When she reached the park, Tessa unleashed Bindy and Sparky and let them run free. She remained close by them, tossing their balls every now and then, but didn't find their antics as amusing as she normally did. Maybe she needed to talk with someone herself. But who?
Stephanie.
Tessa brightened immediately. Caught up in her own troubles, it had been a number of weeks since Tessa had talked with Stephanie or her mother, but now that Steph was back home on her mother’s hobby farm, maybe a visit would be just the thing. She could go first thing in the morning. Ben wouldn’t mind.
Ben was still sleeping when Tessa woke the following morning. She’d mentioned her plans to him the night before, and as expected, he encouraged her to go. She dressed quickly and placed a kiss on the top of his head before tiptoeing down the stairs and into her car.
It was a lovely spring morning, the type that made one feel happy to be alive, and beating the heavy traffic that would no doubt clog the highway heading north before too long made it even better. With the city behind her, Tessa began to relax, and by the time she’d reached the lush green Mary Valley a couple of hours later, having spent the time singing along with her favourite CD’s, her spirits had lifted and her outlook was more positive.
Pulling into the driveway of ‘Misty Morn’, Vanessa Trejo’s hobby farm, it seemed just yesterday she’d been here to visit Stephanie shortly after the accident. A wide spreading Poinciana tree in full bloom hung over the garden that on Tessa’s last visit had been awash with colour. Now, the flowers that had filled the verandah and gardens had been neglected, and instead of brightly coloured petunias, geraniums and daisies, the plants were long and straggly and weighed down by dead heads. Weeds threatened to choke whatever remained of the once beautiful plants. The thought suddenly hit her. That’s what was happening with her and Ben. The very life was being choked out of their marriage. Their marriage, which had been so beautiful and wonderful not long ago, was slowly being choked to death by their troubles. The thought made her feel ill in the pit of her stomach. They had to survive this. There was no option—the weeds had to go.
Pausing at the foot of the steps, Tessa steadied herself, inhaling the crisp country air and taking in the beauty of the surroundings. Lord, please breathe new life into our marriage. And please be with Ben while I’m away.
She turned, hurried up the steps and knocked on the door.
Mrs. Trejo’s eyes lit up when she opened the front door. "What a surprise! It’s wonderful to see you, Tessa.” She held out her arms and pulled Tessa into an embrace.
Tessa smiled broadly and returned Vanessa’s hug. “I hope you don’t mind. I probably should have called.”
“Don’t be silly, Tessa. Stephanie will be excited to see you. Come in and I’ll go wake her.”
“Oh, don’t do that. I can wait.”
“Nonsense, Tessa. She’ll want to see you. Come in and make yourself at home.” Mrs. Trejo’s voice trailed off as she hurried down the hallway.
Tessa placed her purse on the kitchen table and poured herself a glass of water, gazing out the window at the mountains in the distance. Last time she’d been here, she’d daydreamed about moving to the country, to a place like this. Maybe a change would do her and Ben good, especially if Jayden wasn’t coming back.
"Steph will be out in just a bit," Mrs. Trejo said upon returning to the kitchen a few minutes later. Besides a few wrinkles and age spots here and there, she looked the spitting image of her daughter.
"How is she, Mrs. Trejo?" Tessa glanced at the doorway, expecting Stephanie to come in at any second.
Mrs. Trejo’s expression changed and her eyes misted over. "She can’t move her legs at all, and the doctors don't think she’ll ever walk again.” She lifted her chin. “But apart from that, she’s doing well.”
Tessa reached out her hand. “Stephanie’s a strong girl, Mrs. Trejo. She’ll come through this.”
Mrs. Trejo nodded, dabbing at her nose with a balled up handkerchief she pulled from her apron pocket. “I’m sorry, Tessa, I still get very emotional when I think about her never being able to lead a normal life again. You know, going out on dates, getting married, having babies.” She sniffed. “Walking."
Tessa blinked back tears of her own. "Stephanie’s a beautiful person, Mrs. Trejo, and even if she never walks again, I'm sure she'll still live a fulfilling life. And you never know who she might meet. I’m sure there’s a special person out there who’ll love her just the way she is."
