by John Peel
Ben had to have almost as much reason to hate Vader as I did. Vader killed my father, his best friend. Vader betrayed the Jedi and led them to their deaths. Vader works for the Emperor, an evil man who victimizes the weak and helpless. And Vader, I learned from Leia, was the one in charge of the Tatooine troopers who killed my uncle and aunt.
It all comes back to Vader.
So why didn’t Ben kill him?
Leia says that the Jedi work in mysterious ways. But I don’t understand. It’s bad enough that Ben’s dead, but I don’t know why he’s dead, and that makes it worse.
Only… is he dead, exactly? I’m certain I heard his voice there in the hangar. I know he spoke to me after he’d been killed. And that doesn’t make sense, either.
Oh, I’ve heard stories and legends about spirits, people coming back after they’re dead. But Ben certainly hadn’t seen the spirits of the billions of people who died on Alderaan. He felt their deaths as a great disturbance in the Force.
I felt nothing when Ben died. Nothing physical, that is. It stabbed me to the heart. But if I’m as strong in the Force as Ben claims, shouldn’t I have felt it when he died?
Ben, why did you do it?
How can I go forward without you?
TWELFTH ENTRY
Things are moving so fast!
I don’t have time to think everything through, but my life has changed so drastically over the past few days that I’m definitely not the same person I was. I’m having to adapt so quickly, to change my beliefs and aims and to continually fight just to stay alive.
One thing of which there’s no doubt: I’m a part of the Rebellion now. I guess I knew I was when I saw my aunt and uncle dead on Tatooine. I had to fight against anyone who could do that kind of thing. But now I’m an official Rebel, because we’ve caught up with the Rebel Alliance, here on the fourth moon of Yavin.
It’s hard to picture a world less like Tatooine. There, everywhere you look is desert, with maybe a small town here or there. It’s a continuous fight to suck the water we need from the almost-dry air. This moon, however, is a forest, vast and luxurious. Instead of bleak browns and scorched whites, the planet is a riot of green and life. I’ve heard of such worlds before, but to actually stand on one of them…
This is my first alien planet! Okay, technically, it’s a moon of the big gas giant Yavin. But it’s so much more wonderful than Tatooine. Not many people live here right now. There are all these vast ruins of some ancient civilization, and the Rebellion has taken one over to use as its base. The only problem is, the Empire now knows we’re here.
I’d better pick up where I left off before, to explain this.
We got away from the Death Star—that’s what the Imperials call that gigantic space station of theirs—only to be attacked by TIE fighters. Naturally, though, the Millennium Falcon is equipped with guns. Han took the top turret, and I took the lower one, while Chewie piloted us.
And then came one of the most intense few minutes of my life.
It’s one thing to do target practice, or to zap womp rats from a T-16, but it’s very different shooting at something that can shoot back at you. The TIE fighters came in fast and nasty. Han and I just kept firing while Chewie dodged as best he could. I didn’t do too well at first, but then I got the hang of it. Han and I eventually got them all, and the Falcon escaped into lightspeed!
That’s when we finally learned what was going on. Leia was behind a lot of the events, it turned out. She’s an Imperial Senator, and knows enough to be appalled at what the Emperor was doing. She told Han and me a whole string of terrible things—from random arrests and beatings all the way to the destruction of Alderaan.
Leia decided to join the Rebellion, and soon became one of its top leaders. She’s very strong, and she’s obviously bottling up her own grief now because there’s a job to be done.
I’m trying to do the same myself. There’s no time to cry over the dead when there are so many more living who might join them if we don’t do our jobs.
Anyway, then Leia learned about the Death Star. One Rebel agent managed to get the complete plans for it, which Leia was delivering to the Rebel base when Darth Vader and his men intercepted her. She fed the plans into Artoo, along with the message to Ben. Then the droids escaped, but she was captured. She didn’t say what happened next, except that Grand Moff Tarkin, who’s in charge of the Death Star, blew up Alderaan as a warning. Now he’s after this Rebel base, hoping to finish off the Rebellion. And he can do it, too. Leia says that the Death Star is almost unstoppable.
