In his own case, Thomas had been completely blindsided by Addington’s speech. How could he have so wrongly trusted the man for years? All the doubts and suspicions Sarah outlined earlier, and he’d been so eager to dismiss, now glared angrily in his recollection.
On reaching Sarah’s door, he didn’t hesitate in entering, turning the knob and ducking inside, closing the door behind him. Instantly enveloped by the warmth of the now familiar room which he could no longer remember without Sarah’s presence in it, his heart ached as his ears took in the sound of her sniffling in the corner. When he turned into the room, his eyes found her slight figure hunched in front of the desk, sitting on the chair with a handkerchief pressed to her nose and her shoulders shaking.
“Here, now, what’s all this?” He soothed, closing the distance to her in two long strides and kneeling in front of her. Tentatively reaching out, he took hold of the small hand in her lap, relieved when she didn’t pull away. “You can’t believe what Addington told you?” He held his breath, willing those lovely eyelids now scrunched tightly shut to soften and open, reveal that steadfast trust he was going to need more than ever now.
Dew-rimmed lashes blinked and relented, allowing drenched blue orbs to focus on him. “Of course not,” she sniffed loudly, easing the heartache brewing in Thomas’ breast. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from listening to you and Eric, the best means of getting information out of someone is to set them on edge, upset them somehow and trick them into giving something away.”
Thomas smiled. She was regaining her composure, straightening in her seat and even managing to lift her chin a notch. “Then why the tears?” He reached a hand to her cheek as a new wave of tears brimmed and spilled over. Shoulders sagging, her defiant chin lost the ground it had gained.
“Because I’ve ruined everything.”
“What? He balked. “How can you think that?”
“You heard Lord Addington as well as I did. He only found out about my presence here yesterday, and that prompted his ridiculous train of thought.”
“You couldn’t have prevented that,” Thomas began, but Sarah shook her head sharply and rose to her feet, retreating to the window.
“Have you forgotten Eric’s anger at my insisting on coming here? Or your own mandate that I leave?” She stared out over the rooftops, arms wrapping around her torso.
Getting to his feet, he neared her but remained cautious of the window. Stepping to the side, he reached for one of her hands and tugged her toward him. She didn’t resist, but neither did she raise her eyes to his.
“I’m grateful you defied us both and stayed to provide comfort for Aunt Mabel—”
“Oh!” her features crumpled into a new paroxysm of tears and she veered toward the bed, taking hold of one of the posts and resting her forehead against it.
Despite his concern, a hint of irritation wore at Thomas’ patience. “For heaven’s sake, what’s wrong?” He waited, silence flooding the space between them along with the muffled tears. He verged on issuing his question again before her barely audible whisper floated across the room, so softly he doubted he’d heard it.
“I didn’t.”
“What?”
She clutched at the bedpost as though something pained her and he crept closer, wanting to comfort her but leery of prompting her to flight again.
“I didn’t come here for Aunt Mabel,” the words wrenched from her throat. “Not entirely. Not as I should have.”
He paused in place, unsure how to react and unable to imagine Sarah being purposely unkind to his aunt. But she’d certainly been under no obligation to come here. What possible reason could she have for coming if not for Mabel?
“I do care for Aunt Mabel,” she continued with a sniff. “Please don’t misunderstand. But though I would hotly debate coming here only on her account, I cannot say for certain I would choose to do so if that were my only reason.”
Dragging in a deep breath, she seemed to require all of it to force out her next words. “I thought it was my last possible chance—” she cut off mid-sentence and turned in place, leaning against the bedpost and fastening a gut-wrenching look of utter defeat on him. “Have you truly never guessed at my feelings?”
Mouth hanging open, he lost himself in the silently plaintive depths of her eyes, uncomprehending. His heart had taken on a restless flutter, blood warming in his veins as though her words meant to renew the life which had grown stagnant in him, but his mind protested. She couldn’t possibly intend the meaning his foolish heart interpreted. He’d fallen too far in life to claim that hope.
