“Yes,” she said, and it came out as a half word, half sob answer. Gabe squeezed her hand again.
The doctor had her lay back and did a quick exam.
“You’re in labor. We’re going to try to stop the contractions,” Dr. Clayton said. “There’s a good chance the baby would survive if he was born now, but we want to try to stop it to give him as much chance as possible. The longer he’s in there, the better.”
“What if you can’t stop it?” Carolyn asked.
“Then you’ll have a baby. But he’ll have far fewer complications if he can stay in another few weeks.”
Carolyn remembered the long list of complications from the books she’d read. Anything from lung and breathing problems to developmental problems. Her baby could have a lot of medical issues from being born too soon.
“You keep saying ‘he.’ Is it a boy?” Gabe asked.
“Or she,” Dr. Clayton said. She checked her notes one more time. “Do you want to know the sex?”
Gabe and Carolyn made eye contact. They had talked about this and decided to make it a surprise. They had names picked out for a girl or a boy and clothes for both. His mom had tried to convince them to find out, since it made gift buying easier for the shower that was planned for next weekend, but they’d both decided that it would be more fun to wait. Maybe things had changed now, though.
Gabe raised his eyebrows at her and she shook her head.
“No,” he said. “We want it to be a surprise.”
“Then I’ll go with ‘he’ for simplicity’s sake,” Dr. Clayton said.
Carolyn had tried to get a sense of the baby’s sex for months. She’d imagine a little girl in a pink dress and pigtails. She’d been so sure it was a girl. But then, she’d imagine a boy in blue, tossing a football with Gabe, and that felt right, too. She really had no idea which it was. And now she might find out too soon.
She tried not to worry. The doctor seemed confidant, and she had read plenty of stories of babies surviving as early as 28 weeks. But it was risky, and there were so many possible complications. Plus, it would mean a lot of time in the hospital, and a lot of expense. The expense was the least of it, but it was still a concern. She focused her worry there, though, because if she thought of everything that could go wrong with the baby, she started to get panicky and her heart raced. That couldn’t be good.
The nurse put in an IV and hooked up a bag of liquid.
“This will slow the contractions, and hopefully stop them,” Dr. Clayton explained. “What were you doing when they started? Any sort of physical activity?”
“No,” Carolyn said, breathing through another contraction.
“We, umm,” Gabe said nervously. “We were sort of fighting.”
The doctor nodded. “Did they start when your stress level rose?”
“I think so?”
“Okay. Then let’s make sure you’re nice and calm.” She gave Gabe a pointed look. “I hope the argument was resolved. But if not, I don’t want any discussions that will bring her stress.”
“It’s resolved,” Gabe said.
“Good,” Dr. Clayton said.
Carolyn looked up at Gabe, confused. Resolved? Since when? But she was distracted by another contraction.
“I’ll come back to check on you shortly,” Dr. Clayton said. “I am going to admit you, so we’ll get you to a room.”
“Thank you,” Gabe said.
When they were alone, Carolyn asked, “What do you mean it’s been resolved?”
He picked up her hand and kissed it. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you as long as you need me.”
“And after the baby?”
“The doctor said we shouldn’t discuss this now.”
“Not knowing is what’s stressing me out, though.”
He sighed. “I don’t know. But let’s worry about that in eleven weeks when the baby gets here.”
“What if it comes sooner?”
“Then we’ll worry about it when he comes.”
She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No,” she whispered. “I know I’ve messed this up so badly. I never meant to hurt you or anyone. I was just trying to do what was best for everyone.”
“I know.” He put his hand on her shoulder.
“But it ended up being the wrong thing for everyone. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I forgive you.”
“Are you saying that because we’re here or do you really mean it?”
He thought for several moments, then said, “I mean it. I didn’t make the best decisions when I was at my worst, either. I can’t blame you for it.”
“But you can leave me?”
He sighed. “No.”
“So, if the baby is yours?”
“Then, I guess we go back to our original plan. Start a family and live happily ever after.”
“And if it’s not?”
“I don’t know. I mean, Kenny has legal rights as the father. And based on his reaction, I don’t think he’d be willing to just sign over those rights. So that means some kind of visitation and custody. Plus, his threat. I just don’t know if I can handle all that.”
“You really think he’d try to take the baby from me?”
