“I guess you’re right. It just seems like I’m doing so much more for Lily than I ever did for the boys.”
Cassandra laughed. “Well, I can help you out with that. I have a job interview next week, and my mom will be at work, so I need you to keep the boys. Will that be okay?”
“Of course I’ll keep them,” JT said. He then frowned and added, “I thought we agreed that you would stay home with the boys until they were in junior high.”
“We’re not together right now, JT, but I still have to take care of our sons.”
“You don’t think I would help you?”
“Be realistic. You’ve been suspended from the church. You’re still getting paid right now. But how long do you think that will last if the church decides to let you go?”
JT hadn’t thought about the very real possibility that he would no longer be the pastor of Faith Outreach. What would he do if he was no longer a preacher? How would he take care of his family? A thought crept into JT’s mind and he spit it out before he could change his mind. “Do you think we should sell this house? You’ve always said it was too big for us. We could use the money from the sale to give us a cushion while we see what comes next.”
Cassandra hesitated for a moment, but then she said in an awestruck voice, “Are you serious? You would really put that house on the market?”
JT shrugged. “It’s just a house. It means nothing to me now that you and the boys are gone.”
“What about our old house?”
Cassandra had loved the first house they purchased. JT knew that and still he’d moved her out of it. He never sold the house, though. For the last few years they’d allowed church members to rent it. “The Clark’s lease is up in about two months. If you want us to move back there, I can let them know that we want our house back.”
“Not so fast. I need to think about all of this.”
“Fair enough. But are you okay with putting this house on the market so that you can continue to stay home and take care of our boys?”
“Actually, JT, I think that’s the best idea you’ve come up with in a long time.”
They hung up and JT walked around the expansive house. He looked into each room and realized that he wouldn’t miss the place. He and Cassandra had never really made this house a home, not like they had with their first home. The one they put so much love into – which was the reason he hadn’t sold it.
Lily was laying in the playpen in the family room. JT went back to the family room and checked on her. She was still sleeping so he spent some time in prayer and then picked up his Bible. He randomly flipped the pages of his Bible, landing on the thirteenth chapter of Romans. He read: “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.”
Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
JT felt as if he understood those verses better now than he ever had. He had resisted the knowledge of God’s power and it had cost him everything. Now he was no more than a broken and humbled man. But for some reason he didn’t feel defeated. In all of this, JT had found hope, faith and an unshakable trust in God. He had lost hold of his family, his pastoral position and he was about to put his grand house on the market. But he felt like Job as he looked toward heaven and told God, “Even while You slay me, I will trust You.”
He turned his attention back to the chapter he was reading and was struck by the eighth verse: “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.”
An image of Jimmy Littleton swept through JT’s mind’s eye as he finished reading that verse. He did owe someone. The very man that had been his friend and stood by him during his time of need, JT had abandoned. JT didn’t necessarily agree with the way in which Jimmy befriended him. Because he had never stolen anything before that day, nor had he thought about stealing after the events of that long ago night. But he had kept the money and he’d used all of it to benefit his own will. Never once in all these years had he even thought about trying to locate Jimmy to see how he had fared in life. Nor had he bothered to pray for his old friend. JT had simply tried to wipe the memory of Jimmy out of his mind. But he couldn’t do that anymore. He owed a man something and he was determined to pay his debt.
JT’s next door neighbor kept Lily while he went downtown to the jailhouse. Once he showed the guards his clergy badge and asked to speak with Jimmy Littleton, the guards arranged the visit.
Jimmy walked toward the station where JT sat. Once Jimmy realized JT was his visitor he noticed Jimmy’s eyes fill with hatred. JT didn’t get upset, he now understood, but he was grateful that the two of them were separated by a glass wall.
Jimmy sat down and picked up the telephone on his side of the room. JT picked up his telephone. Jimmy said, “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you,” JT told him.
“That’s a laugh. You never came to see me any other time that I was locked up. Why would you want to talk to me now?”
“Because I understand why you’re so angry with me. I owed you something that you never received from me.”
Jimmy harrumphed. “You got that right. You owed me a hundred and twenty five thou. But you gave my money to Mona so that you could have a better life. Well, what about my life,” Jimmy shouted. “Didn’t my life matter?”
JT nodded. “It mattered. I was just too selfish to understand that at the time. But I owe you more than money. I owed you my friendship, and I let you down. Just like I let a lot of people down.”
“This is very touching, but I still want my money.”
“I understand that,” JT said as he raised his hand to quiet Jimmy. “I have already decided to put my house on the market, and if I have to, I will also sell my Bentley. My goals in life right now are to provide for my family and to return what I owe you.”
Sarcasm oozed out of Jimmy’s mouth as he said, “That’s great, maybe I’ll buy myself a hundred thousand dollars worth of cigarettes. Fool, what do you think I can do with that kind of money in here?”
Maybe he was a Johnny-come-lately, but there had to be something he could do to make up for what he had and hadn’t done for Jimmy. A thought came to mind and he asked, “Do you have any relatives that could benefit from the money?”
