by Reed, Zelda
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I could almost see her shaking her head. “Nothing and everything. Just be careful.”
“I’m fine.”
I hung up before she could respond, a sliver of anger brewing in my stomach as I stared down at my phone and tried not to think about Chace.
Was he playing with my emotions or was there something genuine growing between us? Something that scared the shit out of me, but made me hungry to see what happened next.
Ten
Chace didn’t join us for dinner.
We dined on the back porch, the chefs preparing a bowl of spaghetti and red velvet cake for dessert. Bonnie stuffed herself with cake and wine, mentions of the gossip column filling her mouth and bursting in the air.
“They called me an overbearing bitch,” she said, red wine dripping from her lips. She looked at Evie, at Tyler, at me. “Can you believe that?”
“No,” Evie said, shaking her head. “We can’t.”
After dinner we made our way down to the boat, Bonnie swaying lightly in the breeze as Tyler, Evie and I walked carefully behind her. We formed a straight line, arms ready in case she fell.
We talked about everything except the column. The smell of the summer air, the women Tyler encountered at the bar (“Gorgeous, all of them, I can’t just choose one,” he said. Evie rolled her eyes.).
It was difficult to keep what happened between Chace and I from Evie, but I bit my tongue whenever I felt the words brewing in the back of my throat, threating to spill out whenever she smiled at me.
Bonnie, Evie and I were on the boat when Tyler unwound the rope from the dock and I saw someone casually strolling towards us.
“I think Chace is coming,” I said to Evie.
She squinted. “Huh. I haven’t seen that asshole all day.”
A pack of beer in one hand, Chace hopped on the boat behind Tyler, grinning when he met my eyes. Bonnie shuffled awkwardly to the other side of the boat, cradling a glass of wine.
Evie crossed her arms. “Hello to you too,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Chace raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”
Evie scoffed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you were a total douche last night.”
He looked at me. “What did I do?”
Evie shook her head. “You don’t even remember.”
“No,” Chace said, setting the beer down on the deck. “I don’t. Care to enlighten me?”
“I don’t,” Evie said. “But you owe Mom an apology.”
Chace cracked open a bottle of beer, his eyes landing on his mother’s back. Bonnie was standing at the head, looking out at the water as the boat gently moved away from the dock and towards the dark horizon.
Beer to his lips, he left us, passing Tyler at the wheel, and standing next to Bonnie. The two of them were silent before Chace turned to her and said something low enough it was kept between them.
Bonnie looked at him, the corner of her mouth turning upwards in a sad smile. “On one condition,” she said.
“Anything.”
Evie and I stepped forward in unison, eager to hear what Bonnie wanted from Chace, but he was the only who heard her.
He hesitated to respond, his hand tightening around his beer before he glanced at his mom and said, “Okay.”
She grinned. “You better not be shitting me.”
“I’m not,” Chace said.
She patted his shoulder and took another gulp of wine, turning towards us with a raised glass. “Hey kids, gather round and let’s have a toast.”
Tyler grabbed three beers and handed two to Evie and I. Chace maneuvered around the boat until he was standing beside me. My shoulder brushed against him and his arm slung low around my waist. I almost jumped at the contact. Evie glanced down before her head popped up, one eyebrow raised in the dark as Bonnie smiled.
“Fuck the press!” she said, proudly, her voice bouncing off the water.
“Fuck the press!” Tyler screamed, chugging his beer.
Evie eyed Chace’s hand on my hip before she said, “Did Jonah send you that gossip-y article yet?”
Chace nodded.
“What did you think about it?” Bonnie asked.
“It’s a crock of shit. I told Jonah to do something about how they slandered you, Mom, but there’s no need for us to comment on it,” he says.
Tyler burped. “Not even the girlfriend thing?”
Chace’s hand tightened around my waist. I looked up at him and he smiled. “I would rather keep our relationship between Alice and I but,” he shrugged. “If it’s out now, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
My eyes widened. A rush of cold air slid down my spine as I gripped my beer and stared up at him.
Evie choked on her beer, the liquid caught in her throat before she coughed it up. “Excuse me?” she said, looking at me, at Bonnie, at Tyler, at Chace.
“What?” Chace said.
“Your relationship?” Tyler said, amused.
“Yes,” Chace said. “Did the three of you read another article that I don’t know about?”
“Chace,” Bonnie said, carefully. “What exactly happened last night?”
“I don’t remember,” he said. “I was drunk out of my mind.” He looked down at me. “Wasn’t I?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at Chace’s family, focusing instead on his confused, wide eyes. “Yes,” I said, nodding. “You were trashed.”
Chace smiled and dropped a kiss to the top of my head.
He stepped away to stand next to Tyler, shoving him to take control of the wheel. Tyler rolled his eyes before slamming his shoulder against Chace’s.
Evie grabbed my arm and pulled me to the farthest end of the boat. Bonnie followed, the rim of her wine glass resting against her lips as she tilted it up and swallowed.
