“It didn’t matter,” she said. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth trembled slightly. But she didn’t seem upset. Or was that wishful thinking on his part?
At least she wasn’t trying to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about.
“It matters to me,” he said. “I would have done things a little differently.”
“Like what?”
He thought for a second. “That’s not important. The point is, I would have liked to have known.”
She bit her lower lip. “So you could have stopped.”
It wasn’t a question. “No. I wouldn’t have stopped.” Unfortunately he wasn’t that noble.
He withdrew and stretched out next to her. “I’m sorry, Cathy. Your first time shouldn’t have been like this.”
She turned toward him. “Yes, it should have,” she said fiercely. “This is exactly what I wanted. Don’t forget who started this.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her mouth. He wasn’t likely to forget anything about this afternoon. Her virginity was a surprise to him, although knowing what he did about her past, maybe it shouldn’t be.
“Don’t be angry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t bear that.”
“I’m not angry. Never that. I’m honored. Truly.”
Her gaze was trusting as she looked at him. He gave her a quick smile, then urged her to rest her head on his shoulder. She snuggled close.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Thank you for making my first time so lovely.”
He tightened his arms around her in reply, but he couldn’t speak. What was there to say? He couldn’t undo what had just happened, and except for the fact that she’d been a virgin, he didn’t want to.
But that was a huge fact to overlook, he thought grimly. Once again he’d been a woman’s first. He knew there were men who never experienced that, and he’d done it twice. Cathy, and before her, Evelyn.
He didn’t want to think about his late wife. Not now, not with Cathy so soft and wonderful in his arms. But the lines were starting to blur. It wasn’t that he couldn’t tell the two women apart—it was that he was finding it difficult to remember the ground rules. He wasn’t supposed to be enjoying himself. He was supposed to be making up for the past, not repeating it. What happened now? What did she expect from him?
Cathy exhaled slowly. “I swear I’m suddenly so sleepy. But it’s the middle of the day.”
“It’s all right,” he said. “I’ll be right here, holding you.”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she murmured. She snuggled a little closer. There were a few moments of silence, then she whispered, “I love you, Stone.”
He forced himself not to react physically. Cathy sounded as if she was already fading fast, and he doubted she realized she’d said the words aloud.
He believed them, though. Ula had been right. He’d tried to convince himself otherwise, but his housekeeper had seen the obvious. Cathy had fallen in love with him. She’d given her heart to a scarred, broken man who had sworn never to love anyone again.
Now what? he wondered. Did he let her go or keep her close? He didn’t have the answer. He would miss her dreadfully if she was gone. He didn’t know which act would be kinder for her. Loving her back wasn’t an option. It wasn’t allowed and even if that issue was resolved, he wasn’t capable anymore.
Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her close and silently promised he would never hurt her the way he’d hurt Evelyn.
Chapter Thirteen
“You know, when he first mentioned this, I thought he was kidding,” Cathy confessed.
Ula glanced up from the list she was reviewing. “When Mr. Ward first spoke about the party to me, I wanted to ask if he was feeling all right.”
The two women smiled conspiratorially.
“It’s too late for him to change his mind,” Cathy said, pointing to the list of acceptances that had quickly followed the mailing of the invitations.
“No one has seen him in years. They’re all curious.” Ula raised her eyebrows. “Then there’s the issue of his new assistant. Word has spread since your meeting at the office two weeks ago. I can’t tell you how many people have asked about you when they called to accept.”
Cathy ducked her head, partially in pleasure, partly from nerves. She was glad the meeting had gone well and that she hadn’t embarrassed herself or Stone. While she wouldn’t mind meeting those people again, she was sure she wouldn’t remember any of their names, and how on earth was she supposed to fill an evening with small talk? Except for Stone, she wasn’t going to know anyone.
You can do this, she told herself. That was her new trick. When something new threatened to overwhelm her, she reminded herself of how far she’d come. In the past five months, her entire life had turned around. There was very little she couldn’t accomplish. And she was not about to come undone over a simple party.
Her gaze fell on the guest list, and she sighed. “Here I am giving myself a pep talk when the reality is there are going to be nearly two hundred people coming here. Where on earth will we put them?”
Ula waved her hand. “I’ve done this dozens of times. There are going to be tents set up on the grounds. The weather is perfect—warm in the day, but cooling slightly at night. A valet service takes care of the cars. I’ve hired the caterer. Best of all, you have your dress.”
Cathy smiled. The cream-and-gold off-the-shoulder gown had been in the window of the first store she’d gone to. She’d tried it on and known instantly that it was right. As if proving it had been made just for her, it hadn’t required a single alteration.
“Did you get your mask?” Ula asked.
Cathy nodded. “I picked it up yesterday, along with Stone’s.” While his was a large affair, designed to cover half his face, hers was a small wisp of silk and sequins and barely covered her eyes.
She laughed with delight. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to attend a masked ball.”
“Imagine how I feel,” Ula told her. The housekeeper rose and collected the coffeepot, then refilled each of their cups. “For three years, this house has been shut up as tight as a coffin. All of a sudden, Mr. Ward wants to throw a party.” Her expression softened. “Just like it used to be.”
