“Hello, Rupert. I hope I’ll do better at the regional.” Kristen forced herself to be civil.
“I see you’re using the same gun today that your mom used to shoot. I’ll still beat you. The gun doesn’t make the shooter.”
“We’ll see. Are you going to shoot or stand there blabbing?” Her patience snapped, and she decided civility was no longer necessary.
Kristen finished her round, hitting twenty-three out of twenty-five targets. She considered that a good score since she hadn’t shot her mother’s gun in over a year. She’d get better with practice in the lead up to regionals.
“I told you. You can’t beat me.” Rupert sneered as he sauntered to the clubhouse.
But Kristen was already trying to figure out where to take Jaylin on their second date, and Rupert’s slimy competiveness was no match for the thoughts she was having about Jaylin. Somewhere private. Maybe a dark movie theater or romantic restaurant. Her cell phone chime interrupted her musing. Her pulse jumped when she saw a text from Jaylin.
Would you go on a picnic with me? Date number two. J
A picnic? She hadn’t thought of that. Her thoughts took her to a secluded, shady area of a pine forest. The soft needles beneath their blanket cushioning their naked bodies as the sun’s rays peeked through the branches and stroked their skin. The sounds of the water in a shallow stream serenaded them, keeping time with the flow of their passions. She sent an affirmative reply and waited for more information.
*
Jaylin’s stomach gurgled with apprehension. She’d only told Kristen they were going to a quiet, park-like setting for their picnic. The truth was that she wanted to introduce her to Roy. He had been such a huge part of her life as a child, as siblings were supposed to be. She’d stepped in front of him to take the brunt of the slaps, and had held him in the dark of night to soothe his fears caused by the shouting and yelling from the next room. She’d made up stories to distract him from the thumps against their bedroom wall. Now, all she had left of him were her memories and the image in her mind of the fine young man she’d hoped he’d grown up to be. Either Kristen would understand or she wouldn’t. It would be a telling adventure and their second, or last, date.
“Hey there.” Kristen strolled to the outside table and sat next to Jaylin. She leaned and kissed her lightly.
“Thanks for meeting me here. I had to check on a dog I spayed yesterday. She seems to be doing fine, so you ready to go?”
“Sure. Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“I can, or it can be a surprise. Which would you prefer?” Jaylin stood and Railroad crawled out from under the table to sit by her side.
“Let’s go. I like surprises, so I’ll find out when we get there.”
Jaylin reached for Kristen’s hand and led her to her car. Please, please let this work.
*
“A cemetery?” Kristen turned to Jaylin and smiled.
“Yep. My brother’s buried here. I come to visit him every so often.” Jaylin turned in the driver’s seat to face Kristen. She wouldn’t bother getting out of the car if Kristen didn’t want to be there.
“You told me about your brother and growing up in foster care, but I don’t remember you telling me that he died. I’m sorry, babe.” Kristen took her hand and kissed her palm.
“I’m not even sure how he died. The last time I saw him I was five years old. Come on. I have a couple of chairs, and I brought us Panera sandwiches. The cooler has a few beers, a bottle of wine, and some water.”
“Let’s have a picnic.”
Kristen carried the chairs and cooler while Jaylin carried the picnic basket and led the way.
“Here he is.” Jaylin stopped and set the basket down at the foot of Roy’s grave.
Kristen opened the chairs and set them off to the side, next to a large spruce tree. After positioning the cooler between the chairs, she sat in one and reached for Jaylin. “Come sit. Tell me about him.”
Jaylin sat in the chair next to Kristen, and Railroad lay at her feet. They sat in companionable silence as they ate their sandwiches and Jaylin debated where to begin the story.
“Shall I open the wine?” Kristen asked.
“Thanks. That sounds nice. I’m glad it’s a nice day. They predicted rain for this afternoon.” She tipped her head back and followed the few clouds drifting across the sky. She turned to take the glass of wine Kristen offered.
“I love cemeteries. They’re peaceful,” Kristen said.
