by Jason Lenov
My stomach tightened and my heart did, too.
Stay?
Here?
For the week?
This was… this was supposed to be our time. Even though I’d fucked it up, it was supposed to be our time with Carina and… fuck. There was no time for that.
“Uh… I guess. What… what are we going to do?”
Carina giggled and scrunched up her nose. “Kevin, you are spaced out. We’re going to stay here too!”
The tightness in my stomach grew and I felt like I couldn’t breathe very well.
What?
“What do you mean us, too?” I asked, forcing a smile.
The four of them exchanged strange glances.
“If… only if that’s okay, dude,” Derek said, a little doubtful about whether it was.
There were so many confusing, contradictory feelings running through me that I just couldn’t parse all at once. Everyone was watching and they needed an answer and the longer I waited, the longer I felt like a tool, or a spoil-sport for not jumping up and shouting “yes!”
“Guys,” I said, smirking. “Of course it’s totally alright!” I rolled my eyes to try and fake my way out of looking like I had doubts.
Sam was the first to whoop and smack his hand down on the table, cracking through the awkward tension that I’d built in the room. “Alright! Awesome! Fucking par-tayah!” he shouted.
The three boys got up and started talking about unpacking the rest of the van.
Carina and I stayed on the couch.
I felt her staring at me but I didn’t want to look over in case she saw the doubt in my eyes.
Turned out she figured it out anyways.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she asked, so the other guys couldn’t hear.
I turned to her and smiled, patting her arm. “Yeah, sure. Why?”
Still smiling, Carina scrunched her nose up and furrowed her brow. “Don’t do that with me, Kevin,” she said. “I’ve known you for seven years, remember? Something’s up. Now what is it?”
My smile faltered. I glanced across the room to see the boys walking out the door. There really was no excuse not to answer her.
I knew that even if I could stall and not tell her for a little while longer, there was no way she was going to let me off the hook.
And someone I knew I wasn’t getting over whatever was going on my head any time soon.
I turned to look at her again. “Do you feel like going for a walk?”
Her eyes softened and her smile, too. “Yeah. I do.”
***
The cabin came with about three acres of land. The family that had owned it last had cut a trail into the forest around it.
We’d been terrible about maintaining it. It really did take a lot of work and someone going out there a couple of times a season to beat the brush back.
Nonetheless, there were still arrows pointed on some trees and enough of a trail to make walking more manageable than in the other, thicker parts of the forest.
We made our way away from the cabin as the sun neared noon, twigs and dead leaves crunching beneath our feet.
For the first five or ten minutes we walked in silence.
I did my best to collect my thoughts, organize them in a way that I could somehow communicate to Carina how confusing they were. It seemed like an impossible task.
After about half a mile into the forest, she turned around at the top of a little hill and watched me walk up. “So?” she asked. “Had time to think it through?”
I sighed and looked up at the sky, still not entirely sure where to start.
Carina reached out and took my hand in hers. “Hey,” she said quietly. “I thought you’d be happy about this? It works for everyone, right? The boys get to stay and so do we.”
Okay, Kevin. Just spit it out.
“It does. It really does. And I am happy about it. And I really appreciate you… agreeing to do it. It’s just… “
She waited patiently but after too much silence she smiled. “Come on,” she said quietly.
I let out what sounded like a big dad-sigh and closed my eyes.
Carina squeezed my hand.
“I can’t stop thinking about what you said last night.” I spat it out as quickly as I could.
She paused, looked at the ground, recollecting what we’d been talking about, then looked back up at me again. “You mean while we were… “
“Yes.”
“You mean about that thing? That thing that turned me on?”
“Yes.”
Actually, once it was out I felt much better, lighter, too.
“I thought it had something to do with that,” Carina said, her voice still quiet. Still holding my hand, she turned and we started walking father down the path, descending the small hill.
The canopy grew thicker overhead.
We walked a ways, holding hands and watching the ground beneath our feet before she spoke up. “You’re feeling kind of jealous, aren’t you?” she asked.
It was disarming and alarming at the same time.
While we had a good relationship, Carina and I, we’d never had to have any kind of conversation like this. We each had friends outside of our marriage but they were absolutely platonic and I don’t think Carina ever hung out with any other guys when I wasn’t around.
Certainly the issue of jealousy had never come up between us.
But now that it had, now that she’d broached it, poked the sleeping monster, there was something electric about it.
As stupid as it might sound, mentioning it seemed to open more doors than it closed.
Jealousy is new. Jealousy is fresh. No one gets jealous about an old worn out pair of sneakers, they get jealous about someone else wearing the shoes they just bought.
Her question played over and over again in my mind as I savored the sizzle it sent rippling down my spine.
“Kev?” Carina stopped again and turned me to look at her. “Am I right?”
