“It’s not that.” His eyes filled with sorrow.
I hesitated, but the look in his eyes finally convinced me. He reached for my books, and I allowed him to take them from my grasp. He reached to take my hand, and the same group of girls passed me, giggling loudly. I ignored them but pulled my hand away and stepped back.
“All right. We’ll talk. Just talk.”
But, once in the truck, he still didn’t speak. Once or twice he glanced my way, yet, he remained silent.
I, too, kept silent. What could I say?
When we pulled into the yard, Daniel’s car was parked there.
My eyes widened. I had forgotten he hadn’t returned to camp. He would explode if he saw me with Michael again. “Michael, just go.” I jumped from the truck and ran up the porch.
Marla met me at the door.
“Marla! What are you doing here?”
“I heard about Chance. I wanted to be sure you’re okay.” She looked at me solicitously before glancing beyond me. “Hi, Michael.”
I gritted my teeth. Why had he followed me?
Michael, unshaven, clothes rumpled, ran his fingers through his hair. “Hey.” He looked embarrassed. “Umm ... sorry to hear about you and Andrew.”
Her eyes swept over Michael, taking in his disheveled appearance, I was sure.
They exchanged a look of commiseration. Marla grimaced and laughed. “What a pair! Andrew and Sylvia.”
Michael laughed with her. “Yeah, quite a pair.” He raked his fingers through his hair again. “Where’s Dan?”
“He’s tending to the horses,” Marla said.
“Uh ... okay. I’ll go see if I can help him.”
He left, and Marla raised an eyebrow. I shook my head.
“Nothing is going on between us. Don’t look at me like that.”
Her eyes filled with compassion. “Poor, Jay!”
I managed a smile. “Poor, Marla!” I was teasing but was distressed to see tears fill her eyes. “Marla, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you cared so much for Andrew.”
She blinked the tears away. “I don’t. It’s not that.” She managed to smile. “Anyway, I knew you and your aunt were going through so much, so I brought supper over. Daniel was kind enough to give me a ride.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that! But thank you.” I gave her a hug. “Where’s Aunt Liza?”
“She’s lying down.” She placed a hand on my arm. “Jay, I’m worried about her.”
“You and me both.”
“If there’s anything I can do, let me know. I’ll see you later.”She started toward the door.
“Marla ... can’t you stay? Please?”
She hesitated, worrying her bottom lip. “Will Michael be here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” If Daniel didn’t kill him, that was.
“I’ll stay if you need me.” Her eyes searched mine, and I could see the pain in hers. Andrew must really have hurt her.
“I would really appreciate it.”
“All right.” Her expression once again became serene, but the sadness remained in her eyes.
I hugged her again. “Thank you.”
We went to the kitchen to set the table and make tea. I kept glancing out the window, wondering about Daniel and Michael. I let out a sigh of relief when I finally spotted them walking toward the house.
“They’re almost here. I’ll go get Aunt Liza.” I left Marla pouring glasses of tea.
Aunt Liza refused to get up, barely moving when I shook her. She just mumbled she wasn’t hungry. So, I left her.
We gathered around the table, and Daniel gave thanks without being asked. Michael and Daniel were calm but seemed preoccupied. Neither spoke much while we ate.
I noticed Daniel downed four of Marla’s biscuits, and I felt a pang of jealousy. Well, I could learn to make better biscuits. I just needed a little practice.
After we cleaned up the kitchen, I made a fresh pot of coffee, and we carried our cups to the sitting room. It was cool, but not cool enough for a fire in the fireplace.
I wondered if Michael planned to spend the night again. There would be no need, but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. Thankfully, he didn’t appear to be drinking. Then again, maybe he was hiding it.
I shook my head. Michael had told me Uncle Howard didn’t drink. Was that true? I thought of the gin bottle in the chifforobe. That didn’t seem a likely place for him to keep an extra bottle.
But, but. . .I didn’t want to think it. I shook my head.
