“Here have a seat. I’ll go get us some coffee while we wait.” Nate helps me to my seat and walks away.
Looking around, I can’t help but wonder what everyone else sitting here is waiting for. Are they waiting to hear the fate of a family member or is their loved one’s situation just a simple fix me up and send me on my way case?
“Riley,” Jon’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
I look up and take in his appearance. His right eye is swollen and he has a bruise on his cheek, letting me know he was in the ring tonight, too. What I notice the most though, is how tired he looks.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” I ask, turning toward him as he takes a seat.
Jon shakes his head, and by the look in his eyes I can tell he really isn’t sure of what answer to give.
I don’t say anything else. Besides, what is there to say as we wait to hear Mase’s fate? I find myself praying instead; something that I haven’t done in years. Closing my eyes, I keep my thoughts to myself as I beg God to let Mase be okay.
Jon ends the silence between us first. “Would you like me to ask Nate to run home and grab you a change of clothes?”
Turning to face him, I catch a look in his eyes that I can’t decipher. Is it disgust or concern? Looking down at myself in the bright waiting room light, I don’t feel as elegant now as I did when I walked into the restaurant. The fabric is taking on a more see-through appearance in this light, causing me to feel cheap and exposed.
Bringing my arms up, I cover my chest from being on display to the waiting room. “I’ll ask him when he comes back.”
Jon just shakes his head and walks across the room to take a seat away from me. How is it that a few minutes spent with him make me feel less confident?
Redirecting my thoughts to Mase, I forget about my dress and Jon. All of that shit is irrelevant while I wait to hear news on Mase. I just need to see him. I need to know he’s going to be okay, and if he is, I will never ignore another call from my stepbrother. I pushed him away for reasons that had nothing to do with him, and now I may never have the opportunity to fix our relationship.
“Riley, they’re calling for the family of Mase,” Nate says from next to me.
He must have just walked up as they were calling us, but I’m thankful he did because I didn’t hear them.
He reaches out for my hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you back, and once we know what’s going on, I’ll go get Kiley and take her home.”
With Nate’s fingers threaded through mine, I follow him as the doctor leads the way to a private room. The soft sound of footsteps lets me know that Jon is close behind. I wonder for a moment if they’ll let him stay, since he’s not related, but he deserves to be here more than I do. He’s never taken his friendship with Mase for granted. I can’t say the same for myself.
“Please, everyone have a seat,” the doctor says, taking a seat across from where we are lined up.
I swallow the lump in my throat and wrap my hands around the coffee Nate handed me on our way in. I usually find its warmth comforting, but there isn’t anything that could comfort me in this moment. The doctor gives us all a sad smile before taking a deep breath and sharing Mase’s fate with us.
“My name is Dr. Neil Lehn. I am the head trauma doctor working with Mase. He arrived at the hospital unconscious and had a seizure while in route to us. We’ve assessed him and sent for a CT scan of his brain and neck. Upon the radiologist’s review of his images, they’ve concluded that he received no damage to his cervical spine, but his brain scan did demonstrate a moderate hematoma on the left side of his brain.”
Jon scoots to the edge of his seat, folding his hands in front of him. “Well, what does that mean?”
“There are layers of tissue that surround the brain, and with some head traumas, blood can collect in those tissues. So there is bleeding under the skull, but not in the actual tissues of the brain. The bleeding lies between the two.” Dr. Lehn holds up a large film, covered in tiny images, pointing to an area for us. “See this here? This is normal brain tissue, but if you notice this area here, it looks different and is moderate in size.”
I can’t help but interrupt with the question that’s been on my mind since I heard the news of Mase’s injury. “Will he recover from this? Will he be okay?”
Dr. Lehn leans forward, giving me a sad smile. “I wish I could give you a definitive answer. However, the brain is a tricky organ, and the only thing that will tell us how Mase will recover is time. At this point, we are prepping him for the operating room. I think that it is best to go in and drain the subdural hematoma. He’s sustaining too much pressure on the brain. I want to go in, make a hole in his skull, and drain out the blood that is collecting there.”