Jimmy leaned back in his seat. He studied JT for a moment and then asked, “Are you just saying this because I’m locked up and can’t do nothing about it if you don’t keep your word; or have you had an attack of the conscious?”
“I’ve had an attack of the conscious big time,” JT assured him.
Jimmy sat back up in his seat, his eyes filled with compassion as he said, “There is someone I’d like to do something for. He’s nineteen years old and I’ve only seen him three times.”
“Who is he?” JT asked.
“My son. But I’ve never been a father to him. I never even gave his mother a dime in child support. I’m likely to be in prison for at least twenty five years. By the time I get out, I’ll be ready to collect social security. But you know as well as I do, I haven’t worked a day in my life. So, maybe if my son has some money so that he can go to college and make his way in the world, he might take care of me in my old age.”
“If you get his address to me, once I’ve sold my stuff I’ll make sure I have a trust set up for him.”
“I’ll mail his information to you,” Jimmy said. He then gave JT a stern look before adding, “I’m not joking with you. My boy really needs a hand up in this world. Forget what I said a minute ago. I don’t really care if he does anything for me. But with that kind of money, he could go to Princeton or Harvard. Heck, he could even become president of the United States like Obama did.”
JT saw the pride on Jimmy’s face as he discussed his son’s future options. “I won’t let you down this time. You can trust me. I’ll talk to you soon.” JT hung up the phone and st
ood up. He started walking away.
Jimmy knocked on the window, stopping JT in his tracks. JT came back to the window and picked up the phone. Jimmy said, “My boy’s name is Lamont Stevens. That sounds professional doesn’t?”
“Real professional. He’s going to make you proud.”
CHAPTER 32
Purging himself of the foolishness of his past was proving to be a cleansing experience, like a baptism. Even with all the trials and tribulations in his life, each day JT woke up and spent time with the Lord. He felt himself drawing nearer to the cross. Although the cross for most people was a place of persecution and pain, for JT it had become a place of peace. This was where he learned to trust God. No matter what the future might bring, JT was sure of one thing; he would serve the Lord for as long as he lived.
“Well, Lily, are you ready to go handle our business?” he asked as he looked down on his little girl. He knew for sure that Lily was his. He’d received the DNA results two days ago and immediately informed Cassandra. She didn’t respond to his announcement, just told him that she had to get off the telephone. JT wasn’t sorry he told her though. He was tired of hiding and wanted no more secrets between him and his wife. What did bother JT, however, was the way Benson reacted to the news.
After JT informed him that the DNA test confirmed the Lily was his child, Benson’s sobs could be heard through the phone. Benson was such a big man that JT never imagined that he would respond in such a way. But heart wrenching pain has a way of destroying a man. “I’m sorry, Benson. I really am,” JT said as he slowly took the phone away from his hear and hung it up.
Lily was in her baby carrier. He picked the carrier up and stepped outside. There was a For Sale sign in his front yard. As he walked to his Bentley he also saw the For Sale sign in the window of his car. Another part of his cleansing experience, but JT wasn’t finished yet. He was headed to Faith Outreach. He’d made a decision about his future at the church that gave him his first pastoral position, and he was going to discuss his decision with the congregation. He’d told Cassandra what he planned to do last night. He called her every night to keep her informed about the changes going on in his life, and if he could be honest, he also called to hear her voice. No man knew better than him about the cost of sin. He was paying a heavy price, but he still had this blind faith that God was on his side and would one day lift him up again.
He strapped Lily in the back seat of the car and then got in the front seat and drove down the street. He turned on his radio and allowed his soul to be soothed by the gospel music streaming through his speakers. “You like this music, Lily? That’s Kirk Franklin singing “Brighter Day”.”
By the time he drove into the church parking lot, Fred Hammond, Mary Mary and Tonya Baker had all lifted his spirit. He pulled Lily’s baby carrier out of the back seat and said, “Let’s go, Little One.”
She looked up at him with her pretty brown eyes and smiled. She then giggled.
JT stopped walking as his heart was filled with joy. This was the first time Lily had responded to him in such a manner. For a month now, it had been just him and Lily, except for the times when the boys came for a visit. JT could honestly say that he loved all his children and he didn’t regret Lily. Although, he did regret the circumstances by which she came to be. Life would have been so much easier if Cassandra had birthed Lily. But there was no sense looking back. He had been a willing participant in screwing up his life, and now he was prepared to own up to it. JT hadn’t been back to his church since the incident with Cassandra and Vivian. He’d spent his time healing at home, communing with God, and now he was strong enough to come back to the house of God.
As he walked into the sanctuary, JT noticed heads swivel in his direction. Some of the people stared directly at Lily and then the whispering began. He knew that a lot of his members had heard about Lily being kidnapped. They also knew that Lily was the child that he had with Diane. His conversation with Elder Unders confirmed that. The chickens do come home to roost as his mother-in-law had lovingly told him months ago. But JT was okay with that. He had come to terms with his actions. He’d repented before God. He’d also come clean about everything in his life with Cassandra. She had not forgiven him for everything he’d done to her, but he was hopeful that a change would come on that front also.