“Jay?” Daniel rubbed my arm. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer. I got up and went to the chifforobe and looked under the quilt. I stared at the bottle.
It was empty.
I took the bottle back with me to the sitting room. I held it out. “I found this. It must ... ” I swallowed. “Aunt Liza ... She’s the one who drinks.”
Michael dropped his eyes. Marla’s lips tightened.
Daniel stood and took a step toward me. I stepped back, clutching the bottle to my chest. “You knew. All of you knew.”
No one spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tears threatened, but I held them back. “Why?”
Michael spoke first. “It wasn’t any of my business.” He shrugged.
Marla, her face stricken, spoke so softly I had to strain to hear her words. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Daniel shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jay. I wasn’t sure. Michael and I just talked it over today. We were going to tell you tonight.”
That’s why Michael wanted to drive me home. He was going to tell me.
Well, now I knew.
Chapter 39—Aunt Liza
I straightened and faced Marla. “How did you know?”
She licked her lips. “I guess I’ve always known. Everyone in town knows.”
Everyone knew but me. Images sped through my mind. Marla — watching Aunt Liza and me on the first day of school, Miss Ballard — the concern in her eyes, Principal Martin — helping me with the scholarship, maybe to get me away from my aunt? And Mr. Albertson, staring at us that first day — thinking I was like my aunt.
I shook my head. How could I not know? “I’ve been living here a year, and I never knew.”
Daniel gave me a sad smile. “Jay, I told you people are good at hiding it. Your aunt used vanilla to cover up the smell of alcohol.”
“Vanilla?” I moved away from Daniel and sat down heavily on the couch.
Michael nodded in agreement. “People try to cover up the scent.”
“But why? Why did she drink?” I looked from Daniel to Michael.
Neither answered.
Marla came to kneel by my side. “There doesn’t have to be a reason. My mother told me your aunt drank in high school.”
I heard a noise and looked up. Aunt Liza leaned against the frame of the doorway. She came in and took a seat in the rocking chair.
“Marla’s right.”
No one spoke. Michael and Daniel both started to stand, but she waved them back to their seats. I moved over so Marla could sit by me.
“Y’all may as well hear it.” She turned in the rocker to face me. “Marla’s mother knew in high school, along with most folks. You know the story I told about your teacher, Mr. Albertson? I was drinking when I stole the speech he had written.” She bit her lip. “He knew I drank, but he never told. Still, everyone knew. I wasn’t so good at hiding it then.”
She moved uneasily under my scrutiny. “It’s my fault he treated you so badly, Jay. I guess he thought you might have inherited my genes.”
I frowned at her. “But you were salutatorian!”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I started drinking in high school but not enough to hurt anything — at least, I didn’t think it hurt. I still kept up with schoolwork. After graduation, Howard and I married, and that’s when it really got bad. I wanted babies so badly ...” A lone tear flowed down her cheek. “I quit drinking. But our own little boy lived less than a year. A
nd, then, I buried three more tiny ones who never drew breath ...” Her voice broke.
I bit my own lip to keep from crying. “It’s okay, Aunt Liza. You don’t have to talk about it.”
“No. I want to tell you. Your uncle made a beautiful cradle for our first son.” She lowered her head into her hands and struggled to control herself. Finally, she raised her eyes. “One morning I went to check on him. Death had taken him. He died in that cradle. I should have checked on him more, heard his cries. It was my fault.”
I shook my head. “Sometimes these things happen. It wasn’t your fault.”
She didn’t appear to hear me. “I wouldn’t let Howard destroy the cradle, so he hung it up in his shop. My drinking just got out of control with the deaths of those little ones. I had to drink to stop the pain. I would go out to the shop, look at that cradle, and ask God why.” She searched our faces as if we might know the answer.
My heart constricted in compassion. “We can’t always know why, Aunt Liza. But Uncle Howard stayed with you. Why did he finally decide to leave?” I kept my voice gentle.