“Wow, wait a minute. You want to put a hole in his head?” Jon asks, sounding unsure of the procedure.
“At this point, I feel this is the best way to treat Mase to get the best outcome,” he answers.
“Okay, let’s do it,” I say, not needing to hear a long drawn out explanation. If this is his best chance at recovery, then this is what needs to be done.
“What do you mean, ‘let’s do it’?” Jon jumps up from his seat and starts pacing the room. “Mase would not be okay with this.”
“It’s what’s best for him, Jon.” I look to the doctor for reassurance. “Right?”
“I believe this is the best option at this time.” Dr. Lehn stands, meeting Jon’s eye. “I assure you, we will do our best to care for your friend.”
“And there’s no other way?” Jon asks.
“This procedure is what’s best for Mase at this time. I’m sorry that this has happened.” Dr. Lehn looks to me after talking with Jon.
“Please, Doctor, help my brother.” I’m nervous and scared, but I know following their recommendations is what’s best.
Once the doctor leaves the room, silence consumes the small eight by eight holding room for families of trauma patients.
Nate turns to me. “Listen, it’s going to be a long night. I’ll head out now and grab Kiley to take her home for bed. If you need me I’m only a phone call away.”
His lips touch mine in a soft brief kiss, and then he turns around, shakes Jon’s hand, and is out of the room.
“We should have asked more questions. You can’t just show up here, and make decisions like that, without knowing how it will affect his fighting career.” Jon’s face is red and the veins bulge in his neck.
“It’s what’s best for him, Jon.” I try to keep my calm, but his anger is hard to ignore.
Jon responds through gritted teeth. “You don’t know what’s best for Mase.”
It’s been a long night. I’m still wearing my dress, feeling completely uncomfortable in it now, and my brother may not wake up from a fight he chose to enter. His choices landed him here and now I need to pick up the pieces.
Turning to face him, my arms crossed over my chest, I raise my voice. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for him, as I said.”
“And how would you know what’s best for him? When was the last time you even answered one of his phone calls. I know you don’t speak to him anymore. Is this what you do? Cut people out of your life and then make life-altering decisions for them, without thinking of anyone but yourself?” He spits as he speaks, he’s so angry.
My face falls and my anger slowly fades, as guilt seeps through my veins. Every word he speaks is true. I came in here like Mase’s doting sister, whom he speaks to everyday. I made a decision based on the doctor’s recommendation and how it would bring Mase back to me for a second chance, no matter the consequence.
I didn’t think about what Mase would want. I didn’t think about how he would live a life without fighting, if this surgery would end his career. I didn’t ask one question about the risks involved and Jon’s right. I should have.
My stomach flips and I feel a heaviness in the pit of my stomach. Have I always been so selfish?
Walking over, I flop down into a seat
, burying my face into my hands, and cry. “You’re right.”
Hearing his next words, kill me. “It’s too late, now.”
He’s matter-of-fact. Leaving no room for discussion, and no doubt that he means, I’m too late in every way. Hurting the people you love, intentionally or not, crushes your heart in a way that’s hard to describe. I’m not sure if mine has ever beat right, but it just skipped a beat so hard, its rhythm now feels unsteady.
Every choice I’ve made in my life has been wrong when it comes to the people I love. I’m thankful there have only been a few people to be tainted by the love that I give. Reagan is the longest ‘healthy’ relationship I’ve had and it’s still not perfect. While we care for each other deeply, we don’t trust one another explicitly. She doesn’t know the real me, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to share my real story with her.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be here, Riley. I thought you should, but now I see it was a mistake. You should go,” Jon says, soberly and with no emotion.
My words crack as emotion barrels up my throat, uncontrolled and raw. “Please don’t make me go.”
