«Please,» Willow said quickly, her voice strained, «read.»
«Try not to hold your breath when the pain comes,» Jessica said gently. «It only makes it worse.» Jessica beganreadingAMidsummer Night’s Dream.
Time went quickly, marked off by contractions that became closer together and harder, until only a handful of minutes came between. The demands of birth took Willow’s body, made it rigid, and dragged low sounds from her.
«Try not to fight it,» Jessica said quietly. «Birth is stronger than any of us. We can’t conquer it. We can only share it with the babe.»
Very slowly, Willow relaxed despite the continued grip of pain.
«Here,» Jessica said, taking a piece of leather strap from her pocket. «Put this between your teeth.»
Neither woman heard the front door open. Nor did they hear Caleb’s voice calling for Willow. Jessica’s first realization of Caleb’s presence came when a pair of riding gloves hit the floor at her feet and a large masculine hand reached past her to Willow.
«No!» Jessica said fiercely, blocking the hand with her body. «Wash yourself first. Nothing dirty must touch her or the child or you’ll risk fever.»
Caleb grabbed the fallen gloves and left the room in a rush. When he reappeared he was dripping water, smelling of soap and wearing nothing but a pair of clean breeches. He dressed quickly.
Willow let out a low sound as the contraction peaked. When her eyes opened, she saw Caleb fastening his pants. Almost guiltily, she let go of Jessica’s hand, spat out the strip of leather, and concealed it beneath the covers.
She wasn’t quick enough. Few people were when it came to hiding things from Caleb’s golden eyes.
«I toldJessi not to fire the rifle,» Willow said. «The mares —»
«Wolfe found them,» Caleb interrupted as he reached for a shirt. «What’s this about a rifle?»
«I tried to call you in when Willow began labor,» Jessica said as she wrung out a cloth to cool Willow’s face.
«I didn’t hear any shots.»
Jessica glanced at the window. It was still light outside. The wind still howled. None of the other men had returned.
«Then how did you know to come?» she asked.
«I heard Willow calling my name.»
Jessica stared at Caleb, but he had eyes only for his wife. He was kneeling next to the bed in a carelessly buttoned shirt. No one but Jessica noticed the half-unfastened clothing as Caleb bent down to Willow, talking softly, stroking her hair and smiling at her with such tenderness that Jessica felt tears catch in her throat.
When the next contraction came, it was Caleb’s hands that Willow gripped. She struggled not to cry out, but couldn’t stifle a rough sound.
«Go ahead,» Caleb said. «Scream or curse or cry. Whatever helps.»
Willow shook her head.
When the contraction passed, Jessica fished out the piece of rein Willow had hidden beneath the covers. She put the leather strip on the blanket next to Willow.
«I prepared this and kept it near because I knew you would need it.» Jessica said. «If you won’t cry out or use the leather, I’ll tell Caleb to leave. The last thing you should be worried about is fighting yourself so as not to upset your husband. He put the babe in your body. He can share in the pain as well as the pleasure of its birth.»
Willow’s mouth set in a mutinous line.
Caleb kissed his wife and said something too soft for Jessica to hear.
«I didn’t want to worry you,» Willow said. «Love, you get upset if I burn myself cooking.»
He lifted her hands and kissed them very gently. Then he picked up the leather strap. The marks of her teeth showed clearly. His fingers tightened on the dark leather.
«If I could bear it for you, I would,» he said roughly.
«I know. Just having you here helps me.»
It was true.
Despite the force of the contractions, Jessica saw that the lines of tension in Willow’s face had eased. When Caleb bent his head and whispered to his wife, the smile she gave him was as full of love as her eyes.
Then Willow’s body was claimed once more by the demands of birth. Caleb felt the tension of her muscles. Without a word, he held out the strap. She took it between her teeth just as a powerful contraction arched her whole body.
After that, there was little time for anything but easing Willow in small ways while she performed the hard work of bringing another life into the world. As the rhythmic fury of birth progressed, Jessica prayed silently, fiercely, that it would not all be in vain, all the wrenching pain and the blood, the set agony of Caleb’s face speaking eloquently of his fear and love for the woman who was giving birth to his child.
