“What are you even talking about? This is not real stuff. What’s real is that you’re pregnant with my baby, and you won’t even ask me if I want to come out about it. No, you’d rather make up some bullshit one-night stand.”
Asty shivered and crossed her hands on her chest as the blackest thoughts climbed out from the depths of her mind. “How do you know it’s not Ray’s?” she asked quietly, looking Hunter straight in the eye, even though she didn’t want to mention that possibility.
The moment what she said sank in and she saw all the hurt in his eyes, she regretted having spoken out, but there was no taking it back.
“I just do. I can feel it. We have a connection.” Hunter swallowed, and she stopped breathing when he went down to one knee in front of her, right there on the fucking bath rug, and he pulled something small out of his pocket. He quickly ripped up the gift-wrap and opened a box with a pair of onyx earrings. “I’m sorry it’s just these, I got them for Christmas. I didn’t think—I …” He grabbed her hand. “Will you marry me?”
Asty was falling down the rabbit hole, her mind twisting and turning as she stared at him. This was so wrong. She was to die. They couldn’t marry. Why would he do this? It made no sense, but looking into the hope and worry on his handsome face, she was on the verge of taking the earrings. But after the blunder downstairs, she needed to stick to her reason, as difficult as this was with emotions constantly yanking her in all possible directions since she got pregnant. He was making a mistake, and he couldn’t see it yet.
“No ... no, Hunter, I can’t ...”
“I know it’s quick, but we will make it work. I’m staying with the club, I’m not going anywhere. We have a connection. You must see it.”
They did, and she wanted to say yes so bad it hurt every cell in her body, but she shook her head. “We barely met. I don’t even know you all that well. We can’t make a step like this. You’re panicking now, that’s all ...”
Hunter slowly got up, and once again, she had to look up despite the high heels on her feet. “So you’d rather have this baby on your own than with me?”
It was as if a knife pushed through Asty’s heart. She blinked back the stinging in her eyes. “It’s not like that ... I just never thought there would be a guy in the picture ... this is too sudden.”
Hunter closed the box and put it on the sink. “I need to think about this. These … They’re a gift for you anyway,” he mumbled and pushed back a few strands of hair that fell into his face.
Asty nodded and slowly sat on the edge of the tub, twisting her locket in her hand. The earrings were so pretty. He must have shopped around to find something that matched her style. “I know ... we both do,” she said and slowly picked up the jewelry box.
“I can’t stay here anymore, so Merry Christmas …” He shook his head and wouldn’t look her way as he moved to the door.
“Merry Christmas,” whispered Asty, clutching the box in her hand. She wished everyone would just leave her alone. She didn’t need all these emotions in her life. She should have moved somewhere and secretly had the baby there.
But despite wanting to be alone, the moment Hunter was gone she missed him already.
She locked the door and paced around the small room, trying not to ruin her makeup too much as the inevitable tears came. She was such a wreck. Everyone would hate her now. Dad and Hunter for obvious reasons. Tooth and Lucky for ruining their party. Everyone else for the lousy mood. Everyone would be better off without her around.
She eventually gathered all the pieces of herself together and left the bathroom, unsure whether she was ready to face everyone downstairs. At least it wasn’t completely quiet. The TV was on, the kids were noisy, and Tooth was talking to Priest while the others sat at the table and chatted. Only Lucky was in the kitchen, washing dishes in the sink despite having a dishwasher.
Asty drifted toward him, knowing he was the only person who wouldn’t judge her as quickly. “You need help?” she offered.
Lucky gave her a glance, and Asty dreaded seeing the whites of his eyes reddened. “I’m fine. It calms me down.”
“Lucky ... I’m so sorry,” she whispered, slowly leaning against him with her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have said anything here. I ruined your party.”
“Dad’s right. It’s more important than me and my stupid Christmas party.” He rubbed his eyes with his forearm.
“No. It’s not.” Asty put an arm around him and hugged him as hard as she could, gagged by her own tears. “I could have waited ‘til tomorrow ...”
