by J. H. Croix
Hayden wanted to stay and wait for her to come out, but he knew he needed to give her the space she asked for, so he quietly gathered his things out of the spare bedroom and moved them into the other apartment. He stood by the windows and stared into the backyard. He knew he had only himself to blame. Shana’s life had been tossed asunder over the past year with little she could do to control it. The last thing he should have done was anything to add to the idea that others had a say in her life. Dane, well-meaning and overprotective brother that he was, shouldn’t have been the first to know how much Shana meant to Hayden.
***
A few days later, Shana pushed through the door of Roxanne’s Country Store and stepped outside. It was a bright, spring day. She took a deep breath, gulping in the earthy scents of new growth. Her heart was heavy as she tried to come to terms with the fact Hayden was likely leaving Catamount without talking to her again. She hadn’t been able to bear staying near him, so she’d begged Phoebe to let her crash there the last few nights. Phoebe had grudgingly agreed, but Shana knew Phoebe was holding back from pushing her too hard on what she thought. Until this morning when Phoebe asked how long she was going to be stubborn. Phoebe’s question had helped her dredge up the nerve to try to talk to him this morning, only to find him gone from the guesthouse when she stopped by.
Desperate, she called Dane this morning who told her Hayden was flying out of Portland in a few hours. As she approached her car, wondering where he was, she heard footsteps behind her. Shana whirled around. Hayden took two more steps, coming to a stop just in front of her. His caramel eyes locked with hers, and he didn’t look away. His hair was messy, as if he’d run a hand through it a few too many times. He wore faded jeans and a navy t-shirt, his muscled arms and chest stretching the fabric. Longing and lust struck deep inside. Her body hummed with want, the way it always did anytime he was near her.
He reached for her hands, his warm strong grip closing around hers. Her heart pounded and her throat tightened. She’d missed him so much the last few days. She had thought she needed space. Perhaps she still did, but all she knew was she couldn’t think clearly.
“I screwed up, Shana. This whole thing with you hit me sideways and I wasn’t prepared. I shouldn’t have talked to Dane about how I felt before talking to you. I can’t change it, but I’m more sorry than you know.”
He searched her eyes and took a breath. “Look, you said we’d figure it out if there was more to this. I don’t know about you, but there is for me. It’s tearing me up to leave with things like this, so you have to know how I feel. I love you.”
His words pierced through her. Hope twirled madly in her heart. He squeezed her hands, freeing one of his and sliding it up into her hair. The feel of his touch almost hurt—it was so good and she’d missed him so. He closed his eyes. His shoulders rose and fell on a deep breath. Feelings crashed through her, and she tried to gather herself. When he opened his eyes again, they held hers steadily.
His voice rasped when he spoke again. “I didn’t want to pressure you, but I can’t leave without you knowing exactly where I stand. Every part of me wants you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. I meant to tell you I already planned to move here once you were ready. The only thing holding me in Montana is finishing up this damn investigation. After that…”
His words trailed off. Emotion rose inside of her. Tears clogged her throat and stung her eyes. He lifted a hand and traced her lips. The air shimmered around them. She could hardly breathe. Hayden’s caramel gaze seared into her. Her heart battered against her ribs. His words scored her heart. He said everything she wanted to hear, and it terrified her. His thumb traced her lips, heat curling through her. When he fit his mouth over hers, sensation rushed through her. His hand cupped the back of her head, his thumb stroking the soft skin under her ear. She strained to get closer, desperate to feel him. Only a few days away from him, and it was as if she was starved. His tongue traced her lips, sweeping inside when she gasped. Her car was behind her. He came flush against her body and took a step. She felt the cool metal of her car against her back.
Hayden’s kisses had the ability to drive her wild, make her forget everything but the feel of his lips on hers. This one was no exception and was layered with the unfulfilled feelings she’d been trying to tamp down. She wanted to lose herself in him, yet he gentled his kiss and pulled back. She opened her eyes, emotion welling inside.