Finally, the contractions came so quickly that there was no time between for Willow to recover. Panting, sweating, dazed, she tried to smile at Caleb, only to be swept up once again.
«How much longer?» Caleb asked tightly of Jessica.
«As long as the babe requires.»
«She can’t take much more of this.»
«You would be surprised at what a woman can endure.»
And Caleb was.
In the final throes of birth, Willow’s hands gripped with a power that amazed Caleb, leaving bruises on his work-hardened hands, bruises that he didn’t even notice until later; he had care only for Willow, for giving her what ease he could.
The sound of a baby’s cries came as a shock.
«You have a son!» Jessica said, laughing and crying at the same time. «A beautiful, red-faced, crying, living son!»
Willow smiled and closed her eyes, letting everything slide away but the knowledge of her son and her husband’s kiss burning in the center of her hand.
Jessica managed to cut and tie the cord despite the happy tears running down her face. She washed the baby in warm water, wrapped him in receiving blankets, and handed him to Caleb. She was stunned to see tears in Caleb’s eyes as he looked at his child.
«Show Willow your son,» Jessica said huskily. «Then put him to her breast. He needs to feel her heartbeat again. She needs to feel his.»
Reverently, Caleb took their son to Willow. When Jessica looked up again, Willow was lying in her husband’s arms and the baby was sucking eagerly, his tiny head cradled by Caleb’s big hand.
«ARE you all right?» Wolfe asked urgently, pulling Jessica into his arms before she could answer.
«Willow did the work, not I.»
Wolfe didn’t seem to hear. He held Jessica hard against him. «When Reno told me, I kept thinking of your mother, of the horror you have of birth. I was afraid being near another childbed would terrify you.»
«I was afraid, too,» Jessica admitted, wrapping her arms around Wolfe’s lean waist. «I was afraid it would be born dead, like all the others.»
Wolfe made a hoarse sound, but the hand that stroked Jessica’s disheveled hair was very gentle.
«But this baby was alive,» she continued, excitement vibrating in every word. «Red-faced and crying, waving tiny fists, with black hair and long limbs. It was perfect and it was alive!»
Smiling, Wolfe bent and kissed her. When she returned the kiss rather than retreating, heat ran like leashed lightning through him. Memories of last night had come to him throughout the day, shaking him. He hungered for Jessica in ways he hadn’t believed possible.
Unable to stop himself, Wolfe urged Jessica’s lips apart. Despite the elemental need hardening his body, he tasted her with great gentleness, absorbing her warmth and the soft breaking of her breath when his tongue first touched hers. It was a long time before he lifted his head.
«Reno said both Willow and the boy are doing well,» Wolfe said finally, looking toward the closed bedroom door.
«Yes.» Jessica smiled and kissed the corner of Wolfe’s mouth. «Very, very well. Oh, Wolfe, it was extraordinary. To hold a new life where none was before made me feel as though I had touched God’s smile. The look on Caleb’s face when he held his son told me he felt the same way.»
«When will I be allowed to see this little red-faced miracle?»
«Willow can’t wait to share him. As soon as you wash, you can go in.»
«I’m clean as sunlight,» Wolfe said wryly. «Reno ran me through the wash house personally and thoroughly. Told me he wasn’t risking his one and only nephew on some dirtyhalfbreed.»
«What?» Jessica’s head snapped up. «Is he still alive?»
«Haven’t you heard? He’s pure greased lightning with that six-gun. I was as meek as a lamb — even washed behind my ears twice.»
«I’llboxhis ears,» she muttered. «Calling you names. He ought to be ashamed.»
Wolfe made a smothered sound and broke into laughter as he lifted Jessica off her feet in a big hug,
«Such a fierce little elf,» he said against her lips. «I was only teasing. Reno has called me some names from time to time, but none of them had anything to do with my Cheyenne mother.»
The laughter in Wolfe’s eyes made them a beautiful midnight blue. The strong slant of his cheekbones and his starkly defined mouth were heightened rather than blurred by his smile. Jessica realized anew how compelling Wolfe’s features were to her.