As he walked over to the front row seat Elder Unders had reserved for him, a smile appeared on his face as he saw Cassandra already seated. He put Lily’s carrier on the floor and sat down next to Cassandra. “I didn’t know you would be here today,” JT said.
“When you told me what you were going to do, I wanted you to be able to look out into the congregation and see a friendly face.” She said as she unbuckled Lily and pulled her out of her baby carrier. She then began cooing with Lily.
Cassandra had been attending another church with her mother and the boys, but she chose to come to Faith Outreach today for him. This looked a lot like forgiveness to JT, but since Cassandra hadn’t actually said the words, he didn’t want to be presumptuous so he asked, “Have we become friends again?”
In response, Cassandra lifted her pinky finger. She let it curve like a hook. JT then hooked his pinky finger with hers. She then said, “Yes, JT, we are friends.”
It wasn’t a declaration of love, but after everything he’d done to Cassandra, it was more than he’d ever expected. He wiped his face as his eyes filled with water. “That’s more than I deserve,” he said as he leaned over, hugged Cassandra and then kissed her on the forehead. “Are the boys in the church nursery?”
“No, they’re at our new church with my mother.”
Praise and worship began. JT and Cassandra stood with the rest of the congregation and praised the Lord. JT sang, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it, and they are saved.” He then lifted his hands to the Lord in total surrender. He had come a long way from the man he had once been. He had wrestled with God like Jacob and had been determined that he would not let go until the Lord blessed his soul. From the outside looking in, many people would think that he still had a long way to go; but JT knew in his heart that he truly was a man blessed by God. If a history book was written on his life, it would say that his downfall had actually been the beginning of his uplifting.
Elder Unders and Bishop Turner walked into the sanctuary and into the pulpit area. Cassandra pulled on JT’s sleeve and said, “You didn’t tell me that he was going to be here.”
“I told him what I was going to do and he thought it was a good idea.”
As praise and worship ended and they sat down, Cassandra whispered to JT, “He needs to be the one standing before this congregation confessing his sins. How dare he come here today.”
JT put his arm around Cassandra and pulled her close to him. She was the most forgiving person he knew. She had even decided to befriend him after all he’d done to her. But he understood why she didn’t have the same grace for Bishop. She had idolized the man, had wished and dreamed about him being her father. But when she found out that the man she had worshipped for so long was truly her father and he had never said a word about it to her, the dream had been destroyed.
“Give him a chance, Cassandra,” JT told her. “He’s in a lot of pain about what he did to you also.”
Elder Unders stood behind the pulpit. He looked down at JT and Cassandra and smiled at them. JT smiled back. In the past month, he had come to respect Unders. The man took time out from his day once a week to call JT so that they could pray together. If nothing else, JT would be forever grateful for that.
Unders looked out at the congregation and said, “God is good all the time, isn’t He, Saints?” The congregation responded in kind and Unders continued. “God is good in the winter, spring, summer and even when we fall, at least that’s what my Bible tells me.”
Members of the congregation stood up and screamed, “That’s right. Amen!” Others said, “Say that, Elder.”
Elder Unders quieted the group down and the
n said, “I have a special treat for you all today. Our pastor is here and he will be speaking to the congregation in just a minute. So, if you truly believe in the grace of God like I do, I want you all to stand to your feet and give God praise for the man of God, Pastor JT Thomas.”
Cassandra squeezed his hand as he stood up. JT’s legs felt a bit wobbly, but he was determined to finish the journey. He wouldn’t punk out now. He took the mic from Unders and then stood behind the podium looking out at the congregation. He used to think of these people as his members. But now he realized that they belonged to God, he had only been assigned to shepherd them. He understood that when he’d first become the pastor of Faith Outreach, but as the years went by and he’d prayed and sought the will of God a lot less; consequently the waters got muddied and he’d forgotten his place.
JT opened his Bible and turned to Psalm 51. He read: “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of they tender mercies, blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”
JT closed his Bible and looked at the congregation. He said, “I have prayed over the words of those verses for many months now, because I have sinned against God, my wife and against you all. Many of you are aware that I had several affairs on my wife. I now have a child outside of my marriage by a woman who had been a member of this church.”
A wave of shock and disbelief soared through the congregation as quick intakes of breath occurred all around the room. Then an elderly woman in the second row mumbled, “My Lord, my Lord.”
JT nodded in agreement with the reaction of the congregation. “I feel the same way myself. I have done despicable things. But believe me, I’m paying for those things now.” He looked at Cassandra. She was holding Lily and looking up at him with admiration in her eyes. That was how she used to look at him when they were first married. Until now, he hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed that from her. He turned back to the congregation and admitted, “My wife has left me.”
Former Rain-Forsaken Box Set Page 40
