by King,Imani
Moments later, it seemed we were fully naked standing there. I pulled her towards the deep plush rug in front of the fireplace. I could’ve taken her to my room, and I probably should have, but I felt this need for her. I needed to be complete with someone. I needed to feel like I mattered to someone. I needed to feel like there was meaning and sense in the universe.
She didn’t resist me. She met my every kiss and every touch with her own. Her touch felt open and accepting. I appreciated this more than she could ever know.
When I sank my cock deep into the silky folds between her thighs, it was as if I had come home. I stared into her eyes even as I thrust inside of her. Her eyes were open and filled with tenderness. There might have been a spark of pity there as well, but I knew it was just because she felt so deeply for my situation. Perhaps even for me.
“Maddy. God, Maddy!” I couldn’t keep her name off of my lips even as I felt myself explode inside of her. There was a blissful release where for a moment everything else fell away. It was just the two of us, our bodies intertwined together in this perfect moment.
I brushed her hair out of her face even as my elbows fell around her so that I held myself above her. I kissed her deeply trying to tell her with my touch and with my lips how much she meant to me. I was so glad that she was the one who told me. If she hadn’t been there, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
As our lips finally broke apart, I felt the words falling out of my mouth before I could catch them.
“Maddy, I need you in my life. I should have told you back then. You are the one for me.”
I could see her eyes widen at my confession. I stopped just short of saying the three words that I could feel were true in my soul, but I didn’t want to scare her away. She’d already pushed me away so many times, I felt like my tender heart would break apart and shatter into pieces that could never be put back together if she didn’t say that she felt the same way too.
“I’ll wait as long as you need me to. I’ll give you as much space as you want, but don’t ever make me leave you again. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”
Her mouth opened, and my heart began to beat faster against my chest as I waited for the verdict that would affect the rest of my life.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I felt like I couldn’t believe his words, but deep down I knew they were true. There was no way that I could look into his eyes as he still was buried inside of me and not know that. I had given into him just as I knew that I would. There was an earnestness about his touch and his need that I couldn’t deny because I needed him too. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him and take his pain away.
It shattered me that he felt such deep guilt about not helping his father get any help for his alcohol addiction. My mother and father had told me stories about Shane’s father over the years. Bob Wright had become a bit of a joke around town. He couldn’t hold a job because he didn’t show up for work on time, and the times that he did he was usually drunk. There was speculation about the darker activities that he might be doing to supplement his addiction. The bartenders usually knew that if he came into the local bars to take his keys away. Apparently, the night before someone had forgotten to do that.
I hurt for Shane. But there was nothing that I could do for him that could take those feelings of guilt away. What I could do was what his lips and his hands asked me to do. I willingly gave my body to him, and it was when he made his confession that I realized I had also given him my soul.
Of course, had I ever really taken it back in the first place?
I could tell that he was waiting expectantly for my response. I could be completely cold and brush him off, but I didn’t want to. This is where my life had been leading me for the last nine years. I knew that there were still some big issues that we would have to resolve, but if we were in it together, surely we would find a way. He hadn’t said that he loved me, but I felt like those words were right there in the air hanging between us. That was okay. That would be a big step to take after less than a week of not having seen each other for nine years. That could wait until after I told him about Scarlet.
I was also glad he hadn’t said them because I didn’t think I could handle hearing him tell me that he loved me and then perhaps having him cut me out of his life as soon as he found out what I had done to him. For now, I immersed myself in this bliss of knowing that, right now, he felt something deeply for me. It was enough.
“I was wrong. I was wrong to tell you that there were no strings attached,” I said. Those words felt as if they were ripped from the depths of my chest. As soon as they were out loud, I knew that they were true. This was part of the confession that I had been working on for him since I turned him away. “There was something between us back then, and there is still something between us. I would like to find out more about what that could be,” I said. It was as honest as I felt like I could be with him for now. All of the rest could come after I introduced him to his daughter; assuming he still wanted me once he knew the truth.
His face turned up into a grin that made my heart sing. I knew that this had been the right thing to say after all. He began to kiss me and rained tiny butterfly kisses all over my face and neck. They tickled because of the scruff on his chin and made me giggle.
He pulled me into his arms and flipped onto his back pulling me with him so that I was above him. “I’m gonna crush you,” I said. I tried to squirm off of him, but he wouldn’t let me. He was far stronger than me.
“That’s silly. You feel good on top of me, and I intend to have you on top of me a lot,” he said.
This was the Shane that I remembered. Playful and happy. I loved that I was the one who had made him feel like this.
His face turned somber then. It was a little bit like the light had been snuffed out of the room. More than likely, it was that we were coming back down to reality. Our brief interlude had pushed the world away, but it had to eventually intrude once again.
“I’ll find out the details of the funeral,” he said. “But I want you to come with me back to Rosewood. Will you?”
