by Dayna Quince
Colton stepped forward until she was backed up against the table. “You insult my honor, Olivia. After what you have done to your family’s good name, you have no ground to stand on. For once, listen to your head, listen to the voices of reason around you. You are in danger of—”
“Danger? I’m not in any danger.”
She squeaked when he stepped closer. She was trapped now.
“Look at me... Look me in the eyes and tell me if you feel safe right now. Don’t you dare lie to me. For far too long you’ve been steering your own reins and look where you are. Someone needs to take you in hand.”
Olivia did look at him. She looked at the vivid hazel of his eyes that shone with intensity. He was trying to scare her, but she didn’t feel scared. She felt...aroused. Her blood pumped warmly through her body, and her heart beat an excited rhythm of anticipation. She wanted nothing more than to step closer to him, press her body to his, but his obvious anger held her immobile. She took a deep breath. “You would never hurt me, Colton. There isn’t anything you could do to me that I wouldn’t like.”
His pupils dilated. He took a deep breath, and his eyes dropped to her lips. Olivia held herself in anxious suspense, afraid that any movement might jolt him from the moment. She desperately wanted him to kiss her. The air around them was charged with anticipation. She was actually holding her breath, but he took a step back, and she released it.
“I have to go.” He strode from the room without another word.
Olivia deflated and hung her head. Frustration, desire, all the things she wanted, collided inside her with no avenue in which to vent. She was so sure he was about to kiss her, knew that he wanted to deep in her bones and yet... He rejected her again and again. To say that she was confused was an understatement.
Colton was careful not to slam the door behind him, although he felt like taking a swan dive into the North Sea to cool his boiling blood. He was angry and aroused—a dangerous mix of emotion. His strides ate up the length of the hall, and he burst onto the main deck into the blinding sun of a crisp morning. He was greeted by members of his crew, who quickly scattered from him like scared villagers. He climbed the stairs to the quarterdeck and found himself the object of curiosity, although no one dared to meet his gaze. He found Mr. Timms at the helm, and when he approached him, Mr. Timms raised his eyebrows.
“What is it, Mr. Timms?” Colton barked.
“I’ve seen men with your looks before. There’s only one thing in the world that can cause such torment in a man.”
“Keep your preaching to yourself today. I’ve no tolerance for it now.”
“Be that as it may, Cap’n, you’re distracted by the chit, and that’s dangerous to the crew. You need to bed her and be done with it.”
Colton snarled at him. “Talk about her like that again, and I will throw you overboard.”
Mr. Timms sighed. “Do you not see how you are behaving, Cap’n?”
Colton stepped away. He was wound tighter than a coil, and it was his own doing. He could not take it out on his crew but needed release, to work himself into a sweat until his muscles screamed with strain, so he could do nothing but sleep when he entered his cabin. Lord help him, but he felt like he was going to erupt into a violent storm of frustration.
He looked down over the main deck and saw two crewmen struggling with large pieces of wood. “What are they doing?” he asked Mr. Timms.
“Replacing the galley and hold doors. There was some warping, making it difficult to open and close them.”
“They look like they need help.” Colton set out to do exactly that. He hoped there would be some aggressive hammering involved.
Chapter 6
Colton had worked himself until his hands refused to grip another tool, and his feet would only go in one direction, the direction of his cabin. He passed Willy on the deck and asked for clean cold water brought to his cabin. He slinked down the short hall, relieved to see his captain’s cabin door closed. He wasn’t ready to see her, not after this morning, and not when his clothing was soaked through with sweat. He stumbled into his small cabin and sat on the low bunk, his weary muscles protesting and sighing at the same time. He struggled to pull off his boots and stockings, and then slipped off his coat and shirt.
Willy arrived with the water and a fresh set of clothing. He did not speak or look at him as he left, and Colton watched in dismay as Willy entered into Olivia’s cabin closing the door, blocking any chance of a glimpse Colton might have of Olivia. He bowed his head in defeat. Why was talking to her becoming so difficult? Why was his need growing stronger by the second, turning him into a lovesick maniac?