“He got an order from a store to make some different things. One was a baby cradle. I couldn’t stand the thought. I got drunk and smashed it, along with the other things he had made.” She exhaled sharply. “That was the day Daniel brought you home without Zeke.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Zeke ... I missed him so! My drinking just got worse and worse. Howard tried to reason with me. I got so angry I went to his shop and ...” She shrugged her shoulder. “Just went on a rampage. He can’t make a living with me drinking up our last penny. Ruining his work was the last straw.” She again lowered her head into her hands and sobbed.
I came to her, wrapped her in my arms, and wept with her.
She lifted her face to me. “Jay, I’m sorry I talked to the neighbors about your momma. I hope you can forgive me.”
I looked at Michael, and he stared solemnly back. No, he had not told Sylvia, the neighbors had gossiped.
Aunt Liza hugged me to her, and we stayed that way a long time.
I helped her back to bed and stayed with her until she slept. When I softly closed her bedroom door, Daniel waited for me.
“Is she okay?” he asked.
“For now. She’s asleep.” Feet dragging, I headed to the kitchen. “Where’s Michael and Marla?” I asked.
“Mike took Marla to tell her parents she’s spending the night.”
“Oh! I wish she wouldn’t. Tomorrow is a school day.”
“She thinks you’re more important than school.” He regarded me thoughtfully. “She’s really a good friend.”
I nodded my head. “She’s one of the nicest people I know.”
A knock sounded at the front door, and it opened. Michael and Marla came in.
Marla slipped into the chair next to me and patted my arm. “Are you okay?”
I simply nodded.
Michael poured a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter surveying me. “What do you plan to do?”
I shrugged. “What can I do?”
Daniel cleared his throat. “What your aunt did tonight is a start. The first step is to admit you have a problem.”
Marla rubbed my arm. “I know it was hard, for you and her, but Daniel’s right. The question now is what’s next?”
I pushed my hair away from my face with both hands. “I can’t expect Uncle Howard to come back. Not after what Aunt Liza told us.”
Michael rubbed his unshaven face with his knuckles. “No. That’s too much to hope for.”
I sighed heavily, looking away. What did Michael expect? I couldn’t think of him right now. I pinched the bridge of my nose to ease the headache that throbbed. “I’ll have to quit school, find a better job, take care of Aunt Liza some way.”
Daniel shook his head vehemently. “No, don’t quit.”
“I agree with Dan. There has to be a better solution,” Michael said.
Marla patted my back. “It’s nothing we have to decide tonight. You need to get a good night’s sleep. Things may look brighter in the morning.”
“I better get going,” Michael said.
“You’re welcome to spend the night,” I offered.
He shook his head. “No, I’ve overstayed my welcome.” And he was gone.
I stared at the door as it shut behind him. Just one more person to disappear from my life. He had no reason to ever come back. I would probably never see him again once I dropped out of school.
I remained in the kitchen a while longer, reluctant to leave Marla and Daniel.
Marla took matters into her hands. “Come on. We all need to get some sleep.”
We told Daniel goodnight, and he left for the shop.
I helped Marla tidy up the kitchen until she shooed me away. “I’ll finish up. Go on to bed.”
I paused at the doorway. “You can sleep in Zeke’s room. Let me know if you need anything.”
“No, you let me know if you need anything.” She came to embrace me and gave me a gentle push. “Go on and don’t worry.”
Yet, her own face was pinched and white. I did as she said, totally exhausted. I stumbled to my bed, kicked off my shoes, and pulled the covers over me, too tired to even undress.
Chapter 40—Michael Returns
After breakfast that none of us finished, Daniel, Marla, and I went out to the front porch. I stayed home, not able to face my classes. And, what need was there anyway? I would have to quit, the sooner, the better.
Marla refused to leave me to go to school, although I told her she was being silly. The weather had warmed back up, almost like a spring day.
Aunt Liza joined us, looking wretched. Her eyes were dull and sunken and her face pale. Yet, she had dressed and combed her hair, pulling it back into a bun. At least she was making an effort.