Hayden stood there with her, their breath rising and falling in unison. Distant sounds filtered into her awareness—voices from the far side of the town green, a crow squawking and sparrows chattering. Hayden’s eyes met hers, his gaze a mix of longing and sadness.
He cleared his throat, his words coming out gruff when he spoke. “Don’t forget this. I love you, but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
He stepped away, his hands sliding from her body. She felt bereft, missing his touch immediately. She forced herself to speak. “I, uh…” The words wouldn’t come. She was too muddled, too overwhelmed.
“It’s okay. All you have to do is call me. I’ll be there.”
She watched him walk away. The tears burning her eyes finally rolled down her cheeks.
Chapter 13
A few days later, Shana pushed through the door at Roxanne’s Country Store. It was a rainy, cool spring morning. The rain was melting the lingering patches of snow, but the chill seeped through her. She made a beeline for the deli. It was mid-morning, so the place wasn’t at its busiest. She waited by the counter, perusing the specials listed on the chalkboard. Roxanne came through the swinging door that led to the back. She grinned as soon as she saw Shana.
“Hey there! How’s it going?”
Shana tried to smile, but it wobbled and wouldn’t hold. She thought she had her feelings under wraps, but it seemed she could only keep it together when she was at work. There, she was so busy she barely had time to breathe, much less think about how much she missed Hayden.
Roxanne’s smile dissolved into a look of concern. She glanced around the deli before turning to the young woman who was busy assembling sandwiches on the far side of the prep area behind the counter. “Keep an eye on the counter, Becky. Okay?”
Becky glanced up and nodded. Roxanne waved for Shana to follow her, hooking her hand through Shana’s elbow once she came around to the back of the counter. Roxanne led her into the back, past the office and into the small sitting room in the private quarters of the old home. Roxanne all but ordered her to sit in one of the comfy chairs and raced back out front. She returned moments later with two cups of coffee and handed one to Shana.
With a flourish, she sat down in the chair angled toward Shana. “Okay, what the hell is going on with you? Phoebe said you’ve been working yourself to death the last few days. She didn’t say much about you and Hayden, but I happened to see you crying when he walked away the other day. Spit it out.”
Shana’s throat was tight and her heart hurt. She took a gulp of coffee and stared at the swirl of rich, dark liquid in the mug. “I screwed up,” she said softly.
After a long silence, Roxanne cleared her throat. Shana looked up to find Roxanne’s warm blue eyes on hers. Roxanne circled her hand for Shana to continue.
Shana took another gulp of coffee. “So, Hayden and I kind of had a thing.”
“Had? Or have?”
Shana flushed. “I guess we have a thing. You know how things were with Callen and me. I just wanted to feel something, anything. And Hayden, well…”
At her long pause, Roxanne interjected. “He’s hot.”
Shana couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her. “Yup, he’s hot. I thought we could maybe have a fling. No harm done. But it turned into a lot more than that. I got pissed off when Dane talked to Hayden about it, as if he has any right to interfere in my personal life. The last few days he was here, I didn’t even talk to him. When you saw us, well, he was leaving. He came to tell me how he felt.”
Another long pause. Ro
xanne cleared her throat again. “Let’s get to the point. How does he feel?”
Shana’s words came out softly. It almost hurt to say them. Because she couldn’t quite believe it. “He said he loves me.”
Shana looked up to find Roxanne’s eyes on her. “And how do you feel?”
“I… I love him. I think.”
Roxanne took a sip of coffee and nodded slowly. “Okay. So what’s the problem?”
Shana chewed on her lip and traced the edge of her coffee mug. “I don’t know. I mean, look at what happened with Callen. My marriage was a pathetic waste and he turned out to be a colossal asshole. What if I just have incredibly bad judgment in men? I don’t think I could take it if things fell apart with Hayden the way they did with Callen.”
