The Complete Arms of Grace Series

by Eleanor Chance

  Craig folded the paper and put it in his pocket. I nodded and mouthed a thank you to him. Ryan put his arm around my shoulder and said, “Hear, hear.”

  And with that, Judge Brackman tapped her gavel and adjourned the hearing. Serena gave us a moment to say good-bye to Johnny before she took him from me and handed him to Craig. Johnny reached for me, but Craig turned away and walked out.

  “Craig would like a moment with you in the lobby,” Serena said.

  By the time we caught up with him, Johnny was in the stroller sucking on a sippy cup.

  “I appreciate your sending Johnny’s things to my hotel,” Craig said. “I’d planned to pick them up, but this made things easier. I’ve already mailed the boxes home.”

  When I didn’t respond, Ryan said, “We were glad to help. Grace and I are wondering what your plan is going forward, as far as we’re concerned. I know you’ll need time to get settled, but we wanted to know how soon we can come for a visit.”

  Craig’s eyes widened, and he said, “Didn’t Serena explain our wishes to you?”

  “No, this all happened so fast. We haven’t had a chance to talk to her,” I said.

  Craig fidgeted for a few seconds. “I meant everything I said in the hearing, but Kristin and I have decided that it would be best for Johnny if we make a clean break. Seeing you come and go would only cause confusion. I know this isn’t what you hoped for, but it’s about what’s best for Johnny. I’ll give you occasional updates, but that’s going to be the extent of our contact.”

  My hands tightened into fists. I looked at Ryan. His face was red, and his jaw was clenched, which was as much anger as he ever showed.

  “You can’t be serious,” I said. “You’re just going to drag Johnny away to a strange home with strange people and never let him see me again? He’ll think I died!” My voice rose with each word, and people started to stare.

  Ryan took a step toward Craig and said, “You said you could never repay Grace, but you’re doing the opposite. You’re punishing her. She didn’t have to report that call from Mara. She could have kept it secret, and you never would have known what happened to your son. This is how you repay her, by denying her access to him?”

  Craig stepped back. “I’ve been studying child psychology. They say that with a child Johnny’s age, this is the best way to do it. I agree, and it’s what we want. Kristin and I are just starting our lives and family together, and now we have Johnny. We want to do that without outside influences.”

  “You got it from a book?” I said. “A book! Johnny’s not some test subject. He’s a person. You can’t do this to him. To us. We’re not some interference. We’re his parents.” The tears I’d fought all morning won out.

  “Please don’t,” Craig said. “I’m sorry. Maybe when Johnny’s older. Give us time. You’ll have a grandchild soon. He’ll fill the void left by Johnny.”

  “No, no. You can’t do this us,” I cried.

  Ryan put his arms around me and gently pulled me back. “We’ll respect your wishes, but you’re making a big mistake. I don’t how you can do this to us.”

  Craig’s lip trembled, but Kristin stood by him, emotionless. “We gave it a lot of thought. We believe it’s for the best,” he said.

  Craig slowly turned and gripped the stroller handles. He gave us one last look and pushed Johnny out the door. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to wake up and find out it had only been a nightmare. Johnny was gone. My baby was gone, and I’d never see him again.

  Ryan got me out of bed a month later and told me I’d moped long enough. He said it was time to go out and discover my next adventure. I decided to treat myself to breakfast at Juliana’s and a day of touring museums. He thought a day in the city was just what I needed and even offered to come with me, but his eyes glazed over at the thought of spending hours strolling through museums. I let him off the hook and went alone. I needed solitude. I had a lot to figure out. Ryan said his next adventure was to start cleaning out Johnny’s room and turn it back into an office. I was sure what he meant was to turn it into a man cave.

  It was a beautiful spring morning and reminded me of the day I’d gone for my walk when Johnny was taken off life support. I’d been certain that was my last day with him, but I’d been blessed to have him for another whole year. At least the second time he’d gone with his father, who loved him and wanted the best for him. Life without Johnny would be a long, difficult adjustment, but I could survive knowing Johnny would be loved.

  After breakfast, I drove to the canal walk and found the spot where Ryan had proposed to me. My first step to recovery was reminding myself that I wasn’t alone and that I had the perfect man to spend my life with. I teared up as I remembered the joy I’d felt that night and pledged to find my way back again. Ryan had given me so much. He deserved a life of joy too.

  My next stop was the Virginia Historical Society. I hadn’t been there in years, and they were hosting an exhibit I’d wanted to see. I took my time, reading each placard and sign. As I walked to my car four hours later, I turned on my phone to check my messages. There were three texts from Ryan, one wishing me a good day and two asking me to bring dinner home and where were his glasses? I grinned at that last one. Ryan was an intelligent and capable man, but he couldn’t ever keep track of anything.

  The next text was from Serena. It read, “Get to my office NOW!” She had sent it forty-five minutes earlier. Serena was generally so reserved, so her text had me concerned. I texted back that I was on my way and drove to her office.