“He is a jerk. I wouldn’t put it past him. Though, I don’t know if he’d actually be able to do anything. He has no grounds for taking the baby from you.”
She nodded. “I just want him to go away.”
“Me too. But he’s my teammate and you slept with him. If nothing else, we’ll always have to face that.”
“I’m sorry I slept with him. If I would have known it would cause all these problems, I wouldn’t have even left my dorm room that night.”
“I know. And even though it bothers me, you’re right. We weren’t together. I wasn’t in a place to pursue a relationship with you. I wish I would have. It’s not like I wasn’t thinking about you. I was just trying to keep my life in one piece.”
“And you did. You’ve come a long way.”
“Thanks.” He nodded toward the machine that tracked contractions. “Are things slowing down? The readout looks better.”
“Yeah,” she said. “It’s getting better.” She hadn’t noticed until he said it, but whatever drug they’d given her had calmed her. And the pain had lessened. She hadn’t had a contraction in several minutes, and the most recent one was less intense than the last ones had been.
“Good. I just want you and the baby to be okay.”
“Me too. I’ve already caused enough problems for this kid. I don’t need to make it any worse.”
“I guess I didn’t help. I shouldn’t have been yelling and arguing with you like that. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too. For everything.”
“This has been really scary. I thought something was going to happen to the baby, or to you. I know I fell in love with you, but I didn’t realize how much I already love this baby, too.”
She blinked at him, her throat growing thick at his words. “What?” she whispered.
He gulped. “I tried to tell you before. I wanted to tell you. I love you, Carolyn. And I love this baby. And that’s why it hurt so much. I feel like if it’s Kenny’s, I’ll lose you both, and that’s unbearable.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“I think it does. There’s been so much pain in my life, I can’t take losing this baby, and being with you knowing it wasn’t mine would be too hard. I couldn’t deal with that reminder everyday.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
He leaned closer to her. “That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do. But I love you too much. I need to have you all to myself, and I won’t share.”
“I never expected you to. I never intended you to have to.”
“But that’s what it would be. I’d be sharing your time and the baby’s time with Kenny. And I just can’t.”
He leaned forward mor
e until his lips pressed against hers. He kissed her gently, then broke away and wiped a tear from her cheek.
“Thank you,” she said. “For loving me. I know Sam said he did, and maybe he did in his way, but I never felt it. He was so selfish, it was always more about him. But with you… I feel like you love me. It’s a good feeling. Even if it’s only for now. I’ll just enjoy every minute of it until the baby comes.”
He looked down and took in a shaky breath. “I really hope it’s mine,” he whispered.
“Me too.”
She made a fast decision in that moment. Whatever she’d thought about it in the past, now seemed like the time. She may not have much longer to tell him.
“Gabe?”
He met her eyes. His still looked pained.
“I love you, too,” she said.
He pressed his lips together.
“I thought I should tell you now, while I still had the chance,” she said.
Before they could say anything else, Dr. Clayton returned. She picked up the readout from the monitors and nodded. “Good. It looks like things are slowing down. Are you feeling better?”
Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. She nodded.
“I’m going to keep a close eye on things,” the doctor said, “But at this point, I think we’ll need to keep you on bedrest for a few weeks to be safe.”
“Okay,” she said. “Whatever is best for the baby.”
Once they got her to a room, Justin and Amanda came in to see her.
“How are you?” Amanda asked. She came to her side and took her hand.
“Better.”
“You guys going to be okay?” Justin asked.
Gabe nodded. “We’ll figure it out.”
“I’m really sorry. I feel responsible for so much of this,” Justin said.
“You didn’t cause it, I did,” Carolyn said.
“Still. I made it worse.”
“It’s all good,” Gabe said.
“How long will you have to stay?” Amanda asked.
“For right now, two weeks. Then the doctor is going to see how things look. I could end up being on bed rest until the baby comes.”
“Well, I will come to visit you and I can bring you books or whatever you need.”
“Thanks.” Carolyn smiled at her.
“I’ll be here whenever I’m not on the field,” Gabe said.