“I,” he began, searching for what he hoped were appropriate words. “I have always felt your acceptance and deep caring. Indeed, I have long appreciated your treatment of me in similar fashion to your own brothers who I know you love dearly…”
He trailed off when she turned from him with another pained expression and took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“And that is exactly it,” she murmured. “I don’t care for you or love you as a brother. Now I have the answer I came for, yet I feel no weight removed from my heart, only the added burden of having brought danger to both you and Eric.”
Without realizing he’d taken up movement, Thomas found himself standing in front of her, then bending to his knee to better view the face she tried to hide as she hung her head. His hands encircled hers. “Am I to understand you might hold a sentiment more precious than friendship for me?”
She gave a humorless laugh and responded as though speaking to herself. “Then I shall have out with it and end this charade.” Turning her head to face him, her eyes held his captive, never wavering as she issued her next statement. “Sir Thomas, I love you, and have loved you, but you need not fear any future embarrassment. As this affliction is solely my own, I will endeavor to continue my concealment of it as I have until now.”
She attempted to tug her hands from his grasp and move away from him, but he wouldn’t allow it, nor would his soaring heart ever allow it if it could be at all avoided. For a moment he forgot the dire circumstances surrounding them and could comprehend no other thought outside of knowing she loved him.
“Dear heart,” he moved to sit beside her, catching her startled face between the warmth of his palms. In the span of a heartbeat his entire world dissolved and reformed, consisting only of the angelic face before him and the strengthening beat of his heart. A new optimism took hold of him, a renewed purpose.
He’d long since lost his hold on any sense of self but could easily envision devoting every breath and action to this girl who’d stolen into his home and his heart. If she wished for his inept and utterly lacking love, she was welcome to all of it.
“Forgive my ignorance and the self-absorption which led to it. If you care for me, I beg of you don’t conceal it. Your kindness has been all that has sustained me through these recent days.”
Her eyes rounded and lips parted in question, a temptation he had little hope or desire to overcome. “Your love is not solitary,” he admitted, eyes dropping to the soft curve of her lips. “Though the realization is new in my sluggish cognition. Forgive me.”
The statement ended on a whisper as he pressed his lips to hers, not waiting for a response. His lips, his heart, his entire being were all eager to reignite the dizzying sensations of their recent kiss, this time without the shadow of guilt. His senses were not disappointed, nor were they mistaken in their assessment of the night before. He’d almost convinced himself the excitement of the evening and the influence of the dark and moonlight conspired to addle his brain and make him remember their kiss with a heightened intensity and headiness which hadn’t existed in reality.
That conviction suffered a swift death amid the onslaught of this renewed immersion into perfect bliss in the bright sunlight. Her arms wrapped around him, drawing him closer, her tentative response to his exploration with lips, tongue, and a quiet purr reverberating in her throat, drove him mad in a matter of seconds.
He clasped her nearer,
tasted and sparred, delighting in the way her gentle touch ignited sparks wherever her fingers wandered, and how her sighs sent gooseflesh erupting along his arms and a shiver radiating out from his spine. When her sigh combined with a gentle fall forward, pressing those soft and tantalizing curves into him, he could no longer deny the urgent press of his attraction as he had attempted to the night before and, indeed, that first day in Eric’s study, and even on several recent mornings upon waking from delightfully inappropriate dreams of her.
But reason maintained a tenuous foothold, reminding him as the soft pillows behind them beckoned that he must not harm her honor or give her false assurance. True regret stabbed him the moment he released her, blinking dazedly down into her eyes. “When this is over, I shall—”
Bitter reality came crashing down about him once more at the words. Backing away from her, he ran a hand through his hair. What enchantment had he fallen prey to? He’d been on the verge of promising courtship, a life together, and his unending devotion as though the very real possibility of his imprisonment and hanging had suddenly disappeared.