Roxanne shook her head. “Honey, none of us could have imagined Callen would turn out to be as much of an ass as he was. I get why it took you so long to tell us how things were with him, but don’t go comparing other men to him. Look around you. You know plenty of good men who’d never treat a woman the way Callen treated you. I can’t say I know Hayden too well, but he’s nothing like Callen. Even before I knew Callen treated you like shit and got in with drug smugglers, I knew he was kind of a jerk. He was always a bit too arrogant for my taste. You’re one of my best friends, so I wanted to support you. I didn’t think it was worth pointing out he was a tad too interested in himself. But Hayden, he’s nothing like that. I don’t even think he realizes how damn hot he is. He ignores all the women who stare at him. According to Dane, Jake, and Noah, he’s a good guy. You said so yourself after you came back from Montana last year. I get why you might be thinking the way you are, but don’t go there. If you love him, do something about it.”
“What if it’s too soon?”
“Too soon? How do you mean?”
“Since Callen died, since my life got turned upside down by everything he did.”
Roxanne practically glared at her. “Don’t be ridiculous! Callen died last year, and you two were married in name only for the last few years before that. If that’s what’s holding you back, you’re being stupid.”
Roxanne was never one to shy away from being completely blunt. Shana flushed again and took another gulp of coffee to gather herself.
“Okay then. I guess I’m…” Her words trailed off as she tried to explain.
“Thinking way too hard about this,” Roxanne offered. “Trust me, it never helps. What does your gut tell you?”
Shana walked outside a while later and breathed deep, savoring the fresh air. The rain had stopped. She pondered Roxanne’s last question to her. Listening to her gut meant tuning in to both sides of herself—lion and human. Therein lay the answer, and she already knew it. She had to see Hayden. As soon as possible.
Chapter 14
Hayden kept himself busy at work since he’d been home. The reason was two-fold. He needed something to keep his mind off of Shana because thinking about her was painful. He’d promised himself he would give her the space and time to come to him on her own terms. The wait was excruciating. He had to wait though. Shana wasn’t just any woman. She was destined to be his mate. To honor all that she was—strong, intelligent, and so sexy she brought him to his knees—he needed to her to come to him freely.
Keeping busy at work also helped him manage the impulse to grab Clint, shove him against the wall and demand an explanation for the bullshit manipulation he’d been pulling off for the last three years. He absolutely could not do that. They’d developed a plan back in Catamount. Glen, the local detective here, was coordinating with local law enforcement to execute a series of arrests all at once for a number of the lower level players involved in the smuggling network. Hayden’s role was mainly to track Clint’s whereabouts the day of the arrests. The work the detectives had done before indicated Clint did clean up after the fact at any storage and delivery sites.
Hayden could handle the waiting, but it was hard when Clint dropped bullshit comments about the smuggling network and how frustrated he was with its annoying presence and tendency to pop up again and again. Hayden had enough sense to know, just as they did in Catamount, that knocking a few of the main players out wouldn’t make the network disappear permanently, but they hoped to hobble it and make it harder for the network to regroup.
Early one morning, he received the call from Glen that the wheels were in motion. Hayden buried himself in reports to stay busy. Clint leaned through his door not long after he showed up at the office.
“I’m headed out to check on a complaint from one of the ranches on the western side of town. I’ll…”
Clint was interrupted when the office door opened. He swung away from Hayden. Hayden stood and looked out into the reception area. His heart flew to his throat when Shana came through the entrance. She froze when she saw him. His heart slammed against his ribs. The effect she had on him was a powerful mix of emotion and pure physical need.
Clint looked at Shana. “Can I help you?”
Shana cleared her throat. “I was hoping to meet with Hayden.”
Clint glanced from Shana into Hayden’s office. “You have time for a meeting?” he asked. Clint appeared distracted, which was convenient because he didn’t seem to be catching onto the tension emanating from Hayden to Shana. It was all Hayden could do not to walk to her, lift her in his arms and pour his feelings into a kiss. He shackled his urges, keeping his expression bland, and nodded at Clint. “Sure. Come on in,” he replied, gesturing to Shana.