It’s hard to describe the sensation I felt in that moment. Maybe like space opening up between us but not in a bad way. It was like we’d found a way to broach a subject that might have pushed has apart in a way that kept us close.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “You are.”
Carina didn’t react at all the way you’d expect someone when they find out they’re the object of another’s jealousy.
She kept her composure and not only that, the possibility of what it meant to be on the receiving end of my emotion seemed to intrigue her. Excite her, even.
“You know it’s funny,” she said, turning, letting go of my hand, and starting to walk again. “I’ve never heard you admit that?”
“What? That I’m jealous?”
“Yeah.”
I thought about it for a while before answering. “I don’t know if I ever have been.”
Carina chuckled happily. “I’m not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.”
I smiled. Her feigning offence felt familiar and I liked that. “I don’t think it’s anything. I just think… I’ve never had the chance.”
“How do you mean?” she asked, a note of excitement in her voice.
“Well… “ I began, then sighed. “I think, as great as we are, we just kind of settled into this, didn’t we? We have an awesome marriage, don’t get me wrong, but there hasn’t exactly been a lot of danger to it. Right?”
Still staring at the ground as she walked, Carina bit her lip, smiled and nodded slightly. “Yeah. I think that’s totally right.”
She sounded so sure. Like it was exactly what she’d wanted to hear from me, or maybe say herself.
It was a little disconcerting. You know that feeling you get when someone’s leading you into a conversation they want to have? That’s what it felt like.
“Do you think it’s bad?” I asked, the butterflies fluttering in my stomach at what her response might be.
Carina stopped and turned to look at me again. “I think
…” she said, then paused. Her eyes wandered up towards the leaves in the trees. “I think…”
What?
The tension was starting to hurt. She obviously thought something, she had some opinion about it, she was just searching for the right words.
To what? Not hurt me?
“I think it was kind of nice hanging out with the guys last night.”
My stomach lurched.
O-kay.
“That’s kind of a weird thing to say,” I muttered, suddenly somewhat disenchanted with the way the conversation had gone. I thought this was supposed to be about us.
“Is it?” Carina asked.
I looked up into her eyes.
“Kevin, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but…” Oh. Wonderful. Perfect way to throw something out there.
My heart skipped a beat and it was a struggle getting some air into my lungs.
My expression must have changed because she stopped talking and cocked her head to one side. “Kevin,” she said softly, “can you just hear me out?”
Her sincerity was completely disarming. By the way she’d said it it almost seemed like this was something she’d been thinking about a long time. Something she needed to get off her chest.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Totally. Sure.”
Carina took a breath before going on. “I love you. I love the life we’ve built together. I love that I’m here with you and I don’t want you to doubt that.”
My guts scrunched up.
Carina paused and looked to one side, searching for words.
“Do you ever fantasize about being with other women?”
You know how people say that in really scary moments in life time seems to slow down? The opposite happened here. Everything got fast.
The forest, which had so far seemed serene, suddenly became really loud. All my senses heightened. I could hear every twig snapping, every bird chirping, every squirrel running through the underbrush.
My vision sharpened and the light around us seemed brighter as my heart thumped in my chest.
“I’m not… I want you to be honest. Do you?”
“Well… I mean, sometimes if I’m…” “If you’re what?” she whispered.
“If I’m, like, watching porn or something,” I muttered, ashamed to make the admission but excited for making it.
“Right. Right!” Carina’s eyes widened with… what was it? Delight?
I almost helped her out. I almost opened my mouth and asked the question that I knew she wanted me to ask. The logical question. The question that followed in a conversation like the one we were having.
Do you fantasize about other guys?
But I didn’t. I stopped myself. I wanted all of this to come from her.
She waited for it for just a few seconds before going on.
“Kevin, when we were sitting there last night and you were… I could tell you were turned on, I was too. When the guys were joking around and talking about walking in on us and then when we were having sex later, what do you think that was about?”
Oh my shit.
I felt like I was speed-balling down a chute into a place I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. But now that it had started, now that I’d experienced what a shot of this chemical cocktail felt like humming inside me, I didn’t know if I’d be able to stop.
Whatever it was that was happening inside me made my inhibitions peel away, the way drugs sometimes do. Right then it was just me and her and the forest and nothing else and I wanted, I desperately wanted her to know how I felt.
“Okay this might sound crazy,” I began, then had to pause to swallow the gob of saliva that had built up in my mouth from excitement.
Carina’s posture stiffened and her chest swelled as she took a breath.
“This might sound crazy but I… the way you were acting last night and then today, going for a swim then talking with the guys, I couldn’t help but… it felt… it feels… “ Fuck. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t bring myself to spit it up.
“Right?” Carina said, breathless. “It’s kind of exciting. Right?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. Her excitement was palpable, I could almost taste it in the back of my throat, or maybe that was my own bile from being so nervous.
But in that moment there was really no other choice for me to make. In fact, it wasn’t really a choice at all.
