by Diana Currie
“I was talking in my sleep? That’s just great,” I said embarrassed.
He chuckled. “I first discovered it in high school. Ally was having one of her sleepovers and I snuck down in the middle of the night to see if any of you girls slept in your underwear...”
I rolled my eyes.
“I was sixteen, give me a break.”
“What did I say the first time you heard me?” I wondered.
“You talked about school; I could only understand bits and pieces. You mumbled something about Jessa, Andrea, and Ethan. And you mentioned being in love, though you didn’t specify a person.”
“I don’t remember that specific night but I’m sure the dream was about you. They all were,” I admitted.
He smirked and said, “I think that’s when you began to fascinate me, Hannah. I’m always surprised by what you have to say.”
“It’s still not right for you to be in my room,” I said gently, not actually wanting him to leave.
“I know that. And I am sorry, though I think you should be relieved I came here,” he said slowly, a teasing tone to his voice.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Because I found this.” He held up a risqué romance novel I’d had in bed with me last night. I felt my face turn crimson; sure that I would die of embarrassment.
“I thought it might help me sleep. I guess I forgot about it,” I explained, my hands covering my cheeks and eyes.
“Then you should be thanking me for coming here or Lenny would have likely found this. He came in around 1 am to check on you. Don’t worry, I hid in the closet,” he said giving me that crooked grin.
“He probably heard the sounds of a strange man sneaking into his house,” I quipped.
Shane stood from the chair and came to sit on the edge of my bed. It creaked a little under the added weight. “You’ve surprised me again,” he whispered. “I never would have thought you owned a…”
“Don’t look at me like that. Rachel bought it for me after I told her how much I was enjoying my self-imposed isolation,” I said rolling my eyes.
Shane opened the cover of the book and read the first few lines out loud. My eyes widened as his mouth turned into a sexy smirk and my breath caught in my throat. Was he trying to embarrass me further? It wasn’t possible.
“I’ve never read anything like this to you before,” he mused. “It’s actually pretty hot; makes me want you.”
“No,” I replied, my face warming again.
Shane shifted his weight on the bed and I watched as he slipped his hand under the comforter grazing my ankle with his fingertips. His eyes focused on mine and he waited for me to protest or push him away but I was physically paralyzed by fear. And desire. He touched the inside of my calf and pressed his palm against my skin. He licked his lower lip and trailed his hand slowly up to the underside of my knee and I instinctively pulled my leg away when it tickled.
“Shane,” I said in a scolding tone. “We are not having sex.”
“Of course not, that would be completely inappropriate,” he agreed teasingly. His voice was raspy and intense. “I just want to touch you and watch how you react, Hannah.”
I gasped. His hand started moving up my inner thigh. It was hard to tell a man as desirable as Shane “no” to anything. When his hand was only inches from my panty line he pulled it away and started the same ascent on my other leg. I moaned from the need he was stirring inside me. It was almost as if Shane knew I wouldn’t be able to say no. I hadn’t decided whether or not I was ready to cross this line with him yet, but there was no harm in blurring it a little, right? I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t think straight.
“I won’t touch you there unless you ask,” he informed me. “Now lie back for me, Hannah.”
The blankets were still tucked around my neck and I gripped them tightly in my hands. He sucked in a deep breath; his eyes locked on mine. I lay back against the mattress surrendering to him.
“Take off your t-shirt,” he whispered.
I bit my lower lip but complied. I didn’t have a shred of willpower left in me. Hooking my fingers under the only barrier between Shane’s hand and my body, I slid the pink t-shirt over my head. I pulled my hand back up the length of my body and produced the evidence Shane was waiting for. He snatched it from me with his free hand and threw it over his shoulder. I felt his hands touch my knees. I stifled a moan and threw my head back into the pillow. Shane slid his hands up my legs, over the cotton boy shorts protecting me from direct contact with the no-go zone, and tightened his grip on my waist.
My sensitive skin felt super heated as Shane applied a little more pressure as he ventured north, slowly moving his hands over my breasts. I couldn’t hold back and longer and let out a tiny moan.
‘That’s it, baby. I wanna hear you,” he commanded.
I opened my eyes to steal a glance at Shane’s face as his hands explored my skin. His expression was one I’d only seen him get once before. It was the same look from the night he made love to me. The lust in his eyes caused me lose the last shred of control I was clinging to. He kept his word and never touched me where he promised not to. I was glad for that because had he set even one finger on me there I would have surely thrown my arms around him and begged for him to take me. I could hear Shane’s heavy breathing and though my eyes were shut tight I knew he was watching me.
“You’re so beautiful, Hannah. I want you to be mine,” he murmured and kissed my stomach through the covers.
His words threw me for a loop. I knew he felt that way but he’d been so careful not to say so out loud. When it seemed as though Shane had touched every inch on my exposed skin and I was on the verge of throwing my covers off completely Shane pulled his hands away. He sighed contently.
I kept my eyes closed, afraid to face the realization of what had just happened. When my body calmed down and my mind began to think clearly again I became angry at Shane; and incredibly humiliated.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I said.
His eyes met mine and I looked away. “Hannah, please don’t be upset,” he pleaded.
