by Gardner, A.
"Crap," I mutter. "I need to visit Earl today before I forget again."
"I bet she's lying," Sadie goes on. "Can't you like look up her file?"
"Sadie." I stare at the clock, wishing time would slow down. I was running short of it.
"What?" She takes a sip of coffee and smoothes her braided, red hair. "You said it first. Give her a test or something."
"That would require stealing her urine," I roll my eyes. "We're not that close."
"No sicko," she answers. "Offer her a drink or something."
"I told you, she didn't drink any champagne at the shower."
"No I mean have someone else offer her a drink," Sadie responds. "She's not going to drink right in front of you. You have to keep it on the DL."
"Nothing's going to work." I rub my forehead, feeling my head get warmer. "I'm going to be sick. I'm not even pregnant and I'm nauseous just thinking about all this." Sadie pats my back. "I'm such a wreck."
"Are you kidding? You're living a real life soap opera." She takes another sip of her coffee. "Rick doesn't let me watch One Life to Live anymore. He says it's because there's no room on our DVR but then he records like fifty episodes of Sports Center and-"
"Sadie," I interrupt. My head was splitting from all the noise. And on top of that, all the inner turmoil made it so I couldn't think straight. I had to read Milly Rile's file five times before realizing all I had to do today was collect a blood sample. I was out of it.
"Sorry." She takes a deep breath for me and rubs my back. "Go visit Earl before your shift is over. I'll come up with a covert op."
"Right," I reply, standing up and wandering through the halls. All I could think about was what to say to Rex. How was I even supposed to approach him? And what if he called off the engagement?
"Are you looking for Earl Hayes?" I hadn't even noticed the weird stares and the vacant room in front of me.
"Yeah?"
The nurse shook her head. "He passed away early this morning." A sudden jolt seemed to restart my heart and all feeling left in my body. I jerked my head around looking for a familiar face. Looking for Jack.
"Was anyone here?"
"A younger gentleman," the nurse responds.
"Is he here?"
"No, sorry."
I'm left with a gaping hole that just gets bigger and bigger. I need a Valium, anything to make this easy to process. I jog through the halls and find myself searching the entire floor for Jack. He was gone. Earl was gone and Jack had no reason to wander the halls or sit in the hospital cafeteria. I check my phone. No call from him. It wasn't like him to stay away.
I jog back to where Sadie is sitting. She gasps when she sees the look on my face. It must have been bad.
"What happened?" she asks.
"He's gone," I stammer. I hear myself talking from far away. Other than that, my mind is disconnected.
"Who's gone?" Sadie waves a hand in front of my face. "Who's gone Kat?" I don't respond. "Is it Earl?" She snaps her fingers. "Kat? Are you under hypnosis or something? Snap out of it." I couldn't. My life was falling apart right in front of me.
Chapter Twelve
I walk to my car, hands shaking as I fiddle with my keys. I wanted go home and get in bed with a bottle of something strong. Maybe I would wake up and realize this was all in my head. I didn't almost sleep with Jack, then get engaged to Rex, then find out my best friend was about to have my future fiancé's baby. No. This was a movie on autoplay in the background. I was really passed out on my couch in a box of Cadbury chocolates.
"Kat!" No more surprises. Please. No more surprises. "Kat!" I turn around to see the face I'd been searching for all day. The one that confused, tortured me, and made me question the obvious.
"Jack."
"Did you-"
"Yeah." I hang my head. "I heard the news." I avoid making eye contact. It wasn't cruel. It was . . . a self preservation technique. Seeing the look on Jack's face would make me cry and then I wouldn't be able to stop. Next thing you know I'd be half-naked in his bedroom. Whoa. "Was it quick?"
"Too quick." The tone of his voice is different. Not as lively as it normally was.
"I'm sorry." A pressure builds behind my eyes. As Jack takes a step closer I hesitate. I can smell aftershave on his cheeks and the brisk movements of his biceps remind me of the night I'd fallen asleep in his arms. "Jack, I can't do this."
"Do what?" He knew what I meant. This. The weird game we were playing with each other's emotions.
"You know what I mean."