  I made my way from the parking garage to the street as fast as I could. When I was a block away from Serena’s building, I heard someone call my name. I looked around but didn’t recognize anyone on the busy street. I started walking again but only made it a few steps when someone yelled, “Grace!” I turned to see Craig Stuart rushing toward me through the crowd. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and waited for him to reach me. Without a word, he took my arm and led me into an alley.

  I pulled my arm free. And backed away. “What are you doing here, Craig? You’re supposed to be in Albuquerque.”

  Craig put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Without looking up, he said, “It didn’t work. It didn’t work out with Johnny.”

  “What are you saying? Why were you chasing me down a sidewalk?” I asked, trying to understand. “How did you find me?”

  Craig leaned against one of the buildings and slid to the ground. He rested his head in his hands and said, “I’m saying that I’m giving Johnny to you. He’s miserable. He cries all the time and won’t sleep. He’s exhausted. I’m exhausted.” He started to sob.

  “He just needs time. We warned you this could happen. He doesn’t understand. Just give him time.”

  “He calls out for you all day. You’re his mother. He needs you,” he said, trying to get control.

  I imagined Johnny confused and not understanding why I never came when he called, and my heart ached. “Let me go back with you and stay until he’s settled. He’ll get used to you, just like he got used to being in the hotel. You shouldn’t have taken him away so abruptly. He wasn’t ready.”

  Craig looked up and said, “No, you don’t understand. Kristin threatened to leave if I keep Johnny. She never wanted this, never wanted him. She was too afraid to tell me when she saw how happy I was that Johnny is alive. I thought my long nightmare was over. I never considered Kristin’s feelings. She didn’t sign up for a handicapped two-year-old when she married me. She wants to focus on our baby and others to come. She doesn’t want Johnny.” He broke down again.

  Tears rolled down my face as I watched him. How could anyone not want Johnny? It was inconceivable to me. “So you’re choosing Kristin over Johnny, your own flesh and blood?” I said.

  His shoulders shook, and I regretted what I’d said. He was in an impossible situation. As much as I wanted Johnny back, I hated witnessing Craig’s misery. I wondered how different things would have turned out if Mara ha
d called six months earlier.

  “I’m sorry, Craig. That wasn’t fair,” I whispered. “Just give them time. He’ll forget me. Kristin’s his mother now. He’ll come to love her in time, and she’ll love him.”

  He climbed to his feet and wiped his face on his shirt. “She’s not a bad person. She’s not. This has all been so overwhelming. We hadn’t planned to have children right away, but she got pregnant. We’re happy, but when this happened, Kristin got overwhelmed. I love Johnny. I see my Samantha every time I look at him.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a photo. “This is her. Here, you take it. Give it to Johnny when he’s old enough.”

  I studied the picture, and Johnny’s eyes looked back at me. He had Samantha’s coloring and blond hair too. She was beautiful.

  “We had a hard time getting pregnant. Samantha had two miscarriages. We walked on eggshells through her pregnancy with Johnny. She made it to term and went into labor while I was at work. She called an ambulance, but the paramedics found her in a pool of blood by the front door. The placenta had ruptured. They kept her alive long enough to deliver Johnny. I went straight to her when I got to the hospital, but it was too late, too late to say good-bye. By the time I got up the strength to tear myself away and go to the nursery, Johnny was gone. The first time I saw him was in Serena’s office.”

  He said the words in monotone, as if he’d spoken them a thousand times and was weary from the telling. I wanted to hold him, to take his pain away. Tragic, I thought, recalling Agent Michael’s words.

  “If you do this, Craig, there’s no going back. You can’t do this to me again, but we won’t shut you out like you’ve done to us. You can be a part of Johnny’s life, as much as you want,” I said.

  Craig reached into his other pocket and pulled out an envelope. He shoved it into my hand and said, “No. When I leave here today, you’ll never see me again. This is the paper permanently relinquishing my parental rights. Judge Brackman has agreed to reinstate the adoption. Johnny’s your son now, forever.”

  I stared at the paper in my hand and said, “You don’t have to do this. You can still be a part of his life. Come visit as often as you want. We won’t shut you out. It doesn’t have to be either-or.”

  Craig looked up, and I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “When Johnny’s older, tell him about me. Tell him I love him. Tell him I left him because I love him. Call me when he knows, and I’ll come.”

  I nodded and smiled at him. “Where is Johnny? What have you done with him?”

  “He’s with Serena. She told me you were on your way. That’s how I found you. Take Johnny home. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused. Forgive me,” he said and stumbled off toward the street.

  I clenched the paper in my hand and ran to Serena’s office. Johnny was on her lap, and she was reading his favorite book to him. When he saw me, he lifted his arm and cried, “Mama.”

  I lifted Johnny into my arms and held him tight. He snuggled closer and rested his head on my shoulder. “That’s right, my little man,” I whispered. “Mama’s here, and it’s time to take you home where you belong.”

  Volume Two

  Little Lost things

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  1

  Relief washed over Grace Walker when she heard the click of Johnny’s crutches in the entryway. Her son was ninety minutes late getting home from school. He’d been ignoring her calls and texts. He’d never been so late without calling, and Grace had imagined the worst, as any mother would, but she wasn’t just any mother.

