“We both admitted to making bad choices and not wanting to get involved with anyone romantically, and I’m trying to respect that. I’m struggling because I want to be your friend, but I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”
Jaylin opened her eyes and gently withdrew her hand. She’d wanted to know what Kristen felt, but now she almost wished she didn’t.
“I’m sorry, Kristen. I want us to be friends, but I don’t want you to hurt. I was involved with a woman who turned out to be abusive. I allowed myself to be used by her, and I learned that I’m not very good at taking care of myself in relationships. I’m working on figuring it all out, but I’m not there yet.” Jaylin blew out a breath. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I had a girlfriend, too. I was young and had no idea what a relationship was supposed to be. I knew I was a lesbian, and I figured Lynda and I would make a life together and that was that. It didn’t take long for me to realize we had very different goals in life, and I could never be enough for her. Now, I’m not sure I can fit a relationship into my life.” Kristen sat back in her chair looking pensive. “What if we make a pact? No more kissing. We’re friends and we can do things together and enjoy each other’s company without kissing. Sound okay?”
“Yeah. I think that’ll work. No kissing allowed.” Jaylin smiled.
“No kissing of any kind allowed.” Kristen grinned.
“Perfect. Let’s eat our burgers while they’re hot. I think better on a full stomach.” Jaylin picked up her burger and took a bite.
“Has the practice been getting busier?” Kristen asked.
“A lot busier. I’m pretty much booked up every day now. I think Bill’s name is what brings most clients in, but I’d like to think I’m keeping them coming back.”
“That’s great. I’m sure you are why they’ll come back. You’re very good with the patients as well as their owners.”
“Thanks, Kristen. I appreciate your confidence. I know I love my job.” Jaylin smiled and finished her beer. “How’s your dad? I stopped in to say hi to him, and he recognized me.”
“He’s as good as he can be. His doctor says he’s in good shape physically. He still talks about how you saved Trixie.”
Jaylin shook her head and twirled her empty beer bottle. “I hope I never have to see Trixie again for an emergency, but I’m glad I got to meet her and Doris, and your dad.”
“Me, too.” Kristen bit her lip. “I’m glad you joined me tonight.”
“I’m glad you asked me to. I think we’ll be able to make this work.” Maybe if I just don’t touch her?
*
Kristen pondered her dilemma as she drove to her father’s nursing home. Jaylin stressed that friendship was all they could have, but she still wanted to kiss Jaylin. She wanted to hold her hand, feel her soft lips on her neck, and cuddle in bed. She’d never before had longings for someone that caused such uncertainty. She’d have to decide if her heart would allow merely friendship with Jaylin, but if it didn’t, she had no idea what to do about it.
“Hi, Dad.” Kristen entered her dad’s room quietly. She found him in his usual position, reclined in his pajamas, watching the silent TV.
She wondered for what seemed like the hundredth time, what it was that caused her father to need a soundless television. When she first moved him to the home, she had turned on the TV expecting him to enjoy his favorite shows, but he’d waved his hands, obviously agitated, and insisted she mute it. His doctor speculated that it could be that the stimulation added to the confusion in his mind. She kissed him on his clean-shaven cheek.
“Is that you, Kristen? Did you bring your mother?”
“No. I’m by myself tonight.”
“She’s a nurse at that hospital…” Kristen watch his eyes glaze as he stared at the wall. “She’s probably working.”
“She works way too damn much,” Kristen said. “How are you feeling, Dad?”
“That pretty young vet took care of that little dog again. She said the dog was too little to have too much of something or other. It made her sick.”
“She was sick again?” Had the residents ignored the signs she had posted?
“I don’t think so. She didn’t bring your mom with her either. I think she was working.”
“It was nice of Dr. Meyers to stop and say hello.” Kristen made a mental note to thank Jaylin when she saw her on Saturday. “I’ll check on Trixie before I leave. I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go to the Memorial Day parade again this year. What do you think?”
“I love that parade. I used to march carrying my M16. Damn thing used to jam when I needed it most. Will I have to march?”
“No, Dad. You can sit in a parade car and wave. Just like you did last year. Remember?”