"If this is about what happened-"
"Stop," I gulp. I unlock my car. "Jack." I look down at the pavement. "I'm getting engaged." I didn't sound as good as it had felt a few days ago . . . before Jenna's bridal shower.
"You're serious?"
"Yeah," I quietly nod. Jack bites his lip and shakes his head.
"Geez Kat," he mutters. "Are you sure that's really what you want?"
"Of course I'm sure," I raise my voice. Maybe it was the extra coffee, sleepless nights or paranoia. I didn't intend to yell at Jack the day of his father's death. "You couldn't possibly understand!"
"Oh I understand just fine," he answers. His chest puffs out like he's about to take on a UFC fighter. "You'll marry anyone as long as they've got the cash." He cringes after saying it as if wishing he could take it back. I'm startled, and even angrier than before.
"Excuse me? I'm not the one with no job who can't take a wrinkly shirt to the freakin' dry cleaner!"
"I have a job," he snaps back.
"What? Trying to salvage piece of crap condos you probably spent your life savings on?" Jack goes silent. I swallow the rest of my words. He opens his mouth but quickly closes it.
"Just trying to be a friend," he says quietly and hands me a brown paper bag.
"Jack . . ." He leaves me a frustrated mess. I open the bag and pull out a plastic baggie. A sandwich? How comforting. My nose crinkles as I take a closer look and realize it's not just a sandwich. It was a ham, cheese, and potato chip sandwich - my grandma's cure for a horrible day. The pressure in head releases. Another tear and another regret. I'd just pushed away the last real friend I had left.
* * *
I was about to play dirty rotten trick. One that would surely ruin me but I felt like I was already ruined. I had nothing left to lose. Scratch that . . . I had about a billion things to lose but none of that mattered if Holly was carrying Rex's baby. It was decision time. Did I really want to be the ignorant wife that stood by while her husband entertained his mistress? That wasn't me. But that was where I was headed.
It was like the time Holly told me she saw Chad and this volleyball chick Sally at the movies together. I didn't believe her but Holly made it her mission to prove it to me. She took a picture that made me want to stay home sick all week. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was when I let Chad slide by on the excuse that the two of them were lab partners and there wasn't another time for them to meet and do homework. Yeah. High school Kat was stupid. She was inexperienced. Blinded. And adult Kat was turning out to be the same. As much as it sucked to say goodbye to the wardrobe I'd already bought in my head, I was headed down the Sally road. Holly was just kind enough to be the first rock.
"What's wrong, love?" Rex still looks perfect. He still makes my heart flutter and my arms feel tingly. I still want to call him my husband and plan the princess wedding that would make all my exes jealous. So why the hell was I messing with all that? Backstabber or not, I still cared about Holly.
"Nothing," I force a fake smile. Yet. Rex and I sit among flashing cameras, one of our first official outings and I'd invited the one guest I shouldn't have. Holly. Any minute now she would walk through the front doors of the Paris Cafe and wonder why I'd asked Rex along to our private dinner.
"Mum will be by later with a few specifics," Rex carries on. I take a sip of wine, my stomach ripping itself to shreds. Oh Kat. You're about to commit social suicide.
"Specifics?" Since our agreem
ent, Helen had gone awry planning everything down to the letter. My future was being designed for me. Who knows for how much longer?
"Yes," he replies. He grins and stares at the form-fitting cocktail dress his stylist had picked for our first public date. "The menu, the guest list . . ."
"Right," I answer. Rex stares down at his phone.
"Sorry." He answers a call in the middle of the restaurant, ignoring rude glares from surrounding tables. I was getting far too antsy. Maybe I should stand up and call the whole dinner off? I catch a glimpse of something blond.
Too late.
Holly was here and I suspiciously watch the shocked look on Rex's face. He hangs up, concentrating on me. Holly waltzes in wearing a flowy dress that draws attention to her slim shoulders. She looks nervous and she looks pale. She doesn't walk with usual bounce and chip on her shoulder. This is the right thing to do. It's gonna be fine. . . or disastrous!
"Holly." I'm the first to say her name in front of a trigger happy photographer. Rex stands up as Holly approaches the table. She looks at me, her eyes are blank. The same way they were the time she admitted to me her parents were getting a divorce.