She walked toward him, her tawny hair loose around her shoulders. She entered his office and gently closed the door behind her. Without a word, she stepped in front of him, stopping mere inches away. The ache to touch her was so intense, he could barely contain it.
Her eyes, silvery and smoky, met his. “Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey.” His pulse pounded, longing washing through him in waves.
Before he could say another word, he heard the door in the reception area bang against the wall. Fear joined the collision of feelings inside of him. What he wanted to do was take Shana in his arms and carry her away. But he couldn’t. Not now. Her eyes bounced from him to the door.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, her voice low.
He shrugged. “Let me see what’s going on, okay?”
At her quick nod, he stepped around her and opened his office door. A man Hayden had never seen stood in the waiting room. He knew instantly the man was a shifter—the man felt as if he was about to shift right now. Energy pulsed from him.
Clint glanced in Hayden’s direction before turning back to the man. “Why don’t you come into my office? We can talk there,” he said, his voice low and soothing.
The man shrugged and followed Clint into his office. Hayden turned back to Shana. He moved away from the door again, speaking barely above a whisper.
“You have no idea how much I want to get out of here and be anywhere alone with you. But no, everything is not okay. The police are in the middle of an arrest sweep. My job is to follow my boss wherever he goes without him noticing. I’m not sure who just showed up to see him, but I have a bad feeling.”
He curled his hands around her arms and tugged her close because he couldn’t resist having at least that for the moment. She pulled back and stroked her hand down his cheek. “I missed you,” she whispered.
He took her mouth in a bruising kiss, frantic to soak up all he could as fast as he could. At the sound of raised voices coming from Clint’s office, he pulled away. Shana’s eyes were clear and concerned.
“Don’t worry about me. I know you have to do this now. What can I do to help?”
“Shana, I know you can take care of yourself, but I don’t want you anywhere near this. I’ll give you my address. You can go there and wait.” He snagged his keys off the desk and placed them in her palm.
He started to give her the address when the door to Clint’s office flung open. The man who’d stopped by shifted and turn
ed to face Clint again. With a roar, he swiped at Clint who shifted in response. When the unknown shifter turned away, his golden eyes coasted over Shana and Hayden standing by his office door. When he postured and moved in their direction, Hayden couldn’t hold back his lion. The moment the two men had shifted, his lion rumbled under his skin, calling to be set loose. He walked into the waiting area, his hackles raised and fury simmering. Shana glanced among them. In a flash, she shifted as well, swiftly moving to Hayden’s side. The unknown shifter growled at Hayden and swiped in his direction. Shana streaked between them with a snarl, catching the other shifter on the throat.
Time blurred as events unfolded rapidly. Clint and his associate dashed through the windows at the back of the office with Hayden and Shana following. Hayden’s human mind stayed engaged when he was in lion form, and he couldn’t hold back the wry thought that the office windows had seen more than their fair share of breakage ever since the smuggling network had sprung up. Bitterly, he considered what he now knew—those shifters who seemed to randomly show up at the office were likely anything but random given Clint’s role in the network.
Hayden silently called to Shana, pleading with her to stay back. He knew she understood, but she ignored him. She was glorious in lion form. Her movement was sleek and sinuous. She tracked the two lions with ease. They threaded into the foothills. Hayden knew the local police had sentries set up all over the area. Otherwise, he’d have hesitated to follow.
Clint and the other lion barreled through the trees until they reached a clearing where a cluster of hunting cabins was dispersed in the nearby area. Hayden had been out here before and warned away shifters after reports of trespassing and hunting out of season. Clint came to a stop and waited. Hayden wondered if Clint planned to try to maintain his cover or not. As soon as Hayden reached his side, he had his answer. Clint snarled and swiped at him. Hayden backed away. He wasn’t interested in engaging Clint in a fight, but Clint pursued him, the other shifter joining him.