Suddenly, she wondered what it would be like to look down into the face of a sleeping baby and see hints of Wolfe’s beloved face.
«What an odd sound. Are you all right, Jessi?»
«Yes. No. That is…»
Jessica’s aquamarine eyes searched Wolfe’s face. She slid her fingers into his black hair and found that it was still damp. The cool, sleek texture made her shiver with pleasure and say his name as she watched him with wide, wondering eyes.
«Jessi? Are you all right? You’re looking at me as though you’ve never seen me before.»
«I haven’t.» Before he could say anything, she lifted her mouth to his. «Kiss me, Wolfe. Kiss me hard.»
The kiss Wolfe gave Jessica was deep, hot, frankly hungry. When it ended, both of them were breathing too rapidly. Just as he bent to take her mouth again, the front door closed hard.
«You keep that up and there will be one more small screamer come winter,» Rafe said, trying and failing to swallow his smile.
Wolfe tucked Jessica’s fiery face against his chest. «We were just getting ready to admire your nephew.»
«Uh-huh. What’s this I hear about a complete bath before I get to see the little mite?»
«Ask Reno.»
«I did. He has a scrub brush the size of a wagon seat and pure deviltry in his eyes.»
Jessica laughed into Wolfe’s shirt.
«Are you strangling her?» Rafe asked politely.
Wolfe’s hand slid beneath Jessica’s chin. He tilted her face up and brushed a kiss over her lips.
«Are you strangling?» Wolfe asked softly.
She blushed and said somethingRafe couldn’t hear.
«What was that?» Rafe asked.
«She said to enjoy your bath.»
«Damn. I was afraid of that. Don’t wear out the little morsel before I get back.»
«Which morsel?» Wolfe asked.
«Wolfe!» Jessica said, hitting his chest with her hand.
Rafewas laughing as he shut the front door behind him.
«Come on, morsel,» Wolfe said, putting Jessica’s feet back on the floor. «Show me the little miracle.»
Willow’s radiant smile belied the paleness of her skin as she welcomed Wolfe. Caleb was sitting next to the bed, holding the sleeping baby in the crook of his arm. When Wolfe walked close, Caleb gently shifted the small burden.
«Put one hand under his head and the other under his bottom,» Jessica said to Wolfe.
«Jesus,» Wolfe whispered, «he’s tiny.»
«Not for a baby,» Caleb said. «He’s nearly two feet long and weighs nine pounds if he weighs an ounce.»
«Like I said. Tiny.»
But Wolfe took the sleeping baby in his hands and looked at it with a gentleness that softened the hard lines of his face. When the baby’s eyes opened sleepily, Wolfe’s breath came out in a wondering sound.
«Look at those tawny eyes. He’s your son, all right.»
The baby studied Wolfe with unfocused eyes, yawned, blew a tiny bubble, and was asleep within seconds. Wolfe laughed very softly and touched the baby’s small, perfect cheek with his thumb.
Watching Wolfe brought Jessica a feeling close to pain. She had seen the wonder in Wolfe’s face when he looked from the baby’s golden eyes to Caleb’s. She had seen something more, too. She had seen Wolfe’s hunger to someday hold a baby in his hands and know that he was part of that continuing miracle of life.
A man didn’t need titles or wealth in order to want a child. The pain of the realization was so deep that Jessica barely managed not to cry out.
«Are you going to be as hard-headed and decent as your daddy?» Wolfe asked the baby softly. «I hope so. The world needs more dark angels of justice to keep the devils in line.»
Wolfe looked up and smiled at Caleb. «All the same, I hope you have a daughter next time. The world needs more Western women, too.»
«Have one yourself,» Caleb said dryly.
Only Jessica saw the light leave Wolfe’s eyes. His black lashes swept down as though he were looking at the sleeping baby once more. She knew he must be thinking of their marriage, the trap he was caught in which insured he would never have daughters or sons.
Yet when Wolfe looked up again and handed the baby to Willow, there was a smile on his face. The smile was as real as the pain had been.
«You made a beautiful baby,» Wolfe said to Willow.
«I had some help.»
«Damn little. A man as ugly as Caleb can’t make a pretty baby.»
