I wanted to sit in the front seat with Ryan on the way home, so I gave Johnny a sippy cup filled with juice to keep him happy. Ryan and I rode in silence for the first few miles. I turned away from him and looked out the window, not wanting him to see my tears.
“You have every right to cry. You don’t have to hide it from me,” he said. “Giving Johnny up will be incredibly hard. We’ll have to work through that, but this isn’t only about us and our future with Johnny.”
I wiped my face with the hankie and looked at him. “You’re talking about the Stuarts. As much as I want them to have their son back, it doesn’t mean I won’t mourn losing him. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.” I took his hand.
“You will, Grace. We will. Johnny’s not dying, and you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Focus on the extraordinary thing you’ve done for Johnny. You were Johnny’s mother when he needed you. You’ve loved and protected him and prepared him to return home. I hope that won’t get lost in this.” Ryan squeezed my hand. “Don’t let the sadness erase the time you had with him and what you gave each other.”
I pondered what he’d said, and I wanted to follow his advice, but I wasn’t sure I had the strength to do it, at least not at that moment. He was right to remind me that Johnny wasn’t dying, just going back to his true home. “Do you think his parents will let me be a part of his life?” I asked.
“I guarantee it. If they won’t, they don’t deserve Johnny,” he said as he pulled into our driveway. “It’s time to tell Paul about this.”
“Will you do it? I’m not sure I want to hear what he has to say,” I said and climbed out of the car. “I’ll call Alec. She must be going crazy waiting to hear.”
Ryan took Johnny out of his seat and followed me into the house. I hugged them both when we got inside before heading to our room to call Alec.
22
I heard from Agent Michaels two days later, right after Ryan had driven off to go work. Johnny’s DNA matched the Stuarts’. At long last, we knew Johnny’s true identity. I was glad that his parents would finally know the truth too, but the news carried me one step closer to losing him.
Agent Michaels said that an agent in Albuquerque was in the process of contacting the Stuarts and that he’d get back to us to make arrangements for a meeting. I called Ryan as soon as I hung up with Agent Michaels. Ryan told me he’d call out of work and turn the car around.
I wanted Ryan by my side, but I was strangely calm after getting the news. It reminded me of how patients react after getting the news that they have a terminal illness. Sometimes the waiting is worse than the news.
Ryan and I spent that morning playing with Johnny and waiting to hear from Agent Michaels. Ryan insisted on calling Paul, even though I wanted to wait, hoping to postpone the inevitable. Paul came as soon as he got out of court and waited with us. He sat on the floor, getting fuzz all over his good suit, and played cars with Johnny. Serena came to the door twenty minutes later. Her eyes and nose were red and swollen.
She hugged me and said, “I just heard. Rough trip driving here. My emotions are all over the map. I’m thrilled that the Stuarts’ long nightmare is over, but my heart is broken for you.” She blew her nose, and Johnny giggled, which made her start crying again. “This is what I get for getting too close to my clients.”
I took her hand and led her to the sofa. “It’s been a long road,” I said, “a long, crooked, torn up, detour-filled road, but it’s led right where it should.”
“You’re taking this better than I am,” Serena said.
“Seriously, what’s up with you?” Ryan asked. “This calm, collected version of Grace scares me.”
Adam and Alec walked through the door before I had a chance to respond.
“Don’t you ever knock?” Ryan asked.
“We’re family. Family doesn’t have to knock,” Alec said and kissed Ryan’s cheek. “Well, here we all are again.” She shooed Ryan off the sofa and sat next to me.
Serena noticed Alec’s ring and congratulated them on their engagement. We talked about their wedding plans while we waited for the phone to ring. When the conversation petered out, we made lame attempts at small talk, carefully avoiding the topic on our minds. After half an hour, I couldn’t take the waiting and got up to pace.
“Now, there’s the Grace I know and love,” Ryan said.
