by Rachel Lee
“Oh, Craig! This is terrible! How could you keep walking?”
“Because I was worried about you.”
Esther caught her breath, looking at him, tumbling headlong, it seemed, into the dark pools of his eyes. She looked from his gaze to his bloody feet, then back again, as if unable to believe anyone had done so much for her.
Suddenly feeling embarrassed, he bent to pull off the bloody socks. “I’m gonna mess up your floor.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said softly. “Just sit there and let me get a basin of warm water for you to soak in.”
She had a galvanized steel tub, just the right size to soak both his feet in. Using a pitcher, she filled it with enough warm water to cover his feet to the ankles and brought a blissful smile to his face.
“Ah, that feels good,” he told her.
She smiled. “You just keep soaking. I’m going to look for some gauze and ointment to put on those blisters.”
They were pretty bad, he thought, taking a look at his feet. It would be a while before he would want to wear shoes again. Still, it had been worth it. He would never have forgiven himself if he hadn’t busted his butt to get here.
She returned a few minutes later with a towel, gauze, scissors and antibiotic ointment. She set everything on the table next to him.
“What did your father want?” he asked her.
She sat facing him and smiled. “You were right.”
“Right? About what?”
“That it’s better to face the demon.” Her smile grew and she gave a little laugh. “I faced him, Craig. I faced him and he’s nothing but a pathetic old man who messed up his entire life. He can’t hurt me anymore.”
He wanted to shout for joy, but he contained it. “No, he can’t. Not if you’re not afraid of him. That was always his leverage, wasn’t it? That you were afraid of him. Your mother probably was, too.”
“Not scared enough, apparently. He told me she used to like to flirt and dance with other men, and it drove him crazy with jealousy.”
“That’s no excuse to beat her up.”
“That’s what I said. He agreed.” She tilted her head a little and smiled more deeply. “I’m free of him, Craig. That’s the really important thing. I feel completely free of him for the first time in my life. I’m not frightened anymore. I don’t have to live in dread that he’ll suddenly turn up on my doorstep to kill me. It’s in the past and I’m free!” She threw up her arms as she said the last, and he found himself laughing with her.
“Free,” he agreed. “It must feel wonderful!”
“Nothing’s ever felt better…well, except one thing,” she added mischievously.
Understanding brought him to his feet, heedless of his blisters or the tub he was standing in. Bending, he swooped in for a kiss and found himself welcomed with a warmth that had previously been reserved to his dreams.
Lifting his head he smiled down into her hazel eyes. “It was pretty good, wasn’t it?”
Even as she nodded, he realized how little that meant. She had asked for one night, had been insistent that she wanted nothing more from him, and this morning had made it plain through her actions that she had meant what she said.
Suddenly deflated, he sat back down and considered just how hopeless his situation was. There was no reason on earth she should reciprocate his feeling. Absolutely none.
“Craig? Is something wrong?”
He shook himself and looked at her. “No, no, nothing. So you’re free of your fear. That’s wonderful.”
She looked at him oddly, as if guessing he was redirecting the conversation. Then she reached for the towel. “I think we can dry you off now.”
“I don’t want to ruin your towel.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a towel. Here.” She handed it to him and opened the package of gauze while he toweled his feet dry. The bleeding had just about stopped. He took the antibiotic ointment from her and spread it over the raw patches that covered his feet. Then she insisted on holding his feet in her lap while she wrapped gauze over the blisters.
It was emotionally touching, but it was also one of the most stunningly sensual things anybody had ever done for him. When she was done and he stood on his feet, there was only one thing he wanted in life, and that was Esther Jackson in his arms.
He reached for her and she hesitated. “Esther…”
She looked up at him, her gaze uncertain. “We agreed to one night.”
“Damn our agreement,” he said forcefully. “Esther, I want you. I need you.”
A soft little sound escaped her, something like a sigh, and she leaned into his arms. “I want you, too,” she admitted.
Wanted but not needed. The distinction pierced him with a sense of impending sorrow, but he forced himself to ignore it. He would gratefully accept however much or little this woman chose to give him right now, and hope that someday she would come to feel about him as he felt about her.
They went upstairs hand in hand, Craig mindful of her dislike for being picked up and her fear of stairs. It was, he thought, a triumph that she could climb stairs beside him. Old fears must surely haunt her.
But if they did, there was no shadow of them in her eyes as she smiled at him. God, how he loved her smile! In her room, with sunlight streaming over them, they undressed each other slowly, savoring each newly revealed secret. Once or twice Esther was almost overcome by shyness, but when he pulled her close and kissed her, she relaxed and gave way to their rising passion.
There was something incredibly special about loving this woman in the daylight with nothing concealed. He stood over her without embarrassment and let her look her fill. Then, determined to prove a point, he bent over her and began to kiss her from head to toe with his eyes wide open.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered again and again, and he truly meant it. What he wanted was for her to believe it, too. If his lips could convince her, they would do so.
By the time his lips had trailed to the soles of her feet, she was quivering from head to foot and breathing through gently parted lips. Only then did he lower himself over her, covering her with his heat and his strength. At once her arms lifted to encircle him and hold him close.