He glanced back at her confusion; the worry reflected in her eyes. A weight sank down onto his soul, crushing it. If he failed to find proof of Addington’s guilt within three days… He swallowed. He would not allow any harm to come to Sarah.
“When this is over…” he reiterated, refusing to lay claim to the resurfacing guilt or retract his words of love. “Sarah, I’ve got to leave.” He looked to the window.
“You can’t while it’s still light out,” she responded in a voice far too rational and even. When he looked to her again, he found a stone statue in the place of his newly found, warm and supple nymph. “Stay here until dark.” She ordered, pacing toward the door. “I should go sit with your aunt.”
“Sarah,” Something in her demeanor frightened him. He was coming to understand her exceptional powers of observation, and her change in disposition hinted at something more than anger. His plea, however, fell on deaf ears as she exited.
Chapter 13
A light snore issued from the corner of the sofa where Aunt Mabel rested, her head drooping against the small wing of the upholstered back. Pausing in her recitation, Sarah looked up from her book and smiled. Setting the book on the side table between them with care, she eased up from her seat and walked across the room to the bell pull.
Without the distraction of reading, however, her smile faded as her thoughts flew again to the man occupying her room upstairs. He was hiding something. He’d confessed such beautiful words of love, words she could scarcely believe were true, but he’d hesitated. When he began to talk of the future, it was as though the flame of his attraction were rudely doused and Sarah was determined to know why.
Perhaps he retained qualms about her family objecting. They would, but Sarah felt strongly once Addington’s scheming was revealed they could argue a case for peace, even with Eric. Was he worried about negative opinions which might be associated with her if he courted her? She didn’t care a whit for that and would tell him so, loudly, when next she went up to her room. Why, once the evidence against Addington became… Evidence. She took in a small breath.
“Oh, I’m sorry miss.”
Sarah spun around as Mabel’s maid entered. She’d already forgotten having rung for her. “Quite all right,” she assured the woman. “Please take over care of Aunt Mabel, I didn’t sleep well and am afraid I’m developing a headache. Please let her know when she wakes, I’ve gone to rest awhile.”
“Of course, miss.”
Exiting as swiftly as she dared, Sarah made her way to her room. Evidence. Thomas had no definitive evidence against Addington yet, and if he didn’t find any within the next few days… Lord Addington’s threat came back to her. She’d almost forgotten it in the moments which followed with Thomas.
Out of breath by the time she reached her room door, she entered in a rush, startling Thomas, who lay with one leg propped up on the bed and an arm, coat removed and sleeve rolled to his elbow, draped over his eyes. Staring at him in the hopes of piercing through his barriers and peeking into his soul, she asked herself how far he might go to protect his dearest friend. What he might do for those he loved. Now was not a time for sentimental assumptions.
“Sarah,” he sighed, sinking back toward the pillows he’d swung up from. “You gave me a start, I thought—”
“What are you hiding, Thomas?” She insisted, hastening toward the bed. He turned a furrowed brow on her.
“Hiding?”
“Yes. Why do you think you won’t succeed?”
He sat up, propping himself against the headrest. “There is always a possibility I won’t succeed. Surely you know that.”
“Yes,” she nodded, creeping closer as her thoughts raced, noting his increasing uneasiness as she approached. “But this is different. If you don’t find the evidence you need against Addington, you can at least continue to hide. But I think you would have mentioned that. You’re generally good at offering assurances. You won’t continue to hide, will you?”
Her voice wavered in issuing the final sentence. She stood beside him, searching for a response in the eyes that avoided hers.
“You’re upsetting yourself over nothing, Sarah,” he insisted, attempting to get up but finding his way barred. Sarah refused to allow him to evade her questioning. “If I find what I need, it will never come to that.”
“And if you don’t? What are you planning?”
