And then taking me by surprise, he gets to his feet, walks over to the fire and turns to face me with his hand in his pockets.
“I have something I want to tell you,” he says.
And I know in that instant it’s important – but I also recognise that the old me would have panicked hearing him say that, all kinds of crazy thoughts would have raced through my head in that split second, and I would have been defensive – yet, my mind is calm and quiet. I think I have finally got to the place where I’m no longer expecting the worst, and it’s all because of the beautiful soul standing before me.
“Ok baby,” I say, softly smiling at him.
He nods once then begins. “I want you to know that I didn’t marry you out of loneliness. I didn’t marry you because you just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I didn’t marry you because you are so different to any other woman I have ever known. I didn’t marry you because I could see us lasting like my folks. I didn’t marry you because I wanted a family again, and I certainly didn’t marry you because of your smoking hot body, and your desperately beautiful face,” he smiles then, making his dimples deep, and the laughter lines around his eyes crinkle. And even though my heart has started pumping wildly against my chest, I manage to smile back at him.
He takes a deep breath then continues. “I married you because of the potential I could see, the potential I knew was there from the very moment we met, even though you tried so hard to deny it, and that’s why I pursued you. I had to know if I was right. You see, I knew that underneath that ten foot wall you’d built around yourself that there was a young woman who was capable of a very deep love. I could see underneath the pain, and the hurt, and the anger that there was a beautiful compassionate, sentimental soul, with so much to give. I listened carefully when you talked about your family and friends, and I could see how fiercely you loved them, and how far you would go to protect them, you just didn’t have a clue how to show it because you were so afraid of being rejected again.” Tristan stops for a moment, he’s deep in thought, but I am stunned – totally and utterly stunned that he knew and felt that way. That he could see straight through me and all my bullshit, and I’m so glad that he did.
He continues. “When Rob left without telling you why, I could see the capacity you had to give of yourself to help your friend, when Joe told you about her children being taken from her, and you relayed it to me, I could see you have a lot of empathy for others, and when you told me of Gladys getting married, I could tell that beneath the fear of abandonment, you were so happy for her, and that you’d hated the thought of her being on her own, and how relieved you were to know she longer had to go through that. And as for Bob, I could see how much you adored him, how much you loved him, which made me even more determined to keep pursuing you.” Tristan walks over, and kneels down in front of me, and I can feel the tears are about to start streaming down my cheeks.
“I knew,’ he whispers, reaching up with his thumb to dash away a fallen tear. “That if I could somehow get you to open up to me, and give me one tenth of the love you felt for Bob, your family and your friends, I’d be the happiest man alive.” Holy fuck!
I am still sat on the sofa with a gobsmacked expression on my face, which I’m sure Tristan is finding amusing. And I realise this has got to be the longest speech he’s ever made to me, bar his wedding vows.
“Tristan,” I croak, my voice wobbling on me.
“There’s more,” he says with a sweet smile. “You make me a better version of me. You are strong and good and kind and compassionate, and so full of love, which is amazing considering what you’ve been through. I’ve met many people in my career that have had similar circumstances to you, and they’ve become these awful broken versions of the person they could have become, had those terrible things not happened to them, but they did, and never in a million years did I expect for you to say you have gone through what they had, and yet, here you are without any addictions. I don't think you realise how much courage and strength that shows my darling, and how much of a strong mind one must have to combat all of those things.”
I shake my head, disagreeing with him but unable to say so.
Tristan smiles widely at me, takes my hands in his, and looks up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his. “I haven’t told you this, but I get comments all the time when I’m at one of the offices, my employees have noticed that I am a very happy man, and when they ask me why, I say it’s because of you. For the first time in my life, I actually feel complete, which is a really cheesy thing to say, I know,’ he chuckles once to himself, ‘but it’s true. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, whether or not you are next to me. And when I’m away, I look forward to seeing you so much, and I miss you so much it fucking hurts. And when I’m with you, I just want to do everything within my power to make you smile at me the way you do, your secret smile that’s just for me and no one else. And when we’re together,’ he says with a wink, and I know exactly what he means, ‘you take me higher than I ever thought possible, you’re everything to me baby.”