“Am I too heavy?” he asked.
“No…oh, no! You can stay here forever if you like.” And she truly meant it. Being pressed head to foot against him in this intimate way was one of the most exquisite and soul-satisfying experiences she had ever had. Only her art brought her close to this sense of completeness.
He took her mouth in a deep, evocative kiss, telling her how much he wanted to be inside her. She responded immediately, opening her mouth, opening her legs, taking him inside as if she wanted to consume him.
His penetration thrilled her, sending widening waves of pleasure and desire through her. She arched upward to take him deeper, and it was as if she were trying to draw him into her very soul.
But then he teased her, pulling away, hushing her protests with a sprinkle of kisses as he slid down over her until he was kissing her in the most intimate place imaginable.
She felt as if she were caught on a pinnacle of sensation so intense that it was almost painful. She cried out, torn between begging him to stop and begging him never to stop. She had never dreamed that anything could feel so good that it bordered on agony.
Her climax was an explosion that made her see stars and lasted so long that she thought it was never going to end. And just when she thought it was almost over, Craig entered her again in an easy sliding movement, filling her and enhancing her pleasure a thousandfold. This was what she needed, she thought dimly. This man with her, this man inside her. Always.
Later they lay tangled in the sheets, damp from their exertions and so tired they could hardly move. Craig cradled her head in the hollow of his shoulder and made some contented little sounds that caused a bubble of laughter to rise in Esther.
“You sound like Guinevere when she’s rolling in clover.”
“I probably feel better than Guinevere when she’s rolling in clover.” He turned a little and snuggled her closer. “So our agreement from last night is off.”
“So it appears.”
“Do you mind?”
This time the laugh escaped her. “Do I look like I mind?”
He lifted his head and studied her quite seriously. “Guess not.”
“So it’s over.”
“Good.”
A silence ensued. Guinevere, who had been left outside the closed bedroom door, moaned, reminding them that she was there.
“Is she always this pushy?” Craig asked teasingly.
“She gets even pushier.”
“Hmm. Why do you put up with it?”
“Because I love her.”
Something seemed to gleam in his dark eyes, making her catch her breath, but then he changed the subject.
“Do you still feel good about facing your father?”
She smiled widely. “Absolutely. In fact, I’m almost euphoric. I had no idea how trapped I felt until finally I was free. It’s…as if I’ve been walking up the side of a mountain with a crushing burden on my back, and all of a sudden I’m on level ground and the burden is gone. I feel lighter than air!”
He hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad,” he murmured, feeling his throat tighten. “I’m so glad.”
Esther boldly kissed his chin and then, when presented with the opportunity, kissed his mouth. “I wanted to tell you…when he was leaving, I couldn’t just let him go.”
He pushed himself up on an elbow and looked down at her, surprised. “You invited him to stay?”
“No! Oh, no! Never. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I could ever trust him enough to let him back into my life. Now that may not be very charitable, but…well, I can forgive but I can’t forget.”
“Did you forgive?”
She nodded. “That’s what I told him when he was leaving. I told him I forgive him.”
“And do you?”
“Oh, yes. I felt so sorry for him. Craig, he has nothing left. He ruined his own life and drove everyone away. He’s pathetic. But…I knew I forgave him, so I told him. And as soon as I said it…”
She hesitated, then looked up at him with shining eyes. “I let go of another burden. I let go of a crushing load of hate and anger that I hadn’t even realized I was carrying all this time. As soon as I made that decision and felt it strongly enough to actually say it to him, it was gone.” Tears sprang to her eyes and began to run down her cheeks. “It felt so good to let go of it, Craig. So good to finally just let it all go…”
He held her close and rocked her gently for a long, long time. The afternoon began to wane, and Guinevere became a little pushier, scratching on the door and barking.
“I need to let her out,” Esther said finally. Her tears were dry now, and she lay contentedly against Craig, wondering how it was possible to feel so good, so right, as if nothing could ever be better.
“I’ll do it,” Craig said. “Be right back.”
After pulling on his jeans, he opened the door. Guin barked joyously and dashed down the stairs. He looked over his shoulder at Esther. “Impatient doesn’t begin to cover it. I think she’s about to pop.”
He descended the stairs to find Guin sitting right by the front door, her tail thumping impatiently.
“Okay, okay,” Craig told her. “Some of us take longer to get moving than others. You have to remember I only have two legs.”
Guin whined and wiggled. Craig reached for the doorknob and threw the door wide open. Guin pushed the screen door open herself and dashed out.
Craig looked out over the yard and felt his jaw drop. “Well, I’ll be.” Mop had gotten over here somehow and engaged in a game of tag with Guinevere that made it plain how overjoyed the dogs were to see each other.
But what really stunned him was Cromwell. The ewe stood placidly in the middle of Esther’s garden, munching happily on flowers, just as she had weeks ago when he first met Esther. How the hell…?
“Craig? Is something wrong?” Esther stood at the top of the stairs in a hastily donned bathrobe.
“Can you come down here, honey? You aren’t going to believe this.”
