“Like the whole thing?”
“Yep.”
“Damn,” Cayman murmured, shoving another handful of carb-rich goodness into his mouth. “God spares no expense.”
I wondered if a demon should learn any details about Heaven, but I figured if there was an issue, Zayne wouldn’t be talking so openly about it.
“I could see the clouds through the opening in the roof, by the way,” Zayne added. “If it makes you feel better, the sky was an incredible shade of blue and the clouds appeared fluffy.”
“Like your eyes,” I said. “The color of the sky, that is.”
The grin reappeared. “At first I was confused. I knew I was in Heaven. I knew that in my bones, but I was...surprised to find myself there.”
Obviously Zayne thought that because he was missing a part of his soul, thanks to Layla. That was water under a bridge that had been burned down, but there was no stopping the spike of anger that followed any thoughts of how badly Zayne had been wounded by Layla, even though it was before we’d even met. It wasn’t like I held that against her or anything.
Okay. I kind of did, but I was working on getting over that and being an overall better person.
I just needed a whole lot of improvement on both of those fronts.
“I wasn’t alone. Took me a couple of moments to realize that someone was there with me—behind me.” Zayne leaned back, his head tilted toward me. “It was your father.”
19
I didn’t think I heard him right at first. “Really? My father?”
“Yes.”
I was stuck in disbelief for several moments before acknowledging that it had been my father who had finally corrected a destiny that had gone off the rails, not only for Zayne and I, but also for Misha. That thought of my old Protector, my friend, still brought a wealth of pain. I would never completely get over his betrayal or how I’d been so wrapped up in myself that I’d missed how unhappy Misha had been.
But it made sense that Michael, my father, would be there. Zayne had been my Protector when he...when he died. My initial shock showed I wasn’t thinking about his presence correctly. I was attributing it to some kind of fatherly obligation—something that he knew nothing about, even if the Throne claimed that my father had faith in me.
I made sure my voice was level when I asked, “Was it him who told you about who the Wardens were originally?”
“Basically, and yeah, that was a shock, but first he made sure I knew how incredibly disappointed he was that I’d already, as he put it, ‘gotten myself killed.’”
“What an asshole!” I exclaimed, wishing my father was in front of me so I could punt-kick him in the freaking face.
“Have you met an archangel that wasn’t one?” Cayman asked.
“Since I’ve only met two, no.” I folded my arms over my chest. “You didn’t get yourself killed, Zayne.”
“Well, I guess that is debatable.”
I opened my mouth to give a highly detailed thesis on how wrong he was.
“I knew I was weakened and that I needed to stay back, but when I felt your pain and fear, I had to do something. I don’t regret that,” Zayne said before I could launch into all the reasons why my father had no idea what he was talking about. “No matter what the outcome could’ve been, I don’t regret coming to your aid. I told your father that after he finally shut up, which felt like hours later and probably was.”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, a smile tugged at my lips. “And how did he react to that?” In my mind, I pictured the archangel being coolly displeased and disgusted by Zayne taking action based on his emotions.
“Surprisingly well,” he said, and I blinked as the image of my father poofed into smoke. “I think he respected what I did, maybe even hoped that was what I would say. I don’t know. He’s hard to read. Sort of has the same expression on his face no matter what is happening.”
That coolly displeased image took form once more.
“He then asked if I loved you.”
My heart gave a little jump. I knew the answer, but for my...father to ask that?
His gaze held mine. “I told him that I was willing to die a thousand deaths for you. That I loved you that much. Then he asked what I would do to be reunited with you. I told him I’d do anything.”
Tears filled my eyes as Cayman whispered from his side of the couch, “I wish I had chocolate.”
Ignoring that, Zayne swallowed thickly. “He didn’t seem surprised to hear that, but he told me that many of his brethren believe that kind of love to be a weakness.”
“His brethren are stupid,” I muttered.
“I think Michael thinks so, too. He seems to believe that kind of love is a strength if...used right.”
Instinct sparked, and I remembered how the Throne had said they believed that Zayne could be useful. My eyes narrowed. “What did he mean by that?”
“Well, he feels that love can be the proper motivator to not fail in the upcoming battle,” he explained. “Then he asked if I would be willing to be reborn again, even if that process was...less than pleasant. Honestly, I didn’t understand what that meant. At first, I thought he was talking about being reincarnated, and that just confused the Hell out of me. That was roughly when he told me about the origins of the Wardens.”
“Sounds like Michael expected you to Fall,” Cayman pointed out.
