I would’ve never taken him from this. Emotion choked me as tears burned my eyes. I looked away, pressing my lips together. How could there still be tears left when I’d cried so much? How could he do this? Seeing him tonight had been like a dream come true, but at what cost? He...he Fell for me, and he didn’t seem to know who I was.
“You should want to weep,” the angel said softly.
I jerked my heard toward the angel. There was a sadness in the angel’s voice and in his smile that shocked me. I’d always believed angels were without emotion, but what I heard in his words was real.
“Zayne had accomplished what so very few have ever done on their own,” he said. “If I had been him, I would’ve remained in the Heavens. I would’ve helped ensure that Heaven could no longer be accessed, sealing the gates before any corrupt soul could enter.”
“Seal the gates?” I blinked the tears from my eyes.
The Throne nodded. “Many of us feel that this world,” he said, spreading his arms wide, “has become a lost cause. That there will be no stopping Gabriel, and all that we can do is prevent his taint from reaching us.”
Dumbfounded, I stared at him. “You basically want to quarantine Heaven from Earth?”
“But here I am instead,” he said, as if that excused the fact that there were angels who basically wanted to wash their hands of their own freaking mess called Gabriel.
The only thing that could’ve distracted me from how utterly infuriating angels were was what he said next.
“Zayne was presented with many choices. He could go on to eternal peace. Reborn, he could remain in the Heavens to guard the gates. He could’ve chosen to train with our armies for the final battle that will come no matter what Gabriel accomplishes. He could’ve chosen to return to Earth at the right moment, the one where he would be needed most. But he chose to return to you, to fight beside you now and forever, even though we warned him that if he were to return now, he would Fall.” There was a short laugh that sounded like wind on the mountains. “Even if he hadn’t so vocally admitted what he wanted or if we hadn’t presented him with such choices, we knew he would’ve found a way to return to you.”
And wasn’t that what he’d promised me? That no matter what, he’d find his way back to me.
“So, he Fell, and a Fallen can only be stripped of their wings and grace once they are earthbound,” the Throne explained. “No angel with the power to do so will attempt such a thing in these times.” There was a pause. “Besides, we hoped that even as a Fallen, he would remain...useful to our cause. That he would retain who he was, in his heart, and be able to help defeat Gabriel. We warned him about the burn upon reentry.”
“What does that mean exactly? The burn upon reentry?”
“When he Fell, he lost his Glory, and was exposed to the worst of the human soul. Greed. Lust. Gluttony. Sloth. Pride—”
“Wrath. Envy. I get it,” I cut the Throne off, and if I hadn’t already faced down Gabriel and if my father wasn’t the archangel Michael, I might have been cowed by the look the Throne gave me. “He said something about feeling too much. It was like—I don’t know. He seemed to find things about me familiar, but what he was feeling was blocking him or something. He seemed to be able to sense the grace in me. He attacked.”
“That’s because when he Fell, he was not only witness to the sin of humanity, he was exposed to the anger and bitterness of those who Fell before him.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. I...I couldn’t even comprehend that, couldn’t even begin to understand what Zayne must be feeling.
“We warned him that the Fall could overload his senses and infect him, potentially erasing who he was, but he was willing to risk becoming something as vile and evil as any demon, for you.”
His words were a stab to the heart.
“When he saw you tonight, he sensed your grace. The purity even in your muddied blood called to him,” he said, and I couldn’t even work up the energy to be offended by the muddied blood part. “In his conflicted state and with the anger and bitterness of all that Fell before him, he most likely viewed you as one of the brethren who’d cast him from the Heavens. He will see the Wardens the same way. The longer he remains in such a state, the more likely he is to act upon the violence that is seeping into every pore. He will become a danger to not just you or the Wardens, but to humans—to innocents.” The Throne sighed. “A Fallen in possession of their grace is a very dangerous foe, no matter how clear their heart and mind is. We’d hoped he’d reenter unscathed. We were wrong. So here we are.”
Those four words were so final.
An unbearable weight pressed down on my chest. Silly me for believing that my heart had taken all the pain it could. I’d been wrong. It was still in there, breaking all over again. He’d given up everything to be with me, and in a horrific twist of fate it sounded like he’d become something that he would’ve loathed.
“Is there no hope, then?” I asked, my voice sounding small and tired. “He won’t become who he was before? Snap out of this?”
The Throne backed up, and the light around him slowly faded. “There is always hope if one has faith.”
Faith. I almost laughed right then, but if I laughed, I’d probably never stop. The young priest would have to call someone.
If the young priest was still here. He seemed to have vanished into thin air.
The Throne started to flicker out but solidified. “You have done well despite your shortcomings. Many did not believe you would survive your first battle with Gabriel.”
Wow. That made me feel so much better about everything.
“Your father believed in you, though.”
“He did?” Disbelief rang like a church bell in my voice.
I thought he smiled again, but with the fade of his glow, his features were blurry. “For that he has given you a gift.”
“A gift?” I asked warily. I didn’t want a gift. I wanted Zayne back—the Zayne I knew and loved. Not the deranged psycho who was out there doing God only knows what.