And it’s that almost we have to count on.
Leia realized that Vader had let the Falcon go, hiding a homing beacon onboard her. So they must know where we are. That’s why we were able to make our getaway “so easily.” It didn’t seem easy to me at the time.
But what are the odds that we could invade this huge station filled with troopers and escape alive? I think the only thing we did that Vader didn’t expect was to rescue the princess. And bring Ben to the Death Star to get killed…
No. I’d better not think about that right now. Back to the point.
We headed for the Rebel base, knowing that the Death Star was right behind us. It’s on its way here. That’s not just Leia’s hunch, because a couple of scout ships have reported it moving in. Unfortunately there’s no way the moon can be evacuated before the satellite arrives, so we have no choice but to stand and fight.
Most of us, that is. Han decided that he’s not getting involved anymore. He said he’s only in this for the money, which he apparently owes to some gangster back on Tatooine called Jabba the Hutt. Leia made sure he got paid, but I can tell she was even more hurt than I was.
I tried to talk to him, too, to get him to see what I could: that the Rebellion was worth fighting for, and even dying for. The Empire had to be overthrown. Han just laughed and shook his head. He knew I was an idealist, he told me, but that just wasn’t his style. He didn’t really care who was in charge. He just had his job to do and a living to earn. He was taking the money and leaving. Chewie seemed to be less happy about the idea than Han, but both of them have made up their minds to go. Wookiees are loyal like that.
I have to admit I’m disappointed in Han. I really thought there was more to him than just plain old greed. No, I still think there is. The greed is just drowning out the rest of him. I don’t understand it really, but I’m not in Han’s shoes. Maybe if I’d grown up like he did, hand to mouth all the time, I’d value money more. I don’t know Han’s background—he doesn’t talk much about it—but I’m pretty sure he’s lived a dangerous and unsettled life. Maybe for him, bowing out now is the logical course of action. I’d like to believe so. I’d like even more to believe that he could fight for something more worthwhile than money, though.
He says we’re all chumps for wanting to take on the Empire. That we don’t stand a chance. That we’re just throwing our lives away for nothing.
And maybe he’s right—in part. We could all die in this fight. The Empire, after all, has a lot more resources than the Rebellion. And they’ve got their ultimate weapon, the Death Star. So, yes, it’s going to be tough, and maybe we’ll all die. But, even if we do, is it all for nothing, as Han claims?
I don’t think so. I know exactly what I’m fighting for. I’m fighting for Ben, and Uncle Owen, and Aunt Beru, and all the people of Alderaan. For my parents. For those murdered Jawas, and for everyone else that the Imperials have ground underfoot, as if their lives were worth nothing. Because that’s not true. Their lives were all worth living. And, if you ask me, it’s worth fighting to make sure there aren’t any more Alderaans, or Bens, or Jawas who are going to die just because the Empire says so.
So, I don’t think that’s nothing. I think it’s a fight worth living for. And, if need be, dying for.
I don’t like the idea of dying, of course. Especially not now, when some of my dreams have started to come true. I’m out here at last, on a distant planet, under alien stars
. I’m making a difference, fighting for a cause I believe in. And I think Leia really likes me.
Maybe I’m not the sort of guy who grows up to marry a princess. But I know now that I’m lucky enough to be friends with one. Despite her noble background, Leia doesn’t have airs and graces. She’s ready to fight and die with everyone else.
I even heard one of the doctors say she was tortured on the Death Star. She never breathed a word of that to us, nor did she let it slow her down. She’s really remarkable, and I’m glad just to be her friend. And the nice thing is that she feels the same way about me.
It’s really odd. Despite all of our differences, I feel like I’ve known her all my life. Or should have known her. Maybe it’s the Force, or maybe just wishful thinking, but I’ve never felt as close to anyone as I do to Ben… Han… and Leia. Now Ben’s dead, and Han’s running while he can. It’s just Leia and me against the Empire now.