  Her fingers froze over the keyboard of her laptop that rested on the dining room table. It was impossible to predict which Johnny would wander into the living room. Would it be her precious little man who'd always adored her or the gawky blond stranger who'd taken up residence over the summer? It was a toss-up these days. She reminded herself to relax her shoulders but braced for the storm that could erupt when she questioned him about where he’d been.

  The strain on their relationship had increased so gradually in the past months that it was hard to remember when it started. It seemed only days had passed since they’d laughed over a TV show they loved or chatted about new excitements in his life while enjoying his favorite ice cream. She found herself desperately longing for those times. She missed her little man.

  Her friend, Alec Emerson, had warned her that just because Johnny had cerebral palsy as the result of the traumatic brain injury he suffered as a baby, it wouldn’t prevent him from experiencing typical teenage hormones. Grace should have heeded Alec’s wise warning, but she’d deluded herself into believing that Johnny would be different from other teenage boys. She could have spared herself from being blindsided by his erratic behavior. She loved Johnny more than life but navigating his ever-changing moods was exhausting.

  The fact that Grace was fifty-five didn’t help. The parents of Johnny’s friends were in their late thirties or forties, not their fifties like Grace and her husband Ryan. The physical energy she’d had when she adopted Johnny twelve years earlier had diminished in the past few years. There were days she dreaded going home after a hectic day at the doctor’s office where she worked as a nurse, knowing she’d have to traverse the minefield with Johnny. She hoped this wouldn’t be one of those days.

  Her eyes followed Johnny as he shuffled in and dropped onto the couch. His phone was out and turned on before he uttered a word and predictions became pointless. The gawky stranger had arrived. Grace was grateful that at least he’d deigned to occupy the same space as her instead of heading straight for his bedroom. It had been a chore to get him to breathe the same air as her lately. When she asked the previous week what she'd done to upset him, he grunted that he wanted her to stop hovering and treating him like a baby. She hadn't realized she was doing that, and his words stung.

  She studied him over the lid of her laptop and marveled at the young man he'd become, despite the attitude. The struggle to survive middle school with his disabilities and progress from a wheelchair to crutches two years earlier had only made him stronger. Through pain and dogged determination, he'd achieved what his doctors had declared impossible. It was a victory they'd all celebrated. She couldn’t have been prouder of him and only hoped he’d continue that path of working to conquer his challenges.

  She took the plunge and said, "You're late. You’re supposed to answer when Dad and I text or call. I was worried. Where were you?"

  Johnny lowered his phone and stared through her. "At the library. I told you I was going."

  "You said you'd be back at four. You were enjoying the library so much that you lost track of time?”

  Johnny shrugged.

  "How'd you get home?"

  His eyes moved back to the phone screen. "Ty's brother."

  Grace saved her notes for the lecture she’d be giving at the hospital the following week and closed the laptop. "So, Ty, Jason and you lost track of time at the library?"

  That earned her a scowl. "Ty called Jason to get us. We were studying. Midterms, remember? What's with the interrogation?"

  She had forgotten about midterms, but that didn’t mean she bought his story. Johnny was bright and rarely had to devote much time to studying for exams, and he'd had plenty of time to come up with an excuse for being late. She wasn’t in the mood for battle, so she let it drop for the moment and switched tactics.

  "You hungry? Auntie Alec dropped off some pasta and focaccia bread earlier. She was sad to miss you."
<
br />   He perked up at the mention of Alec's cooking. Though their family wasn’t technically related to the Emersons, they were more family than friends. Johnny had considered Alec and her husband Adam as his aunt and uncle since he was old enough to understand. It was the same for the Emerson's three children with Grace and her husband, Ryan. Grace was grateful for the bond between Johnny and Alec because Alec served as a buffer between them. It didn’t hurt that Johnny still thought Alec was cool, which was no mean feat.

  "Sounds good." Johnny grabbed his crutches and leveraged himself off the couch. "Cannoli, too?"

  Grace stood and headed for the kitchen. "Not this time. Stay there. I'll bring it to you."

  "I can get it myself, Mom."

  Grace raised her hands in surrender and let him pass. How horrible that I should dare offer to help, she thought as she followed him to the kitchen.

  Johnny savored his aunt's mushroom ravioli while he worked up the courage to ask his mom “the question” he’d been working up the courage to ask for days. He dreaded the answer but couldn't put it off anymore. He wished he’d been more cooperative in the living room.

  Just as he opened his mouth to ask, his mom said, "Speaking of your midterms, how are they going?"

  Perfect opening, he thought. He put his fork down and raised his eyes to look directly at her like his dad was always bugging him to do. "They’re fine. I need to ask you something. You won't like it." He felt her tense but didn't let it stop him. "We're doing a genetics assignment in biology. Everyone's talking about family traits they inherited, but I don't know anything about my family. Is there any way for me to find out? Can we go to the people where you adopted me? There has to be info about my birth parents somewhere."