to sock her. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure!” she smiled. “Mind if I go to the paper office with you again? I really liked Nancy.”
I shrugged. “Meet me after school, and we can ride together.”
I couldn’t believe I was low enough to be spending time with stupid Summer. And now I’d agreed to take her to the paper office, the one place that was mine. Hopefully, Nancy would send me off on an assignment, and I could ditch her there.
My sandwich tasted like a sponge, and I stuffed it back in the bag when I looked up and saw Julian enter the cafeteria. I quickly leaned forward, putting my hand on my forehead. He walked to the other end of the senior table and sat down by Scotty. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, so I finished with Summer and quickly collected my things and left. Rachel was in our old spot waving me over. It was the first time I’d seen her all week.
She tossed her blonde hair back. “I’m away party planning and everything falls to pieces,” she said. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” My voice sounded dead.
“Julian’s in a mood. He just got up and left,” she said. “Are you two fighting?”
I shook my head. “We broke up.”
“What the hell?” she cried. “Was it Renee?”
“Oh my God! Why does everybody keep saying that?”
Rachel shrugged. “She seems to pop up wherever he is. I couldn’t think of any other reason. You two were pretty hot and heavy.”
Those words made me want to roll into the fetal position. “It’s not Renee,” I said in a quieter voice.
“Then what in the world happened? I was sure you were in it for the long haul.”
Her words made my throat hurt. “I gotta go.” I whispered and hurried away.
I didn’t start crying then, but at the end of the day when I saw Summer waiting by my car I nearly did. I couldn’t do this.
“Hey, Summer,” I said. “I don’t feel like work today. I’m going to call in sick.”
Her lips pressed into a disapproving smirk. “You shouldn’t let your professional life suffer when your personal life goes bad.”
My eyes pressed closed, and I did not curse at her. “Thanks. I’ll remember that when I have a real job.”
Her brow lined. “You don’t get paid at the paper?”
“Yes, I get paid.”
“Then it sounds like a real job to me.”
I wondered if I could get away with accidentally hitting Summer with my car. “You’re right,” I said. “I should be more responsible. Let’s go.”
We arrived at the office in Fairview, and Nancy was nice enough to remember Summer from her last visit. “I liked those pictures you sent over,” she said. “I could give you some freelance jobs if you’re interested.”
“Sure!” Summer was practically bouncing. “Whatcha got?”
“Come in my office, and I’ll show you.”
I couldn’t believe Nancy was giving Summer a job. I couldn’t believe I’d contaminated my workplace like this.
“Oh, Anna?” Nancy called back. “Bill Kyser called for you. He said he’d be around this week if you wanted to return that paper? Do you know what he’s talking about?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, dropping into the chair at the little makeshift desk we’d put together at the beginning of last semester. “Thanks. I’ll take care of it.”
The old computer was still covered in yellowing papers, and mail was piling up around it. I grabbed a letter opener and started slicing the top off the envelopes. I hadn’t been keeping up with all the press releases, but I decided now was as good a time as any to bury myself in them.
I was halfway through tossing items more than two weeks old when Summer returned. “Thanks for letting me come with you,” she said.
“Sure,” I said, checking dates.
“It’s going to be fun working together,” she continued. “Don’t you think?”
I nodded not looking up.
“So Nancy said you got a call from Bill Kyser. That’s Jack’s dad, isn’t it?”
“Um-hm,” I said.
“Was it something with Jack?”
“What?” I finally looked up at her. She was watching me curiously. “No. It’s nothing. Just a paper he gave me when I was helping Nancy with the bicentennial insert. He needs me to return it.”
“Anything newsworthy?” she pressed. “Want me to go with you and take a picture of you giving it back?”
I almost laughed out loud at the thought. “No. It’s nothing.”
“Bill Kyser, the richest, most powerful man in East End Beach calls you, and you say it’s nothing?” Her eyes were huge.
“Jeez, Summer. You make it sound like the president called.” I slammed the press releases down and stood. “Our job is to talk to people who make things happen in the community. They’re going to call us back. That’s how it works.”
“But you said you didn’t do any writing on the bicentennial insert. How does that work?”
I looked at her for a second. Why was she pressing so hard on this? I knew Summer’s personality was obnoxious, but this seemed too much. Even for her.
Suddenly, I had an idea. “The truth is,” I lowered my voice as if I were telling her a big secret, “he loaned me this book about East End Beach. I think it was a very expensive first edition, and I lost it. What should I do?”
She leaned back as if she hadn’t expected me to say that. “Tell him?”
“But like you just said, he’s so rich and powerful,” I continued, trying to sound really anxious. “What if he gets mad at me?”
“Want me to help you look for it?” She stood. “Maybe it’s under all this junk…”
“No.” I shook my head. “I looked there already.”
“Does Nancy know?” She continued lifting stacks of papers, and I watched her little wild goose chase a moment.
“No, and please don’t tell her,” I said. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“Okay,” she said with a shrug. “Then I guess I’d better get going.”
I watched her go with suspicion, wondering what she was up to. If she were spying on me fo
r some reason, that fake book routine would expose her. I just had to wait and see who showed up saying they knew I was looking for an expensive first edition belonging to Mr. Kyser.
My moment of intrigue got me through the rest of the day, but when I finally made it back to my house, all my former emotions hit me strong as ever. I walked into my bedroom, and the first thing I saw was my window. I strode over to it and turned the lock. If it was over, there was no use having my bedroom window unlocked.
Then I turned to my desk and pulled out the Loyola envelope. Mom and Dad had been so proud and excited when I’d finally shown it to them. I took out the letter and read it again. My tuition would be paid in full as long as I maintained my grade point average. I also had a campus job if I wanted it. I’d forgotten to ask Nancy about the status of me working at the New Orleans paper, but I’d talk to her about it tomorrow. I started reading about college, and soon my eyes were filling. I crawled under my quilt and refused to let myself cry.
Chapter 16
The next day, I adopted a determined stride as I approached our shared class. I walked right through the door, past my teacher’s raised eyebrows, but when I reached Montage’s old desk, I froze. Julian was leaning back in the chair. Montage was sitting at the desk in front of it, and the two were laughing.
Julian looked up at me. “Can I help you?” he said.
My jaw dropped as my stomach twisted into painful knots. I couldn’t believe he could sit there acting happy. Without a word, I turned and went to his old seat and put my books down. The relocated kid was in my former chair. I opened my textbook and started reading the explanation of formulas I’d barely noticed a week ago. It felt like a pill was stuck in my throat, but after that entrance, after him actually being able to laugh, I’d be damned if I let Julian see how miserable I was.
I knew from experience that if I held on, the pain I felt practically every minute of every day would gradually begin to fade. Over the break, I’d had Julian to distract me from losing Jack. I didn’t have anyone to distract me from losing Julian. That made me worry it might take longer, until I got to lunch and saw Summer happily waiting for me at the senior table.
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