I ignored him and continued pacing. When the doorbell rang, I told everyone to stay where they were and went to the door. I expected our usual delivery guy but found Agent Michaels on the stoop holding our pizzas.
“He was coming up the drive when I got here. I hope you don’t mind,” he said and handed me the boxes.
I peeked around him and said, “Did you pay him?”
“Yes. You can repay me by giving me a slice,” he said and followed me in.
“Have all you want,” I said as I put the pizzas on the table. “What are you doing here? We were expecting you to call.”
He looked me in the eye. “I thought it would be better to deliver my news in person.”
I nodded and introduced him to the crowd in the living room. Ryan got up to shake Agent Michaels’s hand and give him his chair.
He started to insist that we eat first, but I held up my hand to stop him. “That can wait. Tell us what you came to say.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Ms. Davis. This involves you, and possibly you, Mr. Pierno.”
Serena and Paul nodded.
“Our agent in Albuquerque has spoken with Mr. Stuart. He was shocked and elated that his son is alive, as he should be.” He paused and took a breath. “But there’s another tragedy connected with Johnny’s story. His mother died giving birth to him, so Mr. Stuart lost his wife and son on the same day.”
We stared at Agent Michaels in stunned silence. Alec and Serena started crying quietly behind me, but I was numb. To prepare myself to give Johnny to the Stuarts, I’d imagined him going home to the loving arms of his mother. With her gone, who would nurture and love him as only a mother could? Who would take my place?
As if reading my mind, Agent Michaels said, “Mr. Stuart remarried two months ago.”
Ryan came behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. “It’s nice to get one bright spot of news. What happens now?”
“Mr. Stuart is making arrangements to fly here. He’s coming alone and wants to meet Johnny for the first time without you present, Mrs. Walker,” he said, avoiding my eyes.
Alec jumped up and said, “Why? Grace is the one who’s done everything for Johnny. He wouldn’t even be alive if not for her.”
Serena reached up and touched Alec’s arm. “This is pretty common. We can meet with him at my office,” she said to Agent Michaels.
“I understand his not wanting the Walkers there for the first meeting, but I won’t allow my clients to be pushed aside. Alec’s right, he wouldn’t have survived without Grace,” Paul told Agent Michaels.
“I’d never let that happen,” Serena said. “Let us get this first meeting out of the way and go from there.”
“When? When will this happen?” I asked. My earlier calm vanished as I felt Johnny slipping away from me.
“As early as tomorrow,” Agent Michaels said.
I lifted my chin and squared my shoulders. “That’s settled then. Let’s eat before it gets cold,” I said and opened the first box.
Serena called at ten the next morning to tell me that she’d be by at around four to pick up Johnny. She assured me that it was a small first step. She said that there would be another hearing to nullify the adoption and that Mr. Stuart and his wife would need time to learn how to care for Johnny and rearrange their lives. I told her I’d have Johnny ready at four and hung up, not caring if it was the first step or not. The longer the process dragged out, the more excruciating it would be to let go.
Serena showed up right on time. I held Johnny while she buckled his car seat in her car. I warned her to be prepared for the screaming.
When it was time to go, she reached her hands toward Johnny, but I turned away and held him tighter. “Grace, we’ll be back in two hours,” she said.
I sighed and kissed the top of his head. “Here you go,” I said, turning to hand him to her.
The second he was in her arms, I went into the house without a word and locked the door. It was time to get used to an existence without Johnny.
I’d been a little premature in getting used to life without Johnny. Serena had been right about a first step, and the process dragged along at a snail’s pace. Mr. Stuart stayed for three days on that first visit and spent an hour or two with Johnny each day. According to Serena, Johnny didn’t take to his father well. All Mr. Stuart wanted was to hug and squeeze Johnny, but he would have none of that.
He promised Serena that on his next visit, he’d spend time getting to know us. That happened two weeks later. He came with Paul and Serena and brought his wife, Kristin.