“The two of you have some explaining to do,” Bonnie said.
Evie ran a hand through her short hair. “I think…I think Chace may have some form of amnesia.”
“What do you mean?” Bonnie asked.
“He hit his head last night,” I said. “On the pavement outside of a club.”
Bonnie rolled her eyes. “The Dirty Kitty?”
I nodded.
“The bouncer threw him out,” Evie said. “And now…I think, he thinks, he’s dating Alice.”
My mind flashed back to that morning, Chace’s hands gripping my hips, the tenderness in his kiss.
A slow laugh built in the pit of Bonnie’s stomach before it exploded. “Oh. That’s funny.”
“We have to tell him the truth,” Evie said.
My eyes grew wide. We couldn’t tell him. He would be furious at me for not pushing him away, and the truth? The truth might trigger his memory and he would remember that he fired me.
“We can’t,” I said.
“Why not?” said Evie.
“Because…Won’t that fuck him up or something? You know. Aren’t they supposed to come back to reality on their own?”
“I don’t know I’m not a doctor,” said Evie. “But we can call one the second we get back to the house.”
“Wait,” Bonnie said, her empty wine glass spinning her hand. “I’m not opposed to calling a doctor but can we wait until tomorrow? Chace promised he would see Harold and I don’t think he would’ve agreed if he wasn’t so…Compromised.”
“This is fucked up,” Evie said.
My stomach sunk into my feet. “It’s just until tomorrow.”
For a moment Evie remained silent. “Okay. Just until after he sees Dad and then I’m calling the doctor.”
Bonnie nodded. “Alright.”
Evie looked at me. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
***
That night Chace fucked me again, on my back with my legs wrapped around his waist and his teeth biting into my shoulder. He came with a low grunt, lips inches away from my ear be
fore he rolled over, exposing my body to the chill of the room. Slick with sweat and my own wetness, I wanted to climb out his bed and have a shower but my orgasm had rendered my limbs like jelly and I was exhausted.
I stared up at the ceiling as Chace removed from the condom from his cock, tying it off and throwing it in the trash near his desk. Bullseye.
As much as I tried to focus on the feeling of him sliding in and out of me, my mind wouldn’t stop reminding me that none of this was real. Chace didn’t mean to tenderly stroke my cheek, or grip my hair as he fucked me harder. He didn’t mean to snake his tongue in my mouth or call me “baby” when he was seconds away from cumming. He thought I was his girlfriend, the idea set in his mind thanks to the gossip column, and here I was, laying in his bed, once again pretending to be someone that I wasn’t.
Waves of guilt tugged at my fingertips as Chace turned on his side and said, “What’s wrong?”
I kept my eyes on the ceiling. “Nothing.”
“Except you won’t look at me.”
I glanced over at him. I’d never seen him smile so much.
What hurt the most was, I could get used to seeing him like this. Fucked out and grinning, a friendly glow enveloping his skin like a halo.
“Is this about Jennifer?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“So you aren’t upset that she’s pregnant?”
My throat tightened. “We don’t know that for sure.”
“Do you think she’s lying?”
“I don’t know,” I said, passing him a weak smile.
“I’m sorry,” he said, dropping a kiss to my lips. “I promise I’m going to make this right.”
I wanted to scream at him. He didn’t owe me anything but a pay check, and at that point I wasn’t sure how true that was.
Whenever Chace snapped out of this, I would be the first thing to go. All of my lies would be too much for him and for what? So he could fuck me? So I could feel his mouth on mine? So I could feel close to someone – anyone – and not so alone at night?
Chace pulled me against him, my head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
He yawned. “Good night, Alice.”
I snuggled closer. “Good night.”
Eleven
When I was seven my sister dropped me on my head.
She and I were walking back from the deli, Laura carrying a canvas bag full of bread and meat and cheese, while I sucked on a lollipop the owner, Mr. Gibbons, gave to me for being a, “Nice, quiet, beautiful little girl.” It was one of those large circular lollipops. The ones I always saw in cartoons, a swirl of colors – blue, yellow, red, white – all whirling towards the center.
Laura would never admit it but she was jealous. She was too old for free candy and instead Mr. Gibbons gave her free and unsolicited advice. “Always count your change,” he said. “Never leave the store without counting your change.”
Laura’s smile was tightening by the day. She could no longer get away with throwing her hair into a messy ponytail without the older girls, who stood on the corner by the bus stop, making fun of her. A week before, biting her lips ceased to be a substitute for colored gloss.
She was begrudgingly growing up and I teased her for it. On the train I told her she was growing a patch of grey hair at the base of her neck; at the dinner table I leaned in close and told her I saw wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. When she stood in front of the mirror, sticking out her flat chest, I told her she would look like that forever. Stick thin with no boobs. Just like our mother.
Laura pushed me when we were down the street from our apartment building. I didn’t see it coming but I fell on the side of my head. I heard something crack before my world went black and thought it was my skull.
My memory was altered for a week. I couldn’t remember Laura’s hands on my back before I fell so I told my mother I tripped and I believed it.
