by Diana Currie
I blushed again and fumbled for the right words. The only person I’d had a stare down with today was Shane. Had he told her anything about our conversation? I couldn’t believe that he had.
“I think Riley might have a little crush on you,” she clarified sensing my agitation.
“Oh,” I gave a nervous laugh. “What makes you say that?”
“He’s come over here four times for something to drink, Hannah. How thirsty do you think he is?” she asked giggling. “And he’s tried to talk to you every time.”
“Huh. I guess I’m not good at reading the signals.”
“Well I am, so trust me. He’s into you. You should get Ethan to fix you up,” she suggested.
“I just don’t think he’s my type. Every time he finishes one of those sodas he crushes the can on his forehead.”
“That’s a shame because he’s really cute,” she replied.
“Yeah, he’s very good looking,” I agreed.
“Not as attractive as Shane, of course,” she said smiling.
“That’s for sure,” I blurted without thinking. She looked at me with a puzzled expression and I didn’t know what to say.
“You’ve known Shane since high school, right?” she asked.
I nodded. “That’s right.”
“You must tell me, did he have a lot of girlfriends in high school?” she asked curiously.
“No one serious; he dated a lot though. All the girls had crushes on Shane.”
“Including you?”
I coughed awkwardly. Why was she asking me this? Did it really matter? She’s been dating Shane for a month now. It was pretty obvious he’d made his choice.
“I’m sorry to pry, Hannah, it’s just that… I like Shane a lot and I’m a little worried. The way you two talk about each other and…” She looked down at her hands as if this was hard for her to say. “I’ve noticed that you look at him the same way that I do.”
“Oh. Well, Julie, you don’t have anything to worry about there. Shane and I are just friends,” I assured her.
“So you two have never… kissed or anything?” she asked doubtfully.
I knew I was a terrible liar. I paused just a moment debating how to respond. “Maybe you should be talking to Shane about this,” I said. It clearly wasn’t the answer she was hoping for.
“Okay, so that is a yes,” she replied with a slight edge to her voice. “So you two have kissed. Is there anything else I should know about, Hannah? What about sex?”
“I’d rather not talk about this. Shane’s sex life is none of my business.”
“Did it used to be?” she pressed.
I stood up and nervously shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. “I should really go get the guys some lunch.”
“I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you but my boyfriend has a girl for a best friend and I just can’t stop wondering if there’s ever been more to it than friendship. You’ve slept with him, haven’t you?”
“I really have to get the food. These brownies aren’t going to hold the guys over much longer,” I said as I turned away from her.
I knew she would read my actions as fleeing her questions but I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I jogged over to Rachel and asked her to take me to the sandwich shop around the corner to get some hoagies for everyone. She told me Ally was bringing lunch and should be there any minute. I was desperate to get out of there, and as I stared at the parking lot entrance wishing Ally to appear, someone tapped me on the back. I swung around to find Shane standing behind me. He was smiling and, damn him, his shirt was even wetter than before. The fabric clung to his skin leaving me weak in the knees.
“Hannah?” he said trying to get my attention. I forced my eyes to look up to his face. “Are you and Julie getting along?” he asked hopeful, ignoring my ogling. I knew he wanted us to be friends. He looked over at her, still sitting by the snack table, and waved.
“Yeah, Shane. Um, did you tell Julie about… you know, what happened after Ally’s party?” I whispered.
“No, Hannah. I promised you no one would find out. Why would you ask that?” He had taken my arm and pulled me a little further away from the others. I looked back at Julie and her expression was not exactly pleased.
“Because, Shane, she knows,” I replied angrily.
“Hannah, how would she possibly know that?”
“She was fishing for information about us. She put me on the spot and when I refused to answer her questions I basically confirmed her suspicions. You need to talk to her.”
He groaned and I sighed in relief. Ally had arrived.
“I’m sorry if I caused any problems with you two. I didn’t mean to, I swear.” I looked over at Ally pulling bags of food from her passenger seat. “I’ve got to get out of here. I’m gonna have Ally drive me home.”
He looked confused and didn’t say anything more, so I turned away from him and ran over to Ally.
“Hey Hannah!” she sang.
“Hey, Ally. Thank you so much for bringing lunch!”
“Oh, sure. I’m sorry I missed the fun this morning. Rachel said you’ve had a lot of people come through.”
“Yes, it’s been a good turnout,” I replied. “Al, I know you want to stay a while but can you do me a huge favor and drive me back to campus first? I need to do some stuff.”
She gave me a funny look but agreed. I had her drop me off on campus, a good fifteen minute walk to the house. I wanted to give myself a chance to gather my thoughts and I figured a walk might help clear my head. Ally looked concerned as I stepped out of her car.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” I assured her.
“You know you can talk to me if something is wrong. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t handle hearing about your problems. If you need someone to talk to I’m here,” she reminded me.
Everyone had been walking on eggshells around Ally lately. We didn’t want to cause her any additional stress. Even without her current situation, I doubted she would want to help me sort out my unfortunate and intense desire to bed her brother.
