by Amber Burns
“One of the guys that was arrested is in the club,” I started.
“Was,” Wilson cut in. “We’re working on filling his ass right on out of here. We don’t have a need for assholes like that bringing cops around here.”
I shrugged and kept going as if I hadn’t be interrupted, “I had a hunch that the guy was into something without authorization from either of these two.” I hooked a thumb towards Wilson and Teddy, “Wilson told me to keep an eye on him and see if I could get evidence that he was. But, it seems like the cops were also following, too.” I glanced at Wilson and Teddy now, I wasn’t going to hide what I had been thinking the last few days in my haze. “Or they were tipped off.”
“You can blow that out your ass if you think it was anyone from here,” Wilson growled. He looked back at Warren, his face scrunched up in distaste about the idea I had planted. I hoped I pissed him off, if they had just taken my word for it the first time I mentioned it we wouldn’t be in this situation. “How fucked is he?”
“Assuming that they manage to drag him through the dirt and find something on him that I couldn’t,” he picked up a chicken wing and eyed it like he was trying to decide if it was good or not. “I say we have a fifty fifty chance. If you had the medal of honor it would be even easier. But one of the drawbacks,” he looked to Wilson. “Is all illegal activity that is done by the club has to stop now.”
Wilson nodded, “We’re going quiet to our suppliers, they know what’s up. All the people we dealt to also know to find their stuff elsewhere.”
I blinked slowly and looked at the three men sitting at the table with me. “He knows?”
“My wife,” Warren answered for Wilson and Teddy. “Has stage three breast cancer. Right now pot is pretty much the only thing that is keeping her eating.” He shrugged and looked helpless, his brows drawn together and every wrinkle of his face stood out starkly. “I can’t lose her. I got to try to do every little thing possible to help her beat it,” he cleared his throat, seeming to realize he was exposing his emotion. “I was introduced to Wilson through a mutual friend that met him through one of the parades that the Brotherhood participates in. He’s been getting me a supply for Karen for the last six months. I can’t… You have to stop,” he looked hard at Wilson. “Paint this a picture so that you look like the VFW or a Legion outpost.”
“It’s stopped,” Teddy said seriously in response. “I will get you the name of a man that can fill our spot while we go clean.”
Warren nodded, “I will get that before I leave. I do have a suggestion for what you can do in the mean time to generate funds.” He took a bite of the wing he had in hand, realizing it was better than he anticipated. He took the time to finish it before he wiped his hands clean and went into a briefcase. “Set up a legit business, something you and your men can offer that won’t draw the hard eye of the law.”
“You got suggestions? Everybody here served at one point or another,” Teddy asked curiously. “A lot of us have struggled finding work in the real world for one reason or another. Opening a legit business isn’t going to make things easier.”
Warren took the time to eat another wing as he considered the options. Humming lightly as he enjoyed the flavor of the chicken. Cindy was a helluva cook, those wings were delicious.
“I’d say you could turn this into a restaurant and sell these for a good buck,” he said around a mouth full.
“No,” Wilson shook his head. “I don’t want to put any kind of stress or distraction on Cindy. Besides she works here and is paid under the table.”
I was also sure that he had something on the side with her. Though, I wasn’t sure if Wilson was married or not.
“There’s other ways,” he mumbled as he started to work on another wing.
“Why not open a shop?” I asked and it startled the shit out of me; came out of nowhere. They all looked at me, eyebrow raised in question. “Car shop, bike shop. A garage,” I shrugged as I struggled to explain. “Not a chop shop, but you bring your bike to me at least twice a month for a tune up. There’s a couple of other guys that know their ways around an engine. Open up a garage. Make that a legit business.”
“First smart thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Wilson spoke lowly as if it were true. Fuck that guy I gave him a one fingered salute. “That could actually be feasibly done.”
Warren nodded and started wiping his hands clean.
“I could actually look into some places that would work for that. It’ll help you draw revenue for this while you have to stay under the radar.” He looked from Teddy to Wilson, “It’ll take work and some money to get it started.”
“We’ve got enough to out right buy a place,” Teddy said lightly. “But it’ll be in our best interest to probably take out a loan. I think we can get to work on that part if you can give us some leads for a place without distracting from Redding’s case.”
“I’ve got a friend that I’ll get to help you out with a legitimate business plan,” he assured the other man. “I don’t intend to get distracted from this.”
I listened to them chat for at least an hour before I had to get up and stretch. Pins and needles assaulted my left leg and I needed to walk it off. I wasn’t being questioned anymore, it was just more them setting up a game plan. My head was still fuzzy and I wasn’t really into the idea of talking mechanics about how they would get me out of the charges that was against me, or how they would make the club look like just a bunch of vets hanging out.
I made my way to the bar and knocked on it, I would’ve called out to Cindy like I usually did but I wasn’t into it.
