Lover of the Light

by Sydney Taylor

  I want that, too. I don't have to think about it. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I'll start a family with this girl someday.

  "I do too," I agree. I resist the urge to pull her closer to me. If I did that, I'd probably hold her all night and I'd forget about why it's so important to talk to her.

  "But it's not him." Her lower lip trembles as she nods, tears slowly streaming from the corners of her eyes. "I know. He could have so much more with them..."

  I reach out to wipe her tears away. "Audrey, I know this hurts. We―"

  "I don't want to give him to just anybody," she interrupts. "But I like Nancy and Tim. I just don't know if he belongs with them. But they deserve a baby."

  "We'll get to know them better," I promise. I scoot closer to her, pulling her into my arms. "We'll make sure they aren't baby mongers before we agree to anything."

  She nods, sniffling. I drag my fingers across her cheeks and lean in to kiss her. I taste the saltiness from her tears and kiss the corner of her eyes.

  "We won't do anything until we're sure about them, Audrey," I breathe against her sweet and salty skin, closing my eyes for a moment.

  "Until we're sure," she agrees. "It just... it hurts, Blake."

  I hug her close to me, my heart squeezing in my chest as she cries silently. I kiss her face again and push my fingers through her strawberry tinted hair.

  I make promises of someday with her. Someday we'll have a family. Someday it won't hurt this way because everyone will be happy. I believe this.

  We're just kids. There's always a someday for us.

  I lie next to her and tell her I love her. She stretches another one of my shirts out as she tugs on it, an effort to pull me closer. I breathe in her lavender and vanilla weirdness, telling her I'll always be there for her no matter what she chooses to do.

  When her tears have dried and I think that she's okay, I have to tell myself that what I'm thinking and feeling are two very different things.

  We're young.

  We have time.

  We have a someday, and it's not now.

  Tomorrow is another day with another bridge to cross, but I'm not doubtful about that. I'm not fearful of the future because I know that it includes her. I know we'll be able to conquer whatever comes our way… we'll do that together.

  August 26th, 2012

  Audrey,

  We have given your concerns so much thought. Here are our answers to your questions:

  How would you provide for him?

  We're financially stable. We've purchased our house, we own our cars, we have saved for years for the day we would finally become parents. He'll never go without food to eat or a roof over his head or the love of a mother and father.

  When he's sick, will someone be there to take care of him? Who?

  We'll both be here to take care of him, always. To comfort him during sleepless nights, cuddle him when he's just tired, rock him when he's fussy, clean his scraped knees, and take him to the doctor when necessary. He'll never know what it is to be sick and alone, for we will always be with him.

  If he gets scared, what will you say to him?

  We'll hold him close and chase the monsters away. We'll let him crawl into bed between us when a bad dream has woken him. We'll show him there's nothing in the closet 100 times if need be. We'll make sure he knows he can come to us with any of his fears from simple spiders to his first girlfriend.

  This probably sounds ridiculous, but health is important. Will you let him play? Will you make sure he's well fed and nourished?

  Not only will we let him play, but we'll play with him. We'll introduce him to new friends and make play dates for him. I'll cook all of his meals homemade and make sure he eats his peas and carrots. We'll nourish him with not only food but our love as well.

  We want to know that he'll be safe. What steps will you take to ensure his safety?

  We'll baby-proof the house, and buy only the best car seat available. We'll make sure he wears his helmet and pads as he learns to ride a bike, teach him never to text and drive, but most of all, we'll cocoon him in our love. We'll hold him close when he needs it and let him spread his wings and fly when that time comes, too.

  We want to know that our baby will be loved. How would you show him that?

  We will show him love with our every action. Our every thought will be focused on letting him know he's everything to us. He'll know that he had two amazing angels who created him and they specifically chose us to love and take care of him. We'll let him know that we were entrusted with the most precious gift in the entire world. The gift of him.

  We're so grateful you gave us this chance and hope to hear from you soon.

  Nancy and Timothy Hunter

  Chapter 30

  October 1st, 2012

  1:27 p.m.

  I'm just here to pick something up. I'm just here to pick something up. I'm not going to look at games.

