by Shi Nai-An
Wu Sung laughed and said. "If you can do things in this way that will be all right. But your words should correspond with your heart. As matters are as you say, I will not forget your words, and must ask you to pledge me with this wine."
But Mrs. Wu pushed off the cup, and ran downstairs. When halfway down the ladder she stopped and shouted, "You may be very clever, but do you understand the saying, 'The wife of the oldest brother should be treated like your mother.' Before I married Wu Ta-lang I never heard of him having a younger brother, but now you have turned up. I do not know whether you are a relative or not, but you evidently just want to be the boss of this house. My own
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fate has now many things to face." Having said this she burst out crying and went downstairs. All this was not genuine, but full of deceit.
The two brothers drank a few cups of wine more, and then Wu Sung got up to take his leave.
"Are you going?" asked Wu Ta-lang. "I hope that you will soon return, and that we shall meet again." As he said this he could not avoid crying.
Wu Sung seeing him in tears said, "Elder brother, you must not do so much peddling, but stay at home more I will repay you for the loss of that."
They then went down, and as they were at the street door Wu Sung said, "Brother, do not forget what I have said." He then departed with the soldier.
Early the next day Wu Sung packed his things, and then went to the yamen. The magistrate had already ordered a cart, and the boxes and baskets had been loaded on it. Two reliable soldiers, and also two confidential servants had already been instructed. He saluted the district magistrate who was standing in front of the hall. He put his own baggage in the cart, and took his sword in his hand; seeing everything in order he and all four men soon left Yang Ku Hsien on the road for Eastern Capital.
When his brother had gone, Wu Ta-lang was abused and cursed by his wife for several days. But Wu Ta-lang smothered his anger, and took care not to forget his brother's words. Each day he only sold about half as many cakes as he had sold before, and it was never late when he returned home. As soon as he had put down his load he always rolled up the screen, and shut the door, and then went inside to sit down.
This vexed his wife, and pointing at him she said, "You stupid ass. I have never seen anyone close the door while the sun is still at its zenith. People will think we have a devil in the house. You listened to what your brother had said, but you are not afraid of people laughing at us."
"You may let them laugh. What my brother said is quite right, and it will save us from a lot of trouble if we follow his advice."
"Rubbish! Stupid ass! You are a man! Yet you are not master of your own affairs, but listen to other people's orders."
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Wu Ta-lang waved his hand and said, "Take no notice of them. What my younger brother has said are words of gold."
When Wu Sung had gone about ten days Wu Ta-lang continued to go out late every day, and return early, and when he returned he always closed the door. His wife was always abusing him, so that they both got quite accustomed to it. In fact she often rolled up the screen and closed the door herself when he returned. Wu Ta-lang was much pleased to see her doing this.
About three days later the winter was nearly over, and the weather was gradually getting a little warmer. On one day when Wu Talang would be expected to return his wife as usual went outside the door to roll up the screen. As she did this a man happened to pass. The ancients had a saying, "Without luck nothing can be completed." As she took the forked stick in her hand to let down the curtain, she held it so loosely that it fell down, and hit the man on the head. He stopped, in his excitement, but turning round he saw a very pretty woman and was rendered helpless. Immediately his anger vanished to Java, and he smiled. She saw that his annoyance had gone so she saluted him with folded arms and said, "My hand slipped; I hope that you are not hurt."
He adjusted his turban with his hand, and bowed to her. He said, "Never mind! I hope that you did not sprain your wrist."
Standing under a curtain at a tea house which was close by, there was a woman, Mrs. Wang, who had noticed all this. She laughed and called out "Who told you, sir, to pass under the eaves of this house? You deserve what, you got."
He laughed and said, "That was my fault. To intrude on women is unusual."
Mrs. Wu laughingly replied, "I hope that you will forgive me.
The man also laughed, and gave her a big slow salute; he then said that he dared not intrude further. At that time he was examining her closely with both his eyes. He then swaggered off, and at each step he turned his head to look at her.
Mrs. Wu then picked up the forked stick, rolled up the curtain, closed the door, and went inside to wait for her husband.