“Well, I’m certainly glad of that. I worried that a picnic in a cemetery wasn’t appropriate for a date.” Jaylin turned to watch Kristen. She’d mimicked her pose and had her eyes closed. She was beautiful. Jaylin squelched a twinge of fear at their intensifying relationship. She’d decided Kristen was worth pushing past her fears, but apprehension still stirred her insecurities.
“I think it’s perfect. Any place is wonderful as long as we’re together.” Kristen lifted the wine glass to offer a toast. “To Roy. May he rest in peace.”
Jaylin lifted her glass and gently touched it to Kristen’s, and they both took a sip together.
“There’s not much more to tell about him. He was smart. The last time I saw him was when I was in kindergarten, and he was only three years old. I used to read to him as best I could and tell him stories. He’d remember all the names in the books and stories and repeat them to me. One day I came home from school, excited to share a new coloring book I’d gotten from my teacher. There were two strangers in the living room, and my foster mom was stuffing my brother’s meager belongings into garbage bags. I think the only reason they told me what was going on was because I cried so loudly they wanted me to shut up. I asked about him for years, but either no one knew where they’d taken him, or they didn’t want to tell me.”
Kristen stood and moved the cooler aside and slid her chair next to Jaylin’s. She put her arm around her, and Jaylin leaned into her. Kristen kissed her softly on her forehead.
“How did you find his grave?”
“By sheer luck. I had a friend in college who was studying mortuary science. He was constantly researching cemeteries, and he let me know when he found a Roy Meyers listed in this one. I drove out here and found his grave marker. The birth date matches, so I’m pretty sure this is his grave. I just wish I knew how he died, and why so young.”
“It sounds as if you were a good big sister. I’m sure he never forgot you.”
Jaylin sighed and sat up in her chair. “I like to think he didn’t. Sorry, this isn’t very sexy date conversation. Maybe we should have gone somewhere else after all.”
“I think it’s perfect. I think this date is perfect. I’m with you, and that’s perfect. Seriously, thank you for trusting me enough to bring me here.” Kristen took her hand and kissed it softly.
*
It was nearly dark by the time they returned to the clinic. Jaylin went inside to check on her surgery patient and Kristen followed her. The date choice had surprised her, but she hadn’t lied about it being perfect. The more time she spent with Jaylin the closer she felt to her. She opened herself to Kristen more each time they were together, and Kristen cherished the trust that must take. She admonished herself again for heading to Texas without telling her. The time spent at the rodeo had turned out to be interesting, and Kelly had sensed the shift in their relationship and had arranged for separate rooms without complaint. They’d enjoyed their time there as friends, and it had given Kristen plenty of time to think.
“How’s she doing?” Kristen stood behind Jaylin, wrapped her arms around her waist, and nuzzled her neck.
“She’s fine. Mm…that feels nice. Her surgery site looks good. Oh, yes, right there. I’ll have to change her blanket. She peed on this one…Oh my.” Jaylin pushed back against Kristen and reached back to pull Kristen’s head tighter to her neck.
Kristen couldn’t resist. Jaylin’s breasts were too tempting. She moved her hands to cup them and groaned as Jaylin lowered her hands and
covered Kristen’s. “God, I want you. We’d better slow down here. I’ll help you clean her cage.” Kristen forced herself to release her hold on Jaylin. This wasn’t how she wanted to make love to her, especially not the first time.
“You’re right.” Jaylin’s voice wavered, and she stepped away.
Kristen’s resolve faltered when she saw her own desire reflected in Jaylin’s eyes. She feathered a fleeting kiss on her lips and went to collect clean bedding for the dog. She returned to find Jaylin gently cuddling it. She pulled out the urine soaked padding and wiped down the cage with disinfectant before she put the fresh bedding down. Jaylin nestled her patient in the cage and secured the latch.
“Thank you for the fantastic date. I enjoyed it very much,” Kristen said. She held Jaylin’s hand as they walked to their cars, and the feel of their hands entwined made her feel like a teenager again.
“I enjoyed it, too. I get a little sad every time I visit Roy. It helped having you there with me,” Jaylin said.
