Down on My Knees

by Conley, Samantha

“I don’t know,” he answers with a shrug of his shoulders. “Stand by your man? Give him your support? Unless you weren’t falling in love with him.” He quirks an eyebrow, a knowing gleam in his eye.

  I duck my head, hair falling across my face to hide my guilt as I feel his stare from across the table.

  “Spill, Cam,” he orders.

  “I let him go before he could hurt me,” I whisper, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

  “Why would he hurt you? Did he do something? Did he lay his hands on you?” Bryson’s voice rises, gaining the attention of the next table over.

  “No, he didn’t lay his hands on me,” I retort. “He never hit me or anything like that. Hell, we never even had a fight. Would you please keep your damn voice down?”

  “Then why would you think he would hurt you?” he asks, he head cocked to the side.

  “Look at me, then look at the women he’s used to being with.”

  “And?” he encourages.

  “I can’t compare to them. Hell, I don’t want to. What happens when he wants to go back to his usual? I can’t change myself to fit that mold.” I twirl my fork in my pasta, keeping my attention anywhere but on him.

  “If he’s half the man I think he is, he won’t want to change a thing about you. You’re perfect the way you are. And if he does? Fuck him.”

  “I love you too.” Reaching over, I give his hand a squeeze.

  “You know what your problem is?” He points his fork in my direction.

  “I have a problem?”

  “You’re still letting all the crap Addyson filled your head with when you were younger cloud your judgment.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask looking off to the side, praying that I’ll be saved by the waiter.

  “Come on, Camryn. You know what I’m talking about,” he huffs out, leaning back in his chair. “From the time we were little, Addyson was always treating you like shit. Talking down to you, making fun of you. I think, in your mind, you actually started to believe all the crap she spewed.”

  “You really think that?” I ask, my voice small as I mentally run through the things Addy always told me.

  “You can only be told something so many times before you start believing it. It’s a little voice in the back of your mind, that self-doubt. And you, sister dear, are chock full of it.”

  Could he be right? Am I really letting Addyson dictate my life, even if it’s just in my mind?

  “Something else is bothering you. What is it?”

  “You know me too well.”

  “It’s that twin intuition thing.”

  “Promise me you won’t do anything rash?” I plead, my hands gripping the table so tight that my knuckles turn white.

  “Oh, shit. When you start things off like that, it can’t be good.”

  “It’s not bad. Just…unexpected.” I give him a small smile. “Promise.”

  Heaving an exaggerated sigh, he replies, “Okay, I promise.”

  “I’m pregnant,” I rush out.

  “Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you right.” He sticks his finger in his ear like he needs to unblock it. “You’re what?” he asks, eyes wide.

  “Pregnant.”

  “How the hell did that happen!” He leans back in his chair, running a hand across his face.

  “If I need to explain the birds and the bees, you have your own problems.” I laugh.

  “Ha-ha. No, I’m serious. Don’t you know what birth control is?”

  “I was on birth control. It just didn’t work for me.”

  “How far along are you?”

  “About three months.”

  “Three months? And you’re just now telling me?” He glares at me.

  “I just found out last week, and that was by accident.”

  “What, you just happened to pee on a stick?”

  “No, I passed out at work, and it freaked Sarah out. She called nine-one-one, and they took me to the emergency room. A blood test confirmed I was pregnant.”

  “Wait, you didn’t tell me anything about having to go to the hospital.”

  “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I let myself get run down, and I was dehydrated. They kept me overnight. I went home the next day.” Grabbing my purse from the floor, I ask, “Want to see a picture of your future niece or nephew?” The way his eyes light up at the prospect makes me happy. Pulling the printouts from a plastic case, I hand them across the table.

  “What am I looking at?” he asks in wonder, his eyes scanning the black and white object. Scooting into the chair next to him, I point out various areas on the picture.

  “I can’t believe I’m going to be an uncle. What does Isaac think about all of this?”

  “Uh, I haven’t told him yet,” I mumble.