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You know what's the name of that man, and where did he live? He was a once wealthy man of Yang Ku Hsien, but now his property had been ruined. At present he owned a small drug-store opposite the front gate of the yamen. In his youth he had been a rascal, and was skillful with the cudgel and boxing. Now he had gathered some influence and presumed to be an umpire of disputes that came to the yamen. He was always making further trouble in petty quarrels; the more he spoke the more money he got, and he urged people to go to law, so that everybody in the town tried to avoid him. His family name was Westgate and his personal name was Ching. He was the eldest son of his family so that he was often called Westgate talang. But now he became a wealthy man, and was called Master Westgate.
Now after that incident with Mrs. Wu he had not gone far before he turned into Mrs. Wang's tea house where he sat down near the door curtain.
Mrs. Wang laughed and spoke to him, "What a big slow salute you gave, sir!"
Westgate laughed and replied, "Old mamma, come here! I have something to ask you. Who is that woman next door?"
"She is the younger sister of Pluto (Yen Lo Ta Wang)," replied Mrs. Wang, "and the child of a devil. What do you mean by asking her name?"
"I will be straight with you but you must not jest at me," said Westgate.
"How is it that you do not recognize her?" asked Mrs. Wang. "Her husband sells warm food daily before the yamen.
"Is not that man, Hsu San, who sells date cakes?" asked Westgate.
"No, not that man," said Mrs. Wang. "If she were his wife they would be a nice couple. Guess again!"
"Oh, perhaps she is the wife of that silverware huckster, Li Erh," said Westgate. "Wrong again," replied Mrs. Wang. "It would be a good match if she were his wife."
"Oh, then perhaps she is the wife of that tattooed fellow, Liu Hsiao-i," said Westgate.
"No," replied Mrs. Wang laughingly. "They would be a suitable pair if it be the case for her. Guess it again."
"I cannot think of anybody else," said Westgate.
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Mrs. Wang laughed and replied, "If I tell you her husband's name you would be amused very much. He is that seller of cakes named Wu Ta-lang."
Westgate burst into laughing, and stamped on the ground, and said, "Is not that Wu Ta-lang who is nicknamed Three Inch Nail and Rice Straw?"
"That is the man," said Mrs. Wang.
But Westgate had pity for her hard lot. "It is a nice piece of mutton in a dog's mouth," he said.
"That is the trouble," replied Mrs. Wang. "It reminds me of the ancient saying, 'A fine steed ridden by a silly fellow is like a clever wife always sleeping with a stupid husband. -- 'But what is the old matchmaker in the moon thinking of such unequal alliances?"
"How much do I owe for the tea, Mrs. Wang? " asked Westgate.
"Not much. But rest a little while and I will reckon it up," replied Mrs. Wang.
"With whom your son has gone away?" asked Westgate.
"That is a thing I do not care to talk about," replied Mrs. Wang. "He went to Hwai An Fu with a guest, and as he has not returned so far we do not know whether he is living or not."
"Why did you not send him to me to do some business?" asked Westgate.
"If you would take him, and recommend him for promotion that would be very good," replied Mrs. Wang.
"When he returns we will discuss the matter in detail," said Westgate. After some further talk he left.
In about an hour's time he returned, and sat down near the curtain at the door of the tea house looking at the door of Wu Ta-lang's house which was nearly opposite.
Mrs. Wang came and asked whether he would like some stewed prunes.
"That is a good idea," he replied. "I should like them to have a little tart."
She soon made the stewed prunes, and handed the bowl to him. He ate them slowly, and when finished placed the bowl on the table and said, "Mrs. Wang, these stewed prunes are very nice. Have you any more in your establishment?"
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Mrs. Wang laughed and said, "I have acted as a go-between in marriages for a long time, but just at present I have no woman on hand in my house."
"I asked you about 'mei' (prunes), and you replied about 'mei' (marriages) -- there is a wide difference."
"I thought you said that I arranged marriages very well," said Mrs. Wang.
"As you are so expert in uniting people in matrimony it would be an extremely fine thing if you would find me a woman. I would reward you abundantly."
"If I introduce you to a woman your wife would be angry and slap my face," she replied.