Mrs. Trejo responded with a half-smile. Tessa didn’t blame her. The likelihood of Stephanie marrying and giving her grandchildren was slim, but it was still early days. And nothing was impossible. Nothing. She herself needed to be reminded of that.
"How’s she getting around?" Tessa asked.
As if to answer, Stephanie wheeled herself into the sunroom. Seated in a motorised wheelchair with a brace around one of her legs, Stephanie flashed Tessa her old smile. "Hey, Tess."
Tessa's heart leaped. She jumped up and embraced Steph as best she could. "Oh, Steph, it’s so good to see you. I should have come earlier."
Stephanie wrinkled her nose as she took a glass of lemonade from her mother. "It’s fine, you’ve been busy." She laughed and caught Tessa's eye before turning away. "It's okay to stare, Tess. You're not used to seeing me this way, but I'm okay with it. I haven't let the accident change me, and I'm determined to stay strong even if I never walk again. It could have been a lot worse, you know. I could have died that night, but here I am and here you are. I've never been happier to be alive and I've never appreciated life more."
"You're so brave," Tessa said as she took a seat and squeezed Stephanie’s hand. "I'm very proud of you, Steph." But was Stephanie just putting on a brave face? How could she be so positive and upbeat after what had happened?
"So am I," Mrs. Trejo said. "The doctors may say you’ll never walk again, but I have hope that one day you will."
Stephanie shook her head and wagged a finger at her mother. "You and your hoping." She turned to Tessa. "Can you believe it, Tess? Mum's done nothing but look up all sorts of treatment options for me since I've been out of the hospital. If I do walk again, I'll have no-one to thank but her."
Tessa looked from the smiling face of Stephanie to Mrs. Trejo’s hopeful face. She’d been with them for less than an hour, but the visit was already doing her soul good.
“Come on, Tess, wheel me outside and let’s catch up.”
Tessa wheeled Stephanie down the ramp, a recent addition, Steph told her, to a flat grassy area where the views over the valleys to the rolling mountains in the distance took her breath away. Tessa settled Stephanie before sitting on a wooden bench beside her. She crossed her legs and turned to look at her friend.
“So, Steph, is it all an act?”
Stephanie burst out in laughter. “You know me so well, Tessa. But no, it’s not an act.”
“How are you doing it then? It must be horrible for you.”
Stephanie’s expression changed. “Yes, it is horrible. But you know what? I really meant what I said. It could have been a whole lot worse, but it’s given me a deeper appreciation of life, and even when the pain gets really bad, I cope with it. I already feel I’m a stronger person.” She shook her head and sighed. “I still can’t believe how I acted when I lost my job. I was so immature, and I let it get me down way too much.”
Tessa tilted her head. Should she ask? No, it was none of her business. The accident had been assessed as just that. An accident. If Stephanie had really intended to take her life, she’d tell her if she wanted to.
“I’m so impressed with how you’re handling it, Steph. Better than Ben and I are handling the situation with Jayden.” Tessa’s voice caught in her throat. She swallowed. How bad would it be to break down in front of Stephanie when it was Stephanie confined to a wheelchair and not her? Pull yourself together, Tess.
“Oh Tess. He’ll come back, I’m sure of it.” Stephanie held her hand to Tessa. “Ha
s Ben got his depression back?”
Tessa held a tissue to her eye and nodded.
“He’ll be okay, Tess. He’s a deep thinking man, and it just takes time for him to work through things. Is he seeing another counsellor?”
Tessa nodded again. “Yes, a male this time. Seems okay. But nowhere as good as you.” She forced herself to laugh.
“Yeah, right.” Stephanie chuckled. “I couldn’t even take my own counsel.”
“But look at you now, Steph. God’s going to use you, I’m sure of it.”
Stephanie’s smile broadened. “Thank you, Tess.” She paused, and held Tessa’s gaze. “Can I share something with you?”
Tessa’s heart began to pound. Surely not…
Stephanie must have seen the look of alarm on Tessa’s face. “No, it’s nothing bad. It’s good. Pastor Stanek came to visit me in hospital.”
Tessa relaxed as visions of the kindly old pastor came to mind.
