“Tonight?” Excitement bloomed over my skin in a sudden flush. I could hardly believe it. I’d thought he might never allow it, that depriving me might be a tool to keep me bound to him forever.
“I’ve fantasized about it long enough and now I want to feel it. I want to know I’m the only man who’s ever given that to you.”
“But what if I can’t?” I whispered.
He put a finger over my lips. “Listen to me. I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to come because you love it. Aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Say it again.”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m going to come because I love it.”
With a slow, sly smile, he began to rock me back and forth, rubbing my clit against his stiff base. Lowering his head, he flickered his tongue across my hardened nipples. I closed my eyes and held him against me, so much in the moment that coming almost didn’t matter anymore.
Marc raised his head, touching his hand to my cheek. “Look at me,” he whispered. “Let me see how much you need my cock inside you.”
I looked at him, almost unable to bear the intimacy in his expression. He fucked me with a loving intensity, his eyes black and magnetic. Reaching down between my legs, he parted my wet flesh and found my clit. His finger was as warm and soft as a tongue, and just as gentle.
“Marc,” I said, and surrendered to a moan. I felt his touch like prickles of electricity in my nipples and belly. As my breath quickened, his expression grew darker and more carnal.
“You’re going to come, baby,” he said. “I can feel it.”
I dug my nails into his arms as if I’d fall without him. “So can I.”
When the bliss took over and my eyelids began to shut, he took my chin in his fingers. “Stay with me. Stay right here.”
“It feels too good,” I whispered.
“I know, Pet. I know.”
As the last word left his lips I locked my thighs around him and cried out, suddenly overcome with almost unbearable pleasure. The sensation was so powerful my heart seemed to stop.
I bit my lower lip and focused on his face, his look of fascination and lust for me. “Oh, God,” I whispered, as the waves began to roll through me and break.
“Come for me,” he said, holding the leash tightly. “Come now.”
My legs quivered, toes curling inside my shoes. This wasn’t just an orgasm as I knew it, it was the deepest intimacy I could imagine. His thrusts were so complete, I could feel him pulsating inside me as he began to come, too. All of his muscles clamped as a low moan sounded in his throat.
“Ride my cock,” he groaned as his hot spurts filled me. “Just like that.”
He pulled me tighter against him, prolonging my orgasm just as it had started to fade. I clung to his shoulders, sliding against him until my thighs burned and my chest trickled with sweat.
“Do you like coming for me?” he asked, still shuddering.
“I love it,” I said. “I don’t have the words.”
“Baby, you don’t need words.”
He dropped the chain and it slipped between my breasts. Wrapping both hands around my head, he pulled my face to his. Our mouths came together, open, warm, and wet.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered between kisses. “So fucking beautiful.”
I’d never really felt beautiful before, but tonight, I could almost believe I was.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
After we’d held each other for what felt like hours, Marc got up and retrieved the key. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took off my collar, stroking my neck as he did.
“It didn’t hurt, did it?” he asked.
“No. It felt tight sometimes.”
“That’s how it’s meant to feel. Submission isn’t always comfortable.” He set the collar on the nightstand and lay down again. “Come to me,” he said, opening his arms.
I slid over and put my head on his chest. We lay for a long time without speaking. Finally, unable to control the tangled thoughts whirling through my head, I sat up.
“Is this as far as it will go?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“The crop, the collar, all of that?”
“I haven’t decided,” he said. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” For several seconds I managed to hold it in, but then it came rushing out. “I read on the internet about a submissive who asks permission to eat and drink. Every waking minute is ruled by her husband.”
Marc’s mouth was flat. “Sophie.”
“What? I can’t pretend I didn’t read it.”
He turned on his side toward me, propping his head in his hand. “If you want to know who I am and what I want, ask me. Don’t try to predict our future by looking at the lives of strangers.”
“Maybe if you told me more, I wouldn’t need to.” I flinched at how my words had sounded, but it was too late to take them back.
Forehead creased, he looked into my face. “I thought we discussed this at dinner.”
“We did, but – every night we’re together it gets more intense. Where does it go from here?”
“Wherever we want it to. I’m not in this alone, am I?”
“No, but you have experience with it,” I said. “You have some idea of what will happen. Where it will end up.”
He lay down again, pushing his fingers through his hair. “Actually, I don’t. I don’t have the first clue.”
“Really?” I said, a little louder than I’d intended. “Do you even know how you feel about all of this? About me?”
His eyes softened in the moonlight. “Of course I do. Being dominant opens up a part of me that an ordinary relationship doesn’t. There’s a very strong connection between us. I feel it, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what it is or what it means. I can’t tell if it’s just sex, or something else. All I know is that I feel off-balance. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don’t even recognize myself.”
He gave me a long look, then got up abruptly and strode naked to the window. A distant horn was the only sound to break the silence.
“If that’s the case, maybe I’m making a mistake by asking you to stay,” he said, his back to me.
Suddenly feeling cold and exposed, I pulled the sheet up over my chest. “A mistake?”