Laura told me what I learned to be lies about our relationship, painting me as the dutiful little sister, always tugging at the bottom of her dresses, dewy-eyed and desperate for her attention. Hey, Laura, look at me! Look at me! It would’ve been true if she hadn’t tacked on friendship and hero worship.
“You want to be me, remember?” she said, braiding my hair in the front just like hers. A French braid. Tresse francaise.
I didn’t remember but my memory was foggy, like jars of ice straight out the freezer. I thought of Laura like my own personal fingers, wiping the gray away.
“Okay,” I said.
My mother never took me to the doctor, not even when the side of my head swelled to a violent red bump, forcing me to sleep on my back. Doctors were for people with money and health insurance. We had neither.
After a week I opened my eyes and it was as if a thick veil had been lifted. I remembered everything Laura told me, the lot of her lies growing by the day.
I’d fallen asleep in her old pajamas, the ones I used to refuse to wear. They were too pink and no amount of washing could get rid of the smell of her – sweet like cotton and bubble gum.
She ran into my room the second she heard my feet hit the floor. It was ten in morning and it was a Saturday. She’d been up for hours, waiting for me in her sundress.
“Come on,” she said. “Go take a shower. Mom says if we leave in an hour we can get ice cream at the zoo.”
I hated ice cream and I hated the zoo. Laura told me I loved both. “Especially chocolate,” because it was her favorite too.
Every inch of me wanted to scream that I was better. That I remembered her shoving me to the ground, my arms wailing in surprise as my lollipop fell and cracked on the pavement, but Laura was smiling at me in a way she never had before. There was a light behind her eyes, weightless and twinkling because for a week, we truly were the best of friends.
“Can you iron my clothes?” I asked her, grabbing my towel from the floor.
Laura nodded enthusiastically. “You can wear orange, just like me.”
I never told her I “woke up”. It was a secret I kept to myself as I latched onto this new version of me. The dedicated little sister turned best friend. I grew to love my role and often forgot there was a time Laura and I weren’t attached at the hip.
I didn’t think this would happen between Chace and I. Random bumps to the head never work the same for everyone. But there was always that sliver of hope, nagging me.
Twelve
“You need to tell him the truth,” Laura said, her voice low on the other end of the line. I heard the click of a door and knew the twins were sleeping in her bedroom, Laura padding through our apartment to get to my bedroom.
“We are. After he meets with his dad.”
She opened my bedroom door and closed it behind her. “Are you prepared for what might happen when he finds out?”
I slid from my bed to the floor, my knees pulled to my chest, the morning sun shining beams of light through the curtains. “He might fire me,” I said.
“He’s definitely going to fire you,” she said. “The good news is, I saw this coming and my boss said there’s an opening at the bar for someone as cute as you.”
“What do you mean you saw this coming?”
Laura sighed. “Your boss is an asshole. I know this, you know this --”
“He’s not that bad.”
Laura laughed. “Are you kidding me? Are we talking about the same guy who, last Christmas, made you come into work because he had a spark of inspiration and needed someone to bring him coffee?”
“That is my job you know.”
“And it’s such an important job,” she said, patronizing me. “How would the world run if you weren’t there editing chapters he’ll never read and sucking his cock.”
“This is coming from the waitress,” I spit.
“You’re being a bitch --”
“You’re being a bitch.”
“Alice. You’re being a bitch because you don’t want to face
the truth. That you’ve fucked up twice now and he’s going to fire you for it. You won’t be able to bat your eyes and get out of this one.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.”
“You’re wrong.”
“No, Alice, I’m not.”
“You are. He didn’t bump his head and get a personality change. He thinks I’m his girlfriend yes, but, there’s got to be something inside of him that truly likes me. Right?”
Laura was silent. I could hear her flinging her body on my bed, a sigh passing through her lips as her eyes slipped close and she pinched the bridge of her nose. It’s what she always did when she was exasperated with me. Ever since we were teenagers and I’d first come to her with my boy problems.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I do know that you’re going to be in trouble when all this blows up in your face. And it’s better if you tell him sooner, rather than later.”
“I told you, I’m telling him as soon as he speaks with his dad.”
“And when is that happening?”
“Later today.”
Laura sat up on the bed, my mattress creaking beneath her weight. “Promise me you’ll let me him know by tonight.”
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. “I promise.”
Thirteen
Chace spent the morning enraptured with his novel, bent at the shoulders as he typed away on his laptop. For a moment I watched him from the bed, my legs dangling over the side as the sunlight caught on the tips of his hair. He waved me away when he caught me staring, distracted by my eyes roaming over his neck, his shoulders, and his back.
Evie and I took a walk into town, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her dress as her wide-brimmed straw hat brushed against my shoulder.
“I told Jonah about what’s going on with Chace,” she said.
“What did he say?”
“That we should’ve called the doctor yesterday.”
I pulled my hands in front of me. “He isn’t going to tell him the truth, is he?”