“He challenged me. He asked if my anchor would hold in the storms of life. He knew it was one of my favourite hymns, and he quoted it back at me. It made me really think about whether my faith was just a fair weather faith, or whether it really would stand up now I was facing a storm. A hurricane, really.” Steph let out a small chuckle. “I have to admit it threw me at first, but then I decided. Yes, my anchor would hold. I know it’s not going to be easy, but whose life is? We all have our own journeys, some might be a little easier than others, but no-one gets through life on this side of heaven unscathed. So I just recommitted my life to God, and I know he’ll give me the strength to live each day, and to be thankful for everything I have.” Stephanie drew a slow breath. “Maybe that will help you too, Tess.”
Tessa couldn’t help herself. She burst into tears as memories of Stephanie sitting at the piano at her old church flashed through her mind. She could even remember Stephanie playing that very hymn. How easy it was to sing songs and hymns when everything was fine with your life. But how much more meaningful when things weren’t. Tessa blew her nose and turned her gaze to the mountains. How her life had changed since the break-up with Michael. Before then, her biggest challenge had been deciding what career to follow, and in the end, that had been an easy choice. When she’d accepted Ben’s proposal, she knew they’d face challenges, but she’d never expected Jayden to disappear with his mum and for their marriage to be under so much pressure so early on. And her miscarriage… Tessa’s heart grew heavy. But Steph was right—what good was a fair weather faith? God had never promised an easy life. In fact, Jesus himself had said that in this world there would be trouble, but to take heart, because he had overcome the world, and that in him, peace could be found. Tears pricked Tessa’s eyes. Would her anchor hold, or would she and Ben be swept away in the storm they were facing? She gulped and squeezed her eyes as Stephanie took her hand.
“It’s okay, Tess. God’s with you, and he’ll carry you and hold you firm. Just like he’s doing with me.”
Tessa nodded, unable to speak. She determined that her anchor would hold, and prayed that Ben’s would too.
Before Tessa left the following day, Stephanie and Tessa sat at the piano while Stephanie played all the old hymns they used to love singing at Gracepointe Church. When Stephanie began to play ‘Will Your Anchor Hold’, tears rolled down Tessa’s cheek as she sang, but without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that her anchor was grounded firm and deep in the Saviour’s love, and that despite whatever lay ahead, God was with her and she would make it through. She also weeded the garden with Stephanie’s mum.
Chapter 8
When Ben woke on Saturday morning and Tessa wasn’t there, he toyed with the idea of rolling over and going back to sleep. In fact, he was tempted to stay there all day. The lump that had formed in his stomach after hearing Preston’s news still lay heavy, and he just wanted to curl up and hide from the world. Jayden would never be coming home now. Regardless of Tessa’s constant optimism, the reality was that he’d messed up, and he’d lost his son. Forever. The pain in his chest was suffocating. The counsellor’s words flashed through his mind, ‘Try not to dwell on what’s happened. You can’t change that. The only things you can change are your attitudes, thoughts and reactions to what’s happened.’
Ben sighed and threw off the bedcovers. He placed his feet on the floor and perched on the edge of the bed. He placed his head in his hands. God, I’m giving you the situation. Please help me change my thinking, and help me get through this. You know how heavy my heart is and how bad I feel. I don’t know how to move forward, but I’ll trust you. A day at a time. Thank you.
He stepped into the shower, and as the warm water flowed over his body, some of his pain slipped away. When Ben stepped out, the cloud that had been his constant companion since the day Jayden left had lifted a little.
He’d been neglecting his daily Bible reading, but today Ben opened his Bible as he ate breakfast—outside on the deck with Bindy and Sparky lying next to him. Filtered sunshine reached him through the surrounding bushes and trees which seemed to have shot up all of a sudden. Ben blinked. Last time he’d noticed, they weren’t that big. How long had it been since he’d trimmed them? Ben quickly finished breakfast and found the electric trimmer in the garage and began trimming. By the time he finished, the pile of garden waste was almost as tall as him. Just as well they had a large garden bag. He bundled it up and carried it in several lots to the bag, all the while trying not to trip over the dogs. With Tessa gone, he probably had little choice but to take them out. After a quick break, he found their leashes and headed down the street towards the park.