“Will that nice young veterinarian be there?”
“Do you mean Jaylin?”
“I think so, yes, I think that was her name.”
“I don’t know, Dad. Probably.”
“Good. I’ll go then.”
Kristen shook her head. What the hell? He’s fallen for her, too.
She allowed herself a moment to reflect on what it would be like to have Jaylin as a life partner. She was good with her dad, and he obviously liked her. Jaylin’s “no kissing allowed” words echoed in her memory, and she refastened the lock on her heart.
“I’ll be back in a little while.” Kristen patted her father’s hand before leaving to check on Trixie and her warning notices.
All the signs Kristen had posted regarding the danger of feeding chocolate to Trixie were still clearly visible along the nursing home’s hallways. She knocked lightly on the doorframe of Doris’s room before calling out to her.
“Hello. Doris? It’s Kristen. Dr. Eckert’s daughter.”
“Kristen. Come in, come in.” Doris was propped on her bed with Trixie sitting at full alert, tail wagging furiously. “It’s so nice to see you, dear.” Her smile faded, and she frowned. “Is your father all right?”
“Yes. He’s fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. I stopped by to see how Trixie was feeling.” Kristen moved to stand at the side of Doris’s bed.
Doris smiled as she lifted the tiny dog into the air. “Dr. Meyers said she was ‘robust.’ Doesn’t she look robust?”
Kristen grinned at the term. The puny canine could have been a stuffed animal in Doris’s hands. “Yes, Doris. She looks quite robust to me, too.”
Doris set Trixie on her lap and leaned over as far as she could to kiss Trixie’s head. It must have been a gesture often repeated because the little dog raised herself on her hind legs, and as soon as Doris’s lips left her head, turned and licked her under the chin.
Maybe having a dog wouldn’t be so bad. The thought of that kind of unconditional love made her swallow against a sudden lump in her throat. “I’m glad she’s doing well. I worried that the residents hadn’t paid attention to the signs I put up.”
“I believe they do. I talked to several of them. They all feel terrible about Trixie getting sick. I appreciate that you took the time to make those signs.”
“Well, good. You and Trixie take care. I’m going to say good-bye to my dad,” Kristen said.
“Good-bye, dear. Come visit again. Trixie likes visitors.” Doris leaned back onto her pillows and closed her eyes.
Kristen closed the door behind her and went back to her father’s room. He was sound asleep, and she pulled the comforter over him before kissing his forehead. Age comes to us all. The thought of being alone when her time came made her feel glum. Without siblings or a child of her own, she would truly be on her own.
Unbidden, she thought of Jaylin’s smiling face. No. Alone is better than betrayal or whatever other pain it brings. She headed home to snuggle up with a book and a beer.
Chapter Sixteen
Jaylin arrived at the fairgrounds as the main barrel race competition was starting. The place was just as crowded as the last time she was there for the rodeo events. She strolled to the main arena and lo
oked for Zigzag. She didn’t see him, but the blonde with the pinto horse was waiting in line for the next match. Kelly. She prickled at the memory of her kissing Kristen and whispering something in her ear. I’m not kissing her. She can kiss whomever she wants. Damn it.
She strode to the other arena where she’d found Kristen the first time she was there. She noticed the striking palomino she’d seen before but didn’t find Zigzag and Kristen. She pulled out her cell phone and sent Kristen a text.
Jaylin turned toward the main arena and saw Kristen as soon as she reached the bleachers. She looked amazing as she and Zigzag raced around the barrels. Jaylin settled on one of the benches to watch the contest. This was a timed event, so Zigzag didn’t have to beat the other horses, he had to beat the best time. She watched as Kelly rode her pinto through the course. She was fast. Jaylin could see the concentration on her face as she spurred her horse around the last barrel. She waved and flashed a huge grin to the cheering crowd as her winning time lit up the electronic scoreboard.
Jaylin wished Kristen and Zigzag had won, but she knew Kristen would be happy for the winner. The pretty blond winner.
Jaylin’s phone chimed a text message just as she was preparing to hop off the bleachers and search for Kristen.