“Did he and Evelyn entertain much?” Cathy asked.
“Some. Their wedding reception was held at the country club, but as soon as they moved here, they had a big open house. There were the usual Christmas parties and barbecues in the summer. Evelyn wasn’t one for entertaining, but she did it to please Mr. Ward. That woman would have done anything for him.”
“She loved him very much, didn’t she?”
Ula glanced at her, then returned the pot to the stand and took her seat. The slight pause told Cathy that the housekeeper was weighing her words carefully.
Cathy understood her reluctance. Not only did Ula not want to betray a confidence, but she was also caught in the middle of a new situation.
For the past two weeks, Cathy and Stone had been lovers. After that first afternoon, he’d asked her to move into his bedroom. She’d accepted gladly. While she understood the limitations of their relationship, she greedily wanted as much as she could get for as long as possible. He might not love her, but she cared about him deeply and she wanted to be with him.
So every evening, she retired to his bed. He pulled her close and they made love. Every night they slept cuddled together, bodies satisfied and entwined.
While Ula didn’t know the details, she was aware of the change in circumstances. She hadn’t commented, although she’d put Cathy’s clean laundry into the drawers of Stone’s dresser without being prompted.
“It’s all right,” Cathy told the other woman. “I didn’t mean to make things awkward for you. This is confusing for all of us.”
Ula nodded. “I know you have questions. Some I’m comfortable answering, but others, well, you’re going to have to talk to Mr. Ward. As for Evelyn, she did love him. Had since they were
children. He was all she’d ever wanted.”
Cathy found herself regretting the question. The information wasn’t a surprise, but still it felt strange to hear it. Probably because she didn’t know how to compete with Stone’s past. Telling herself it wasn’t a contest didn’t help at all. Because it was, and Evelyn had already won.
She held in a sigh. Night after night, Stone pulled her close and made love with her. Night after night, he touched her body, he kissed her, he taught her pleasures she hadn’t known existed. Night after night, they drifted to sleep without saying anything of importance. He never said he cared for her. Just that he wanted her. They were physically as close as two people could be, yet emotionally she felt as distant from him as ever. Her feelings hadn’t changed. If anything, they’d grown stronger and more secure. But his? She’d never known what he thought and now she was terrified to find out the truth.
Because he still loved Evelyn?
“Things would have been different if they’d had children, I think,” Ula was saying. “I know they both wanted little ones, but they weren’t in any rush. Then she was gone.” The phone rang. Ula shook her head. “Another acceptance. There are always those who call at the last minute.”
She rose to get the call. Cathy stared after her. Her mind had started racing as her blood drained from her head. For a second, she thought she was going to pass out.
Little ones, Ula had said. As in babies. As in she and Stone hadn’t once discussed the issue of birth control.
She sucked in a breath. It just hadn’t crossed her mind, she admitted. She’d been a virgin and had no experience in the matter. Stone had been celibate for years. Disease-wise they were fine, but what about being responsible adults and thinking ahead?
“The average teenager knows better than to do this,” she muttered under her breath as she stood up and gave Ula a quick wave.
Okay, so she couldn’t undo the past, but she could improve the future. She would go directly to her office and make an appointment with her gynecologist. She would go on the Pill and solve the problem. Thank the Lord no damage had been done.
*
Stone adjusted his mask and tried to tell himself he was having a good time. Nothing helped. The truth was he’d given the party for Cathy—in an effort to give her something fun to look forward to. He’d done it to show her he wasn’t completely cut off from the world, and maybe a little to show off. No expense had been spared.
None of the reasons were especially impressive, and he wasn’t proud of any of them. As the noise level increased and the crush of people grew, he was sorry he’d ever suggested the idea. He didn’t want these people in his home and on his grounds. He didn’t want the stares, the questions he wasn’t supposed to hear. There was curiosity, but that was manageable. More difficult were the looks and kind words from people he’d actually cared about. The ones who had tried to stay in touch with him after the accident. The ones he’d shut out by refusing their phone calls and not acknowledging their notes.
“Stone?”
He turned and saw Meryl Windsor walking toward him. Despite the mask and the full skirt of her costume, he recognized her.
“Hello, Meryl,” he said, and accepted the hand she held out.
She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “How on earth did you recognize me?” she asked. “It’s been years, and I was sure this was a perfect costume. At least as a disguise.”
“I remember what your voice sounds like.”
She pursed her lips together. “Done in by too many years at an English boarding school. I will forever be paying for that, in one way or another.” She sighed dramatically, then laughed. “My very proper English instructors never did approve of my humor.”
“I’ve missed it,” he said in an attempt to be polite, then he realized he was telling the truth.
She was a tall, stunning redhead who had been happily married for years. Her husband had once been a close friend. “How is Ben?” he asked.
“Fine. He sends his regrets. Business takes him to Paris.”
“Why aren’t you with him?” Meryl had always traveled with her husband.
“I wanted to go but the children have just started a new term and I hated to miss that. I simply had to take photos on the first day of school.” Her smile was impish. “Fortunately for you, my handbag was too small for me to slip them inside. Otherwise, I would torture you with them unmercifully. I’m quite the doting mother.”