She couldn’t help thinking, yeah. You’re here for me, for now. Until you find out it’s not your baby. The thought stabbed her in the chest. Oh God, please let it be Gabe’s. It seemed like one little piece of DNA would decide her whole future. Either she’d be happy and have a family with Gabe, or she’d be alone, raising this baby on her own. Unless she went back to Sam. But that thought hurt worse than the idea of being single. No matter what, she wouldn’t be with Kenny. She wouldn’t have before, and everything he’d said and done since showing up earlier had confirmed that he was not the one for her, or the one to be the father of her baby. Even if he biologically was.
That night, when everyone had gone and she was alone, she put her hand on her belly. “Stay in there, little baby. I’m not sure what the world will look like when you get here.”
Chapter 15
Gabe hadn’t slept well in weeks. He missed Carolyn. Missed her sleeping beside him. Missed holding her close, missed making love to her. Every time he saw her big, round belly, it gave him a hard on. He regretted that he hadn’t made love to her more when she was still home. No way could they do it now, with her being in the hospital and on bed rest. But he thought of her, and it seemed every night he was taking care of things when he got home from being with her.
Several things were keeping him from sleeping. Of course, money. The new shifter league was successful, as people had thought it would be. It seemed most people wanted to see the hard hits from the bigger guys. And the shifter league had fewer rules when it came to things like tackling. They were able to withstand more and healed faster than humans, so less padding, less safety gear was required to keep them safe. The games were often sold out and the stadiums were full. Merchandise had been selling well. New contracts were under way, and it would mean a lot of money for him and most of his teammates, but negotiations took time. Getting paid took time. And in that time, bills were piling up.
He’d never tell her, of course, but they’d really needed her to get a job. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t get hired, and she’d tried so hard. But now, the medical bills were also piling up. He hid that from her, too. But he’d had to borrow more money from his parents and put more things on credit cards than he wanted to. His first few paychecks with his new salary would all go to paying things back.
That was one thing, and that alone was enough to keep him up. But then, there was the missing her. He hadn’t thought much of it when the doctor she’d need to stay until the baby was born. But coming home and not having her there, knowing she wouldn’t be there. Having to cook and eat on his own, having to do the shopping and the cleaning all himself. It made him realize just how much he really did love her and miss her. He spent as much time as he could at the hospital, but it wasn’t the same. She needed to rest a lot and they had already grown bored of every card game and TV show. There was little to do when one of you was stuck in a bed for weeks.
Missing her was bad enough, but what came with the missing was worse. This thought nagged him. If the baby wasn’t his and he ended things with her, then she’d never come back. She’d never be his again. And that thought brought a lot of pain with it. But the other option, the staying with her if the baby was Kenny’s option, gave him such a stomachache, he couldn’t eat. And that was very bad for a pro ball player. He was forcing himself to eat and drink protein shakes, which just made him feel worse. Nothing like eating when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.
He also worried about what he’d do if the baby was his. These were the more expected worries. Would he be a good father? Could he be a good husband and a good father? And how could they even get married if she was still married to Sam? What if he did something wrong with the baby? How would he know what to do when it cried? He wanted to ask questions. Ask his mom or Carolyn, or Google, even. But if he thought too much about how to take care of a baby, the ache in his chest grew. And the doubt. That his research might all be for nothing.
If all that wasn’t enough, he’d started to have dreams again about Austin. Nightmares, really. He kept dying over and over in different ways. And each time, Gabe was too late, or had caused his death in some way. Sometimes, the dreams would mix with his other worries. Austin would be in the car with the baby and they’d drive off a cliff together and he’d lose them both because his arm wasn’t long enough to grab the car before it fell. Or Carolyn would say that Austin was the father, then Kenny would show up and shoot Austin so that he could be with Carolyn. It was a mess in his head, and he was a mess.
If it wasn’t for the team and Coach Tucker, he would have made regular stops at the bar he passed on the way home from the hospital. He wanted a drink so badly. He knew it would numb the pain and make him sleep more soundly. But instead, he’d talked to their medical staff and gotten some sleeping pills. He took them every night. If he didn’t, he didn’t sleep at all. If he took them, he slept fitfully and with nightmares. The only thing that helped was getting his aggression out on the field. Whether during practice or in a game, he pushed himself hard. He didn’t try to hide his disgust for Kenny, and they had some spectacular tackles in practice. Coach had commented once that they looked like they were trying to kill each other. If he only knew.
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