I’m glad you made it. I’ll meet you at the lemonade stand. K
Jaylin smiled at the thought that Kristen might have noticed her in the stands, watching. Their dinner the night before had been a little strained at first, but she felt comfortable with their no kissing pact. She was optimistic that they could be friends and put their mutual attraction aside. It was all she could offer and Kristen had said the same thing.
Jaylin lost herself in thoughts of Kristen. She threw herself into everything she did. She hadn’t been happy about working with animals other than horses, but she’d thrown herself into the task without complaining. She rode Zigzag with complete intensity. She probably did the same with her skeet shooting. As a lover, that was probably just as true. She quickly shoved the thought aside, although she’d had a tiny taste of her passionate kisses, and the thought of being the focus of that passion stole Jaylin’s breath.
She reached the concession area and looked for an empty table. She began making her way toward a seat when she felt Kristen’s warm arm circle her waist. She unconsciously leaned into her and allowed herself to be led to the available seats.
“I’m glad to see you.” Kristen’s warm breath rustled her hair as she whispered in her ear.
Kristen smelled like fresh air and horses. She snuggled closer before realizing what she was doing and stiffened. She stepped away, sat at the table, and pulled herself together.
“You looked good out there. I was sorry that you didn’t win though,” Jaylin said.
“Thanks. Pogo was the faster horse today. Kelly’s been working hard with him. She’s planning to take him down to Texas for the rodeo championships.” Kristen sat next to Jaylin and rested her arm across the back of her chair.
“Well, I rooted for Zigzag. Shall I get us a couple of lemonades?”
“You sit. Enjoy people watching. I’ll get them.” Kristen rose and trailed her fingers over Jaylin’s hand before heading to the concession stand.
*
What am I doing? Kristen chastised herself for her indulgent touching. She’d been so happy to see Jaylin, she’d instinctively wrapped her arm around her. At least she’d refrained from kissing her, which had been her first impulse. She mentally shook herself, carried the tray to the table, and took the seat across from Jaylin.
“I grabbed us a couple of burgers, too. I’m starving.”
“Thanks. That sounds great.” Jaylin grabbed her burger and took a bite.
Kristen watched Jaylin gracefully wipe catsup from the side of her mouth and wished like hell it was her own finger doing it. Or my tongue. She took a long drink of lemonade.
“What time Monday will you be doing the dog obedience show?” Kristen asked.
“It’ll be after the parade. Road’s trainer plans to start about three o’clock. I’ve never been to Novi’s parade, but I understand the ending time varies year to year.” Jaylin sipped her lemonade, and Kristen tore her gaze away from her lips wrapped around the end of the straw.
She shifted in her seat before speaking, trying to ease the pulsing between her legs. “The parade lasts longer than it did a few years ago. I’ll be riding toward the front, behind the veterans’ parade vehicles. Dad will be riding in the second car.” Kristen tripped over her last words and quit speaking when she caught the gold sparkle in Jaylin’s eyes.
“I’m glad your dad feels up to going to the parade. Do you need any help with him?” Jaylin reached for her hand but withdrew it before touching her.
“No, but thanks for asking. He’ll be in a car with my friend’s brother, and I won’t be far behind them.”
“I have a couple of friends coming from St. Clair to join me. We’ll be sitting somewhere along the parade route,” Jaylin said. “I expect a special wave.”
“I’ll find you.” Kristen grinned and finished her hamburger. The words felt somehow prophetic. Geez. What’s going on with me?
“There you are. I was wondering where you rushed off to after the race. I didn’t get my congratulatory kiss.” Kelly ran her hand up and down Kristen’s back as she spoke. “Oh, hi. Jaylin, right? You here to watch again?”
Kristen saw Jaylin’s eyes narrow and her back stiffen, and she slowly shifted away from Kelly’s touch.
“It’s good to see you again, Kelly. Yeah, I came to cheer for Kristen and Zigzag.” Jaylin smiled sweetly and sipped her lemonade.
“You and Pogo looked great today, Kelly. I think you’ll do well in Texas,” Kristen said.
“Thanks, cutie. I wish you could go with us. I could use a cheering section.” Kelly pointedly ignored Jaylin as she spoke.