Because there was no one to stop him.
There was no brother or other family member to walk in at any moment. It was only the two of them. But in three days’ time, they would reach Amsterdam and, God willing, find Devon without too much trouble. Colton would have to tie Olivia to the mast to keep her on the ship but so be it. He would leave Mr. Timms with her and make sure she did not set foot off his ship. He had to apologize for this morning, he owed her that, but the lines were still drawn. He had to maintain a distance between them for the time being.
Olivia turned to the door as Willy entered and smothered a groan of frustration. She had been waiting for Colton all day. She had even thought about going on deck alone to catch his attention, but she didn’t want him to be angry with her when they finally spoke. She was sitting before the large window overlooking the endless water mirroring the setting sun. It was a beautiful sight, and she wished to share it with someone, preferably the old Colton she knew.
Willy collected a few things, and then asked if she was ready for dinner. Olivia nodded and smiled her thanks then turned back to the window. She could hear Willy move about the room, lighting the lamps for the evening and what not. She turned to speak to him as he moved closer to light the lamp nearest her.
“Willy I—” Her heart jumped into her throat.
Colton finished lighting the lamp and looked down at her. “Do you need something?”
Olivia stared in shock. He was finally here, his expression guarded but not angry. His hair was damp and he smelled of clean soap. He watched her openly, waiting for her to speak.
“You startled me. I was only going to remark how beautiful the sky was,” she said timidly.
“Yes, I’ve seen some of the most serene sunsets while out in open water. Someday, I might commission a painter to paint one for my mother.”
“She would love it.” Olivia smiled and looked away.
“I thought, if it is all right with you, I could join you for dinner.”
Olivia looked back at him in amazement.
“Please don’t look so startled. I can eat with the crew if you would prefer to be alone.”
“Oh no, I mean, I would be pleased if you joined me.”
Colton bent and took her hand. Olivia’s heart began to beat wildly as he assisted her from the window bench and escorted her to a chair. He gently pushed it in from behind her and took the seat across from her.
“I wish to apologize to you. I am sorry for the way I behaved this morning. I hope I can make it up to you somehow.”
Olivia raised single brow. In her mind, there was something he could do, but she doubted that was the purpose for his sudden change of heart. He was being an absolute gentleman, and if she wanted to get him to admit all the reasons why he behaved as he did, she needed to tread carefully, not demand that he kiss her senseless.
“I wish to know why you acted as you did, Colton. I find that things are rather uncomfortable, and I don’t know why. It used to be so easy between us.”
He grimaced. “’Tis rather hard to explain.”
“Do try.”
“You see, we are close, Olivia, too close. I watched you grow from an enchanting little girl to a beautiful young woman, and that puts me in a difficult position as your protector. On my ship, we are far from the eyes of society and your family. I only wished to keep a d
istance from you so that when this voyage is over…”
“You wouldn’t feel obligated to marry me?”
“I didn’t want to compromise you.”
“I was kidnapped from a ball before the entire ton. I am already well and fully compromised.” She shook her head in dismay. “Try again, Colton.” She could see him flex his jaw in frustration.
“I… I am a man and you are a woman. I need to keep you at arm’s length or something might happen and… I care for you, Olivia. I care for your family, and I would never want to dishonor you like that.”
Olivia looked down at the table between them as a wave of disappointment washed through her. He said he cared for her. Was that it? Being cared for was not the emotion she wanted to elicit from him. She wanted whatever had caused the kiss last night—a full serving of it.
There was a brief knock, and then Willy entered bearing a tray with two plates of food and a bottle of wine. Olivia used the distraction to pull herself together. She thanked Willy as he set the plates before her and Colton. He uncorked the bottle and looked around expectantly.