"Holly," Rex repeats. He watches me as I smile and ask Holly to sit with us. I can tell he's uncomfortable. He fidgets with his collar and takes a large sip from his glass. Holly gives me a look before slightly licking the excess lip gloss off her bottom lip. Eff. She really is pregnant. My stomach bubbles.
"Rex," Holly replies. "Kat."
"What brings you here?" Rex asks. Holly glances at me. I clutch the knot in my side.
"I invited her," I say. Rex's wide-eyed look wasn't short of what my imagination had thought up.
"Why?" Rex looks nervously at the crowd of photographers near the front windows.
"Because," I continue on. You don't have to do this. Just say you made a mistake. Send Holly home. "The three of us should talk." The words come out and I can't have a redo. That's it. It's over. I feel Holly's quivering hand squeeze my knee under the table. I look at her, wondering how to start. If I even should start.
"Perhaps we should move this conversation somewhere private," Rex mutters. Holly's hand shakes a bit more. I look to Holy again. She discreetly shakes her head.
"Go ahead Holly," I respond. Rex is on the edge of his seat now, and his reaction makes my muscles tense. Holly holds her chin up, most likely battling an inner demon that claimed baby blackmail was the more rewarding route.
"Rex." Holly sinks her shoulders, on the brink of hyperventilating.
"What's going on?"
"Rex," Holly repeats. "I'm pregnant." The news still stings. I knew Holly wasn't lying. She wasn't saying things just to make me feel like a zero. I could hear the fear in her voice - her realization that everything was about to change. Everything.
What did I expect Rex to do? Deny it. Act like she was loopy. Insist on talking this out somewhere else. I wait for the horrified look or mercy glare in my direction.
"No," Rex shakes his head. He raises his voice. "No, you're not." Holly's eyes go wider.
"Yes," she says again. "I am."
"No. This is another one of your games. You're a liar." He looks at me. "She's a liar."
"I'm not lying," Holly responds, raising her voice too.
"Yes," he insists. "You are."
"No. I'm not."
"Yes. YOU ARE."
Their voices progressively grow louder until I'm caught in the middle of a shouting match. I'd never seen Holly so offended. She tosses her hair back and refuses to let a tear reveal what's really going on inside. I gulp as flashes of light blink so fast I cover my eyes.
"I am pregnant!" Holly stamps her foot.
"You can't be!"
Holly throws her hands up in the air. "That's what happens when two people have sex!" I fold my arms. Rex is hardly acknowledging that his future fiancé was in the same room. I bite my lip, not sure how much more I could take.
"We . . . stop lying to me!"
"REX!" she screams, getting so worked up that her body starts to shake. Her face goes pale and in an instant she's bending over and puking all over the cafe floor. I stand up, doing my best to hold back her hair. Rex's mouth is open so wide an entire wine bottle could fit inside.
"Is that proof enough for you?" I mumble. Click. Click. Click. I was surprised all the flashing cameras didn't make Holly puke a second time.
"Kat . . ." He's speechless. Click. Click. Click.
"Come on Kat," Holly says, wiping her face. She would only be able to hide her embarrassment for so long.
"Kat," he says again. "We need to talk." Click. Click. Click.
"Kat!" Holly yells, on the verge of tears.
"Listen to me love," Rex commands. He directs his instructions at me as if Holly weren't in the room. Was he asking me to choose? Choose between him and my lifelong best friend that was about to be pushed into endless morning sickness and a growing midriff?
"Don't tell her what to do!" Holly shouts. "Let's get out of here, Kat."
"She's messing with you," Rex goes on, taking a step closer to me. "The same way she messed with me."
"Oh, take your head out of your ass," Holly forces herself to laugh. The smell of her morning breakfast starts to go rancid on the floor, but she wasn't going to miss this opportunity to make Rex look like a fool. "She's my friend! The joke's on you, dick head!" I push Holly to the door, feeling my vision go a little blurry. My face continues to swell up. The truth was out.
"Kat!" I hear Rex shout, but my back is already turned to him. I'm doing my best to pull Holly away from the flashing cameras and horrific shouts.