“Oh Tristan,” I mewl, ‘you’re everything to me too,” I whisper.
He takes a deep satisfied breath. “Thank you, for today. I don't think I’d have gone through with it had it not been for you my love,” he reaches up and places his hands on my cheeks.
“I’ll always be here for you Tristan,” I whisper back.
He smiles then, leans up and gently places his lips on mine...
TWO HOURS LATER, we are snuggled up on the sofa together. After feeling so moved by Tristan’s speech, I made love to him, on the floor by the fire. I had to show him somehow how much I love and adore him, and I wanted to make him feel a little happier. Then we took a soak in the bath together, and whilst there we decided neither of us were in the mood to cook, so we ordered a pizza, and I suggested watching a Christmas movie together, a funny one, to lift his spirits, and that it was his choice.
Tristan chose Home Alone – a Christmas classic, which he’d seen once before, but it was years ago. And it has had the desired effect, as we have both laughed our way through it, and it has really cheered Tristan up, which has had a knock on effect with me. But as the credits roll, my mind starts to wonder back to what George said to me, and whether or not I am secretly worried about being on my own with him over Christmas.
“Earth to Coral,” he laughs.
I look up at him, feeling guilty I was not in the moment with him. “Sorry,” I whisper.
“Talk to me baby,” he says.
I sigh heavily. “It’s stupid...” I mumble.
“Well, I can't agree or disagree on whether or not it is if you don't share it with me,” he says, his one eyebrow cocked up – And I know he’s right – He’s always right!
“Fine!” I grumble.
“Hey,” Tristan chuckles, and gently pushes me back so I’m lying on the sofa, and he’s on top of me, his fingers running through my hair, his delectable lips inches from mine.
“Speak,” he whispers against my lips, his lips twitching with a smile.
“Fine!” I say again, trying not to smile back at him.
His grin widens, knowing he’s having the desired effect.
“You really want to know?” I ask my eyes wide as panic sets in.
He frowns then, and solemnly shakes his head once. “When are you going to learn,” he whispers against my lips, and then gently kisses them, ‘that you can tell me anything...anything at all, and it will never change how I feel about you,” he says.
I sigh heavily. “Fine,” I mumble, realising I’m saying a lot of fine’s.
Tristan chuckles, and runs his finger across my bottom lip. “You know, normally, I’d be very frustrated by now that you’re not sharing, but today, I couldn’t be more relaxed,” he says, and kisses my lips again.
And I just blurt it out. “George thinks I’m subconsciously freaking out about being on my own wit
h you over Christmas, and that’s why I want to make a big deal out of it, and have everyone over.” There I said it.
And Tristan is laughing. “That’s ridiculous!” He chortles. “I mean no disrespect to George, I admire the guy, and am indebted to him for being there for you, but I don't think that’s true baby,” he says, with another kiss on my lips.
“You don't?” I croak, feeling unsure and emotional about it all.
“No, I don't,” he says, as he stares down at me with those wide eyes of his.
I can't help frowning.
“Do you think you are?” he asks.
“I didn’t think I was until George said that,” I reply. “He said that I might be trying to deal with unconscious feelings,” I add.
“And what are they?” he asks, kissing my lips once more – And I know he’s doing it to help calm and assure me – and I fucking love the hell out of him for it.
I stare up at him. “Feelings of worth, of being enough, of...oh I don't know,” I say, feeling as though I just want to forget about it. “I wish I hadn’t said anything,” I add.
“And you think I don't have some of those worries too?” he asks.
“You?” I choke out.
“Sure, why not? I’ve never spent Christmas alone with a partner before, so yeah...I have fears, and doubts, but maybe all couples do when they spend their first Christmas together,” he says, his tone relaxed, and I know he’s pondering out loud.