“I just wanted it to be perfect, you know? I’ve never had a home like this before, and I wanted everyone to feel welcome, and I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I just thought we were … closer. That you’d tell me things like this.”
That made Asty feel bad and she shook her head. “We are close. I just ... it’s difficult. I never had a boyfriend because of Dad. Everyone’s afraid of dating me. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that might not lead to anything.”
“I can’t do this here,” Lucky whispered back and pulled her along the corridor to the door leading out to the garage, and they entered the cold space that smelled of motor oil. Lucky took a deep breath that left a cloud of steam. “I’m scared our family will break apart. Like it’s this precious thing I try to tend to, but it’s always on the verge of cracking. Fuck, it’s cold.” He pointed to the car and invited her into his SUV. Inside, it was at least a tiny bit warmer and more comfortable.
Asty shuddered and embraced herself, not knowing what to say. She and Lucky wanted the exact same things. “Don’t say that. Tooth just proposed to you. You’re gonna get married. And Dad’s not going anywhere,” she added, realizing she couldn’t keep that promise for herself. She squeezed his hand.
“I know I have no power over you falling out with Dad or not. It’s so scary. And I feel so selfish for thinking about it this way, but I don’t want to lose you, and I will stay with Tooth, so if you distanced yourself or left, I would lose you. And there’s only you now since Bell died,” he finished in a quiet voice.
Asty stopped breathing. Her? Lucky was so worried to lose her? She turned her face away and squeezed his hand harder. “I’ll do my best to make our family happy. I love you,” she whispered, opening her eyes wide and looking up not to let the tears spill.
Lucky took a deep breath. “I love you too. Now ... can you please tell me more about this baby? I’m not a blabbermouth. Unless your life depended on it, I wouldn’t tell Tooth anything.”
Asty sniffed and brushed away some of the wetness out of her eyes. The need to unburden herself became even more urgent all of a sudden. “Promise?”
Lucky turned to her and squeezed her hand. “Promise.”
Asty slowly turned in the seat to face him and looked into his eyes. She could feel her heartbeat in her throat as she spoke. “I had sex with two guys, and I don’t know who the father is.”
Lucky’s eyes went wide. “What the hell, Asty?”
She scowled. Out of all people, she thought Lucky wouldn’t give her shit for having sex the way she chose to.
“What? How did that happen?” Lucky urged her on and leaned forward.
Asty shook her head. Lucky wouldn’t understand her motivations either. And if she told him about the ritual, then he might think she was crazy and treat it as one of those lifesaving situations when he felt he could talk to Tooth. “It just ... happened spontaneously, okay? I slept with this one guy, and then with the other. I don’t know which one got me pregnant.”
“Oh, fuck.” Lucky looked out through the front window and at the white gate. “And you don’t even know who they are?”
Asty chewed on her lip. Her heart beat quicker. She was nauseous just thinking about telling Lucky she had slept with Ray. “Just one,” she said in the end.
“Who is it?”
Asty pulled on her locket, and the jewelry box with onyx earrings burned her through her clothes from the pocket wh
ere she put it. “It’s Hunter.”
“What? You had sex with Hunter? Oh, my fucking God. No wonder he was being so weird tonight. Fucking bastard. Won’t even own up to his kid? I’m gonna cut his hair the next time he comes to my shop,” Lucky hissed and clenched his fists.
Asty saw red. “What? No, don’t touch his hair! And it’s not true. He proposed to me. In the bathroom upstairs.” Slowly, she sank into her seat and took out the present. “With these. Aren’t they pretty?” And just like that, she was crying again.
“Asty, you’re a mess. What the hell is going on? He proposed? With fucking earrings?”
“That’s what he bought me for Christmas. He didn’t know I was ... you know, pregnant,” Asty said, cradling the earrings against her chest.
Lucky frowned. “You had him find out at the dinner table?”