“Yes. I thought I could…I don’t know.”
“What?” I waited, my heart beating faster as the seconds passed.
When he finally answered, his voice was almost hushed. “Limit the damage. Release you to your life before I had any real effect on you. Obviously I was deluding myself.” He sounded cool and distant, almost angry.
“You’re having an effect on me, but I didn’t say I wanted it to stop,” I said, desperate to undo whatever I’d done.
He turned to face me. “It doesn’t matter, do you understand that? I’ve brought you to a place where you can’t think clearly anymore. That’s what happens. You become two different people. One with a secret life and one who pretends that life doesn’t exist.”
“Some people don’t keep it secret,” I said. “They’re all over the internet.”
He snorted. “That’s not who I am. It’s not who you are either.”
“So you’ve never told a soul?” I asked. “Eleanor? Your father?”
He waved the idea away and shook his head. “They wouldn’t understand. I don’t understand.”
Sheet still clutched in my hands, I sat up on my knees. “I’m not sure why we can’t see each other without all of this. The blindfolds and the collars.”
As soon as I said it, I felt I’d said something forbidden. From the window, Marc gave me a brittle smile. “Oh, Sophie. Even with what I’ve done to you, you’re still so innocent.”
Innocent, like a child who couldn’t handle the truth. If tonight had proven anything, it was that I wasn’t a child. “I want to know,” I said. “I deserve an answer.”
He exhaled roughly. “All right, then. Because we already know each oth
er too well.”
A dodge if I’d ever heard one. “I don’t understand.”
“Don’t you? You can’t kill a spark like we have. All you can do is walk away from it.”
Walk away. I stared at him. My face went cold. Five minutes ago I’d felt practically immortal, but joy had never been so fleeting.
“Is that what you want? To walk away?”
He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I’m not capable of doing it, but you are. Sometimes I think I want you to.”
“You want me to,” I repeated, dully, disbelieving.
His gaze was sharp and hard as metal. “Yes. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t care about you. If I weren’t considering what’s best for you.”
My stomach swirled. “You don’t mean that, Marc.”
There was that terrible, tight smile again. “I don’t say anything I don’t mean. I would think you’d know that by now.”
I shook my head slowly. All of the pride and resistance I’d pushed aside came roaring back. I’d kneeled down and worn a collar, but one thing I wouldn’t do was beg.
“I do know, Marc,” I said. “You’re about to see how much.”
Head spinning, I got up. I didn’t look at him or speak. I put on my dress and shoes, leaving the stockings and corset in a pile by the bed.
“What are you doing?” he asked, walking toward me.
I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. “You’ve taught me to be obedient, haven’t you?” I said, yanking up the side zipper.
“I’d begun to, yes.”
“Well, I’m only following your instructions.”
His hand was heavy and warm on my shoulder. “That wasn’t an instruction.”
“What was it, then?” I said, my voice wavering. “A joke? A line of bullshit?”
“I want to protect you, that’s all. Please –”
“No, it’s fine.” I said, pulling away from his touch. “We’ll end it now. I’ll go back to your apartment to pack, and tomorrow I’ll check into a hotel.”
He stepped in front of me, forcing me to look at him. I’d hoped to see need and possession in his eyes, but there was only a cold resolve that stung me to the core. “You don’t see the logic in what I’ve said?”
I wanted to hear him say it. Bluntly, painfully, in words I couldn’t misunderstand. “Explain it to me, Marc, like I’m a child.”
“We make a simple decision to not do this anymore,” he said, his gaze slashing through me. “Without me in your life, there’s no more risk. It eliminates all of your worries.”
I tried to breathe but couldn’t. Shaking my head, I backed away toward the door. “Sure,” I said, my eyes filled with blinding tears. “Just like it eliminated yours for the last eight years.”
Grabbing my bag off the chair in the hallway, I walked out of Marc’s life for the second time. And this time would be the last.
I rolled down the back window of the taxi and let humid night air wash over my face.
It was over. There was no going back. Marc had made his decision, and I’d made mine. I couldn’t change tonight, but I could change tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after that.
I would never love like I loved him. I’d never be submissive to anyone else. I would never let a man see into my soul again.
The cab driver dropped me off at Marc’s building and waited to pull away until I was inside the lobby. It was too late to find a hotel. As if I weren’t wrecked enough, I’d have to endure a night of solitary torment in the bed where I’d first fallen in love.
Could a broken heart keep breaking until there was nothing left?
When I opened the door to the apartment, I smelled the scent of lavender. A housekeeper had come in while I was gone. The sheets had been changed, the floors vacuumed, and every surface polished. Except for my clothes hanging neatly in one corner of the bedroom closet, it was as if I’d never been there.
After undressing and roughly scrubbing off every trace of makeup, I crept naked into the wide, cold bed. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. It was impossible to picture a time when I wouldn’t feel like this. Without Marc, thrown back into a lonely, ordinary existence with no way out.
He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want this life. I repeated the words to myself again and again until they lost all meaning. Holding onto my last shred of hope, I waited, listening in vain for the sound of the door until the sun rose.