Doing things that would destroy every piece of Zayne, because he was good to the core.
“You’ve already been given the gift.” The angel reached out, brushing his fingers over my cheek. A jolt of electricity went through me, causing my grace to spark and the corners of my vision to turn white. “What is inside you is the gift. It is both grace and Glory, a power that is beyond what your mind can comprehend and yet a power owned by you. Use it to strike through the heart encased in chaos.”
I stared at him as understanding dawned. “The Sword of Michael.”
He stepped back, those eyes on his wings blinking in unison.
“You’re saying that I’m supposed to use the Sword of Michael against Zayne?” My voice pitched high. “Stab him in the heart with it? That would kill him!”
“Your grace can never harm what you cherish. It can only restore.”
Now that sounded like some Jedi nonsense. “And I’m just supposed to take your word for that?” I demanded. Once the grace was summoned, it destroyed. Demon. Human. Warden. Even angels. He expected me to believe that because I loved Zayne, the Sword of Michael wouldn’t harm him when it could slice through the skin of a Warden like it was nothing more than water? I’d cared about Misha, and my grace had ended his life.
“Do you not have any faith?”
I opened my mouth to respond.
“I already know this answer.” His wings flared, and all those eyes stared straight into me. “It was a rhetorical question, Trueborn. You, a child of one of the most powerful archangels, have always lacked faith.” The Throne smiled at me. “It is a good thing that neither God nor your father have ever lacked faith in you.”
I jolted, struck speechless.
“Do not fail, Trueborn. You will need him to defeat Gabriel. You will need everything to defeat the Harbinger,” the Thron
e said, and I wondered if he knew where Roth and Layla were currently. I wisely decided to not even address that as the intense golden glow rippled over him. My eyes watered and ached. “It may already be too late for him. Many who Fell were far too lost even after being entombed to be given the choice of redemption. I hope for your sake that is not the case. Gabriel will be the least of your concerns. Your Fallen, in his current state, can kill you. So be careful. It would be most displeasing for you to die by the hands of the one who Fell to be with you.”
Displeasing?
I could think of a lot more descriptive words. Horrific. Heartbreaking. Messed up. Agonizing. Tragic.
I exhaled roughly. “And if it did work,” I started, and then corrected myself. “If I am successful, will Zayne return to being an angel?” I asked, my heart squeezing for a whole different reason.
Angels didn’t have emotions. Or at least that’s what I’d always believed, and Gabriel pretty much confirmed that. If Zayne was restored, I wouldn’t get him back. Not like before. But he would be okay. He would be alive, and that...that had to be enough.
The Throne studied me silently for a couple of seconds. “Many believe that demons are incapable of love, do they not? As they do not have a human soul.”
A shiver of unease drifted through me. Was he reading my mind?
God, I hoped not.
But demons could love. Roth loved Layla, and he was the Crown Prince of Hell.
The angel tilted his head. “Contrary to what is known and what some of our brethren will even claim, angels are not incapable of emotion, Trueborn. We just feel things...differently. For the oldest among us, it is difficult, but we are not incapable of love or lust or hate,” he continued. “Those who Fell are proof. Gabriel is proof of that now.”
As I stared at him, I realized that he was right. The angels who Fell did so because they caved to a whole slew of human emotions, and Gabriel...he had a mad case of jealousy and bitterness. Relief swept through me—
“But Zayne would not become an angel. He would not become a Warden. He would remain as he is,” the Throne continued. “A Fallen who is earthbound, with one foot in Heaven and the other in Hell. There is only one other who was shunned by the Heavens and retained his grace.”
My chest hollowed. “Lucifer.”
“And you see how that turned out for him.”
With that little piece of extremely distressing news and possibly the most demotivating pep talk, the Throne vanished, taking with him the frigid air and scent of sandalwood.
I had no idea how long I stood there, staring at the spot of the Blessed Sacrament, my mind alternating between being incapable of believing what the Throne had said I needed to do and inherently knowing there was no choice.
And the latter was true whether the Throne was right or wrong.
Slowly, I turned around. The stone angels were bowing over their basins once more. My gaze lifted to the pews. I couldn’t let Zayne become something that he would’ve been horrified by, a monster that would eventually tarnish and destroy everything good about who he’d been. There was no way I could allow that, because for him, that would be a fate worse than death.
There really was no choice.
I sighed heavily, but with the next breath I took, steely determination filled me, dulling the pain and replacing the bone-deep exhaustion. There was a tiny spark of hope feeding the energy now buzzing through me, but I knew what I faced.
Either I saved Zayne or I killed him.
Or...he killed me.
3
There was a lot I needed to be focused on right now. During the upcoming Transfiguration, which was only weeks away, Gabriel planned on creating a rift between Earth and Heaven so that the demon Bael and souls that belonged to Hell could enter Heaven. I needed to find a way to stop him. That was my duty as the Trueborn—what I’d been waiting for—but I knew I wasn’t enough to defeat Gabriel on my own. That was why Roth and Layla were trying to bring Lucifer topside. That was why the Throne had said I needed Zayne to defeat Gabriel. I should be working on a plan in case Roth and Layla failed, but Zayne...he was the priority now.