"My wife is extremely docile and would not mind. I already have several concubines at home, but there is not one of them that quite suits me. So if you find me an extremely good one you need not worry about my people raising an objection. Even if she is a widow it does not matter so long as she suits me."
"The day before yesterday there was a nice woman, but I am afraid she would not suit you," said Mrs. Wang.
"If she is nice, please arrange the marriage for me and I will thank you," said Westgate.
"She is a paragon, but unfortunately she is not young," she said.
"If there is only a difference of a few years between us that won't matter. How old is she?" he asked.
"She is of 'tiger' year, and is now just eighty-three years of age," said Mrs. Wang.
"You crazy woman, making such funny jokes!" so saying he got up and went out with a laughing face.
In the evening when it was getting dark Mrs. Wang lit the lamp, and upon going out to close the door she saw that Westgate had come back, and was sitting under the door curtain gazing at the door of Wu Ta-lang's house as before.
"Sir, would you like some more stewed prunes?" asked Mo. Wang.
"Splendid idea," replied Westgate. "But please make them a little sweet this time."
Mrs. Wang soon prepared, and brought it to him. She took a seat near him. He asked her to keep an account of what he owed, and that he would pay her the following day.
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Mrs. Wang said that did not matter. "You need not worry about payment, but come here at any time." He then departed and laughed as he went.
Very early the next morning when Mrs. Wang went to open the door she saw Westgate going backwards and forwards before the door. She soliloquized, "This fellow is getting very keen and comes here so often. I will flick some soft sugar on his nose, and see whether he can lick it off. He is always taking advantage of the people of this town, but as he is now in my hands I will see that this time he is defeated." She then opened the door, and came back to kindle the charcoal fire, and boiled some tea. Immediately Westgate entered, sat down near the screen, watching the door of Wu Ta-lang's house. Mrs. Wang pretended not to see him, and busily fanned the fire in the stove. She did not go to ask whether he wanted some tea. But at last he called out for two cups of tea.
Mrs. Wang laughed and asked, "Sir, are you arrived? I have not seen you for several days. Please be seated." She then prepared two cups of strong ginger tea, and placed them on the table.
"You come and drink tea with me," said Westgate.
She laughed loudly and said, "But I am not one of your sweethearts."
Westgate was amused at this, and asked, "What are the people in the opposite door selling?"
"They are selling hot flesh-pots and buttered parsnips, " said Mrs. Wang.
Westgate laughed and said, "You seem to be mad."
Mrs. Wang said, "I am not mad. She has her own husband."
"Woman, T will be straight with you. As they make good cakes I want to ask them to make about fifty for me, but I do not know whether they are at home or not."
"If you want to buy some cakes you may wait until her husband returns from cakes selling. What need is there for you to go to the house?" she asked.
"What you say is quite right," said Westgate, and after sipping his tea for a time he got up and asked for his bill.
"Never mind that," she said. "I have put it on account." Westgate laughed again and left the tea house. But Mrs.
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Wang watched him closely from inside of her tea house, and saw he went in one direction and looked closely at Wu Ta-lang's house door, he then returned and passing it again and had another careful look at it, and so on seven or eight times. He then reentered her tea house. She addressed him, "Sir, I have not seen you for quite a long time."
Westgate took out one ounce of silver and gave them to her saying, "Please accept these in payment for my refreshments."
She smiled and asked, "Why give me so much?
"Never mind that," replied Westgate.
She was really pleased at this, as it showed her that he was defeated. So she took the money, and put it away. She then spoke to him, "Sir, I see that you are thirsty. How would you like to have some stewing tea?"
"How is it that you can get my idea correctly?" asked Westgate.
"Where is the difficulty in that?" she asked. "There is an ancient saying, 'When a person enters, there is no need to ask him whether his affairs are prosperous or not because his face will always tell you that.' If there is any secret or strange affairs I can guess correctly."
"Well, I have a secret affair and if you can guess what it is, I will give you five ounces of silver."