“I’m cleaning up, pretty boy,” she peered out of the kitchen at me. “If you want food you are shit out of luck.”
I shook my head and the world tilted a little, “Do I have a stash back there? I left my important stuff at home.”
She went back into the kitchen and set down whatever it had been she was cleaning. She came back out with a sandwich bag that had some pills in it. I couldn’t even tell if they were my usuals or not. She set the bag on the bar top and went about fixing me a healthy cup of water. “I don’t know how long I’ve had them back there, so if they’re out of date they’re probably not going to help you much.”
I picked up the bag and eyed the pills hard, the big nerve pill was in there and I was sure there was some painkillers in there, too. I shrugged and fished out what I needed before I tossed the small handful back. I chugged the water and sighed, the relief wasn’t instant but the water helped set the world straight for me.
“You heard from Madison lately?” Cindy asked as she leaned down next to the baggie I left on the counter.
I shook my head, “Not since I was arrested.”
She leaned onto the bar and studied me, “Have you tried to get a hold of her?”
I shook my head again, I had pretty much chalked up the failure that it was. I was still trying to swallow it, though for the most part I was mostly choking on it. This was a fuck up you don’t really come back from. There are a select few women that would tolerate something like this and with her job, I should’ve known that Madi wouldn’t be the type to put up with it. It hurt, it’d probably hurt me for a while. I didn’t bother trying to tell any of this to Cindy. She was smart enough to read it on my face.
“So,” she leaned close so when she spoke it was just between the two of us. “You tell this girl that you love her,” she paused for a beat as her watery blue eyes sized me up. “Then when shit hits the fan you let her go? Did you not want this to be serious or were you just in it for the sex?”
“That was the most sex I’ve had in the last four years,” I told her with a grunt. “I haven’t worked right since I got discharged.” I sighed and propped my head up with a hand on my forehead. I eyed the pills in the bag so I wouldn’t have to just look at her. “I love her, but she can’t take heat at work. She’s got a house note to take care of and car trouble that’s probably going to crop up again.” I shook my head, “I can’t ca
use trouble for her.”
“Normally,” she started slowly as she seemed consider what to say to me. “I would say if someone can’t hack the hard stuff they aren’t worth the trouble. You’re making excuses for her not to hack it. If you love her, like you say you do, then you need to show her the truth. Show her you’re innocent and if she still doesn’t want you then,” she shrugged. “You’re not at a loss, she is.”
“I can’t bring her trouble,” I started to argue.
“It’s not trouble,” she knocked on the bar. “It’s love. And if you’re thinking how you feel about her is going to bring trouble then maybe you don’t love her like you think. You just like the fact that your dick gets hard around her and she’s happy to help you out.” She turned to head back towards the kitchen, “Sex doesn’t equal love, pretty boy. It’s a crying ass shame that you can get to be this old and not realize that.”
I grimaced and found myself wondering if she was right. I shifted to sit on a bar stool and spent the rest of the night reconsidering how I felt about Madi. It felt like love. My chest ached like I had taken a bullet, it hurt to breath. I had the need to see her, but I didn’t have the will to accept the rejection I would probably face. I’ve pour my heart out to her once. I’d be up shit creek if I did it again and she still told me to fuck off. There was only one real option I had, aside from cutting my losses and letting her go. I had to see if there was still a chance.
“Go in the morning,” I heard Cindy call from the kitchen. “Don’t be a jackass and wake her up in the middle of the night.”
22
After it got late enough for them, Teddy carted me back to my apartment.
“You’re not going to be stupid, are you?”
He went the extra mile of walking me to my door. Like he thought I was going to go in and go back to hitting the bottle. All my bottles were empty and I was broke for the rest of the month. No more hooch for me. But I waved away his concern and went inside to crash on my couch. Exhaustion hit me and I crashed hard, not caring about the time or how uncomfortable my couch would make me.
I don’t know how many hours of sleep I managed, but as soon as the light hit my eyes I groaned out in protest. Goddamn me for having the bright idea of drinking my sorrows away. I sat up and stretched out slowly. My back ached, my hips ached, and my left leg was all pins and needles. Plus my head throbbed and it felt like I had a mouth full of cotton. I struggled to my feet and stumbled into the kitchenette for water. I also needed to start my pill regiment for the day. I went about my morning in a blur, not quite sure what exactly I wanted to do with myself. I didn’t have a epiphany about my situation until I was soaping up in the shower. I had been running on autopilot and my general idea was to lurk at the bar like I used to. It didn’t require thought and someone might throw me a bone with something to work on.
“If I want something,” I said aloud as I began to rinse. “I should fight for it.”
Cindy was right. So was Wilson. I got out the shower and decided the best thing to do was see if there wasn’t something to hash out with Madi. I dressed, opting for a pair of jeans and simple black shirt. I put my stash into my saddlebag and hopped onto my ride; time to face the music.
