by Diana Currie
I left for Baltimore the last week of May. It was like a breath of fresh air seeing my mother. We spent so much time at the beach soaking up the sun and talking that after a few weeks I actually had tan lines for the first time since high school. My mother proved to contain a wealth of knowledge about men and dating. Rachel and Andrea are great, but only a girl’s mother can stay honestly interested as you ramble on about every little detail of your life. I think my mom was ecstatic that I was finally opening up to her. Little by little over my stay there I explained to her everything about my relationships with both Shane and Aiden.
I felt lonely being away from Aiden even though I was with my mother. We talked every few days while I was in Baltimore but the three hour time difference sometimes made it difficult to find opportunities to talk. Sometimes I got the feeling that he wanted our conversations to end before I did. I told myself it was because he was having such a good time in California. He told me about all the interesting things he was experiencing and learning there. It did sound like a beautiful place.
I called Shane on his birthday in June. I’d talked to him a few times since I’d left but it was mostly in reference to Ally’s shower.
“Happy Birthday, Shane!” I said enthusiastically.
“Hey, Hanny. Thank you,” he replied. It was so good hearing his voice.
“So, 21, huh? You have big plans for tonight?”
He laughed. “Ethan and Jack are making me buy them beer and the three of us are going to celebrate at Ethan’s house.”
“Well, that’s what you get for being the first to turn 21. You end up supplying your underage friends with liquor on your birthday,” I joked.
“Yeah, at least my parents are taking me out to dinner first.”
“Yes, it’s not wise to start drinking on an empty stomach,” I agreed.
“That’s for sure.”
“I better not catch you on Skype later tonight,” I chuckled.
Shane groaned but then laughed saying, “To be safe you better not sign on either.”
I was glad we were in a place where we could finally joke about that night. We talked for a few more minutes before he had to go.
*~*
Fourth of July in Baltimore was spectacular. Mom took me to the Inner Harbor where the fireworks were shot off over the water. We had a great time but I really missed not being able to join the Decker’s annual party.
I was happy to be heading home by the second week of July. I was practically bouncing out of my seat when my old truck brought me back into New Jersey. Partly because I couldn’t wait to get out of the old worn bucket seat, but mostly it was I was eager to be back in Jersey. I missed my bedroom at Lenny’s place, all those pine trees, the stupid well water and septic tanks, and all my friends. It was time to put the second part of my summer plans into action. I wanted to see Andrea and Steve, Jessa, and I was dying to see how big Ally’s belly had gotten since I last saw her.
I called Aiden as soon as I reached the house so he knew I’d arrived safely. We had another short conversation while I waited for Rachel to show up. She wanted to welcome me back since Lenny was working. As we were saying goodbye he told me that he missed me. I smiled into the phone and told him the same.
“Welcome home, Hanny,” Rachel greeted me with a hug.
“Thank you for coming to see me. Lenny forgot what day I was driving back.”
She laughed. “No problem. I have lots to catch you up on anyway,” she said raising an eyebrow.
We talked while I started a load of laundry and tidied up the house. My dad had not kept house while I was away. Shocker. I was going to have to have a stern talk with him about housework. We discussed baby shower arrangements for a few minutes since the party was only three days away. My responsibility was invitations and RSVP’s so I’d called Elise before I left Baltimore with the final head count. I asked Rachel how the table centerpieces turned out and she gave me a quick description before getting down to the business of filling me in on all the town gossip.
“Jessa cheated on Mark! The whole town knows. Apparently this guy she’s been seeing at CU posted pictures of them together on his Facebook page and tagged her in them. Mark saw them while he was at work and freaked out in front of customers.”
“Oh my God,” I said. “How could she do that to poor Mark?”
“I want to know how stupid that CU guy must be for posting the evidence online,” Rachel chuckled.
“Maybe Jessa never even told him she had a boyfriend back home,” I suggested.
“Well, Mark dumped her, obviously. He’s been hanging out with Shane a lot since it happened.”
“Really?” That took me by surprise. We were all friends in high school but I knew Shane never thought very much of Mark. “I can’t picture that,” I replied.
Rachel laughed again. “I know, right! They’ve been bonding over both losing their girlfriends recently.”
I groaned. “They haven’t been talking about me, have they? I know Mark had a thing for me in high school.”
“Not that I’m aware of but every time I mention your name their ears perk up,” she warned.
Ugh. Why did Elise decide to have guys at Ally’s shower? It would be so much easier if it was just going to be the girls there Saturday.
“So what other news do you have?” I asked eager to change the subject.
“Jack’s going to propose on Saturday,” she said grinning ear to ear.
“At the shower?”
“Yep. He has it all planned out. I helped, of course. You can’t tell anyone because only Jack and Elise know besides me.”
“I can keep a secret,” I assured her. Now I understood why Shane and the other men were invited.
“How have your parents been handling the pregnancy?”
“Better than before. They’re still angry Jack’s leaving Stanford. He’s going to take online courses from UD in the fall so he can stay in Pittsgrove with Ally. I think he’s moving into the Decker’s house once the baby’s born,” she explained.