I supposed in terms of an official first date, it was appropriate. We were going to say goodbye to an old part of our lives. Then we would be able to start anew. I would tell him about Scarlet after the funeral. I would be able to gauge if what I thought we had between us was really something that could stand the test of any obstacle.
I nodded slowly. “I’ll have to make some arrangements for work and such,” I said quickly to cover the racing of my thoughts. I was sure that once she understood the reason, my mother would agree to watch Scarlet until I got back to town.
“Of course,” Shane said. But his eyes appeared to be hooded. It was as if he was deep in thought. “You’re not seeing anyone else, are you?”
I realized what he must’ve been thinking. My hesitation and reluctance to see him had given him the idea that there might be someone else in my life. In all actuality there was, it just wasn’t exactly in the way that he was thinking.
I gave him a light kiss on his cheek. “There is only you. There’s always only been you.”
That was pretty much true. Unlike Shane, whose romances were publicly splashed across every celebrity news rag, my love life had been significantly quieter. In the end, I was always measuring the man against Shane, and they were always falling short. So I had focused on my daughter and my work, and it had been fulfilling; at least, until now.
He sat us up and nuzzled against the crook of my neck. “Good. I’m glad to hear that.”
I glanced at my watch. I didn’t want to leave Shane alone, but if I was going to be going out of town for a couple of days, I felt like I needed to at least see Scarlet once before I left.
“Why don’t I go back to my place and grab some things? Then I’ll come back and stay with you tonight,” I suggested. This was going to involve a little bit more manipulation of my mother, but I didn’t want Shane to be alone.
He nodded. “All right. You want me to come with you?�
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“No,” I said quickly. “You should lay low just in case the press has found out. How about I bring us back something to eat?” I said. I found that my maternal instinct was coming out. I wanted to take care of him and protect him in every way possible. There was also a small part of me that was a little bit excited about having some time away with him, even if it was for the somber reason of attending his father’s funeral.
“That sounds great,” he said with a smile. “You promise to come back?”
“I promise,” I said even as I began to rub his shoulders to let him know that he didn’t have to worry about that kind of thing anymore. I was in it to win it.
An hour later, I unlocked the door to my apartment. The door was barely opened before I was greeted by a small whirlwind who knocked into my lower abdomen. “Mommy!”
I laughed and scooped Scarlet up into my arms. Even though she was eight years old, she was still small enough that I was able to carry her for a short period of time.
I could smell the heavenly scent of homemade spaghetti sauce. My mom had been cooking. “Is Grandma making spaghetti?”
“Yes!” she said as she gave me a thumbs up. I laughed and gave her a tight squeeze before I let her slide to the floor. “You’re getting heavier by the day.”
“That’s not something you should tell her. You will give her a complex,” my mother said as she emerged into the hall. She waved me into the kitchen. I followed somewhat reluctantly. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to frame the situation up for my mother so that she wouldn’t decide to stick her nose into it and meddle.
“I didn’t expect you back so soon,” she said. She was moving around the kitchen in an experienced way. I couldn’t cook worth a damn. That was one trait that my mother said I definitely inherited from my father.
I knew that it was my mother’s fondest dream that I would marry a pro athlete given my line of work. For some reason, she believed that would make our family’s troubles go away. I had a surprise for her, though. I had no intention if things did continue between me and Shane to ask him for money. Although I was willing to help my parents to the best of my abilities, there was a limit that I thought to what was appropriate. Plus, I had my own daughter to think about and what was in her best interests.
“Why didn’t you expect me home so soon?” I asked as I made my way to the stove. I picked up a spoon and took a taste of the sauce simmering on the stove top. It was delicious. I closed my eyes, and my stomach rumbled reminding me that I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.
“I just figured that you would want to spend time with Shane,” she said. My mother and I had always danced around this topic. So far, I had managed to keep her from saying anything that would tip off Scarlet to who her father was. But I knew that it was just a matter of time. Everything was coming to a head, and I had to get out of the storm that was brewing.
“Well, that is something that I wanted to talk to you about,” I said. I finally turned around and faced my mother. I could see the open curiosity on her face. I loved my mother, but I hated the way she kept trying to interfere in my life.
“What is it?” she asked. She looked altogether too innocent, which led me to believe that she knew exactly what I was going to be asking.
“Shane asked me about going to his father’s funeral with him,” I said. I rested my hands on the counter behind me. “I haven’t said anything about the other thing yet.” I quickly scanned around her to see if Scarlet was anywhere close by. “And I will, after the funeral. But it might take a couple of days.”
“So you want me to watch Scarlet,” my mother finished.
“Would that be all right?” I asked.
My mother started fidgeting around the kitchen. “Everybody in Rosewood knew Bob. I think that it would be strange if I did not go with your father to the funeral.”
This was something I had never considered. I never expected my parents would want to go to the funeral. Nobody in town liked Bob Wright. I imagined the service would be small, if anyone showed up at all other than me and Shane.
“I didn’t think that you knew Bob that well.”