It was the feeling of being on a high ledge or a bridge and thinking about jumping even though you’re not suicidal or anything. I forget what they call that now but it’s a thing.
That’s what I felt.
Except I wouldn’t have jumped off a bridge.
This was different. I had to take the plunge.
Had to.
“Right,” I whispered, staring into her eyes.
Carina put her hands on either side of my head and drew in close, her mouth hungry for a kiss.
I resisted for a moment, as if kissing her back was going to seal some promise I hadn’t really made. I did it anyways.
Our tongues met inside my mouth, hot and wet and thrusting back and forth.
The smell of her soaked pussy pressed up between our bodies as we fell onto the forest floor.
Carina’s hand fell off my face. She grabbed my arm and pressed it up between her legs.
Touching her soaked panties hardened my cock completely.
Her body shuddered as she rolled onto her back.
“Fuck me Kevin,” she breathed. “Fuck me right here.”
Chapter 7
Scrambling in between her legs I fumbled with the button on my shorts. When I got it open I yanked down my zipper and shoved my shorts and underwear down my thighs, not bothering to kick them off.
The forest seemed to hum around us.
The line of thought I’d dropped before returned. This must have been what it was like so long ago, back when fire was the highest technology we’d achieved.
People dropping to the forest floor and fucking the way animals did. When they felt the urge and not when it was convenient or appropriate.
As she hiked her skirt up Carina eyed me with a primal, hungry stare.
My eyes raked down her body, drinking in the curves before my gaze settled on the tight line of flesh between her legs.
My whole being seemed to come sucking up through me and for a moment there was nothing else in the world but the sight of those pretty pink petals, slick and waiting to be defiled.
Carina’s legs split open as she pulled me close, begging me to be inside.
“Come on baby,” she whispered, pleading me to fuck her.
Holding my cock with one hand I held myself above her with the other and watched as the head throbbing, red head of my muscle kissed her soft lips.
She reached down and peeled them open, letting a trickle of her juice run down her flesh.
With my body shaking in anticipation I couldn’t wait any longer. I dropped my weight down on her, plunging my cock into her cunt.
As her pussy sucked me in the hot wetness of it seared up my spine, bathing my brain in a warm cocktail of dopamine.
I groaned, the sound resonating through the forest but I didn’t care.
Carina didn’t either. She was completely beside herself and seemingly not in control at all. Craning her neck to watch me disappearing into her body, she started to buck her hips, eager for our rut.
There was nothing gentle about the fuck. My hips moved on their own as I drove my hard shaft into her sweaty puss over and over again.
I felt it start clamping down on my cock right away.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw her foot dangling in the air. Her sandal must have fallen off giving me the perfect view of her toes wriggling, and the arch of her foot flexing as she fought beneath me to find pleasure.
Her fingers clawed at my ass as her hips came up to meet mine. Her lips curled into an agonized snarl.
The heat built inside my core, at the very center of where my cock met my balls. My whole
body turned into one giant pump, its only purpose to deliver the hot load frothing inside me into the deepest part of her.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to come yet, trying to stretch this perfect, animal moment out.
“No!” she breathed.
My eyes snapped open at her words.
“Keep going. Fuck it into me. I want to feel you fill me with that hot cum. Say it!” she hissed.
Holy fuck I’d never seen or felt her this super-heated before.
Every muscle of her tight pussy seemed to be working, squeezing, pressing, goading my veiny shift to rupture inside her.
The hot, swirling ball of cum moved from my nuts into the center of my shaft as my body armed my hard flesh with its potent load.
I hardened inside her, making her eyes widen.
“Yes. Fuck, yes!” she screamed, digging her nails into my ass.
Pumping deep into her I let myself be swept up in the signal that travelled down my spine and burst between my legs.
My cocked, then flexed, launching the first blast of my sticky ejaculate into her and spraying it along her soft walls.
As my cock swelled inside her, Carina’s eyes went wide, then squeezed shut. She stifled another massive shout that came out as a high-pitched whimper as her pussy sucked my cock in deep.
With her hands still on my ass she yanked me close, her body giving my seed the best chance it could, driving me up into her cunt.
Pulse after pulse of bubbling cum burst from the head of my cock and slathered her insides, swimming deeper into her, driven by the acidic signal of her insides.
That peak seemed to last forever as we fucked and ground against each other, kissing and biting and closing the last inches of space between us.
At the peak of it all thoughts seemed to drain out of my mind except one.
Carina sitting naked on the floor, a hand over her swollen belly. A belly swollen because of my hot seed.
As we both came down off the peak of the climax the pleasure slithered down and out of me. I took a big gulp of air and rolled off of her, unable to resist a glance at her messy crotch.
The perfect line of her pussy was dishevelled, swollen, bubbling and frothing with what my cock had retched into her.