I studied them while Paul made the introductions. Craig was average-looking, with light-brown hair and a medium build. I didn’t see much of Johnny in him, other than his smile. He had a kind face, and I hoped Johnny would have that too. Kristin looked much younger than Craig. She was beautiful in a Hollywood way, and I could see how Craig had fallen for her. She seemed nice but didn’t look too happy to be there. I thought back to how Ryan’s kids had reacted to Johnny the first time, and it made me love them more.
Once we were seated, Craig said, “Before you bring Johnny, I have some things I need to say. For two years I lived in agony, not knowing if my son was alive or dead, not knowing if he was safe. When my phone rang six weeks ago, I couldn’t imagine the joy that call would bring.” His lip trembled, so he stopped and took a breath. He glanced at me. “I own this joy to you, Grace. I was overwhelmed when I heard the story of what you did for Johnny. It’s miraculous. There’s no way to thank you enough or repay you. I’ll make sure to tell Johnny all about it as he grows up.”
“You don’t need to thank me, but you can repay us by loving Johnny like we have. If I know he’s loved, I’ll be able to bear losing him,” I said.
Craig’s lip trembled, and he nodded. “You have my promise on that.”
“I’ll get Johnny,” Ryan said. He wiped his cheek as he walked by.
After Craig introduced Johnny to Kristin, I asked how they met.
“Kristin is my best friend’s sister. I never would have survived Sam’s death and losing Johnny without them. Kristin and I became closer as she helped me through my grief. Before we knew it, we realized we couldn’t live without each other. Some people were surprised at how soon we got married after Sam’s death, but it was right for us,” Craig said and squeezed Kristin’s hand.
“We have other news too. We just found out I’m expecting,” Kristin said and beamed.
“That’s great news,” Ryan said. “Johnny will have a little brother or sister.”
Kristin smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. I wondered if she wasn’t as thrilled about Johnny as Craig was.
Johnny did better with Craig in familiar surroundings. Craig listened intently while Ryan and I explained Johnny’s likes, dislikes, and quirks. He moved more slowly around Johnny and gave him the chance to warm up to him. By the end of the visit, Johnny sat on Craig’s lap, chatting happily away.
Kristin didn’t do so well, which didn’t surprise me. She seemed terrified of Johnny and sat stiff as a statue while she held him. I didn’t hold it against her. The situation must have been overwhelming. I just hoped she’d warm up to him in a hurry.
There was a tap on the door an hour after Craig and Kristin arrived, and Alec walked in. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, “but I’ve known Johnny as long as Grace. I helped treat him the night he was left in the ER. I’m Auntie Alec.”
I shook my head and motioned for her to come in. Johnny held his arm out to her as soon as he saw her. “Do you mind?” she asked Craig. “I’ll just hold him for a minute.”
“That’s fine,” Craig said and handed Johnny to her. It was clear he wasn’t too happy about it.
After Craig and Kristin left with Johnny, I asked Alec what she was up to.
“I had to check them out. They’re taking our Johnny from us,” she said.
“He’s their Johnny. We all have to get that in our heads,” Ryan said.
“Did you see the way Craig looked at me when I asked to hold Johnny? Daggers,” Alec said.
“Not exactly daggers,” I said. “And what did you expect? He’s had to wait two years to meet his son.”
“I’m glad to hear you defending Craig. I was afraid you thought of him as the enemy,” Ryan said.
“Of course not, but just because it’s right that Johnny should go with them doesn’t mean it’s not hard for me to let him go,” I said. “I’m doing my best.”
Alec put her arm around my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, and you’re right, Ryan, he is Craig’s Johnny. He’s not Kristin’s Johnny though. Did you see how scared she was of him?”
“I did, and it disturbed me. Not the loving mother I’d hoped for Johnny,” I said.
“Give her time. She has a lot to take on all at once: a new husband, a special-needs son, and she just found out she’s pregnant. I’d be freaking out too,” Ryan said.