“I believe we will need some glasses as well as silver ware,” Colton said dryly.
“Oh!” The boy blushed. “Right away, Cap’n.” He set the bottle down and hurried from the room.
“He really looks up to you,” Olivia tried to sound calm and unaffected as she gathered herself together and tried to ignore the ache in her heart.
“With the example set by his brute of a father, it is not difficult to impress the boy.”
“Yes, you made that clear when you compared me to a rotted tooth dock woman.”
Colton winced and hung his head. “I apologize for that, as well. I didn’t mean a word of it, you must know. No one can compare to your beauty.”
“Thank you.” Olivia sighed. Normally such words would have made her glow with delight, but now they only rendered more confusion. No gentlemen had ever said such things to her or made her feel as if she truly was the most beautiful woman in the world. But Colton always had.
Colton caught her sigh and watched her intently. Willy entered again, and Colton looked away as the boy filled their cups and left them to enjoy their dinner. Olivia looked down at her plain boiled chicken, steamed carrots, and biscuit with aplomb.
“I’m afraid we don’t dine in extravagance during our voyages.”
“Simple fare is no doubt better for my land lubber stomach. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“I’m sure Willy would.”
They both laughed. The tension eased somewhat, but still, Olivia was in a fog of uncertainty. Colton attacked his food and Olivia popped small bites of chicken into her mouth. Her taste buds had been spoiled rotten by their London chef, but she still appreciated the tender juicy chicken and the soft sweetness of the carrots. She took a small sip of wine and looked up to find Colton gazing at her. She did not know what his expression meant.
“Are you finding the food satisfactory?” he asked benignly.
“Yes, thank you. Beauregard would faint over such simple fare, but it is still satiating.”
“Beauregard? You’re on a first name basis with your cook?”
“Certainly. He has been with my family as long as I can remember. Why shouldn’t we know each other’s given names?”
“He calls you Olivia?” Colton’s brows rose in disbelief.
“No, he calls me Lady Livie.”
Colton scowled. “I don’t like it.”
“It is not for you to like, Colton,” Olivia stated.
“Your brother and father approve of this?” He set his fork down and took a gulp of his wine.
“I’ve never asked them. What difference does it make? He is after all,” she paused for effect, “a friend much like you.” She saw his jaw flex and suppressed the sudden urge to smile.
“I sincerely doubt that,” he said. His voice had gone deeper.
Inside, a spark of hope flared into a small flame. It was cruel to taunt him, but it was so revealing and so very exciting. He said he cared for her, but it was time he made it clear how much he cared, willing or not.
“’Tis true, although…” Olivia couldn’t hide a small smile, so she masked it with the sip of her wine. “He has never kissed me like you have, thankfully. He must be as old as my father, if not more.”
She watched as a flood of color washed over his cheeks. Dear lord, was he blushing? She wanted to hoot with glee. He took a large gulp of his wine and set the glass down rather roughly.
“I’d hang him by his jewels,” he muttered.
“Beg pardon?” Olivia couldn’t believe her ears.
“Nothing,” he snapped. “We should talk about this morning.”
“I wholly agree. First you came in last night, and then the events of this morning…”
“You were awake?”
“From the moment the door opened. One has to sleep light with a brother that enjoys pranks, you know.” She boldly took another sip and held his gaze. She was beginning to feel quite brazen.
“I should explain myself.”
“Indubitably. Please dispense with any notion of innocence, conduct, and honor. Just tell me the truth.” Olivia leaned forward in greedy expectation.
* * *
He sighed wearily and covered his face with his hands.
Colton couldn’t believe he was actually contemplating coming clean. If he did, what would she do? All his bungled notions of right and wrong were unraveling. He wanted her, and he could even believe she returned that want, but the idea of discovering that here on his ship was distasteful to him. She deserved to be courted, to experience all the fripperies and pomp of a proper betrothal. Isn’t that what women wanted? It is certainly all his mother and sisters ever talked about. How would it look if he dishonored her to the people he cared most about, his family and her family? It would all come up roses in the end, but to him, the memory would always be tarnished. She claimed she was already ruined, and perhaps that was true, but at least he could stand before their families knowing he had always done right by her.