My duty would have to wait, and I didn’t care if that ticked God off.
So the first thing I did when I walked outside the church was pull my phone out of my back pocket. Thankfully, the thing had survived me being thrown around like a rag doll.
Squinting at the light of the screen, I opened up my contacts. At some point, Zayne had added Nicolai’s number in my phone. In case of an emergency, he’d said one night while we’d been hunting the Harbinger and the demon Bael.
If this wasn’t an emergency, I didn’t know what was.
I needed to give Nicolai and the clan a heads-up about Zayne just in case they came into contact with him. If he didn’t remember me, I doubted he’d recognize them.
Heart heavy, my fingers tightened around the phone. Nicolai, the head of the DC clan of Wardens, answered on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Nicolai? It’s Trinity,” I said, keeping my eyes peeled wide, just in case Zayne decided that staying hidden from humans wasn’t high on the priority list. “I need to see you. It’s an emergency.”
“Is everything okay?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. He’d visited more than once, along with Danika, while I’d been healing. He and Danika were...dating? Wardens didn’t really date. They met and mated, but Nicolai and Danika were breaking with that tradition. “Hell,” he said after a moment. “That’s a stupid question. Are things as okay as they can be?”
“Well.” I drew the word out, watching the blurred faces of people passing by, holding their umbrellas as if they had a hope of stopping the rain that was coming in sideways now. What I needed to tell him was not something to be done over the phone. “Kind of. And kind of not. I need to talk to you in person.”
“You at the apartment? I can be there in twenty.”
“I’m not at the apartment,” I answered. “I think I’m at Saint Patrick’s church?”
A moment of silence followed that statement. “Do I want to know what you’re doing there?”
“Probably not, but I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Okay. Give me one second.” There was a rustling of papers, and then he said, “Dez should be near there. I’ll have him grab a car and pick you up.” There was a pause while I wondered if he kept Warden schedules on paper. “You alone?”
“I’m demon free,” I said, keeping my voice low.
“Wise of you to be out there alone?” he asked.
Mind way too occupied to be irritated by the question, I said, “Probably not. Tell Dez I’ll be waiting for him.”
Ending the call, I hung back under the alcove of the church, mulling over how I was going to tell Nicolai that Zayne was alive and all that was involved in that. I doubted he knew the truth about what he was, but the Throne hadn’t said it was something that needed to remain a secret.
I leaned against the wall, an ache starting in my temples as I kept watch. My wary gaze darted over the steady stream of people and cars as I hoped Dez remembered I didn’t have the greatest eyeballs. I really didn’t want to end up getting into the wrong car.
About ten minutes later, a dark-colored SUV idled up to the curb and a moment later the passenger window rolled down. I couldn’t see inside, but I recognized the voice.
“Trinity?” Dez called out.
Thank you baby Jesus, he remembered. I started to hurry forward but slowed since I could never judge the distance between steps in low light. I managed to get down the stairs without falling and breaking my face. There was one person I got all up close and personal with when I navigated the packed sidewalk. I’d gotten so used to walking the streets with Zayne, who cleared the sidewalk like some kind of hot Moses. Somehow, he’d lead the way even though he stayed beside me instead of walking ahead of me.
My heart squeezed as I opened the SUV door and climbed in. I’ll get him back. I will, I promised myself as I squished into the leather seat. “Sorry.” I winced, closing the door. “I’m soaked.”
“No worries,” he replied, and I glanced over at the Warden. He was young, a handful of years older than Zayne. He had the cutest twins I’d ever seen. One of them, Izzy, was just learning how to shift. She also had a habit of biting toes, which was weirdly adorable. “Nicolai said you needed to speak with him. That it was an emergency.”
I nodded as I buckled myself in. “Thank you for picking me...” I trailed off as I looked out the passenger window.
An older man stood on the curb. At first glance, he looked normal. Dressed in dark trousers and a white button-down shirt, he could’ve been any number of the businessmen that stood around him, waiting to cross the street. Except he held no umbrella and the rain seemed to not touch him as he stood there, staring at me through the window. Half of his head looked...caved in, a bloody mess of bone and flesh as he stared back at me, a look of utter horror etched into the side of his face that wasn’t ruined.
I recognized him.
It was Josh Fisher—the senator who’d been aiding Gabriel and Bael by buying Heights on the Hill under the guise that the school would be renovated into a facility that would service chronically ill children. In reality, the land that school sat on was basically a Hellmouth straight out of Buffy, situated smack-dab in the middle of a hub of spiritual power where several powerful ley lines crossed. Gabriel had needed access to the school, to get at what rested in the ground below it. There, he’d already created the portal that would eventually become the doorway into Heaven.
And Gabriel and Bael had found the perfect person to help them. Senator Fisher had signed right up, all out of a desperate attempt to be reunited with his deceased wife. A man I hadn’t wanted to feel pity for, but now more than ever, I did. I understood how that kind of loss and grief would drive someone to do the unthinkable.
Grace and Glory Page 3