He let out a sigh and finally met her eyes, assessing. Whatever he saw convinced him not to continue trying to deflect her. “If I don’t… Then I will allow Addington to do what he likes with me on the condition that you and Eric are left in peace.”
“He’ll lie to you!” Sarah insisted as Thomas stood and walked around her toward the window.
“Very likely, but it will provide a distraction during which Eric can find what I wasn’t able to,” he turned to face her, arms crossed over his chest. “Addington is playing to his own vanity, and that will be his downfall. He can’t comprehend Eric as a threat in and of himself and believes you little more than a misguided girl inadvertently acting as middleman. If I fail, you must convince Eric of the importance of this, it sounds like he’s on the right track.”
“But Thomas—” Her words deserted her as his logic battled with the worries of her heart. Tears pricked her eyes an instant before his strong and comforting arms closed around her and she happily buried her face in the soft linen of his shirt
“Here now,” he cooed, kissing the top of her head and running his knuckles along her cheek. “Have you given me up to the hangman already? There is a small chance I’ll find some proof and come out the victor in this, you know.”
The hint of bitterness in his words caused her to look up. “How am I to believe it if you don’t believe it yourself?”
His lips formed a faint smile. “If I could muster a fraction of your confidence, I would believe myself capable of anything.”
“Then take some of mine with you.”
Raising up on her toes, ignoring the swift resistance he attempted to show, she brought her lips to rest on his. Determination fought away the innocent embarrassment attempting to stall her wanton actions. She’d gained his affection too recently to allow him to leave like this. If this was to be their last meeting, she would take every memory and keepsake she possibly could.
Arms sliding up to clasp about Thomas’ neck, Sarah pressed herself into him, searching for a more meaningful response than the light warmth of his lips meant only to comfort her. She refused to yield, her heart leaping in victory the instant his kiss took on a hungrier demeanor and his arms tightened about her.
Only a half victory, as he pulled away and opened a distance between them, his arms straightening between them and providing a barricade against her.
“We mustn’t, Sarah, now is not the time for this.”
“You’re expecting a better time, then? I thought we just established your lack of conf
idence on that front.”
He chuckled and shook his head before matching his gaze with hers. “I won’t give your brothers any additional reason to hate me.”
She stiffened and brushed his hands away from where they’d come to rest at her waist before turning her back to him. “Good you think so highly of my brothers. Here I was under the mistaken opinion it was me you might have to keep up good relations with.”
“Sarah…”
“If the love you claim disapproves of my forwardness, I had best go in search of your aunt.” She moved to arc around him and continue to the door, but his hand caught the crook of her elbow and all but lifted her from her feet as he pulled her back and pressed her against the wall, his mouth covering hers with an urgent possession that left her breathless and weak-kneed when he pulled away again, arms braced on either side of her.
“Do not doubt either my ardor for you or my respect for you.” He growled, both as serious and as breathless as she’d ever seen him; his eyes fixed on her lips in a way that made her insides melt. “In less than twenty-four hours, the world as we knew it has turned on its head. I won’t take advantage of any recent revelation and risk putting you into an irreparable predicament.”
“And there you perpetuate your never-ending focus on yourself, Thomas.”
His eyes widened and she licked her lips, hoping her courage would last. “As soon as darkness falls, we may not see each other again. You deny yourself your own desires out of pride and dismiss mine out of self-righteousness.”
Brows all but disappearing into his hairline, he leaned in until the warmth between them threatened to stifle her. “And what, exactly,” he whispered into her ear, his breath tickling her neck and sending a shiver down her spine, “are your desires?”
Cheeks flaming, Sarah shut her eyes and took a breath, turning her head until her lips brushed the curve of his ear. “I want to know why the women at the club made so much noise. Do you suppose I would as well? And are men equally susceptible?” She made her request in her sweetest, most innocent tone as though they were sitting to tea and not separated by less than an inch of smoldering air.
A Clandestine Affair (Currents of Love Book 5) Page 11