We sat there all morning, mainly in silence. Sometimes Marla and Daniel exchanged a look. Marla had said things would appear brighter in the morning, but it wasn’t true. I just didn’t see a way out of this mess. Quitting school was the only option.
And no Chance came to lay his head upon my knee, to help me feel better. So much loss! How could I get through this? At least I had Daniel and Marla. And Aunt Liza.
So we sat all morning.
Instead of going inside for lunch, Marla fixed sandwiches and brought them out. Daniel helped and brought out a pitcher of tea and glasses.
I felt an infinite sadness. Along with Poppa, Momma, Zeke, and Chance, I had lost Michael. Or, he had lost me. Either way it was the same. The pain took on a permanence, a heaviness, that I knew would never leave me. Perhaps with time, this type of pain would ease. For now, it felt all consuming.
After our lunch, that, again, none of us finished, we still remained sitting. No one seemed to have the energy to move.
Marla sat with her hands folded in her lap, her ankles crossed, her head slightly bowed. Daniel leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together.
And, so we remained, as the sun traveled across the sky. When the truck drove into the yard, we all startled, as if awakening from a long sleep.
It was Michael’s truck. And he wasn’t alone.
Uncle Howard was with him.
Aunt Liza remained seated but kept her eyes on Uncle Howard as they approached the porch. Michael held a box in his arms and Uncle Howard a book.
No one spoke. I held my breath. Aunt Liza gripped my arm.
Michael’s face was flushed. He set the box on the ground in front of him and raked his fingers through his hair. He stared at the ground for a moment.
With a visible effort, he raised his head and his eyes sought mine.
“I came to tell you something.” He squared his shoulders and glanced toward Daniel. “I am an alcoholic. I’ve been drinking since ... since I was a young’n.”
Daniel stood, his face contorted.
Michael held up a hand before Daniel could speak. “No, don’t blame yourself. Sure you provided the whiskey, you offered it t
o me, but it was my choice. I could have said no.” He swallowed. “Anyway, that’s in the past. What’s done is done.”
Everyone nodded. Daniel remained rooted to the spot.
Marla stood, glanced over her shoulder at me with that look of determination I knew so well, and linked her arm with Daniel’s.
My mouth gaped open. When Daniel placed one hand on her arm, as if claiming possession, I could only blink in response.
Michael furrowed his brow as he stared toward them and then at me. He licked his lips, swallowed, and gradually his face cleared.
Uncle Howard handed him the book.
Michael turned his attention to Aunt Liza. “Mrs. Barnett, I have something for you. Daniel gave me this book, and I’m giving it to you.”
Aunt Liza came into the yard, not looking at Uncle Howard. She took the book from Michael and turned it over in her trembling hands.
Michael cleared his throat.”Just a couple of years ago a group of men in Ohio got together to help each other, with God’s help, to quit drinking. I don’t know why we can’t start a similar group here, in Plainsville. The group they formed is called Alcoholics Anonymous.”
He touched Aunt Liza’s arm, and she looked into his face. “The group was formed by men, for men. But I’ve been thinking. Why can’t we start a group here, a group for men and women? And, that book can help us get started.”
Aunt Liza looked from the book to Michael and then to Uncle Howard. She stepped toward Uncle Howard and searched his face. “Do you mean you’d give me another chance if I help Michael form this group?”
He didn’t answer, just opened his arms, and she fell into them, sobbing.
A lump formed in my throat. Marla swiped at tears, and even Daniel swallowed hard. When Aunt Liza took Uncle Howard’s handkerchief and wiped her tears away, Michael lifted the box at his feet.
“Jay, this is for you. I hope you will accept it.”
In a daze, I climbed to my feet, walked down the steps, and stopped in front of Michael, searching his eyes.
“Go ahead,” he urged. “Look.”
My gaze fell to the box. An Australian Shepherd puppy lay curled up on an old towel.
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