Kristen leaned against the car and pulled Jaylin against her. She held Jaylin loosely around her waist. “I’m glad you asked me. There’s another skeet shoot coming up at the end of the month. Would you join me as my guest again, for our next date?”
“I’d love to be your guest. Could I come toward the end, closer to dinner?”
“Sure. I got the impression you weren’t thrilled about sitting around waiting for us to finish shooting the last time. I’ll let you know what time when I get the schedule.” Kristen pulled Jaylin against her body intending to kiss her, but Jaylin raised her hands with her palms against her chest.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. It was fun for a while, watching you shoot, but once I understood how it worked, I got bored with it. I’m sure it’s more fun to be shooting than to sit and watch.” Jaylin rested her hand on Kristen’s cheek.
“I get that. How about if you join me for dinner after the shoot? Hopefully, we can celebrate my win.”
“There’s one more thing,” Jaylin said. “The end of the month is a long way away. Do we have to wait that long for another date?”
“I agree. I’m riding again this weekend. Would that be soon enough?” Kristen watched Jaylin wrestle with the decision and wondered if Kelly was an issue. “Do I need to tell you that there’s nothing between me and Kelly? There used to be, but it’s over. I didn’t lie when I told you that you’re the only one I want to kiss.”
Jaylin smiled and pressed her whole body against Kristen, pinning her against her car. “That’s what I wanted to hear. Come pick me up for that date. That way you can’t waltz off to Texas again without an explanation.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Jaylin swept her arm across her body and watched Railroad race toward the jumps she had set up in the home’s dining area. She’d brought three different height levels and a small weave pole unit. The residents cheered and clapped as Railroad perfectly executed the jumps and poles.
“Railroad is still new at agility skills, but she loves to show off for all of you. She’ll do the weave poles first, then go over the jumps in the opposite direction this time,” Jaylin said.
The room was large enough for a small demonstration but not large enough for Railroad to run at full speed. She missed a couple of poles, but none of the residents seemed to notice. They cheered louder than the first time and even Dr. Eckert clapped and laughed, but the highlight of the event turned out to involve Trixie. She’d been sitting peacefully until Railroad went over the first jump, then she flew off Doris’s lap and chased Railroad through the course, scooting under the jumps and running in circles around the weave pole unit. Railroad seemed taken with the little dog and chased her from one end of the room to the other. Trixie’s short legs were no match for Railroad’s longer ones, but her valiant effort had the residents and the nursing staff laughing and cheering them on.
“Look, Dr. Meyers. Isn’t Trixie robust? Look at her run!” Doris was beaming as she pointed at Trixie and clapped.
Jaylin laughed along with the rest of the group and let the dogs run for another few minutes before calling Railroad to her. Trixie seemed to appreciate the break, and she stood on her back feet so Doris could lift her up.
“Thank you for letting us come and show off. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as Railroad and I did.” Jaylin flicked her hand and Railroad stood and bowed to the group. Through the sound of more clapping and cheering, she heard Kristen’s mellow voice.
“Thank you for coming to entertain us again, Dr. Meyers. We love watching you and Railroad.”
Jaylin shuddered at the visceral memories of that voice as it whispered in her ear. She commanded Railroad to stay while she gathered the jumps and poles and carried them to her car. When she returned, Railroad was in the spot she’d left her, and Kristen sat on the floor beside her, scratching her ears.
“You’ve got a friend for life now,” Jaylin said. She sat on the floor on the opposite side of Railroad, afraid that if she got too close to Kristen, she’d tackle her to the floor right there in the dining room.
“Do you have to go home right away?”
Jaylin glanced at her watch. “It’s only three o’clock, and I have my CoDA meeting at six, so no. What do you have in mind?” She watched Kristen’s eyes darken and her pulse quickened.
“I thought I’d buy you an early dinner. Wherever you’d like to go.” Kristen ran her fingers lightly over Jaylin’s hand.
“What if I stop and pick up Chinese takeout and we eat at my house? You need to know where I live so you can pick me up next weekend anyway.”