Kristen stood and grabbed Kelly’s hand to lead her away. “Be right back,” she said. She hoped Jaylin would still be there when she returned.
“Kelly. This isn’t a good time. Can I call you later?”
“I think I see what’s going on here.” Kelly sighed and smiled.
“Nothing is going on. It’s just…complicated.” Kristen couldn’t think of a good reason, but she didn’t want Kelly’s attention when she was with Jaylin. It felt wrong. But she may be going out with Debby tonight anyway.
“Sure. I’ll talk to you later.” Kelly kissed her lightly on the lips and walked away.
*
“She seems to like you a lot,” Jaylin said. She’d picked apart her Styrofoam cup while she waited for Kristen to finish with her blonde. She pushed the pile away and sat back in her chair. She had no claim on Kristen, by her choice as well as Kristen’s. She’d have to suppress her inappropriate jealous urges. But damn, I really dislike that woman touching Kristen. She wondered about Kristen’s “bad choices.” Kelly didn’t seem to be one of them.
“We’ve been riding together for several years. She’s a friend.”
Jaylin studied Kristen from across the table. She was Kristen’s friend, too, and now she wondered what that meant. Why does her “friend” Kelly get to kiss her, and I don’t?
Kristen fidgeted with her empty cup and avoided Jaylin’s gaze. Jaylin couldn’t stand her discomfort, so she allowed herself to do what she’d wanted to all afternoon. She took Kristen’s hand in hers.
“I’m glad she’s your friend. She seems pretty taken with you, though.”
Kristen visibly relaxed and squeezed her hand. “Like I said, we’ve known each other a number of years.”
“You don’t have to pretend, Kristen. I know we both admitted to making poor choices with lovers in the past, but if you and Kelly are trying, I’m happy for you.”
“What? No. Honestly, Kelly and I are not ‘trying’ for anything. Do you want another lemonade, or are you going to reconstruct that one?” Kristen pointed to the pile of white chips on the table.
Jaylin released Kristen’s hand a
nd laughed. “No. I think a new cup is in order.” She let go of the niggling discomfort at Kristen’s explanation of her “friendship” with Kelly. For now.
Kristen went to retrieve their drinks and set a fresh cup of lemonade on the table. “Here you go.”
Jaylin brushed her debris onto a napkin and threw it away. “I had fun today. Thanks for inviting me. I enjoy watching you and Zigzag race around those barrels.” Jaylin stretched her legs out in front of her.
“I’m delighted you came to watch.” Kristen’s eyes sparkled as she spoke. “I’m going to take Zig home pretty soon. Would you like to follow me home? I can grill a couple of steaks, unless you have other plans.”
Jaylin mentally counted the hours she’d be gone. “No other plans, and I’d like that, but I’ll have to be home by six. I don’t usually leave Railroad longer than six hours at a time.”
“Let’s hit the road then.” Kristen stood and reached for Jaylin’s hand.
The simple gesture felt heavy with meaning, but she hesitated only a second before taking it. Friends could hold hands, couldn’t they? She kisses her friend Kelly. Does she hold her hand, too?
Once Jaylin was in her car waiting for Kristen to pull out of the lot, she began to question the wisdom of her decision. They were friends, but this day was beginning to feel too much like a date. She considered her options. She could change her mind and use Railroad as an excuse, or she could use this as an experiment to see if they could really be just friends. She chose the latter. She wanted to know what Kristen’s home looked like. She wanted the extra insight, even if it made her more irresistible. Or maybe I won’t like what I see, and it will cure me of this infatuation. Somehow, she doubted it.
Chapter Seventeen
Jaylin stopped at the entrance of what looked almost like a two-lane deer path leading into a forest of pines and hardwoods. Kristen had pulled ahead, out of sight, but she was sure this was where she’d turned. She continued onto the road and proceeded down the narrow lane. She’d driven about half a mile when the woods opened into a meadow of wild flowers resembling a patchwork quilt. She continued along the tree-lined path until it transformed into a gravel driveway. As she rounded a curve and wondered how Kristen traversed this in the dead of winter, the gravel driveway spilled out onto a scene out of one of her romance novels.
The Courage to Try Page 11