“Ok,” I say, ‘well...maybe I have been kind of worrying that you’ll...get bored,” I whisper.
This makes him chortle again. “You, my darling, are putting far too much pressure on yourself. I won't be bored, at all. The idea of relaxing, here in this house with you, from Christmas Eve all the way through to New Years Day – Is like fucking heaven,” he says, and pecks my lips again.
“Heaven?” I whisper.
“Yeah...the best fucking heavenly Christmas ever,” he adds, chortling again. “So please baby, just relax, and try to put those worries out of your mind. You are worthy, you are enough, and I’m really looking forward to spending all that time with you. I can't wait!” he adds excitedly.
And I relax, and smile up at him. “Ok,” I laugh, as he looks like an excited kid again.
“Good,” he says with another peck on my lips. “Now, did we finish the pizza?” he asks.
I can't help raising my eyebrows in amusement. “Seriously? You’re hungry again?” I chuckle.
“Yes.” He replies, laughing too.
“I told you we should have ordered the large!” I laugh, which I did. Three pizza slices are not enough to keep a man with an appetite like Tristan’s at bay.
“Hmm...” he says, and suddenly bounces up from the sofa, and pulls his mobile out of his pocket. “What flavour would you like?” he asks.
I can't help chuckling at him. “You’re ordering another?” I ask.
“Yep!” he says, rubbing his hand across his taut stomach. “So, what would you like darling?” he prompts.
As I sit up, I suddenly realise I’m hungry too, but that probably has something to do with the fact that neither of us ate breakfast, or lunch.
“Anything,’ I reply, ‘as long as it’s not meat feast,” I add, and head into the kitchen so I can get us two more beers, noticing that my worries that were there in the back of my mind from my chat with George, are gone - And yet again, it’s all because of the wonderful, hungry man that is my husband.
Feeling buoyant about that worry being gone, I skip my way over to the fridge, collect two cold bottles of beer, and head back over to my man...
Eleven
THERE’S ONLY FIVE DAYS to go until Christmas Day is here, and feeling relieved to be home, I shrug off my winter coat, hat and scarf, then hang them up in the utility room to dry off. As I return to the hallway and look down towards the living area, I realise how strange it feels coming home and not seeing Edith cooking something up in the kitchen, or Tristan downstairs waiting for me.
A slight shudder runs down my spine, as it reminds me of being in my studio, and I guess you could say I got used to being on my own. But now the thought of coming home and not hearing anyone saying hello, or how was your day, is quite frankly, terrifying - I quickly shake of that thought and start walking down the hallway.
As always I have missed Tristan, and I’m looking forward to seeing him - Hmm wonder where he is?
Popping my house and car keys in my bag, I head over to the kitchen and dump my handbag on one of the breakfast stools. “Hey baby, I’m home,” I shout out, as Tristan is clearly not downstairs.
I’m about to go and warm up by the fire, but my mobile vibrates, so I do an about turn, find it at the bottom of my bag and check it – A reminder to try calling Joyce again – I can't believe I keep missing her, at this rate I won't even be able to wish her a Merry Christmas, let alone invite her here!
I decide that after I’ve said hello to Tristan and warmed up, I’ll try calling her. So with hands that are still cold, and hair that got a little wet as I headed from the car to the house, I scuttle as quickly as I can towards the fire that’s blazing, and begin warming my hands up.
I smile at how pretty the house looks. All the Christmas lights are on, making our little sanctuary look like a magical, winter wonderland. The Christmas Tree is reflecting off the fire that’s burning, making the very large living area feel warm and cosy.
And Tristan has the stereo on, Nat King Cole is singing Unforgettable - It’s a beautiful song.
I close my eyes and allow his wonderful voice to sooth me for a moment, but the smell of cooking soon interrupts my mellow thoughts as it drifts over to me, I can smell Chicken...and garlic, and something else that I can’t put my finger on. Brandy maybe? - I smile widely, Tristan did say he would sort tea out as he’s working from home today, which I guess he has – I’m so glad he’s a modern man who’s happy to share the chores – There’s none of that 1950’s crap in this household!