He sidestepped around a young boy who’d stopped in the middle of the path on his training bike.
The boy’s father raced towards him and pushed the bike out of Ben’s way. “Sorry.” He gave Ben an apologetic look.
“No problem.” Ben smiled at him as Bindy and Sparky stopped for a pat from the boy. “How old’s your son?”
“Three. He keeps us on our toes.” The man chuckled.
Ben gave the man a wistful smile as a memory of pushing Jayden on a training bike not too dissimilar from this one flashed through his mind. “Enjoy him. He’ll grow up too quickly.” Pulling the dogs away from the boy, Ben gave a nod and continued his walk.
He let Bindy and Sparky take the lead and followed without thinking about where they were taking him. How had time passed so quickly? It didn’t seem that long ago since Jayden was just a little boy, learning to ride a bike. He pushed the memory away. No use dwelling on the past, especially when it would only make him sad again.
As Ben neared the river, the ringing of his phone sounded from his pocket. He stopped and pulled it out. A message from Eleanor. He clicked on it. Hi Ben. We know Tess is away, so wondering if you’d like to join us for dinner at Bussey’s tonight? Ben’s shoulders slumped. Tessa’s parents meant well, but could he handle being with them on his own without her there? Was he ready to begin talking with people again? He drew a slow breath, his gaze fixed on a ferry chugging slowly across the river. He should go. If he was determined to make changes, this would be the perfect opportunity to start. He hit reply and accepted.
Later that afternoon, Ben made his way to Bussey’s Seafood Restaurant. Eleanor and Telford were already seated, and waved to him when he arrived. He gave Eleanor a kiss and shook Telford’s hand before taking his seat.
“Guess you heard about the application?”
Eleanor touched Ben’s wrist lightly. “Yes, Ben, and we’re so sorry.”
Ben swallowed hard, pushing down the lump in his throat. “We kind of expected it, but getting a final answer was hard.”
“We can’t imagine how you’re feeling, Ben,” Telford said, his big bushy eyebrows moving in time with his mouth. “It’s hard enough for us with Elliott away, but he’s a grown man.”
Ben lowered his gaze to his hands.
“Telford, we agreed not to talk about it.” Eleanor’s voice was little more than a whisper.
Ben
looked up. “It’s okay, Eleanor. I’ve got to learn to deal with it, and to talk about it.”
“We’re all praying for you, son,” Telford said.
“Thank you.” Ben gave them both an appreciative smile.
“Shall we order?” Telford pulled the menus from the holder in the middle of the table and passed them out. “Not that we really need to look.”
Eleanor chuckled at her husband as a familiar, comfortable look passed between them, tugging at Ben’s heart. Would he and Tess look at each other like that after thirty years of marriage? He hoped so.
They ordered, and then chatted about things in general, until the conversation turned back to Jayden.
“We pray for him everyday, Ben. That he’ll make good decisions, and that harm won’t come his way. He’s a good boy, and he knows deep down where his family is.” Eleanor tapped Ben on the wrist again. “He’ll come home one day. I’m sure of it.”
“That’s what Tessa keeps saying. But I’m not so sure.”
“I’ve got some verses for you, Ben. You’ve been on my heart for weeks now, and I feel strongly that God wants me to share these verses with you. May I?” Eleanor’s warm, caring expression tugged at his heart. He’d grown to admire this woman, and any word of comfort or wisdom she could impart was more than welcome.
“Sure.”
She smiled broadly at him. “They’re from 2nd Corinthians 4, verses 16 to 18. You probably already know them, ‘Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’ Eleanor touched his arm again lightly and held his gaze. “Ben, we don’t know what’s going to happen with Jayden, but God does. And we have to trust him. In the meantime, I pray that you and Tessa will grow stronger together, and that God will renew you both inwardly every day. Fix your eyes on God, Ben, and allow him to do a wonderful work in your life. Telford and I would hate to see this situation tear you apart. Draw strength from God, Ben, and be assured he’ll never let you face more than you can bear.” She leaned back. “There, I’ve said more than I intended, I’m sorry.”
Tormented Love: A Christian Romance (The True Love Series Book 3) Page 5