I felt lucky when I saw her car in her driveway, followed by immediate dread. The last Sunday she and I spent together it was mostly us just laying in bed, alternating between snoozing and sex. What I wouldn’t give to just be curled up next to her in bed. I sat in front of her house as I tried to steel myself. There was a very good chance she would turn me away and there’s nothing like having a woman tear up your heart right in front of you. I still had her key, unless she went the extra mile to change her locks. I couldn’t be a dick though. I couldn’t just go barging into her house.
That decided, I got off my bike and followed the little path to her front porch. My bike had already announced me. If she was home, she would have heard me pull into the quiet little neighborhood. I pulled out my keys and fished through the ring until I came across hers. I held up my keys on the ring looking at it hard like it had the answers as to how to fix this; like it could tell me what to say.
I knocked, keeping her key in hand. If she demanded it I would have to give it up. I knew this and I couldn’t argue. It was hers after all. But, maybe, I could get her to see reason. But the door remained shut. I looked at the little hole covered in glass and I wondered if she was glaring at me through it. Did she hate me? I knocked again, straining my ears to see if I would be able to hear anything.
“I know you’re home,” I said to her door. “I just..” I paused feeling like a jackass. “I just want to explain what happened. I’ve not lied to you so far and there’s no reason for me to start now. Give me the chance to tell you what went down before you decide to cut me out.”
I got silence and I knocked again, a little harder. “Madi, please,” I pressed my brow to her door. “Please, c’mon.”
There was no answer and it was decided. I started to work her key off the ring.
“For what it’s worth,” I could hear my voice crack with emotion. “I’m innocent. Something along the lines of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I followed Jimmy out there because I had a feeling he was getting into some bad shit.” Once I had her key wrestled off my ring I held it up to her peephole in the event she was looking out it. “I have court in a couple of weeks, come find out for sure if I’m innocent if you want.”
I stood there, waiting to see if she would open the door, if she would say anything. I got nothing.
“I meant it, you know,” I said against her door, being quiet enough so I didn’t have to worry about her neighbors hearing me embarrass myself to her. “I love you. I get why you’re doing this, but I think you should at least hear me out.” I tapped the key against her door, “I promised not to break your heart if you promised not to break mine.”
Still nothing.
“Fuck,” I sighed and turned.
I tried, right? There’s an A for effort for that, right?
I sat down heavily on her front step and tried not to let her lack of an answer get to me. I kept her key in my hand as I tried to figure out where to go from here.
“I guess this is it, huh?” I said to the key like it would give me an answer. “No chance to argue my case, no chance to beg for forgiveness. I get fucked over not once, but twice; both in a serious way.”
I turned so I could put the key on the door mat, grimacing as I felt the tightness in my chest start to burn its way up my throat.
“I wouldn’t have done this to you, just so you know,” I said to her door again. “I would have given you the chance to explain yourself because I love you. Because you do enough for me that I would want to forgive you and not lose you… I guess it’s not the same for you.”
I forced myself up and trudged my way to my bike. I had to get out of there before I broke. I had be strong, nothing like putting up a front for how broke up you are. I got on my bike without a real thought of where to go, letting the grumbled growl of my bike soothe me.
23
I decided to go with the original plan for the day. I got to the bar and started work on the first bike I saw. It was Wilson’s, of course. I didn’t bother asking, just pulled out a small tool box and started giving it a tune up I was sure it needed. It was near lunch when I started to shine up the chrome on his bike and someone noticed I was there.
“The fuck are you doing?” Teddy asked.
“I need a distraction,” I said not bothering to look up as I ran a polishing cloth over a chrome exhaust pipe.
“And you’re cleaning up Wilson’s bike instead of your own?”
I gave him a look and nodded to my own bike. It sat in my usual spot, shining without a spot on it. If he cranked it he would hear an unfettered growl to its engine.
“Touche,” he chuckled. “What’s going on? Why do you need a distraction?”
“I went to see Madi,” I said lowly, giving a glance to the rest of the lot. We were
out there alone. But looking at the mess that was parked in there if I got ahead of myself I’d probably have everyone’s bikes looking damn near new. “Didn’t go well.”
“Ah,” he looked away, not looking like he had anything to offer.
“You want me to do your bike next?” I asked as I went back to work.
This bike would probably look good for the first time in years, Wilson was the kind of man that road shit hard and didn’t bother to take care of it outside of what was necessary. When Teddy patched me in it had become my job to do the maintenance on his bike. I was okay with it.
“Sure,” he hovered over my shoulder, watching me work. “D’ya need to talk about it?”
I stopped, looking at his distorted reflection in the chrome. Was this his way of reaching out? Teddy was a stubborn man, he would beat his head against the wall before he’d admit he was wrong. I glanced over my shoulder at him and I saw remorse looking back at me.