Willow smiled and looked at Caleb. «My husband is as handsome as a god.»
«To you, maybe,» Wolfe said dryly. «To me?
Well, I’ll just say I’ve seen better looking things left on the ground after a buffalo herd walked past.»
Caleb snickered. Wolfe turned around and gave the other man a swift, hard hug, brother to brother.
«Before this, you had the sun,» Wolfe said. «Now you have the moon and stars. Guard them well.»
After a moment, Jessica looked away, for she could no longer bear the sadness she sensed beneath Wolfe’s pleasure for his friend.
15
She wasnaked on a vast plain of ice. Nothing was alive. Nothing moved but the many-voiced wind. Far ahead of her grew a powerful, living tree that carried safety in its branches.
She must reach the tree’s shelter.
Yet the harder she tried to run, the more deeply encrusted she became in ice. She was a prisoner of cold and a plaything of the wind. Yet still she struggled toward the tree while the wind taunted her:
That woman is not Jessica.
Worst mistake of his life.
All wrong for each other.
Jessica sat bolt upright in bed just as the first light of dawn brought color to the empty sky.
«Jessi?» Wolfe’s hand touched her shoulder. «Are you having nightmares about the past again?»
«No. Not the past.»
«Get back under the covers,» Wolfe said gently. «It’s cold out there.»
«It’s freezing,» she whispered.
Jessica lay down and turned toward Wolfe, needing his warmth to chase the chill of her own dreams.
«What is it?» he asked, stroking her hair.
«A nightmare, that’s all. I was alone.»
«You’re not alone now. I’m here.»
But for how long?
Wolfe felt Jessica’s arms go around his neck. The softness of her breasts pressed against his naked chest. He had awakened from his own dreams already aroused. The feel of her against his skin brought his need to the point of pain. When she shifted, trying to come even closer, her hip brushed against his hardened flesh. He felt as much as heard her gasp.
«Don’t be frightened,» Wolfe said. «I’ve spent a lot of nights like this, and I haven’t forced you. I never will. All I have
to do is remember how terrified you are by a man’s need, and why, and I have no problem at all controlling myself.»
«It’s not that. You just…startled me.»
Jessica took a slow, almost secret breath, trying to banish her dream. She rubbed her cheek against Wolfe’s reassuring warmth, letting it sink through the chill left by the voices of the wind repeating Wolfe’s words, telling her how little she was worth as a woman. When she felt Wolfe withdrawing from her, she made a broken sound and clung to him with a strength that surprised him.
«Don’t let go of me,» she whispered urgently.
«I thought I was frightening you.»
She shook her head. The motion sent a silky fall of hair over Wolfe’s chest.
«Are you certain?» he asked.
«Very.»
Slowly, Wolfe put his arms back around Jessica and pulled her close once more. She relaxed against him despite the stark evidence of his arousal. For a few minutes, there was silence but for the wind coiling through the spreading light of dawn.
«Wolfe?»
He made a questioning, rumbling sound.
«Seeing Willow…» Jessica hesitated, not knowing how to give words to what she was feeling. «The birth was…»
Wolfe kissed Jessica’s forehead. «It brought back the nightmares, didn’t it? Don’t worry. They’ll fade. Even under the best circumstances, birth is a messy process. With your memories of the past, it must have been horrifying.»
«That’s not what I meant. Yes, birth is messy, but so is spring. One doesn’t get an omelet without breaking shells and all that.»
Wolfe smiled as he nuzzled the hollow of Jessica’s cheek. «Did I remember to tell you how very brave you are, Jessi?»
«I’m a ruddy little coward and no one knows it better than you.»
The bleakness in Jessica’s voice surprised him. Wolfe tilted her face up so that he could see her eyes.
«That’s not true,» Wolfe said simply. «You’ve endured things that would have broken most adults, much less a child.»
Saying nothing, Jessica closed her eyes and shook her head.
«Jessi,» Wolfe whispered, kissing her eyelids. «You had every right to run and hide on the nights your father raped your mother, but you didn’t. You went to your mother and gave her what help you could.»
Only Mine o-2 Page 25