It was dawn. The night had passed, and I’d made my decision.
No more pain. No more love. No more Marc Brayden.
But the truth was, Marc had made the decision for me. He had all the power, and I had none. He’d obsessed me, addicted me, changed me. He’d affected me too much, and that was what he couldn’t tolerate.
I was becoming a creation from his darkest fantasies. He’d decided to save me by tearing me apart.
Five hours had passed since I’d left the hotel suite where he’d collared and tamed me. I’d been his maid, his slave, and his slut. Now I was his cast-off, all because I’d dared to ask questions. Because I’d dared to feel something.
If I’d learned anything from Marc, it was that feeling was weakness. From now on, I’d be numb and in control, just like he was. It was a hard lesson, but I’d carry it through the rest of my life.
Though the sky was growing brighter, I couldn’t sleep. I took quiet, shallow breaths and listened for footsteps. Any moment now, the front door would click open and Marc would crawl into bed beside me. I could feel him. I could taste his kiss and feel his hard cock stretching me open as his dark voice mesmerized me and my pussy gushed with excitement.
Give up, Sophie. He’s not coming. He won’t come until he knows you’re long gone.
I clenched my fists as my last hope died in the light of morning.
I’d been burned, but I would not break. I knew from experience how to walk through hell. Put one foot in front of the other until it became automatic. Switch on my primitive brain and move forward. If I kept it up long enough, I might get lucky and never feel anything again.
Throwing back the duvet, I went straight to the shower. By the time I was done, there’d be no trace of Marc but the raw battle scar across my heart.
As hot water seared my skin, I scoured away his intoxicating scent and washed my hair three times. Leaning my hands against the marble tile, I dropped my head, shut my eyes, and let the water pour over my back.
He was gone, and I was glad. Now there was nothing to be ashamed of, no questions, no fear. I had my old life back. I’d be grateful for it even if I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing or the sobs from choking my throat.
“Glad,” I whispered. “Glad, glad, glad.”
I gasped as powerful hands locked around my wrists. I tried to turn around but I was pinned to the wall.
Naked. Helpless. As furious as I’d ever been.
He was here. And I hated him.
I felt his drenched wool suit against my back as he immobilized me with his powerful body. His leather wingtips squeaked against the shower floor and his sodden jacket was heavy against my arm.
“You’re glad,” he said, his voice a low fire in my ear. “I knew you would be.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I snapped, struggling against him. “If you did, you wouldn’t be here.”
“You forget I own this apartment,” he growled.
“Yes, you do,” I said. “But you don’t own me.”
“Bullshit I don’t.”
Keeping me restrained with his chest, he stripped off his suit jacket and dropped it to the tile. I jammed an elbow into his ribs but he didn’t move. He was a concrete wall, and I was stupid to even try. Not that I was about to give up.
“Listen to me,” he hissed in my ear. I heard buttons tinkling to the floor as he tore his shirt open. His heartbeat thundered into my back as he pressed his hot, hard torso into me.
“I’m done listening.”
“Then I’ll make you,” he said, opening his zipper. His cock was huge and sti
ff against my ass. I willed my body not to respond, but arousal trickled like venom through my veins. My breath quickened as wetness pooled between my legs, but I’d be damned if it would change my mind.
“You can’t make me do anything,” I said between clenched teeth. I tried to raise my hands to block my ears, but he slammed my palms to the wall and gripped my wrists.
“Of course I can,” he snarled. “You know that as well as I do.”
Water poured into my eyes, making the world look even more broken and confusing. “All I know is that you threw me out of a hotel room last night.”
“It was for your own good.”
“Then why the hell are you here?”
He let one of my wrists go and brought his hand to his cock. I felt the broad, swollen head force its way between the lips of my pussy and part them as if I were property. “Because I want to be.”
“How convenient,” I spat out.
“Are you kidding? There’s nothing convenient about you.”
He jammed an inch of his hard dick into me, making my breath catch. I winced with shame as my hips tilted back, silently begging him to plunge deeper.
I hated him, I despised what he’d turned me into, but my body didn’t care. My pussy was under his control, not mine.
Still wearing his shoes, pants in a wet heap of Armani around his ankles, he clutched a handful of my dripping hair and pulled my head back until his cheek rested against on mine.
“I want to fuck you too much,” he said, his lips against the corner of my mouth. “Do you know what that does to me?”
“It makes you an asshole, apparently,” I said as he stretched me open another skin-shivering inch.
He tightened his fingers in my hair, making my scalp burn. “It makes me protective of you.”
“If that was protection, what’s this?”
“Me claiming what’s mine.”
“I stopped being yours five hours ago.”
“You’ve never stopped being mine. You know how I know?”
“How?”
“Your soaking wet cunt. It’s like a deed to your soul.”
With an eight-inch thrust that I felt in my heart, he drove a cry of pleasure out of me. It rang off the walls and echoed, making every word I’d said sound like a desperate lie.
Descended (The Red Blindfold Book 1) Page 16