“Do we know if it’s a girl or boy yet? Last time I talked to Ally she still refused to find out.”
“Nope, still a mystery. Jack wants to know so badly,” she laughed. “Ally wants to be surprised.”
“Well, she’s certainly going to get a surprise on Saturday!” I replied.
I was excited for the party. Ally was going to flip out when Jack proposed. Rachel stayed at the house for a couple hours and I thanked her again for visiting me.
“Remember, be at the Decker’s house at 5 o’clock! Jack’s bringing her back to the house at 6 so we all have to be ready,” she reminded me.
“Got it. See you then.”
*~*
On Saturday I did some more cleaning and went to the grocery store. I made Dad a nice lunch and we talked a little. Aiden called me around 2 o’clock and I ran upstairs to talk with some privacy.
“Hey, Aiden,” I answered.
“Hey, Hun. How are you?”
“Good. I’ve been doing some chores around the house and tonight is Ally’s surprise party.”
“Oh, right,” he said. “She hasn’t figured it out yet?”
“I don’t think so, but Ally is very perceptive. Even if she knows there’s a party I’m still certain she’ll end up being surprised,” I said thinking of Jack’s plans to propose. I wanted to tell Aiden since it was unlikely telling him would get back to Ally but I wasn’t taking any chances.
“I’m sure it will be great,” he replied. “I’m sorry I can’t be there.”
“I know. Everyone misses you.” With one exception, I thought to myself.
“I bet,” he laughed, reading my mind.
“So what are you working on out there? What’s it like?” I asked, changing the subject.
“It’s been awesome, Hannah. We were studying the elk here in the reserve for a few weeks. I had to examine their habitat and how they hunted. It’s amazing how every animal has a purpose in their environment. Their
diet keeps the vegetation under control, and the coyotes feed off the elk, and all the animals that die return to the earth for new vegetation to grow.”
I chuckled under my breath. Aiden really did love his nature. “The circle of life, right?” I commented.
“Yep, pretty much. And you should see this place. It’s gorgeous. I don’t think there’s been one humid day since I’ve been out here; so different than New Jersey.”
“Sounds like you’re diggin’ southern Cali.”
“I could see myself living here someday. Some things remind me of the Pine Barrens. We’re living in log cabins right in the heart of the park.”
“Cabins? Like summer camp?”
He laughed. “Yeah, kinda. All the other interns are here in this little campsite with me. We’ve been having bonfires at night to keep ourselves entertained. The nearest movie theater is an hour away.”
“No wonder I haven’t heard much from you this summer,” I said nonchalantly.
“I know. I haven’t been the best boyfriend, have I?” he replied.
“It’s okay, Aiden. I just miss you a lot. It seems like you’re having a really great experience out there. I’m happy for you.”
“I am enjoying it, but Hannah, you have no idea how much I miss you. Sometimes I’m so tempted to hop on the next flight home just so I can hold you.”
“That sounds nice. I can’t wait for you to get back, Aiden. I miss having you sleep next to me.”
“Me too. I need you so much, honey.”
I smiled. “I need you too, Aiden.”
When I finally got off the phone with Aiden I felt much better. It was good to hear him say he missed me. Sometimes a text message just doesn’t cut it. I took a long hot shower and checked my email before getting dressed for the party. I decided to wear a skirt even though I despised them. I knew if Ally had known about the party beforehand she would have chosen something fancy for me to wear, so I decided to do her proud. I had a sleeveless green top that would work well with the only skirt hanging in my bedroom closet. Silver earrings and a necklace went nicely with the outfit and I had strappy sandals to match the khaki skirt.
A little after 4:30 I said goodbye to Lenny and drove over to the Decker’s in my old truck. I decided to pull around back and leave it where Shane’s car was parked. Hopefully Jack had enough sense to pull up in front of the house when he came back with Ally. I found Elise in the kitchen finishing up some appetizers so I helped her transfer them to serving platters. The living room was absolutely gorgeous; Elise and Andrea transformed the Decker’s house into a banquet hall. There were small round tables with white linens and tea lights. White Christmas lights were strung up the banister that led to the second floor and all along the balcony railing.
I was surprised to see Shane downstairs in the main room for once. He was chatting with Mark and Steve. Andrea, Rachel, Ethan, Colin, Casey, and Mr. and Mrs. Hender were there also. I noticed the only person who seemed to be missing was Jessa. Rachel saw me enter the room and rushed over to help me set down the platters in the right places. Every detail to this party had been carefully planned. I could only imagine how fancy Ally and Jack’s actual wedding would be.
I made my way over to Shane and said a quick hello before going to stand by Andrea. Right at 6 o’clock we saw the headlights on Jack’s car winding down the road that led up to the house. Elise turned off a couple lights and told everyone to be quiet. We all waited by the kitchen and dining room entranceways so Ally couldn’t see us when she came into the house. The front door opened and closed loudly. That was our signal. Elise flipped all the lights back on.
“Surprise!” everyone shouted.
There was no doubt Ally had been fooled. She jumped at the sight of us all standing in her home and her eyes bugged out as she shrieked. Jack laughed and put his arms around her to comfort her, kissing her cheek. She laughed with him and playfully slapped his arm. Elise came forward and gave her daughter a big hug, and Ally then greeted each of us with tears in her eyes.