“It would be out of respect for Shane’s mother and for Shane. Cathy and I were reasonably good friends when she was alive. I feel like it’s appropriate for our family to pay its respects.”
I rubbed my face with my hand. Even though I had grown up in Rosewood, and I understood on a basic level the intricacies of small town life, it still drove me mad. “This isn’t about paying respects to anyone. This is about you making sure that you’re in the middle of all the latest gossip and see everything first-hand. Like it might kill you to be stuck here without knowing anything about what’s going on at home.” My tone was sharper than I expected, but I was eager to get this conversation over with so I could get back to Shane.
My mother’s mouth settled into a tense line, and I realized that I had probably overstepped my bounds. “I think that I have done my part in helping everyone in this family do what they need to do. I’m here to make sure that you don’t have to pay any child care for Scarlet so you can save some money. That means that I am away from my home. I’m away from my husband. That does take a toll. I’d like people to remember that I do exist, and going back would give me an excuse to see my husband and spend time with him,” she said.
Instantly, I felt bad. I knew that it was difficult for my parents to be apart. No matter what they had gone through over the course of their marriage, I had never doubted that they loved each other. The whole ‘in good times and bad times’ definitely applied to their situation right now.
“I’m sorry, Mom. Maybe I can ask one of my friends to come stay with me for a couple of days after the funeral see you can go home and spend some time with Dad,” I said.
My mother shook her head. “Don’t bother yourself with that. It sounds like you need to pack a bag.”
I didn’t want to get any further into it than we already had, like her launching into a discussion about when exactly I was going to tell Shane about Scarlet and what exactly I was going to say. My mother needed to keep her nose out of that situation. I nodded my head and quickly made my way to my room.
As I was putting clothes into my bag, I heard a small knock on the door. I turned and saw my daughter standing there with a pensive look on her face.
“Where are you going, Mommy?” she asked.
Scarlet was precocious if she was anything. People told me all of the time that she looked just like me, but I knew that her skin tone and the fineness of her hair came from her father. To me, she looked like the spitting image of Shane.
There had been quite a bit of chatter around town when I had ended up pregnant and single. I have beat it out for college as soon as I could. Going to school and being heavily pregnant had been one of the most challenging experiences of my entire life. Luckily, my parents had been there to support me through all of that, and I needed to remember that before I got smart with my mother again. I had struggled then, and they were struggling now. I was supposed to be helping them, not making my mother feel bad.
I wondered again why had I been such an idiot. Looking into my daughter’s eyes made me think again that I had made the wrong decision for her all that time ago.
“It’s just for a couple days, honey,” I said. I patted the bed next to me, and she walked across the room and jumped up on it. She stared at me, and I wondered what she was thinking. She had started to ask questions recently about her father that made me more than a little uncomfortable. I hoped for her sake and for Shane’s that things would go smoothly once the initial shock wore off. I had to think that there was a way that maybe we could be a family. The idea was so far-fetched that it felt like some kind of fantasy.
“So Grandma will stay with me more,” she said looking down at her hands twisting in her lap.
Mommy guilt hit me hard. I paused in my packing and settled onto the bed next to her putting my arm around her. “I know I’ve been working l
onger hours with this new job. I haven’t been here as much as I wanted to. But I promise things will start settling soon.”
“Where you going?” she asked.
I thought about how to address this particular delicate situation without straight out lying to her. I decided a variation of the truth would be okay. “Mommy’s friend’s dad passed away today. He asked me if I would go with him to the funeral. I said that I would.”
“What’s your friend’s name?” she asked.
I groaned inwardly. “How about ice cream after dinner tonight? I’ll tell Grandma that you can have any flavor you want. Two scoops even!”
I could see that she had not forgotten her question despite her excitement about the ice cream. But, I thought that she understood I wasn’t ready to answer the question yet. My daughter was growing up too fast, and I thought that was probably because I was a single parent. I had to play both roles of mother and father, and that meant that she had to grow up far faster because she had to understand some things were too adult for her to know.
“Okay, Mommy,” she said. I gave her a hard hug.
“I promise I’ll call every night and say good night. Okay?”
She nodded to me and scooted off the bed. She was gone, and I was left with the weight of my guilt.
I finished packing and moved into the kitchen. I found my mother just finishing up putting spaghetti sauce into a plastic container. She handed it to me along with another container that I could see was full of spaghetti noodles. “I suppose that you and your friend will need to have dinner yet tonight. You can take these with you.”
I felt a spring of emotion in the back of my throat. I quickly wiped the tears away as I gave my mother a quick hug. “Thanks for everything, Mom. You’re the best.”
She swatted me away. “Get out of here. Don’t worry about anything. I’ve got it under control.”
I saw that Scarlet was sitting at the table eating dinner. Actually, she was more picking at it than anything. I worried about her. I made my way quickly over to the table and gave her a kiss on the forehead. I leaned over and looked deep into her eyes. “It’s just a couple of days. I’ll be back in a flash. You won’t even have time to miss me, okay?”