“When you put it that way…,” I said. I felt guilty for judging Kristin. “This will be an adjustment for all of us.”
Craig and Kristin stayed in town for a week. They took Johnny to their hotel room one afternoon to see how he’d do without familiar faces around. He lasted for two hours before he started crying for me. Craig was pleased to be making progress and told us he wanted to keep Johnny overnight on his next visit. I thought it was too soon, but Craig was Johnny’s father, so I couldn’t deny him time with his son.
Craig made arrangements to stay for a month on his next visit. He owned an architectural firm and was between projects, so he could stay as long as he wanted. He took a room in an extended-stay hotel with a full kitchen and separate bedroom. Kristin couldn’t get the time off from the PR firm where she worked, so she didn’t come with him. I was sure she wasn’t sad about that.
Craig kept Johnny with him for longer periods of time the first week until he felt ready to keep him overnight. They both did fine, but I was secretly disappointed. I stayed awake all night waiting for Craig to call and say he was bringing Johnny home. Craig brought Johnny back the following afternoon and said he wanted to try two nights the next time. When things went well again, Craig called and told us he was going to keep Johnny for a week. I reluctantly handed over Johnny’s medications and gave Craig the schedule for visits to the therapist, still secretly hoping that it would be too much for him. That didn’t happen.
I suddenly found myself with hours of free time to fill. I cleaned out closets and cupboards, organized my desk, and even painted my bedroom. When I ran out of things to do around the house, I started looking for a job.
Paul called on the fifth day and told us that Craig had been talking to a lawyer who had scheduled the date for a hearing to nullify the adoption.
“So fast?” I asked when Paul told me it would be in ten days.
“After Craig’s first visit, you told me you wanted this over with as soon as possible. Now that it’s moving forward, you say it’s too fast,” he said. “Are you ever satisfied?”
“That’s because, at the beginning, Johnny was still sleeping in my house. What happens after the hearing?”
“Craig and Kristin will take Johnny home,” he said, and the line went quiet.
“He is home,” I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking.
“We’ve been through this, Grace. I thought you were coming to grips with the idea of Johnny going away,” he said.
I sighed. “I thought I was too, but I’m beginning to think I never will be. My only hope is that Craig will agree to let us visit and that he’ll keep us posted on how Johnny’s doing.”
“Those decisions are hi
s. The court won’t have any say in them, but I’m sure he’ll agree to that. I know how grateful he is for what you’ve done for his son.”
I was too tired to speculate anymore. We had no choice but to abide by Craig’s decision. I thanked Paul for letting me know and said we’d see him at the hearing. I hung up and turned back to the job-classifieds page on my laptop.
We all stood when Judge Brackman entered her chambers. As she took her seat and called the hearing to order, I fought off memories of the last time I’d been in that room. I stood in a daze as she spoke with Craig and explained what was taking place. I didn’t need her to explain. All I knew was that Johnny would soon be ripped from my arms and given back to his father. I didn’t blame Craig or Judge Brackman. Craig deserved the joy I’d known to have Johnny as my son. Judge Brackman was just doing her job. We’d been denied the chance to face the real culprits, and it was tragically unfair.
Judge Brackman cleared her throat and said, “This is the most unusual case I’ve seen in all my years on the bench. Even though some of you here will know sadness as a result of my actions, we can all agree that justice is being done here in putting the Stuart family to rights. Before I make my final ruling, Mr. Stuart has requested the opportunity to make a statement.”
Craig opened a folded piece of paper with trembling hands. He glanced at me and nodded. When I gave him a weak smile, he turned back to the paper and began to read. “I know this is a difficult day for the Walker family, but I want them to know that it’s one of the happiest days of my life. I’m grateful for all you’ve done for us. I will always be indebted to you, and when Johnny is older, I’ll tell him the story of what a woman named Grace did for us.”
The Complete Arms of Grace Series Page 28