  Not. Looking. At. Games.

  It doesn't matter what I say to myself, I still end up at the center of GameShack, asking when Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 comes out.

  "Dude, I'm so pumped!" Alex, one of the associates, nearly throws his Subway sandwich across the store as he points to a poster hanging on the window. He jumps up and down, shoulders vibrating with excitement. "November, man. Next. Freaking. Month."

  I laugh because, yeah, I'm pumped too.

  With Chase not around, and Brightside not allowed to come over on school nights, I spend a solid five hours of my day on Chase's Xbox 360. It isn't the most productive way to spend my time, but it's better than the many alternatives I could have come up with before Brightside.

  "Sweet." I nod in agreement. "Uh… so, I don't want to cause any trouble here, but I think that kid back there is pocketing Skylander characters."

  "Hm?" Alex furrows his brows. I point over my shoulder. There's a kid in a parka, standing at the back corner of the store, who's trying to be stealthy as he opens random packages and pockets the contents. Alex leans over the red countertop, sandwich in hand. "Ahh, son of b—snitch."

  "Sorry," I mutter. I take a step back, ready to head for the exit.

  "No, man, it's cool," he protests, holding his hand out to signal me to wait. He peers over my shoulder and curls his bottom lip to shoot off a high-pitched whistle. "Hey, kid!"

  Skylander boy freezes mid-step, his hands in the air. "I didn't take anything, I swear!"

  "Drop the robot." Alex tries to sound menacing, but he's got Subway smashed in the side of his mouth so it sounds muffled.

  "Hog Wild Fryno isn't a robot, Alex." The boy turns around and starts pulling figures from his pocket, dropping them on the ground as he jogs towards the exit. "He's part of the Blazing Biker Brigade, idiot."

  "You're too old for that game anyway!" Alex yells after him.

  "Uh"—I twist around to reface him, pointing over my shoulder.—"you want someone to go after him?"

  He takes a bite out of his foot long, shaking his head. "No, he always does this. He got banned from the mall, like, five months ago. LP here is shit though, so he'll probably be back. They usually catch him before he leaves."

  I wear a blank expression, staring at the weirdo before me and wondering if he's serious. I shrug.

  Whatever.

  "Uh… okay."

  I told myself I wouldn't be at the mall for longer than an hour, but I've already lost twenty minutes talking games with Alex. I don't even know where the time went. I came here to pick up a birthday gift for Brightside, and now I'm thinking about spending my paycheck on video games.

  I shake my head to myself.

  Next payday, Tucker… maybe.

  "Holy crap, now I know why you look familiar!" Alex shouts, dropping the last of his sandwich on the counter. His blue eyes widen with recognition. "You're the paper boy, right?"

  I groan, rolling my head on my neck.

  I hate when people call me that. Even Audrey doesn't call me "paper boy," and she generally calls me every name
she can think of.

  "Um, yeah. That's me. I'm the… paper boy," I choke the words out, shuddering.

  He furrows his brows. "What? You don't like your job?"

  I shrug dismissively. "I mean, it's cool or whatever, but I don't really see myself doing it in ten years. If you know what I mean."

  He extends his arms out at his sides, his eyes widening with excitement.

  "Dude-bro, you want to work here? Wait—how old are you?" He squints at me like he's trying to read my age on my forehead. "You look like you could be twenty, but you have that slouchy posture like a fifteen-year-old."

  "Seventeen," I reply, shoving my hands in my coat pockets as I shift. "I'm a senior at Harrison High."

  "Oh." He scoffs, rolling his eyes to himself as he crumples the sandwich wrapper to toss it in the trash can behind the counter. "Duh. You have to be at least sixteen to drive a car."

  I feel my lips tugging up with a smirk.

  I think I like Alex.

  "Uh, yeah," I agree casually. "I'm old enough to drive, so…"

  "You could work here." His eyes grow small while he stares me down. "How much do you make at your job now?"

  "Eight-fifty an hour," I lie. I got five an hour at the market when I was a bag boy, I make close-to-nothing throwing papers.