“I know ... it’s all because of those questions.” She sighed with frustration and brushed away her tears again. “I-I thought he wouldn’t be interested in me anymore if he knew, so I didn’t tell him, but today he was so good with the kids, and the cats, and it just ... happened.”
“Wait. It wasn’t just one time, was it? Are you seeing him?”
Asty nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I don’t want him in trouble. If Dad knew he might be the father, he’d kill him.”
Lucky rubbed his forehead. “Shit. But he will find out if Hunter proposed to you.”
Asty cringed. “I said no.”
Lucky cringed. “Ouch. What did he say? Because he just came down, thanked me for the party, said goodbye to everyone, and left.”
Asty wanted to answer, but a sob rose in her throat, and she exploded with tears. “He really likes me, but I can’t put him in that position. What if the baby is the other guy’s?”
“He clearly doesn’t care,” Lucky mumbled. “Maybe you could just see how it goes? Then tell Dad you two only got together when you were already pregnant. I guess it is a bit too soon to accept a proposal. Then again, you could always accept it with the condition of a long engagement period. If that’s what you want, of course. Do you even like him that much or is he just a really good fuck?” Lucky’s lips twitched with a tiny smile. “I bet he’s a good fuck.”
Even through the tears, Asty couldn’t keep from smiling. “He is. He is so sweet. Every day I wait until I can see him again,” she whispered, glancing at Lucky. “Why do I keep blundering?”
“Everyone makes mistakes. The question is, where do you go from here?”
Asty took a shuddery breath. “I guess that depends on him. No one likes to be rejected. And I like him. I don’t want to just use him. I can’t make Dad hate him.”
Lucky leaned closer, and the cold car with their breaths steaming up the windows made the space seem even more intimate. “Oh. Did you two break up?”
Asty hugged him, savoring the warmth of his arms. “I don’t know ... he said he needs to think.” She knew she had no right to be upset, but she still was. She could be saying whatever she wanted, but if Hunter didn’t want to see her anymore, she’d be devastated.
“Let’s just see how it unfolds, okay?” Lucky hugged her back. “I’m always here for you. I love having a sister.”
Asty nodded, wishing the arms around her were broader and smelled different. She loved her brother, but she wanted Hunter back with her. And yet, every time Lucky mentioned their family in one way or another, he was tugging on threads she thought she had secured. Would he hate her for the choices she was to make in the future? And as she listened to their combined breaths, she still couldn’t come up with an answer.
Asty
Asty cuddled up into her armchair, turning pages of a family album. Last night hadn’t been pleasant, but Dad took it better than she thought. He was a bit awkward about it, but he promised to help her out, and she imagined talking it through with his friends helped him cope.
In the old pictures, Bell and Asty were dressed in new pajamas as they unpacked their gifts in front of the tree. Mom still wore that silly hairdo she had in the early 2000s, and Dad didn’t yet have a single grey hair. After the pictures had been taken, the four of them spent the day stuffing themselves full in the company of their friends. The biker brothers had many children at the time, all a similar age, which resulted in an epic snow battle outside. In the mornings, Asty would frequently climb into her parents’ bed and wake them up. In the evenings, Mom would read to her until Asty was in her teens and started finding it embarrassing. Then, at thirteen, Bell started spending more time at the garage and for some time didn’t have much patience for his baby sister.
Asty looked at the photographs of a young Beelzebub repairing a car under the supervision of good old Don. If she didn’t know the truth, she’d assume it was a joke picture, but her brother’s interest in bikes and cars really ran that deep at an early age.
As Asty browsed the album further, all the memories of her family—both good and bad—were somehow recorded on its pages. There was that year when Dad wasn’t allowed home on Thanksgiving. It was the year when Mom found out Dad was still seeing Lucky, whom he had with another woman. Thankfully, the two of them worked it all out later.