  “Why not?” he asks, shocked.

  “One, we’re broken up. Two, I just found out a week ago. I needed to wrap my head around it before telling him…” I trail off.

  “And three?” He encourages, picking up my hand and giving it a squeeze.

  “I’m scared.” I look up at him, tears welling in my eyes.

  “He has the right to know, Camryn,” he chides.

  “Of course, he does. And I’m going to tell him…when the time is right,” I defend.

  “And that is?”

  “I’m not sure. I was going to tell him at the game, but he ended up with his family out west, so it blew that plan,” I grumble. It didn’t work out the way I wanted it to—the buffer of our friends to keep him from causing a scene…or myself, for that matter.

  “Ambush him in front of a bunch of people, huh?” Bryson chuckles.

  “What?”

  “It’s like breaking up with someone. Do it in a public place so they won’t freak out.”

  “Maybe,” I say with a small smile.

  “No matter what happens with Isaac, I’ll always be here for you, Cam. And I’ll be the greatest uncle there ever was. I can’t wait to teach him how to play football. Between mine and Isaac’s genes, he’ll be a natural.” Bryson gets a far-off look in his eyes as if he can just imagine his nephew following in his footsteps.

  “And if it’s a girl?” I smirk.

  “You hush your mouth.” I laugh at the look of horror on his face before spearing a stalk of broccoli and taking a bite.

  Camryn

  Bora Bora? Seriously? I throw the wadded-up clothes on the floor in disgust before flopping back onto the bed. What the hell was I thinking when I agreed to go on this trip? I want to be cuddled up on my couch watching sappy Christmas movies and crying at commercials, not traipsing off to the warm beaches and ocean. Good grief, I’m going to look like a whale. In the past three weeks, my boobs seem like they have quadrupled in size and none of my pants fit. It’s like my body said, “Hey, you know about this baby, so now it’s time to show it.” After rejecting my entire summer wardrobe for being too small, it’s time to call in reinforcements.

  “Hey, sugar. What’s up?” Sarah’s soft southern drawl sounds in my ear.

  “I have an emergency!” I cry into the phone,

  “Wait, hold up. Calm your tits.”

  “That’s hard to do these days,” I mutter.

  “What’s the emergency?”

  “We’re supposed to be leaving for Bora Bora tomorrow and none of the clothes I bought for the trip fit! Where the hell am I going to get a swimsuit in December!” I wail, tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “Okay, give me an hour. I’ll round up some stuff and bring it over. You don’t mind borrowing a swimsuit, do you?”

  “At this point, I’ll take anything!”

  Pacing the living room, I nibble my nail down to the nub while watching the clock, my feet burning a bigger hole with each minute that passes. Will she get here already! As soon as the thought crosses my mind, there’s a thud at the door.

  Hurrying over, I look through the peephole, seeing Sarah, her hands full of bags as she kicks the door again. I twist the knob, pull it open, and she dro
ps some of the bags with a huff.

  “Damn, those were heavier than I thought,” she says, wiping her hand across her forehead.

  “You are a lifesaver,” I breathe out, picking up one of the bags bulging with assorted color fabrics.

  “Well, let’s see what will work before you make that statement. I dragged out all my summer clothes. I’m not sure any of my shorts will be long enough for you since you’re so damn tall.”

  After two hours of trying on various clothes, we finally come up with enough outfits for the trip. The swimsuits, on the other hand…well, there’s only so much you can do. Every single top she had barely contained the girls. One wrong move, and it’s a nip slip.

  “Just wear a cover-up,” Sarah says, eyeing my cleavage. “You know, even though your pants don’t fit right now, you don’t have much of a pooch for being four months along.”

  “Don’t jinx me. I’ll wake tomorrow with a damn basketball in my belly,” I moan, just picturing nothing fitting all over again.

  “I’m not jinxing you. Let’s get all these clothes washed and packed. What time do you have to be at the airport in the morning?”