Thirteen
Jon~present day
I had to walk away. Her presence brings back memories I would love to forget. Her ability to ruin all she touches plays strong in my mind. Now she’s making decisions about my best friend’s life.
Why wouldn’t she ask questions about what this surgery will mean for Mase? What if he can’t risk fighting again? That’s all I can think about, because I know what it’s like. I loved fighting when it was taken from me, along with my freedom, for almost four long years. Once I got out though, I was filled with an extreme amount of rage; I wasn’t a safe opponent to go up against. I knew better than to put myself back in the cage.
I made a promise to myself that if I could ever return to my hometown, then I could fight again. It took a few years to work through the betrayal that cost me everything. I’m in a better place, but still fragile in the sense that Riley can easily flick the switch to send me right back to my lowest point.
Fuck her.
I guess she never grew out of listening to what she was told to do. Typical Riley. She had no right to make decisions about Mase’s care. I hope she listened and left. I can’t have her here. Having Mase hurt is hard enough on me. I need to have a clear head so I can be here for him. I need to make the right decisions as far as he’s concerned.
I wander around the hospital until I come across a small coffee shop. Knowing it’s going to be a long night, I grab myself a hot cup. I drink it black, something I became used to over the years. I’ve learned to not need many fancy things in life and can get by on just the basics. Plus, I’m a man.
I haven’t been gone long, but I’m battling myself on whether I should go back, to make sure she followed my request, or to wait it out a little longer in case she’s still around.
Against my better judgment, I head back to the waiting area we were put in, and for once in her life, she didn’t listen. I don’t know what to say or do. I know I can’t sit next to her and act like everything is okay. Again, I’m here for Mase. My focus needs to be there. Nothing good will come out of us being around one another.
Walking in, I sit across the room from her. I sit here for what feels like days, waiting quietly to hear some news on my best friend. Mase’s doctor finally graces us with his presence and walks directly over to where Riley is seated.
Of course he goes to her. Her tits are practically on display in that damn slip of a dress she’s wearing. I never thought she’d turn out to be cheap, but that’s how she looks tonight, and it has nothing to do with how bitter I feel. It makes me wonder about her boyfriend, Nate, and what his real intentions are.
“Jon, please come over here. Dr. Lehn has an update for us,” Riley says, with a sweet and innocent voice.
Apparently, she’s a fraud now, too. Pushing thoughts of her to the back of my mind, I take the seat next to her.
Dr. Lehn nods his head at me, acknowledging my presence. “Surgery went as well as can be expected. We were able to decrease the intracranial pressure. I’m going to keep Mase in an induced coma for the next twenty-four hours, and then we will evaluate, and possibly slowly wake him while monitoring his response.”
“Are there any lasting effects from this or will he be able to return to his normal life?” I ask, worried Mase will never be the same after this.
“The brain is an unpredictable organ. We’ll have to evaluate as we go. Let’s just hope for the best,” Dr. Lehn replies.
He’s not giving me much information and it’s hard to not want answers now. I bite my tongue, refraining from asking all the questions running through my brain. I’m trying to just focus on the fact he responded well to the surgery and hope for the best turn out once he’s awake.
My knee bounces from my nerves, and I swallow the lump in my throat as I fight off my emotions. Mase is my best friend and the only person who has stood by me throughout all the bullshit I’ve faced. I used to be close to my family, but even they cut me out when I was locked up. I haven’t been able to bring myself to contact them since I got my life together.
Without Mase, I feel like I’ll be back at square one. I need him to wake up. I need him to be okay.
“Jon?” Riley calls my name, dragging me from my thoughts.
Turning I meet her red-rimmed eyes. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you. I won’t get in the way again, I promise. Just, please let me stay.”
Shaking my head in response, I don’t have the energy to fight her on it.
“Did you hear the doctor before he left?” Riley asks, her small hand landing on the back of my shoulder.
I wish she wouldn’t touch me. “No.”