Honey. A pleasant quiver ran through her, and a stab of yearning so strong it hurt. If only he would always call her that. She didn’t have her brace on, so she took extra care descending the stairs, gripping the banister tightly. Craig watched her, his smile deepening with each step she took.
“You’re really something, lady, you know that? Enough guts for ten people.”
His praise left her feeling flushed with pleasure. When she reached his side it seemed the most natural thing to slip her arm around his waist. His arm promptly settled around her shoulders.
“You see that?” he asked, pointing outside.
“Mop, you mean? He must have come for…” She trailed off. “Cromwell? What is Cromwell doing here?”
“Damned if I know. She’s sure done a number on your garden. Guess I’m going to have to turn her into stew.”
“Don’t you dare,” Esther said severely. “She’s only being a sheep.”
“Well, I need to do something about her. This is getting ridiculous.”
Esther shrugged and laughed. “Just let her be. When the flowers are gone, the temptation will be gone.”
He looked down at her, his dark eyes capturing her gaze and holding it. “Do you suppose it’s an omen?” he asked, his voice going suddenly husky.
She suddenly couldn’t breathe. “Omen?”
“Cromwell brought us together, remember?”
She managed a nod.
“Maybe this is telling us that we ought to stay together.”
Now she really couldn’t breathe. Her heart was hammering so hard she could hear it. “Don’t joke.”
“Believe me, I’m not joking. I did a lot of thinking while I was walking over here. It’s kinda been growing on me for some time that…well, I can’t live without you.”
Esther’s eyes began to shine, whether from tears or happiness he couldn’t tell. “What about…what about wandering and all the rest of it?”
He shrugged and looked rueful. “That was just a lot of talk, sort of an image I had of myself. You come right down to it, I was wandering because I hadn’t found my home. I think I found it, Esther. Right here with you.”
She drew a quick breath and looked up at him as if her every hope in the world hinged on his next words. That look made him feel a little easier about plunging ahead.
“I know I can’t support you yet, but—”
“But I’m perfectly capable of supporting myself,” she stated firmly. “I have been doing so for quite a few years now.”
He grinned. “I noticed. Anyway, I kind of figured you’d feel that way, so that bit about not having any money doesn’t really mean a whole lot, I guess. I support myself, so it’s not like I’m asking to live off you.” He fell silent, as if he didn’t know where to go from there.
Esther, growing impatient finally, prodded him. “Just what are you asking?”
He drew a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “Well, I reckon it’s too early to ask if you love me, so I’d just like to ask if you’ll give me a chance to court you. I’m hoping that maybe, eventually, you might… Well, I love you, Esther, and I’d kinda like it if you’d love me back. Do you think you could see your way to giving me a chance?”
The smile that spread across her face was like the dawning of a new day.
“Oh, I think I could see my way to that, cowboy. Indeed I do.”
Then she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. And Craig finally let out a whoop of sheer joy.
Epilogue
Four furry little puppies tumbled around Esther’s feet as she finished adjusting her wedding veil. Craig had insisted on the wedding dress and veil, saying he wanted her to have it all.
Esther looked down at the puppies and laughed. She had it all, all right. Four puppies
that might look like their father, if their present furriness was any indication, a komondor, a Saint Bernard, a sheep that devoured flowers—and, a baby of her very own on the way.
She hugged the secret to her, keeping it as a surprise for tonight after everyone had left. Tonight, which would be their first night together as man and wife. She knew Craig would be as thrilled as she was, because he’d more than once said he would like to have a couple of children.
“Ready?” Paula asked from the doorway.
“Ready.” Picking up her bouquet, Esther stepped carefully around the pups, paused to pat Guin on the head, and headed downstairs.
If she limped, for once she didn’t notice it. Even the stairs today seemed to provide no obstacle. She felt as if she were walking on air.
The yard was full of people when she stepped out onto the porch, and her breath caught in her suddenly tight throat as she realized that she had never been as isolated as she had felt. Here she was, surrounded by all the people she had come to know since moving to Conard County: Nate Tate and his family, Janet and Abel Pierce, Mandy and Ransom Laird, Micah and Faith Parish, Maude Bleaker, Verna Wilcox and Velma Jansen and their families, Gage and Emma Dalton….
Her eyes were suddenly misty with tears as she realized how many friends she had. And now she had a family as well, because Paula and Enoch Small Elk had all but adopted her. Little Mary Small Elk, all dressed up to be the flower girl, tugged on her dress. “Now, Aunt Essie?”
“Now, Mary.”
There was no one to give her away, but that’s how she wanted it. To the sound of the prairie wind, she walked down the porch to where Craig and Reverend Fromberg awaited her. When Craig took her hand and smiled into her eyes, she felt everything else in the world vanish.
Dimly she heard Reverend Fromberg’s voice admonishing them then reciting the vows. She heard Craig say, “I will,” and then she heard her own voice say it loud and clear, “I will.”
The next thing she knew she was tightly held in Craig’s arms as he kissed her, setting her senses on fire, reminding her of all the delights that lay ahead of them.
Then she turned to greet her smiling friends and neighbors and realized that Craig wasn’t the only one who had found a home.