  “Too damn early,” I grumble. No longer am I a morning person. I hit my snooze at least three times before I crawl out of bed. “It’s like this baby is sucking all the energy out of me. And I miss coffee.”

  “You’re still working too hard,” she complains.

  “I’ve cut back,” I retort.

  “You’re still working ten hours a day,” she argues.

  “We had to get all of the research done before the end of the year. Especially since I’m flying halfway across the world for Christmas.”

  “You need a vacation, Camryn. Is Isaac going to be there?” She side-eyes me. Her innocent question makes my heart stutter in my chest. Ever since the week of Thanksgiving, Isaac and I have been playing phone tag, and when we do speak, our conversation is stilted, afraid to say anything that may crumble the tenuous relationship we’ve built.

  “The whole band and some family members will be there,” I reply, smoothing the blanket on the bed.

  “Have you at least told Mallory and Kristen about the baby?” she asks, rolling her eyes at my evasion.

  I cringe at the question. “No, I haven’t. I didn’t want them to have to keep a secret from Isaac. They’re his friends too.”

  “But their loyalty lies with you, right?”

  “Of course, but I figured it would be better this way. For all of us. Isaac doesn’t deserve to hear the news from anyone but me. And it would be my luck that one of them would spill the beans.”

  “Uh huh.” She snorts.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I question, hands on my hips.

  “Girl, you are swimming in the river of denial.”

  “Denial? What are you talking about?”

  “Maybe it’s not denial. Perhaps you’re just scared of what will happen when they find out.”

  “Scared? Scared of what?” I scoff.

  “Them judging you?” she throws out, circling her hand at me. “Look, I’m not saying they are going to judge you. If they’re really your friends, they won’t, but maybe, subconsciously, you’re worried about what they’ll think.”

  “I…well hell, I don’t know. Maybe that does have something to with why I’ve been reluctant to tell them. I mean, only my brother and you know.”

  “And I count myself lucky,” she says before wrapping her arms around me. “How are you getting to the airport in the morning?”

  “I’m going to call a cab.”

  “How about I take you?”

  “That would be great. How about you just stay the night and we can pig out on junk food?”

  “Slumber paarrttaayyy!” she shouts, doing an impromptu dance around the bed. “Hell yeah, that sounds like fun. Let’s order some pizza, watch some chick flicks, and drool over the hot men.”

  “You’ve got yourself a deal,” I laugh out. “You start finding the movies, and I’ll get the pizza ordered.”

  As I reach for the phone, she calls out, “Dessert, too, right?”

  “Hello, pregnant woman here. Of course, we’re getting dessert.” I shake my head as she walks out of the room.

  In the middle of watching Sweet Home Alabama, my phone dings from the coffee table. Pushing aside the pizza boxes, I swipe the icon, and my breath catches in my chest.

  Isaac: Need me to pick you up in the morning?

  It would be the perfect time for me to tell him…but what if he gets distracted when I blurt out the news and it causes him to wreck? Or he gets so mad, he throws me out of the car? No, that’s not the time to reveal the secret that will change his life forever.

  Me: Thanks for the offer, but Sarah is giving me a ride.

  Isaac: Okay. See you in the morning

  Just the thought of seeing him brings a smile to my face and warmth in my chest.

  Isaac

  Wheeling my carry-on through the terminal, I search for our gate number when the high-pitched squeals lead me in the direction of my friends. As I walk up to Derek and Jason, I see the girls jumping around and acting all excited about our upcoming trip. Camryn’s hair draws me like a beacon in the night. Her smile lights up her whole face. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see it again. Now, if I could only get her to direct it at me. When her eyes meet mine, they sparkle.

  “Are they going to do this the whole trip?” I ask when I reach the guys.

  “I bet they will. Mallory woke me up at five this morning. Hell, we didn’t go to sleep until after one. I don’t know where she has the energy.” Jason glances over at Mallory with a goofy grin on his face. I can guess what kept them up so late. Lucky bastard.