  Alex eyes me skeptically.

  He knows I'm a liar.

  "I bet I can convince Mark to do nine." He spins around to pluck an application from the stool behind the counter. He holds out the paper and a pen. "He needs game-pimps bad. You want to apply?"

  I stall for a moment, contemplating. I should jump at the chance to make nine bucks an hour. I need money, and the job I have barely covers my cell phone bill, let alone gas. On the contrary, if I get this job, that means I'll probably be seeing even less of Brightside.

  I couldn't even afford her birthday present last month.

  I mean, it's just an application. I don't think Alex could really get me a job here. But maybe it's worth a shot?

  "Okay," I agree. I pull my hands out of my pockets to take the pen and paper from him.

  4:45 p.m.

  "Babe."

  Audrey hums, her eyelids wrinkling.

  "Babe," I repeat, hovering over her form to kiss her lips. I move my mouth across her cheek to press small kisses across her jaw. She smells like Brightside—strange, fruity, and addicting. "Brightside," I say throatily, nuzzling my nose to her neck.

  She moans softly, bringing her hands up to my hair to kiss me. I mumble into her mouth, "What are you doing on my bedroom floor?"

  She sighs faintly, her cinnamon-scented breath washing over my face. I smirk. I would bug out if anyone else breathed in my face, but with her I've loved it since the beginning. "I…" She blinks awake, looking around my room until her eyes find and focus on mine. "Uh… oh! Um, I was trying to do yoga."

  I nod, believing that. "And…." I wait, draping my hand over her hip. I'm careful as I maneuver my arm around the large bump there.

  I try not to touch Channel Three anymore, but it's inevitable. He's a part of Audrey, I can't just avoid him until he's gone.

  "You fell asleep?" I inquire, lifting my head to raise a brow at her.

  This is the scene I came home to: Audrey spread out on my bedroom floor, dressed in a lavender tank top and a pair of my navy blue sweats. I don't even know how she got in my house, or when, but I'm a little too excited by her presence to question it.

  "Yeah," she says absentmindedly, twisting her head around to eye the shopping bags I have strewn across the floor. My lips find her neck again. "Uh—um… you went to Game Shack?"

  I force myself to pull away from her addictive skin. I clear my throat, nodding. "Yeah, I needed to pick something up." I plant my hands on the floor to push myself to my feet and walk over to retrieve the bags off the floor. "And I met this weird dude in the mall who offered me a job."

  "At the jewelry store?" she points to the not-so-hidden bag containing her birthday present.

  I shake my head, grimacing at the thought of working at Precious Memories. That store is filled with old ladies who fawned over me coming in to buy my girlfriend's birthday present. It's not like I was buying a fucking engagement ring… but yeah, I kind of considered buying that, too.

  "No, Game Shack." I grab the gift and discard the bag haphazardly onto the floor before her lap. "I found this on the parking lot."

  She has a knowing smirk. "Hm. So did you put in an application?" she wonders as I walk over to her. I drop down beside her, crossing my legs to get comfortable in the cramped space of my bedroom.

  "Yee-ah." I nod, setting the box by her hand. "The guy working there said he could talk the manager into paying me nine dollars an hour."

  Her eyes widen with surprise. "Wow. That's good, you need a new job. No one around here wants to hire me," she sighs out through puffed cheeks, her brown eyes dancing from me to the ceiling nervously. "They think I look like Stay Puft. And my current appearance doesn't exactly scream respectable, responsible young lady."

  My lips press in a frown, my eyebrows pushing together in disbelief. "What? The marshmallow man? Who told you that?"

  Shaking her head, she pulls her auburn hair behind her and puts it in a neat rubber band. "Doesn't matter. Will you help me sit up?" She holds her hands out for me to grab.

  "Is that why you fell asleep on the floor?" I ask, pushing my fingers through hers as I pull her into sitting position. "Audrey, you could've asked my mom for help."

  "No, I just passed out as soon as I laid back. And your mom has been sleeping since she got home from work." She waves a dismissive hand, sighing again.

  "Who called you Stay Puft?" I repeat, fuming at the thought of someone bad-mouthing her.