Mrs. Wang laughed and said, "That will not need five guesses because I can guess it correctly in a straightway. Sir, let me whisper it in your ear. For these last few days you have been gallivanting about a great deal. So I know that you are very keen on that woman who is at our next door. Have I guessed rightly?"
"Woman," said Westgate laughingly, "your wisdom is certainly as great as that of Sui Ho and Lu Chia! I will not try to deceive you. I do not know how it happened, but since that woman dropped the forked stick on my head I seem to have lost my 'three souls and seven essences.' And I can think of no plan to get into her presence. Can you contrive a method to accomplish that?"
Mrs. Wang laughed loudly saying, "Well, I will be straight with you. I, of course, sell tea, but I am generally known as 'a night-watch devil'. Three months ago, on a day in June when it snowed I sold one cup of tea, but ever since
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no second visitor has come and my livelihood had to depend on other jobs."
"What are those jobs?" asked Westgate.
"My chief business," she said, "is acting as a go-between, a broker, a midwife, arranging miscarriages, or as a procuress and a Ma Po Liu (a joke, meaning to sell old women)."
"If you can arrange this matter for me," said Westgate, "I will give you ten ounces of silver to provide a coffin for you, when the affair is completed."
"Just listen to me," said Mrs. Wang. "For seducing the fair sex there are five things that are necessary." She then explained them to him.
"I have some of each of these five," said Westgate. "Only if you will arrange this matter for me, and help me to accomplish it I shall be extremely grateful and reward you."
"I know that you have all these qualifications," said Mrs. Wang, "but there is still one thing that stands in the way."
"What is that?" he asked.
"Well, although you have all these things, yet if you are just
short of one per cent of what I now refer to it may destroy all your chances. I know that you have always been parsimonious, so I should like to know whether you are willing to spend money liberally now."
"Of course I will," replied Westgate, "I will be guided by what you advise."
"As you are willing to spend money liberally I have a plan by which you can meet that woman, but will you follow my advice?"
"Of course I will do whatever you propose," replied Westgate. "What is your plan?"
She laughed and said, "It is now late, and you had better go. But come back in half a year or three months, and we will discuss the matter further."
Westgate knelt down and appealed to her not to let the matter rest in that way.
She laughed at this and told him that he was getting precipitous. Her plan was an extremely good one, and it would be as successful as the famous military tactician Sun Wu (6th century B.C.) who used to apply his military principles to the woman soldiers. "Now I will tell you this, that woman
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was previously a servant in the house of a wealthy man at Ching Ho Hsien, and she is a very good sewing woman. Now I suggest you to purchase a roll of thin white silk, a roll of blue silk, a roll of pongee silk, ten ounces of fine cotton, and give them to me. Then I will go across to meet her and have a chat with her. During tea I will tell her that a very wealthy man have presented me these silk for making my burial clothes. I will ask her to lend me her almanac to select a lucky day on which to invite a tailor to make the clothes. If I see that she will not assist me I am afraid that the matter will be finished. But if she offers to help me in making the clothes and asks me not to send for a tailor then that will be the first step towards your object. I will ask her to come to my home to do the work. But if she wants me to go and do the work at her house that will be the end of the matter. If she offers to come here and cut the silk for me, that will be a second step towards your object. If she comes, I will then of course ask her to have some wine and cake with me. You need not come the first day. And if on the second day she prefers to take stuff to her house again the matter will be ended there, but if she comes every day to my house that will be the third step towards your object. During that day also you need not come here. On the third day you can come with your best dress, and cough at outside the door, saying, 'How is it that I have not seen you for several days, Mrs. Wang?' Then I will come and ask you to come inside. If, when you enter, she runs away, I cannot of course detain her, and that again will be the end of the matter. But if she does not move when she sees you then it will be the fourth step towards your object. When we are all seated I will explain to her that you are the person who gave me the silk. I will boast about your great generosity, and you can tease her about the needles and threads. If she makes no reply that will be the end of the matter. But if she replies that will be the fifth step towards your object. Then I will tell you how lucky I am to get her to come and help me. I will also praise both of you as donors; one gave me money and the other gave me assistance. I did not look for you on the street, but you both just happened to come here. I will then suggest that you are a good master, and should reward her