A timid smile graces her lips. “Once Mase is out of recovery and in a room, we can go up to see him. I know he won’t be awake, but maybe he’ll know you’re there. I know that will give him strength. The two of you have always been such great friends, like brothers.”
I can’t help but be honest with her in this moment. Mase needs all the strength and support he can get. “Please stay. He misses you. I know he’ll fight to wake up to see you.”
We wait for what seems like a week but in reality is just hours. Riley disappeared during our wait for a short time before returning in a more hospital appropriate outfit, leggings and a long T-shirt, catching me off guard. She looks more like the girl I used to know before everything turned into shit.
When a woman walks into the waiting area and calls out for the Mase’s family, Riley turns to me, offering me a smile that makes my stomach twist. I stare back, not understanding my body’s response. Maybe it’s just the fatigue from all of the stress. I need more coffee.
We follow the woman through several hallways before we approach a room with the curtain drawn. I’m scared to walk in, but luckily our escort asks us to wait before entering, saying the nurse will be right over to talk to us.
“Hi, my name is Ellie. I will be taking care of Mase during my shift. Both of you are more than welcome to sit with him. There are two chairs in the corner. Please, no more than two at a time. His brain needs rest, so please no stimulation of any sort. No touching him and no talking unless it’s a very small whisper. If you need to step out and discuss anything, there is a visitors’ waiting area right through those doors.” Ellie points back out to the hall we just entered through. “Any questions?”
“No, thank you, Ellie,” Riley answers; then pulls back the curtain to enter Mase’s room.
I see the foot of his bed, but that’s it from where I’m standing. I don’t know if I can go in. Looking up at Riley’s face, my stomach drops. Her face twists in pain; her hand covers her mouth as she silently sobs to not disturb Mase.
Without thinking about it, I walk to her, pulling her into my arms. Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s to support her or myself. She buries her face into my chest and I rest my head next to hers. I hold on tight, afraid to pull away and catch a glimpse o
f Mase. I’m not sure I can handle seeing him lying there.
I feel Riley start to settle in my arms, and it takes me back to when life was good and things were simple. Just the simple touch of my hand would ease her in some way. The hardest part about what happened between us is that she stopped trusting me. She believed things about me from a person that made her life miserable.
Pulling away, I force myself to take in Mase’s room. It’s stark white with two chairs sitting in the far corner. There are monitors and equipment everywhere. There’s so much stuff, I’m not sure what most of it does. It’s overwhelming.
Against every fiber of my being, I force myself to turn and take in Mase. My heart thunders in my chest, painfully. Clenching my jaw, I fight back the tears begging to stain my cheeks.
He looks small in the hospital bed, under all the blankets, wires, and tubes. His head is wrapped and his face swollen. The echo of the monitors beeping taunts me. Did that pause in between last longer than the one before? What if the power goes out? What will happen to him then?
Mase is the most important person in my life right now. It’s hard to think that the man who has always had my back, is the man that I’m looking at right now lying in this bed. Mase is the strongest person I know. This can’t be him. If I hadn’t been there when he fell to the mat, I wouldn’t even believe I was in the right person’s room. He resembles a familiar stranger.
A hand swipes at my cheek. Turning away from my best friend, I look into Riley’s eyes. Eyes that look just as broken as I feel. One single tear won the fight and slid down my cheek, it’s strange that she was the one to catch it. She’s caused many tears to fall herself.
I’m losing control in this stressful and heartbreaking situation, and my tears begin to run freely. She reaches up now with both hands, cleaning my cheeks with her thumbs. I want to be okay with this, but I’ve trained myself to not trust this woman.
Grabbing both her wrists in my hands, I squeeze hard enough to stop her movements, but not hard enough to hurt her. I can’t speak, and not because we shouldn’t while in Mase’s hospital room. My throat is clogged with emotions begging to bubble out. I’m swallowing them down. If I tried to speak, they would cross the barrier I’m weakly holding in place.
Fighting My Affections Page 10