“Sounds good to me.” Kristen stood and gave Jaylin a hand up. They shared a shy smile as their bodies came into contact and both of them made a noise of appreciation.
*
“This is nice.” Kristen followed Jaylin into the three-bedroom ranch house. The front door opened into a moderate sized living room. A faded blue sofa sat against the wall next to a bay window. The rainbow colored throw pillows matched the rainbow colors in the oriental style rug covering up most of the hard wood floor. A small flat-screen television rested on a refinished 1960s style TV stand. Two mismatched rockers with matching throw pillows positioned on either side of the couch made for an inviting seating area. A refinished coffee table was the perfect distance away from the couch for resting your feet. One end table with a floor lamp was located at the right of the couch.
“Thanks. I like it. It’s bigger than I need, but I love the location. Wait until you see the cozy backyard.” Jaylin pulled out plates, silverware, and napkins while Kristen placed the cartons of food on the kitchen counter. “Shall we eat first while it’s hot, and tour later?”
“Sure.” Kristen stepped behind Jaylin and wrapped her arms around her. She’d refrained from touching her at the care facility, and now she burned with the need to feel her against her body.
“Hmm. I wonder if we could eat without moving.” Jaylin pushed against Kristen and held Kristen’s hands against her. “I love the way I feel when you hold me.”
“That’s good, because I love holding you.” Kristen kissed behind Jaylin’s ear and ran her tongue along the edge of her ear. “We’d better eat, before I get carried away.”
They filled plates with their food and sat at Jaylin’s two-seat dining table. “I don’t have an outside table, but the kitchen window is open,” Jaylin said.
“This is great. So what is this CoDA meeting you go to?” Kristen picked up her fork and spoke between bites.
“CoDA is Codependents Anonymous. It’s a twelve-step group based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, except our purpose is to develop healthy relationships. My therapist recommended it. I started attending meetings before I met Sally. I have a wonderful sponsor who’s helped me for years to deal with my insecurities.”
“I’m glad you have that. It sounds as if it’s a group most everyone could benefit from, including me.” Kristen set her fork down and regarded Jaylin. It took real bravery to admit a need like t
hat one.
“It’s been a lifeline for me. I struggled with my self-worth for years. When I got involved with Sally, I thought I’d found happiness. The group helped me find value in myself after she turned out to be abusive.” Jaylin finished her chicken chow mein and turned sideways in her chair to stretch out her legs.
“So, what made you change your mind about our friends-only arrangement? I mean, given what you’ve been through,” Kristen asked.
Jaylin’s lengthy pause started Kristen wondering if she’d overstepped herself.
“Sally shattered my trust in myself. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve decided I can’t live my life based on fear and mistrust. What we’ve shared so far feels as though we could have something special, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fearful, wondering if I’ll ever be able to trust myself, and lose whatever we might have in the process.” Jaylin stroked her hand. “Why did you?”
Kristen hadn’t anticipated the question. Why had it been so easy to ignore her reservations? Could she find the courage to face her feelings and see where their relationship would go? “Because you offered to let me in. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted that. Needed it.” She stood behind Jaylin’s chair to nuzzle her neck. “This is so much more than mere sexual attraction. I want to get to know you, to be with you. It’s more than I’ve felt in a long time.”
“Yeah. It is,” Jaylin said. “It’s a lot more than just sexual. I don’t know where it’s going, but I look forward to finding out.” She turned her head to capture Kristen’s lips in a smoldering kiss of promise.
*
The room was nearly empty when Jaylin took a seat behind Maggie. “Where is everyone?” she whispered.
“It’s June. I suppose quite a few people are on vacation. Shall we talk later? I’m glad you made it today,” Maggie said.
“Yeah. I want to talk.”
Jaylin poured two cups of coffee, sat at one of the tables, and waited for Maggie. She wondered if there would come a time when she wouldn’t feel the need to ground herself with this group. Maggie had been the one enduring relationship in her life, available to Jaylin from the time she’d walked into her first meeting. Jaylin had come to depend on the security and support she offered.
The Courage to Try Page 19