The party was very successful. All the typical shower games were played and Ally received so many gifts it was staggering. Most of the guys hung out in the back of the room while the ladies did some of the sillier traditions. I decided to take a break myself when Rachel announced we were going to have a contest to see who could draw the best picture of a baby on a paper plate on top of your head. I was getting antsy waiting for Jack’s big moment to take place. I still didn’t know what he had planned; only that it was going to happen right before cake so none of the guests left before he could do it. I assumed I had a good ten minutes so I snuck off through the kitchen into the Decker’s three car garage.
It was strange to think that in less than a month Ally and Jack were going to be parents. And after that, they would be married. I felt like our lives were changing so fast. College was half over; we were going to be juniors this year. I was turning 21 in September and had a steady boyfriend. Before I knew it we would all be adults out in the real world. The notion was a little bit terrifying. I thought about how Aiden said he wouldn’t mind living in California someday. I tried to picture myself there too, in California or wherever he ended up getting a job offer.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life but I did know that I wasn’t busting my butt in school to let my education be wasted. It seemed that wherever Aiden wound up it was likely to be out in the wilderness somewhere, miles from the nearest big city. I could probably find a job in publishing that allowed me to work from home but did I want that? Just me and a laptop alone at home never able to communicate with my coworkers in person? If I needed to be near a city and Aiden had to be out in the woods how would we find a place to live that was close to both? This was of course all based on the assumption we’d still be together in two years. Would we?
I was turning all these questions over in my mind when I heard the door open behind me. I whirled around to find Shane entering the garage. It didn’t feel like a good time to speak to him. I’d escaped to the garage to think privately. My heart was already responding to Shane’s warm smile with an increasing rhythm.
“What are you doing in here, Hanny?” he asked curiously.
“Thinking about stuff,” I replied shrugging my shoulders.
“Is everything okay?” He moved closer to where I stood leaning against Ethan’s car. He placed his hand on the hood and waited for my reply.
“Yes. I was just thinking about what I want for my life. Aiden is so focused. He knows exactly what road to take. Ally and Jack have their path mapped out. Andrea and Steve know what they’re going to do after graduation. And I feel like I’m still stuck at the crossroads.”
“What is making you think of this now?” he asked.
“Ally’s baby and future wedding just got me thinking I guess. Would I want to move to California to be with Aiden after graduation? I have no idea where his job might take him.”
“He asked you to move away with him after college?” Shane asked. I could tell by his face that the idea upset him.
I shook my head. “No, we haven’t talked about that at all. But it’s inevitable if we’re still together. I mean, what are the chances Aiden can get a job in the Tri-State area? Every one of his classmates must be hoping to get a job near home. It’s very possible he’ll have to relocate,” I explained.
“Do you see yourself living with him in the future, Hannah? Marrying him?”
I laughed because his question caught me completely off guard. I didn’t want to be talking to Shane about this. He was staring at me without an ounce of humor in his expression. He looked serious and intense.
I decided I had to answer honestly. “That’s where I’m having difficulty, I’m afraid. I know what career I want. I know I want to get married and have kids. But whenever I’ve pictured my future husband in my head he has always been… somewhat different,” I said softly.
I hoped he’d understood what I was implying. I didn’t think I could handle saying the actual
words. Shane sucked in a breath and continued staring at me. When I didn’t look away he took a step forward and dipped his head towards mine. Then I knew for sure that he’d understood. His eyes shifted down to my lips as he slowly inched his face closer to mine. Every hair on my neck stood up and I swore I could hear the blood pumping faster through my heart.
I put my hand up to his chest to block his body from moving any closer, but didn’t push him away. We froze only inches apart as our eyes locked on each other. Our breathing was erratic and my fingertips could feel the fast pace of his heart through his chest. It seemed to be keeping time with my own. If either of us moved forward a fraction of an inch our lips would be joined. I wanted to taste his mouth again. It had been far too long. I felt like my heart was calling out for him.
A noise in the kitchen startled us and I found the strength to pull away a few merciful inches. I sighed.
“Do you realize it’s been almost a year since you and I had… were together?” I whispered. He hadn’t even blinked as I retreated slowly from the gravitational pull of his body.
“Too long,” he replied reaching his hand out to stroke my cheek.
“It’s starting to feel like it was only a dream,” I admitted.
“Please don’t say that,” he begged. “It happened and it meant so much more than I knew at the time.”
The pain in his eyes was evident. His hand on my cheek started pulling me closer to him. “This isn’t right,” I whispered. I gently freed my face from his soft hand.
“Someday it will be,” he whispered in response.
“Don’t promise me that.”
“Why not?” he said brushing the hair away from my face.
“Shane, all this time I’ve wanted to be with you, and you never noticed.”
“You never told me how you felt,” he countered.
“I know that, and in hindsight I should have just told you, but I was so scared you wouldn’t feel the same. And to be fair you never really wanted me until I had someone else. A part of me is worried that what you’re feeling for me is nothing but cupcake love.”