I thanked her for the ride and shut the door. I started walking in the direction of our house but after a few minutes decided I was enjoying the walk and wanted to prolong it, so I took the long way around the student center and science building. Along the way I thought about Julie’s probing questions. Was I really that transparent to her? She said she noticed something in the way Shane and I interacted with one another. How had she figured it out in a little over a month’s time? It took Rachel and Ethan years to figure out my feelings for him. Little Ally was still clueless. And honestly, so was Shane himself. Maybe Julie could sense my feelings for her boyfriend because she felt the same way for him? Perhaps only another girl who was as in love with Shane as I was could notice the signs.
I was pondering this theory as I passed the entrance to the science building. I was looking ahead of me when I heard someone call my name. I glanced over my shoulder and was surprised to find Aiden coming out the double doors of the building waving to me. I wasn’t really thrilled to see him just because I was in the middle of a spectacular sulk-fest and wasn’t nearly done. He closed the distance between us and greeted me with a classic Aiden smile, ear to ear. I put on my best happy face.
“Hey, Aiden!”
“What are you doing on campus on a Saturday? You working?”
“No, I was actually walking back from the Sigma Phi car wash. What about you?”
“Oh, I had to work on a project with my lab partner,” he explained. “Can I walk with you?”
I chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Aiden, you live over there. You’d be going completely out of your way.”
“I know,” he shrugged. “It’s just nice to see you outside of class.”
He took a step forward and motioned for me to follow. I smiled at him and complied with his request. It was hard saying no to Aiden.
“I have to warn you, I’m not in a very good mood.”
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��Why? What happened?” he asked sounding concerned.
I shouldn’t have said anything because I certainly didn’t want to burden Aiden with my Shane problems, but Aiden was so easy to talk to that I found myself actually wanting to open up a little. That had been one of the best parts of my short, confusing relationship with him; his loving, open, pure soul.
“I’m just having a bad day. That’s why I left the car wash early,” I said.
“No one offered to drive you home?”
“Ally drove me part of the way. I asked her to let me walk so I could think.”
“Sounds bad,” he replied. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
I smiled at him. “No. Thanks. This is good, just walking with you.”
I changed the subject by asking about his sister. He told me how she was finishing up her final semester of college and planning to move home to help run their father’s business. Aiden hadn’t told me much about his life in his hometown so I asked about his friends and family, anything to keep him talking so that I didn’t have to. He filled me in on what Keith and Ron were doing this semester, and told me a little about his father joining the town council. I had a lot of questions about that and it kept Aiden chatting all the way to my doorstep.
“Thanks for walking me home, Aiden,” I said sincerely.
“My pleasure. See you in class.”
He turned to leave and I stuck my key into the lock.
“Hey, Hannah?”
I turned around. “Yeah?”
“Do you wanna do something with me tonight? We could get dinner and then go see a movie?”
I hesitated for a moment. Hadn’t I put this poor guy through enough?
“Just as friends,” he amended. “I was just thinking if we went out and had fun tonight maybe we could salvage the crappy day you’re having.”
I grinned at him and nodded. “Okay, I could use some fun.” That was the understatement of the year.
“I thought so. Pick you up around 7?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Aiden.”
He said, “See you tonight,” and walked down the driveway headed back in the direction we had come.
I let myself into the house and was thankful it was empty. I assumed my roommates would be at the car wash for at least another hour. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went upstairs to my room. I tossed my clothes into the hamper and walked across the hall to the bathroom. I hadn’t showered that morning since we left so early and the hot water felt good on my neck and shoulders. I made sure to shave my legs and all the other important places. Smooth legs were not my top concern after Shane started seeing Julie. I washed my hair with my favorite scented shampoo. With nothing better to do and the house to myself I took extra time in the bathroom, painting my toenails a deep pink and plucking my eyebrows. After experimenting with Ally’s makeup I shoved it all back in the medicine cabinet and flopped down on my bed, one towel around my body and another on my head.
I don’t know how long I lay there thinking about Shane and Julie, and Ally, and Aiden. At some point I looked over at the clock and it was after three so I must have fallen asleep. My hair was still damp having been wrapped in the towel so I shook it out and ran my comb through it until the tangles were gone. Finding something to wear on my non-date with Aiden proved to be difficult. Browsing through the Ally-approved side of my closet, I picked out a teal v-neck sweater that looked modest enough and would look good with jeans. I didn’t remember buying it and wondered how it even came to be in my closet. I pulled the sweater on over a plain white bra and draped a couple long silver necklaces around my neck. I squeezed into my dark blue jeans and chose black shoes with a slight heel, taking Aiden’s height into consideration.
I grabbed my assigned reading for English 2 and got comfortable on the couch. Before I knew it the clock read 6:45 so I hopped up and did a final check of my appearance in the bathroom mirror. I had no idea where Rachel and Ally were. I thought for sure they would have come home by now. I sent them both a text to find out where they were and let them know I wasn’t going to be home when they got back. My social calendar was so bare that if they came home to find me gone they’d probably assume I’d been abducted by aliens. Even to me that seemed more likely an explanation than my being out on a date. I mean a non-date.