  “I don’t know what time Kristen got up. I woke up at six, and she had everything packed, breakfast made, and was ready to walk out the door,” Derek chimes in.

  “We got good seats, right? We’re not stuck in economy, are we?” I can’t keep the whiney tone out of my voice. It’s too fucking early.

  “No, we’re all in business class. I think we took up the whole section,” Derek replies, and I swear he’s trying not to roll his eyes at me.

  “Derek, have you met her parents before now?” Jason asks.

  “In person? No. We’ve Skyped when they’ve been available. They aren’t stateside very often.”

  “What is it her father does again?” For the life of me, I can’t remember. I know I’ve probably been told, but I just know they’re always off traipsing around the world.

  “He’s an ecological scientist working with Yale. He travels to foreign countries to study the land—how pollution and global warming are affecting the environment.”

  “Way smarter than the rest of us then,” I laugh.

  “Isaac, are your parents coming?” Jason inquires.

  “No, they’re not going to be able to make it. If they can’t drive, they won’t go. Both are terrified of flying. They headed up to my brother’s in Washington.”

  “Would you have rather gone up there?”

  “And miss the sunshine, beaches, and hot chicks in bikinis?” I chuckle. “Hell no.”

  “Is that the only reason? Or one particular hot chick?”

  “No, it’s not the only reason. But that’s a situation I don’t know what to do about,” I respond, glancing over at the girls. A soft smile graces Camryn’s face as she reaches up and tucks some of her hair behind her ear and I find myself wishing that it was me just so I could be close to her.

  “What’s the issue?” Derek asks, eyebrow arched.

  “Besides her not giving me the time of day?” I watch the guys wince.

  “That is a big problem,” Jason says, rubbing his chin. “Maybe this little vacation will force Camryn to spend some time with you,” he states with a pointed look in my direction.

  “What’s her deal? Usually, the chicks are falling all over you,” Derek inquires.

  “That’s her deal. My past is coming back to bite me
in the ass. She doubts I’m telling her the truth about just wanting to be with her.”

  “All you can do is be the man you want to be for her. Not the man she wants. Don’t change yourself for her, do it for you. If you mean no more groupies or random sex, you need to show her. Not just tell her.”

  “How can I show her when she won’t even stay in the damn room with me?”

  “Maybe this trip will be the opportunity you need.”

  “God, I hope so. I’m tired of her running. All I want is the chance to prove I’m the man for her. Is that too much to ask?” Even I hear the desperation in my voice. Looking over, I see the girls are staring in our direction, their eyes narrowed.

  “Hey, ladies, I’m going to hit the store for some snacks. Anything y’all would like? It’s a long ass flight.” Jason points his thumb over his shoulder.

  As Derek and Jason walk away from the terminal after gathering the girl’s orders, I wander closer to the women, the tinkle of their laughter barely heard over the hustle of the airport.

  “Morning, ladies. You sure are chipper for how early it is.”

  “Of course, we are,” Mallory fires back. “We’re ready for sun and fun, right, girls?”

  Both girls nod their assent, the grin on Kristen’s face is contagious, and I find myself smiling back as she bounces on the balls of her feet. Glancing at Red, her hands are fidgeting like she doesn’t know how to act. Like I make her nervous. But a good nervous or bad?

  By the time the guys return, it’s time to board the plane. I luck out when I see Red and I are seated together. Relieving her of her carry-on, I shove it in the overhead before adding mine.

  “Thank you,” she murmurs.

  “No problem. You want the window or aisle seat?”

  “I’ll take the aisle,” she responds before looking at me. “If it’s okay with you?”

  “That’s fine,” I reply before sliding in toward the window. When she sits beside me, I regret the fact that we’re not squeezed into the smaller seats in economy.

  After the flight attendant runs through the spiel of the exits and water landings, we finally take off. As soon as the seatbelt light dims, I unlatch the buckle and situate myself, so I’m angled toward Camryn. Her fiery red hair lays softly on her shoulders as her head rests on the seat, eyes closed, a pinched look on her face.