"I . . . um . . . well . . ." She stumbles around the cameras. Holly didn't know how to look posh while sporting vomit breath.
"Shutup," I whisper into her ear. "Keep walking. Just keep walking."
"Kat! Kat!" A reporter is shouting in my face, trying to rile me up as I force my way to Holly's car. "You're almost fiancé is already having an affair! How does that make you feel?" I feel like I've just fallen into a pile of rat dung! How would you feel?
"Kat!" The reporter refuses to quit. She actually goes as far as stepping front of me. Physically blocking me from moving any farther. "That makes you angry, doesn't it? What's your comment?" I turn my head and smack the side of her shoulder to push by. She'd already said it for me. Rex was just that. My almost fiancé. I'd ruined our chances the day I agreed to Holly's stupid idea, and here I was taking the heat for her.
"Leave me alone," I reply. "I have no comment." No comment appropriate for the papers anyway.
* * *
My old room hadn't changed at all. My signed soccer jerseys were pinned on the wall in the shape of a K with the signatures of all my former teammates scribbled in sharpie. The walls were still baby blue with clouds sponged on the ceiling. Mama even kept my glow in the dark stars in the closet. Standing by my window with my parents downstairs brought back a familiar solace. I touch the curtains as Holly sleeps on the bed. I can hear her steady exhaling.
Both our apartments were crawling with paparazzi. They yelled at the windows, banged on the door, and my phone was ringing off the hook. The first place I thought to go was Oakland. My parent's house. I only hoped the chaos wouldn't eventually follow us here.
"Are you hungry koukla?" My mom was a short, petite woman with caramel hair like Leah and I. She also used butter as main ingredient in everything she cooked. Delicious but dangerous. I was surprised she wasn't a larger woman, but her and Dad still ran the family bakery. Mama was on her feet all day.
"Nah," I whisper, glancing at Holly. I tiptoe across the room and join her in the hallway. "I'm sorry for bursting in so sudden."
"Of course honey," she replies. She gives me a hug.
"I guess you're wondering what the hell is going on?"
"Oh Kat," she quietly laughs. "Your dad and I read the paper ya know." I look down, regretting not telling her about Rex sooner. I guess I wanted to wait until things were official so I didn
't disappoint. But what had happened probably did far beyond disappoint.
"Right," I mutter. "So the whole family knows now." Pretty soon Mom's phone would be ringing off the hook. I look at her sympathetic brown eyes. "I'm sorry."
"You always were very secretive about your love life." She sighs. "Unlike your sister." Rex would have been the second guy I brought over for Sunday dinner. Chad was the first . . . and a mistake. "Sleep well." She gives me another hug and gently trots down the hall, leaving nothing but silence and the sound of Dad snoozing downstairs in front of the TV.
My phone buzzes. A tightness in my throat moves down to my stomach. I see a missed call from Rex. His name pops up attached to a text message. Answer me Kat.
I need some time, I respond. He answers right away.
Fine then I'll be straight with you.
Like you were about Holly, I answer. I was sure that response would hit a nerve.
I know about you and Holly.
So you had your buddies dig into my personal life, I retaliate.
The engagement is off. Reading that text was like being hit in the chest by a bag of bricks. I rub my twitching eye, dropping the phone on the dresser. No guy, rich or poor, would ever want to touch me after this.
"You hate me." I hear the whisper and turn around to see Holly rolling over. Her puffy eyes are smudged with eyeliner.
"Wipe your face," I instruct her. "Unless you're going for a goth look."
"Just say it." She sits up and fixes her hair. "You hate me." Though part of me did, the other part couldn't. Especially not when she was about to be a single mother. Well . . . single from the looks of it. I take a breath, keeping my mouth shut. "You think I'm a total bitch. Go ahead, call me a bitch."
"You should have just told me," I answer. I point my finger at her. I was pointing fingers again like my mother. And this time it wasn't some loser creep out to ruin my life. It was my best friend. At least I thought she was my friend. I wasn't so sure anymore. Holly looks taken back. "When I told you Rex and I had a date, you should have just told me."
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," she mutters, knowing that was a pathetic excuse of an answer. I throw my arms in the air.