“I remember that,” he said.
Meryl stepped close and linked her arm with his. “Oh, Stone. We’ve missed you. And I haven’t given up. I’m still regularly sending cards at the holidays, and I do call to check on you.”
“So Ula tells me.”
The tent was large, with a small combo at one end by the wooden dance floor. Round tables and crowds of people filled in the remaining space. She slowly led him to the edge of the tent.
“Stone, why do you insist on playing the martyr? No one blames you for what happened. I’m sure Evelyn doesn’t.”
He could always count on Meryl to be direct. But she didn’t know all the facts. He wished it could be different. He wished he could believe her.
“Are you still involved with your charity work?” he asked.
“That wasn’t even a subtle change in subject,” she chided, then obligingly talked about her efforts to raise money for the local children’s hospital.
At first he listened to her words, then a flash of light caught his attention. He looked toward the entrance and saw that Cathy had walked into the tent. She was surrounded by a group of young male admirers. She was incredibly beautiful, and as he watched her he found it hard to believe that she was a part of his life.
The overhead light caught the red highlights in her hair and made her skin glow. The off-the-shoulder gown she wore made her creamy skin look like satin. The shape of the small mask hid only her large eyes. She was a vision. That’s what he’d thought when he’d first seen her in the dress. So much so that desire had overwhelmed him.
He’d come up behind her, intent only on kissing her bare shoulder. But when he’d touched her, he was instantly aroused. She’d turned to face him and had seen the passion in his eyes. As always, she denied him nothing. Instead, she’d carefully pulled up the skirt of the gown to reveal stockings, a garter belt and a tiny scrap of silk pretending to be panties. The latter had been quickly pulled off. In seconds, he’d buried himself inside of her. He’d moved his hand between them, rubbing her sweet spot until she convulsed against him, the contractions of her release sucking him dry.
The memory was enough to make him want her again. It was always like this with her. He couldn’t get enough of her. Even knowing that she was in love with him couldn’t keep him away. And it should have. After all, he could never give her what she wanted…what she deserved.
“You’re not even pretending to listen,” Meryl said, and sighed. “At least Ben pretends.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was—”
“I know exactly what you were doing.” Meryl nodded toward Cathy. “Who is she, Stone? Are you letting go of the past at last?”
“She—” He paused, not sure how to explain Cathy. She was a friend. Someone who worked for him. She was also a project, his way to atone for what had happened before. She was to make up for Evelyn.
“She’s my assistant,” he said at last.
“Ah, so she’s the mystery woman. I’ve heard about her.” She patted his arm again. “I demand an introduction, and as soon as Ben returns from Paris, the two of you are to dine with us.”
He murmured something unintelligible. Meryl accepted it as assent, even though that wasn’t what he meant. He wouldn’t be going anywhere with Cathy. The party was special. The mask he wore offered him protection. But Meryl’s house would be different. Bright lights, unfamiliar surroundings, children to stare and be frightened. No, he wasn’t going to be visiting with them any time soon. But he wouldn’t spoil her evening by saying that. He wou
ld explain it all at another time.
When a handsome young man dressed like a matador claimed Meryl for a dance, Stone retreated to the far side of the room to watch the party. Cathy kept glancing at him, but he motioned for her to continue circulating and to enjoy herself. This party was for her, and he wanted her to have a good time.
He found pleasure in just watching her. He liked watching the young men flirt with her because he knew she wasn’t interested. Unfair and ignoble of him. After all, he wasn’t planning on claiming her emotionally or permanently. But for tonight he was pleased that while these other physically perfect specimens tried to capture her interest, her body was still wet from their lovemaking. He knew that as she walked she could feel the slight ache left over from the heated rush they’d shared only a few hours before.
He was playing a dangerous game. He knew that. He was having trouble keeping his distance. In time that was going to have to change. He would have to learn how to pull back again. For now he’d lost perspective. This was supposed to be about his late wife. He knew that. Yet somehow it had also become about him, and what he wanted, as well.
*
Cathy moved through the party with an ease she didn’t feel. Every time she tried to get close to Stone, he shooed her away to experience all the excitement on her own. As if being with him would get in the way of her fun. She frowned slightly. Didn’t the man realize that being with him was all she wanted? Obviously not, she thought, wondering why someone who could be so bright about business could also be so silly about women.
She put down the glass of sparkling water she’d been sipping and made her way to the exit. Across the lit path were double glass doors and the entrance to the ladies’ rest room. She had to admit this was the only private residence she’d ever been in with such a huge powder room. There was a sitting area, and two private stalls. She supposed the space had been designed for entertaining.
She stepped inside and checked her makeup. The lighting was soft and flattering. She touched her hair and fished in her small handbag to get her lipstick. The door opened and two women entered. Their costumes were elaborate, obviously rented from an exclusive store. They were tall, slender and very beautiful. Six months ago, Cathy would have found herself shrinking out of the way. But now she met their gazes in the mirror and smiled.
The Millionaire Bachelor Page 17