But, somehow, those seem like pretty good odds to me.
It’s not just the two of us, of course. There are lots of other Rebels, and one of them is Biggs!
I could hardly believe it when we ran into each other again. It was so great to see him. But such a complete shock. I mean, I knew he wanted to join the Rebellion, but I had no idea he’d succeeded and ended up here. It almost makes up for Han leaving.
Of course, Biggs was the one who was really surprised. He expected me to be back on Tatooine, still shooting womp rats and imagining space battles. Well, have I got some stories to tell him! After this battle, we are going to celebrate our reunion and catch up on each other’s adventures. Big time! I can’t believe I actually have my own stories to tell. Stories that won’t put him to sleep.
Ah, this is great. Biggs and Luke—together again!
I had already volunteered for action, but I had to pass a flight simulator test before they’d let me fly one of their snub fighters. And Biggs was in charge of the test. I think he made it extra difficult, to help prepare me for the real battle. He ran a full combat simulation with high g forces. It was crazy! There were so many attackers coming at me, I couldn’t possibly get them all.
So imagine how I felt when Biggs showed my test results to Commander Willard and Red Leader. Yeah, I was pretty nervous. Red Leader approached me and said I only got killed twice. Killed twice! That didn’t sound so reassuring. But Red Leader explained that I had actually done well—considering Biggs had thrown an entire starfleet at me!
I would get a ship. And my wingman would be none other than Biggs. It felt so great to make the team, and to know that Biggs and I would be up there together.
I can’t think of many people I’d rather have fighting with me than Biggs. We go back so far together. When he left Tatooine for the Academy, I really started to feel like life was passing me by. Now we’re back together—well, the galaxy had better watch out!
It was kind of funny when I introduced Biggs to Leia, though. He went all red-faced and stammering, and tried to say “Your Highness” without messing it up. I couldn’t help grinning. I guess it’s weird, meeting a princess for the first time. I was pretty nervous, too.
But, anyway, back to the point. Han’s wrong about something else, too. There is a chance against the Death Star. It’s not a very big chance, but it’s the only one we’ve got. It seems that the station is virtually indestructible—except for one small weakness. The weapon it uses to destroy planets builds up a huge amount of heat that has to be forced out of the satellite. And there’s only one vent for this. The technicians here have discovered that if this thermal exhaust port can be blocked, the heat generated will stay inside the Death Star and overload the systems in seconds.
Boom.
If we can seal the port. The problem is, it’s very small, and it’s located in an artificial canyon, guarded by guns. Most of the pilots who’ve volunteered to fight are convinced it is an impossible target. I’m not so sure. Okay, it’s small, but not much smaller than a womp rat, and Biggs and I could shoot them from our T-16s without much trouble. A lot of the other pilots think I’m crazy, that it’s a shot nobody could make. That’s just defeatist talk. They’ve got to believe it’s possible. Otherwise this moon is going to be rubble after the Death Star arrives.
I’m in Red Flight, along with Biggs. He’s as convinced as I am that we can do this. I think some of our confidence is rubbing off on the rest of Red Flight, at least. We’ve got to be able to pull this off.
One more good thing—I’m not entirely alone in my X-wing. We need droids to help us pilot and run the ship, and I’ve been assigned Artoo. One of the techies commented that he’s battered, and they have a few better models. But I won’t go with anyone else. Artoo and I have been through a lot together, and this attack on the Death Star is going to be another joint venture.
It’s almost time to take off. This might be my last entry. I could die in this raid. If so, then maybe this recording will survive, so someone one day might know how I felt about what’s been happening.
May the Force be with us all.
THIRTEENTH ENTRY
I can’t believe it’s over! I’m absolutely exhausted and emotionally shattered. But it’s over, and the Alliance is safe. Only, there have been more losses…
These past couple of hours have been the most intense in my entire life—a whirlwind of action and emotions.
The Death Star had arrived at the Yavin system by the time we were ready to lift off. All our X-wings blasted off, and we headed into space. It’s a good thing we didn’t stop to think about it.