“Give me my shirt back,” I demanded, holding my hand out for my t-shirt. I maneuvered my hands under the blanket and quickly slid the shirt over my head without letting go of the covers. Shane turned his head away to give me a moment of privacy.
“I’m so confused, Hannah. You tell me you’re not ready for us to be together, but then you kiss me at Christmas. I overheard some of your conversation with my mother. I didn’t mean to, I was coming in to get Lenny another beer when I heard my name. Then you treat me no differently than Ethan the rest of the evening. I came here tonight to try to figure out what’s going through your head.”
It occurred to me I never asked him what he heard me mumble in my sleep earlier that night. I couldn’t remember having any dreams while I slept. My heart started beating faster again.
“So what did I say in my sleep tonight?” I asked still a little pissed at him.
“I don’t think you want to know, though it would help explain my actions just now.”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know either but you are going to tell me,” I said firmly.
He sighed and looked down at the comforter, tracing the patterns with his index finger. “First you talked about taking Adam to a baseball game,” he whispered avoiding what was clearly going to be difficult for him to say. “Then you said, ‘kiss me, Shane,’ and ‘miss you,’ and um… ‘fuck me’ followed by my name a couple more times.”
I felt myself blushing but wasn’t at all surprised by what I said. Those thoughts had filled my dreams most nights in the recent past.
“That’s nothing new,” I said flippantly.
“So those are your real thoughts?” he asked hesitantly.
I tried to suppress a smile. “Shane, those are always my thoughts.”
He pressed his lips into a thin line and a touch of pink filled his cheeks.
“Shane Decker,
are you blushing?” I asked teasingly.
His face fell into his hands and he moaned, “Why are you making me suffer like this? I thought you were sure about how you felt about me?”
For the first time I realized how difficult this time had been for Shane. I wasn’t trying to punish him by making him wait longer than necessary and I couldn’t stand to see him upset.
“You are the only thing I’m sure about, but I don’t know how we do this. I already know everything about you. We’ve met each others’ parents. We’ve had sex! You don’t think it would be weird for us to go on a first date? Would you come to the door and talk to Lenny while I got ready upstairs? Would you try to kiss me goodnight after the date or do we pick up where we left off last fall?” I rambled.
I was afraid to admit these fears to him but they had been floating around my brain for a long time. How do you start dating someone you’ve been in love with for years? There would be no way for me to take a romantic relationship with Shane slowly. I was already too far gone.
“I’ve given that a lot of thought,” he said calmly. “Would you come over my house tonight? It’s a familiar place we’d both be comfortable, and I’ll make you dinner. I’ll send my family out to eat so we can be alone.”
“Okay, but it can’t be tonight. You’re supposed to watch Adam so Ally can come over here, remember?”
He groaned. “I forgot. Tomorrow night then, around seven? I have something I want to show you.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“I should go home. I haven’t gotten much sleep so far tonight,” he replied winking at me.
“Alright. Tell Ally I’m expecting her here at five tonight,” I replied smiling.
“I will.” He walked over to the door and paused before leaving. “Everything will be okay, Hannah. I promise,” he said and then closed the door behind him.
It took me a long time to get my act together the next morning. I took a long hot shower to sooth my tense muscles, making sure to shave and moisturize every part of my body. I found a clever hiding place for Rachel’s gag gift and reminded myself to both yell at her and thank her later. When my Dad came home for lunch we chatted a bit about school. I gave him a brief overview of my breakup with Aiden. I was surprised at how hard he took the news. Lenny had always been happy as a clam every time he’d ask and I’d tell him I still didn’t have a boyfriend, but Aiden he really liked. I wondered how he’d feel about me dating Shane. I couldn’t see any reason in the world for him not to be just as happy.
Ally came over just before five o’clock with ice cream and CD’s. After hugging me hello she ran right into the kitchen to find bowls and spoons. Lenny was there and asked her about the baby and what her plans were for Newark. Ally was such a proud mama, telling my dad about Adam’s recent milestones and showing him pictures on her phone. I finally had to drag Ally by the arm to get her to follow me upstairs.
“Which CD do you want to hear first?” she asked.
“Um, whatever you think I’d like. Do you wanna see a movie later or are you planning a shopping trip?” I asked raising one eye brow in her direction.
“As tempting as that is, I haven’t seen a movie in ages! I don’t even know what’s out right now.”
“My laptop’s on. Why don’t you check movie times and see if there’s anything you’d wanna see. If it’s something halfway decent I’ll let you drag me into one store afterwards,” I bargained.
Ally clapped her hands together and hopped from foot to foot with excitement. She danced over to the computer desk and took a seat in the chair. “I’m gonna find a movie you’ll love, Hannah, and then we’ll get you a new outfit. You’re single and stunning, you need a lucky ‘first date dress’.”
I laughed and went over to the CD player to skip the song that was playing. It was sad and depressing. Maybe Ally hadn’t gotten the memo that I was on the mend.
“Holy crap! What is this!” she shrieked.
I jumped in surprise and whirled around to see what happened. Her eyes were glued to the laptop screen reading a Word document. The document from my desktop where I’d saved the indecent Skype chat with Shane so long ago.