“Baby?” I hear him shout from upstairs.
“Yeah...I’m warming up by the fire,” I shout back.
“You are not allowed up here, you understand?” He tells me in a voice that’s not to be argued with. Curiosity gets the better of me, so I walk to the bottom of the stairs.
“Why?” I shout back all innocently, knowing full well I am winding him up.
I’m sure it has something to do with presents – And seriously, if it is more presents then he needs to stop – there are already so many piled up underneath the tree. In-fact, it’s got so bad that I actually called Debs a week ago to warn her that if she drops by with Lily, she needs to give me enough warning so I can hide all the presents in the library, what with Lily still believing in Father Christmas, but thankfully that hasn’t happened yet.
“Coral!” He shouts. “Don't you come up here!” He warns.
“But I’m cold. I want to get changed.” I shout back as I try to stifle the laugh that wants to burst out of me. Thunderous footsteps come barrelling down the first flight of stairs – Uh-oh!
I quickly turn, giggling at the excited feeling, and begin to run, but Tristan is too quick for me. He’s down the second flight of stairs before I can even make it halfway down the hallway, and has captured me around the waist, swinging me around to the sound of my laughter.
“You infuriating woman!” He scolds, but he’s laughing too. “You weren’t going to come up, were you?” He asks, wrapping his other arm around me.
“No!” I manage to say between the chuckles that are still escaping.
“You tease!” He chortles, and with my back to him and his arms wrapped around me warming me up, he leans down and kisses my cheek. “Are you still cold baby?” he asks.
“I was,” I pant, still laughing a little, and turn to face him. “Hello,” I smile coyly at him.
“Missed you,” he replies.
“Have you now...” I tease back.
“Very much so,” he replies. I smile widely, reach up and place my
hands on his cheeks. “Christ Coral! Your hands are freezing!”
In the next breathe, I’m up into his arms and he’s marching over to the fire. He sits, cross legged with me in his lap, places my hands in his, and blows hot air on them. Then rubs them, creating friction, which is helping them warm up quicker. God I love him for this, he makes me feel so cherished!
“Why are your hands so cold?” he asks, in concern.
“Oh, I forgot to put my gloves on as I locked up the shop.’ – “Where’s Danny?” He interrupts; his tone suddenly serious.
“I dropped him off at Joe’s,” I reply.
“He didn’t make sure you got home ok?” He asks; his tone sharp – He’s not happy.
I sigh at his overprotective ways. “Tristan, there’s only five days to go until Christmas. Joe’s kids are excited, he wants to be there to enjoy that – I can understand that, can't you?” I softly ask.
“He’s supposed to be protecting you – that’s his job – what I pay him to do,” he replies sharply.
I frown up at him – What’s his problem?
“Danny does protect me. He helped me lock up, we walked to the car-park together, and I drove him to Joe’s, we were perfectly safe.” I give Tristan a pointed look. I am not going to be happy if he starts arguing with me about Danny.
“Hmm, well as long as he did, and you’re not just saying that.” He asks with his eyebrows raised in disapproval. I can tell he thinks I’m covering for Danny, which is really annoying!
“Tristan, Danny would never forgive himself if something happened to me, or you, so no. I am not just saying that. Besides, I wouldn’t want to lock the shop up in the dark on my own, especially when most of the offices have closed, it’s kind of eerie down there at night - Danny knows I find it creepy.”
Saying that throws me back in time to a few weeks ago, it was a Friday night, and Danny and I were locking up but a stag party must have got lost and drifted into the commercial side of town, and the moment I heard them I started to panic, but Danny was as cool as a cucumber.
A Christmas Wish--A Contemporary Erotic Feel Good Christmas Romance (Darkest Fears Christmas Special, Book Four) Page 16