The Death Star wasn’t very maneuverable, but it didn’t really need to be. With its bulk, we could have shot at it for days on end and never hit anything vital, while it could destroy Yavin and all its moons in minutes.
Besides, they had the TIE fighters to keep us busy. They launched several waves of them, which came out to intercept us before we could reach the Death Star. We’d been expecting this, of course. My group, Red Flight, was assigned to run interference. Gold Flight, Y-wing fighters, were going to go for the exhaust port. They had stronger armaments and a better chance of hitting the target.
Leia had given me a kiss for luck before I’d taken off. Han, almost ready to leave, had called, “May the Force be with you.” Not that he believed in it, but he obviously wanted to say something other than, “Good-bye, kid.” Threepio had told Artoo to come back in one piece. All our friends were thinking of us, even if they couldn’t be up there with us.
And then the battle began.
I can’t remember all the details because it was so hectic. TIE fighters were at us, cannons blazing. Artoo kept plotting and replotting courses, and watching the ship’s systems closely. I just flew and fired. Biggs was close by me, and I know we saved each other’s lives at least once during the fight. I’m not sure how many TIE fighters I got exactly. We were hit once, but it wasn’t too bad, and Artoo had the problem under control pretty quickly.
Still, the Imperials were launching more and more TIE fighters. How many did the Death Star have aboard? There was no way of telling, but they seemed to have an endless supply of them! Of course, there were bound to be more TIE fighters than X-wings, but I couldn’t help wondering what we were up against. The only thing I knew for sure was this: the longer the battle lasted, the more likely we were to lose.
Gold Flight went in for the attack, while we covered them. Between the TIE fighters and the turret guns on the Death Star itself, it wasn’t easy, but we did our best. Everyone was being rocked by explosions as the Y-wings went in. They switched on their targeting computers and entered the trench. The rest of us passed overhead, firing alternately at the TIE fighters and then at the guns below.
It was total chaos, explosions everywhere. But no matter how many we took out, there were always more. Gold Flight ran into trouble, too. The trench was long but narrow. One of the Gold Flight slammed into a wall and went down in flames. Another was hit by guns. But Gold Leader made it and let his torpedoes go.
And they mi
ssed. After all that, they missed.
They exploded harmlessly just about the same second the guns got Gold Leader.
And then it was just the remnants of Red Flight, as we whirled about as fast as we could, heading back into action again. We didn’t have any option but to try again. The Reds weren’t carrying very strong torpedoes—but theoretically, a couple of good shots from one of them could knock out the exhaust port. Theoretically.
Red Leader and two men went into the trench. Biggs, Wedge, and I provided their cover.
We dove for the trench together, trying to avoid the fire from the guns below. If we got low enough, they couldn’t fire down. Of course, we had to virtually scrape paint off the Death Star to get that low, but Biggs and I had done worse back home on Tatooine. We’d taken some crazy risks as kids, and the experience was starting to pay off. It was just like blasting womp rats, even if the rats were fighting back.
I took another minor hit, and Artoo managed to reroute the systems. A stabilizer had broken loose, but the droid managed to get it operational again. Then the attack was on.
Flying low and firing like crazy, Biggs, Wedge, and I covered Red Leader. But we weren’t good enough to stop everything. One of our ships went down, and then the second. Red leader fired his torpedoes, but once again he missed.
Maybe Han was right. Maybe this was impossible.
Red Leader went down in flames, and there were just the three of us left. And three enemy TIE fighters, including one that was being flown as if a demon piloted it. I was almost certain one was, and that his name was Darth Vader.
I could feel something odd, like a disturbance in the Force. It was like the disturbance I’d felt on the Death Star earlier, when Vader had struck down Ben. It was a feeling of great evil.
I hadn’t felt Ben die, but I had sensed this great, dark shadow in the Force. So I was pretty sure the pilot we were facing was Vader.
And I wanted to kill him.
Just not badly enough to jeopardize our mission. Right now, it was more important to stop the Death Star. I took a deep breath and made my decision.