In the more recent photos, Dad sat on the sofa with Bell, Lucky, and her, but Mom wasn’t in the picture this time. Come to think of it, not a single photo ever caught all of Asty’s family. A conflict always prevented them from doing so, and now that Mom and Bell were dead, there was no way to amend that. She blinked, fighting her tears when she opened the album on an empty page and slid two new pictures in. Both were of Mom in the hospital. Thin, ghastly pale, and with short hair that was barely growing back after the chemo. She had her journals on the bedside table. They were all she could think of in the last days of her life. A legacy she wanted to leave for Asty. Last instructions that needed to be followed.
Asty closed the album and cradled it against her chest. She hated that her mom’s wishes once again were in conflict with Lucky’s. He deserved to have a sister, just like Bell deserved to come back, but Lucky at least had Tooth, and Dad needed to be reunited with his beloved son. Asty knew he loved her too, but their relationship was somewhat awkward, nothing like the closeness Dad had shared with Bell.
The sounds of a violin streamed against her ear, and for a moment, she thought it was just in her head, an instrumental version of her sadness, echoing especially loudly in the empty house when Dad was away for the night with his friends. But as the music didn’t stop, she realized it was coming from outside.
She put the album on the table, pulled the T-shirt lower to cover her butt, and walked up to the window, opening it to hear the tune better. Freezing air hit her skin as she leaned outside, looking out into the dark garden. She knew the melody. It was Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, but the clean sound of the instrument somehow made it sound deeper, more regretful. As the tension in the music rose, Asty finally looked down at the snow-covered lawn at the back of her house, and she had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.
Hunter sat in a chair, with snow falling all around, and he was playing not a violin, but a cello. The sound was pure in the night, and every time he moved the bow, he pulled on her heartstrings as she whispered the lyrics of the song to herself. For a moment, she thought maybe it was someone else after all, but even wearing a scarf and a black hoodie under his leather jacket, the long dark hair made Hunter unmistakable for anyone else.
Asty took a shuddery breath and stepped back from the window with heat spreading inside her chest. If felt like a dream to see Hunter again and to have him serenading her under her window. She’d never imagined he could play an instrument like that. Not thinking much, she rushed past Behemoth and out of the room, running for the door. In just a pair of fluffy shoes and a coat that showed her bare legs, she walked outside and followed the sound that was calling to her. The snow danced around the streetlights and brushed against Asty’s bare skin, but she wasn’t cold. The garden turned into a dreamland of pristine white b
ranches and music she couldn’t resist.
When Hunter finally emerged from behind the house as Asty approached, she slowed down, not wanting to disturb the perfection of the crying melody that enveloped her heart in its grasp, just like Hunter himself did. The fingerless gloves he was wearing left his fingers to the freezing cold, yet he moved the bow with such precision she couldn’t wrap her head around it. He was curled around the cello as if he held a lover, and despite being mesmerized by the music, Asty couldn’t wait to be the one in his arms instead of the instrument, no matter how cold Hunter’s fingers would be.
Each careful step through the snow brought her closer to him, and finally, when she was at arm’s reach, she placed her hands on his shoulders, exhaling when she felt the muscles move. He took a deep breath, and the music stopped when he turned his head to look up at her and then kissed her fingers.
Asty slid her hands down to his chest, leaning forward until she could brush her lips against his mouth, which exploded with warmth as soon as it opened. Her fingers clawed at the front of his jacket. Her heart thudded, and so did his. She could feel it even through the leather.
He was the first to speak. “Yesterday … You said you don’t even know me all that well. I want to show you more of who I truly am.”
Asty pressed her cheek against Hunter’s and brought her hands higher to hug him around the neck. “That was so beautiful. I never knew you played.”
“It’s not exactly your typical biker pastime, so I keep it to myself.” He stood up and carefully put the cello on the chair before wrapping his arms around Asty. “But I can share it with you.”
Asty nodded and put her head on his chest, only now succumbing to the cold biting her bare legs. A shiver ran through her body, but she refused to let go of Hunter and only hugged him tighter. “Only if you play for me again.”
“Only if you let me in,” he whispered against her hair.
Split - Coffin Nails MC (Contemporary New Adult Erotic Dark Romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 7) Page 15