I received a text from Ally a few minutes later telling me they went back to Sigma Phi to hang out with the guys. I thought about asking her if Shane and Julie were there too but couldn’t think of a legitimate reason for my curiosity so I didn’t respond.
Aiden was right on time and we drove in his car to a restaurant he picked downtown. He had the windows down halfway despite the brisk air. Aiden was making small talk about the old car he was hoping to finish restoring over summer break. I had a mental image of Aiden shirtless in his garage back home, leaning against that car, wiping the grease from his hands. I breathed deep as the smell of Aiden’s familiar cologne made my fantasy that much more appealing. I had to quickly think about something else to chase away the vision. I chided myself, thankful Aiden was still going on about engine parts.
I was more comfortable during dinner because Aiden was talkative and cheerful the whole night. He appeared to be more relaxed during our dinner conversation than even while we were dating. He wanted to hear about how my friends and family were doing. He asked about my dad. I told him all about Ally and the baby. Aiden had never met Ally but I’d talked about her often enough that he knew how important she was to me. Our discussion on Ally inevitably led to Shane.
For the first time that evening Aiden looked nervous as he asked me if anything had transpired between me and Shane in the last six months. I felt comfortable and excited about the newfound ability for Aiden and me to be friends that semester so I wanted to be upfront and honest with him. I worried that my honesty would be hard for him to handle but I was determined not to hide my real feelings from him anymore. So, I admitted that I had slept with Shane.
Aiden’s face twisted in mild disgust as I briefly recapped the events of Ally’s party and how I wound up with Shane in my bed. He was angry and accused Shane of using me for his own pleasure, but I assured him that wasn’t the case. Although it had been Shane’s idea to have sex that night it was me who mentioned I was ready to have sex in the first place. I remembered how disturbed Shane had looked when I told him I’d been hoping Aiden would be the one.
“I don’t understand then, Hannah. You two didn’t get together after that?” he questioned.
I shook my head. “We agreed it was something we’d share as friends. I think he might have some kind of feelings for me though. We sort of discussed it not too long ago but he had just met someone else. And he’s choosing to be with her right now.”
Aiden actually looked sympathetic for the first time since Shane’s name came up. “I’m sorry, Hannah.” He reached out and covered my hand in his. “Have you dated anyone else?”
I smirked and said, “No. You?”
He shrugged. “I’ve asked a few girls out but nothing serious. Enough about dating, I’m supposed to be cheering you up tonight,” he reminded me.
Aiden paid the bill refusing to let me contribute at all and then we walked to the movie theater. Rain was falling in a light sprinkle so we huddled closely under Aiden’s small umbrella. I could still smell his light cologne as we walked and heat was radiating from his body. It felt nice to be close enough to someone to feel the warmth of his body and it made me realize how lonely I’d been since Aiden and I were together. We chose a suspense movie, one of those that always leads you to believe something is going to happen and then surprises you at the end. Aiden’s arm brushed mine on a few occasions as we both attempted to claim the armrest that separated us. He snickered each time he successfully elbowed my arm out of his way.
We reviewed the movie all the way back to Aiden’s car. He claimed to have known what the surprise twist was from the very beginning and I told him he was full of shit. He laughed and wrapped his arm a
round my shoulder in an attempt to shield me from the rain that was now falling steadily around us. His umbrella was doing little to keep us dry the way the wind was gusting the rain at an angle. I had to maintain a light jog to keep up with Aiden’s wide strides as we approached the parking garage near the restaurant. Once we were safely inside the garage Aiden let go of my shoulder and shook out the umbrella. He looked at me intensely as he held the passenger door open, like there was something he wanted to get off his chest.
The ride home was filled with more lighthearted discussion. He talked sports and current events. He even asked what books I was reading for my literature courses. As his car was approaching my house I was silently convincing myself that Aiden and I could be friends. We may have missed our chance at being a couple but that didn’t mean other parts of our relationship didn’t work. I really enjoyed being with Aiden and I was surprised at how easy it had been to spend time with him again. He had been the one to end our relationship when it became too hard to ignore our problems, but was also the one who had decided to sit next to me in our class and invited me out tonight. I would feel so much better about everything I did that had caused him pain if in the end we became good friends.
I noticed Ally’s and Rachel’s cars were both parked out front of our house as Aiden pulled up. He had to park on the street since both parking spaces were taken. He shifted the car into park and turned the engine off.
“I had fun tonight, Hannah.”
“I owe you, Aiden. You really did make me feel better.”
“I’d do anything for you... I’ve missed hanging out with you,” he replied.
“So have I.” I wanted to say something about how I thought we could be good friends now that our attempt at being a couple was behind us, but before I could gather my thoughts Aiden spoke again.
“I never stopped wanting you, all this time we’ve been apart. I thought I was doing the right thing by breaking it off when we got back to school but the truth is that being away from you has just made me miserable for a long time.”
“Aiden,” I said, trying to stop him there.