“I don’t know what to say to help you understand the situation, Olivia. It is my duty to protect you. I know you think you are ruined, but I just cannot believe that. Any man with a head on his shoulders will see how wonderful you are and be more than lucky to take you to wife. I was really angry when I found you… Mostly because what you did could easily have resulted in your death,” he said pointedly.
She bowed her head in embarrassment, and he continued in a normal tone. “But we are passed that now and must face how we should go on. I sincerely apologize for kissing you. I was not myself and I swear to you it won’t happen again.”
“What do you mean you were not yourself?”
“I can’t really explain it I… I am just a man, and I lost control.”
“That’s hogwash, Colton. I have been around you for much of my life, and you are trying to tell me that you kissed me because you are a man and simply lost control of yourself?”
In her words, it sounded like tripe, and it was absolute tripe. He did not like the taste of lies on his tongue, but he could not be truthful about his feelings yet. It was not the time or the place for such a confession.
“Like I said before, here on my ship, things are different, I am different. I just want you to know it was a moment of weakness on my part, and it won’t happen again.”
She looked mutinous. The idea that she disliked that idea set a fever to his skin. If she wanted him to kiss her, it would be nearly impossible not to do so. Everything inside him wanted to oblige her thoroughly, but he had to be strong. His goal was to convince her that his feelings toward her were as placid and serene as a garden pond. He would have to remind himself of that constantly, especially if she got it into her romantic head to test him.
Please God, don’t let her test me.
“I shouldn’t anticipate any more moments of weaknesses from you?” Her eyes rolled heaven ward.
“I swear to you that I
will control myself from here on out. From now on, I will be an absolute gentleman.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Olivia released a heavy sigh. “Is this how you deal with all the women you’ve kissed?”
“Olivia, for God’s sake.” Colton ran his fingers though his hair in frustration.
“I have a right to know,” she continued.
“No you don’t,” he growled. “While you are on this ship, you are under my protection. Think of me as your brother and all else shall be forgotten.”
“Is that an order? That felt very much like a command issued by a captain.”
“Then take it as such.”
“Colton…”
“Livie, this is how it must be. Remember, we are both here to find your brother. Isn’t that why you risked your neck to stow away on my ship?” He stood and gathered their dishes.
“I suppose you’re right. This is about finding Devon.” She stood as well. “Thank you for dining with me, Colton. It has been quite lonely in here.”
“There is one other thing I ask of you, Olivia.”
“Yes?” Her eyes brightened.
“When we reach Amsterdam, you are not to leave the ship.”
“But Colton—”
“No. I will tie you to the mast, and Mr. Timms will watch over you. You have already proved I cannot trust you to be sensible.”
She gasped.
“We both care for Devon, but you must trust me to find him. Let me trust you to do as I ask.”
She was scowling. It was really quite adorable. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. “Olivia, please, I’m begging you.”
“Much as I quite like the notion of you begging, I will do as you ask but only because you asked. Where will you put Devon when you find him?” She walked around the table and sat along the window bench again.
Colton was about to answer when his mind blanked. His eyes caught her profile and he simply stared. The light had faded significantly, as the sun said its final farewell. Olivia was a beacon of light in contrast to the darkness beyond the windows. She wore a plain dove gray serviceable dress that amplified her innocence. A ruffle edged the scoop neck that was, thankfully, not too low but seemed to amplify the fullness of her bodice. She was his epitome of everything a woman should be. Soft, inviting, curved in all the right places, and had a heart big enough to embrace the imperfect world that she knew so little of. She was a rare gem of a woman for her station. Kind, thoughtful, so much more than what she was raised to be.