  It's been this way since we started senior year. Audrey and I don't have any classes together. She takes AP courses and I'm stuck with the standard ones. Although I can't complain that my eighty-six percent average didn't place me in advanced classes this year, the only thing I’m really bummed about is not getting to spend my day with Audrey.

  "Well.” Audrey places a hand over her swollen abdomen. "It's kind of stupid. I was in Weight class today, you know, doing nothing." She spins her index finger as she points downward, to Channel Three's home. I nod for her to continue. "I was just chilling on one of the benches listening to music, and I heard Jane talking about how freakin’ fat I am—"

  "You serious?" I interrupt. "Audrey, why wouldn't you say something?"

  She rolls her eyes. "Because I didn't need to. It's over… and Lainey sort of stuck up for me.”

  I stare at her for a moment, trying to properly digest this information.

  "Audrey..." I inhale deeply through my nose, shutting my eyes.

  What do I have to do to get this girl to tell me something? Didn't need to tell me? Is she serious?

  "Blake," she laughs out, placing her hands on my shoulder. I feel her warm lips on my cheek, moving across my jaw. "I'm okay. The baby is okay. So please stop worrying. Words can't hurt me.”

  I snap my eyes open, but I'm not mad. Not really. Not at her.

  I think about the awesome thank-you letter I'm going to write Lainey for sticking up for Audrey when I couldn't.

  "What are you even taking weight class for, Audrey?" I ask, dragging my fingers through the hair tie. “You can't lift anything over, what? Twenty pounds?"

  She flashes me a devilish grin. "Exactly."

  I stare at her for a moment, wondering how she could've possibly talked Mrs. Davenport, our guidance counselor, into that one. "You're crazy, you know that?" I peck her lips, since they're right there. She hums, tightening her fingers in my hair. "Audrey?” I ask.

  “Hm?” she responds, the weight of her head on my shoulder and loss of excitability in her tone a good indication of her fatigue. I kiss her forehead tenderly, because I know what he does to her.

  “Please don't tell me you're letting those girls get to you…"

  It isn't his fault, but he's taken
the last year of her high school away from her. He's drained her of her energy and her chance to enjoy her last year of high school. I can't change this, but I can always kiss her and let her know she amazes me. She's giving the good thing we created a chance at life.

  “It is not just the girls,” she reminds me.

  Once upon a time, I used to think Casper was a cool guy. We were friends, but we also didn't have much else to do but make asses of ourselves. That changed not long after Audrey started showing, and Casper and his friends started placing bets on which one of them was the father. I also heard rumors that Audrey wasn't really pregnant and was just using me. Another rumor was that she had trapped me.

  “Trapped with her?” I had asked Su Chang in disbelief, pointing to my gorgeous girlfriend. “I'm okay with that.”

  It's like this whole town thinks Audrey's pregnancy is a conspiracy. They look at me like they feel bad for me, then they talk behind Audrey's back as if she's some villain out to ruin me.

  "I'm not letting them get to me," she reassures me as she sits back on her heels. "You wanted to know, so I told you what happened. I'm fine. Puffy." She smirks, and I feel my face fall. "Kidding."

  "Funny," I deadpan.

  She sighs, looking down at the box I placed in front of her earlier.

  "Open it," I urge, playfully shoving her shoulder. "Find out what it is. You know you want to."

  The corners of her lips twitch. "This doesn't look like it's been sitting in a parking lot, Blake."

  "That's because the guy dropped it and pulled off before I could catch him, Audrey," I mock, matching my tone to hers.

  She spares me a disbelieving glance as she works her finger under the silver wrapping paper. I lean forward, watching her eyes as she lifts the lid from the small rectangular box.

  It isn't anything spectacular, but I know she'll love it regardless. Hailee swore she would.

  Audrey's already smiling as she lifts the chain from its box, bringing it up so the pendants fall loosely into her palm. It's seems kind of stupid to me now; the sun, the star, the moon, the saying on the back.

  "Brightside," she whispers, smiling cheek-to-cheek with starry-sparkling eyes. "Blake, it's..."