“Oh, no, no, no! Ally, don’t!” I yelled and took a step towards her. As I launched myself forward my foot slid on a sock and I went down like a ton of bricks, landing on my ass.
“Ow, shit!” I yelled.
“Are you okay?” Ally asked turning her head. She wasn’t overly concerned about my condition, well aware of my clumsy nature. No blood, so Hannah must be okay. With me temporarily incapacitated Ally’s eyes turned back to the computer screen. “Hannah, can you explain to me what the hell this is all about?” she demanded.
“I’m fine,” I replied, standing up and doing a quick assessment. “Ally! Stop reading that! Oh my God,” I huffed.
“I can’t, it’s like a car wreck. Ew, gross!”
I slammed the laptop shut. “Ally! How much did you read?”
She stared at me with wide eyes shaking her head. I cursed myself for not password protecting that file, feeling like an idiot for even keeping it around so long. She was still shaking her head in surprise, and then she did something completely unexpected. She broke into a fit of giggles. I held my breath and watched her. I had no idea how much she read or what she was thinking but I had been expecting her response to be of anger, not amusement.
“I can’t believe this, Hannah. I just don’t- holy crap… ‘Remembering your hands all over me’,” she mocked. “What have I missed since I’ve been home?”
“Aren’t you mad at me? Aren’t you freaked out? You can’t even stand it when Shane and Ethan talk about morning wood.”
“Ugh, the part about you two ‘coming’ is going to haunt me for weeks. I’m more interested in the part about how much you missed each other and wish you could kiss each other,” she said laughing. Laughing!
“Hannah, are you sleeping with my brother?” Her arms were now folded across her chest and her face looked as if she were trying very hard not to laugh again.
“No, Ally. I am not. We’re kind of figuring things out right now,” I explained. “You’re really not upset?”
“Hannah, I am marrying Rachel’s brother. I just had his baby! I have no right to declare brothers off limits,” she said giggling again. “I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to but there really hasn’t been anything to tell. I’ve always had feelings for him, but he was constantly dating other girls. Then there was Aiden,” I paused to collect my thoughts. “It feels like now might finally be the right time for us.”
“I never liked either of Shane’s girlfriends. He cares about you so much, and I already think of you as my sister! This is so great,” she sang. “So when did this little erotic conversation take place?”
I blushed. “Last summer, when I was in Baltimore.”
“But you typed to him that you missed his hands on you?” she questioned, teasingly shuddering at the thought as she said it. “So something happened before then!”
Crap. “Okay, you’re right. Remember your first week in Newark? We had that house party and Shane crashed in my room…”
“Yes…” she said very slowly, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.
“That was the first and only time we…slept together,” I admitted. It was so strange talking about this with her.
“I knew it! I knew it!” she shrieked. “You two looked way too happy the next morning.”
I rolled my eyes. “We promised each other no one would find out because it was just something that happened between friends. And I was really sensitive about it because… he was my first.”
She smiled at me in silence for a moment. Finally she said, “I understand. So who else knows?”
I chuckled. “Ethan knew immediately. He’s got some creepy sixth sense about sex. Rachel knows. Shane eventually told Julie. And I told Aiden.”
“Aiden and Julie knew?” she laughed. “Damn, Hannah
. I can’t believe I didn’t know there was a soap opera playing out right under my nose!”
“Shane’s pretty much the reason Aiden broke up with me. Twice,” I said.
“So what’s happening now? You said you were trying to figure things out?”
“I’m going to your house tomorrow night for a dinner date. Shane’s planning on kicking you all out of the house for a few hours,” I told her. “Please don’t tell Jack or your parents. It’s still so new; I don’t need the added pressure.”
“No problem. But Hannah, you know what this means?” she said with an evil grin. “There’s no way we’re going to the movies now! We have to find you something to wear for tomorrow!”
I groaned at the thought of shopping but then smiled. Ally was a good friend. I nodded my agreement and she cheered.
We spent hours in Vineland and I found three nice outfits to choose from. I could only afford one and Ally insisted she buy the other two. I really hated when the Decker’s bought me expensive things or refused to take no for an answer. However, I was used to it by now and eventually allowed her to help me pay. It was her idea to go to Nordstrom after all. I’d suggested JC Penny.
When Ally dropped me off that night I thanked her for being such a good friend and helping me shop. I asked her to play dumb at home, not because I didn’t want Shane knowing Ally was clued in, but because I knew she would do nothing but pester him until the following night if I didn’t swear her to secrecy. She agreed to hold her tongue for twenty four hours which would at least get me through our date.
After that I was sure Mount Ally would erupt and everyone in the Decker household would know Shane and I were dating. We better not screw this up.
CHAPTER 29: THE DATE
My truck stalled on the way to the Decker’s house the next night. I told myself it wasn’t an omen, just an antique unappreciated Chevy. I turned the engine over and prayed for it to start. It finally roared back to life after three attempts and I made it to their house only five minutes after seven.
I took a deep breath on the porch and smoothed my dress before knocking on the large mahogany door.