“You know, I was thinking that myself. It was the others who explained that once I had my Glory, I could stay. Protect Heaven. Or return to Earth when the time was right to aid you. Your father stood back and said nothing while they sort of pitched their side, but it wasn’t even a choice. I told them that I wanted to return to you and that would be the only way I would help fight Gabriel or protect Heaven.”
“You negotiated with angels before you were given your Glory and reborn?” I asked, a little dumbfounded.
“I did.”
“Surprised they didn’t just kick you out and send you way downtown at that point,” Cayman said.
I nodded. “Agreed.”
Zayne seemed generally unaffected by the shock both Cayman and I were feeling. “I knew I would find my way back to you, one way or the other. They needed me more than I needed them.”
“You are...” At a loss for words, I shook my head.
“Amazing?” he suggested, eyes glimmering.
“And so humble.” That earned me another laugh, and each of his laughs had a healing quality to it. One less ache became apparent. “How bad was it? Being reborn and getting your Glory back?”
“It was nothing.” He looked away then.
“Liar,” I said. “It hurt. Didn’t it?”
“Kind of a silly question.” Cayman shook a few animal crackers into his palm. “Besides the fact he had to get outfitted with superspecial wings, he got pumped full of grace. I doubt it felt like a massage.”
I shot him a look, and Cayman responded by tossing the handful of crackers into his mouth. “I need to know,” I told Zayne. “I need to know what you went through.”
His gaze coasted over my face. “Do you?”
“You would need to know if our situation was reversed.”
His chest rose with a deep breath, and I knew then he realized I was right. “It was like being on fire. Not just my skin, but my veins, my bones—every part of me. I thought I was dying all over again, and when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, that was when my wings changed. It felt like my skin was being carved open and new bone was being grown. It wasn’t exactly a quick process.”
“God.” I tipped over, plopping my forehead on his shoulder. “I’m—”
“Do not say you’re sorry. You have nothing to apologize for.” He cupped the back of my head. “I survived it. I’m here. I’d go through that a thousand times if necessary.”
“You guys are too cute,�
� Cayman commented. “I think I’m getting a toothache from all the sweetness.”
“Shut up.” I lifted my head.
Zayne’s hand slid to the nape of my neck as his gaze flicked over my shoulder. “You’re more than welcome to leave.”
“Hell, no. This is better than watching old episodes of The Bachelor.”
As close as our faces were, I saw Zayne roll his eyes before he slid his hand to my cheek, where he gently splayed his fingers. “What I felt was nothing compared to what I feared was happening to you,” he said, voice low. “It was temporary and worth it. Now I’m here, and nowhere near as easy to kill as before.” Sliding his hand away, Zayne sat back. “Michael already told me what Gabriel planned to do and what would happen if he succeeded. He told me you...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“What did he tell you?” I persisted when he didn’t answer. “What? Did he tell you I would die? That Gabriel planned to use my blood to basically create the back door into Heaven?”
A muscle flexed along Zayne’s jaw. “That was all he needed to tell me.” The glow in his eyes brightened. “It’s not going to happen.”
“You’re right. It won’t,” I agreed even as unease blossomed in the pit of my stomach. Something about this wasn’t adding up. Zayne had been given unimaginable power even though my father and the Throne had suspected that he would Fall. They allowed it so he could come back to me. Sure, he’d have to deal with Gabriel, but would the angels be that accepting of Zayne’s choice, that generous afterward? Nothing I knew about them would suggest so. Then what was the catch? The sacrifice? The cost?
Fear punched through me. What if after we defeated Gabriel, they’d come after Zayne? Hunt him to either strip him of his grace or entomb him? What if Zayne’s return was temporary?
Unaware of my complete panic spiral, Zayne said, “It took me a bit to get used to the grace, how to control it and deal with it.” He moved, placing his hand on his chest. “I’m still not quite used to it. Sort of feels like a—”
“A constant low-level buzz of energy?” I finished for him, pushing the panic back. Now, while we had an audience, wasn’t the time to ask what the cost was. I really didn’t need to have a complete breakdown in front of Cayman.
Zayne smiled that beautiful smile then, and I felt the catch in my chest. “Now I know why you have such a hard time sitting still.”
“That’s it?” Cayman asked, and I looked over at him. He’d set the box on the coffee table. “They gave you a superdose of grace and allowed you to Fall. Let’s be real. They didn’t do that so you could be with Trinity. Most of them don’t care about all your warm fuzzies for one another.”
Cayman was obviously thinking the same thing I was but with far less panic.
“You’re right. Most of the angels don’t care about Trin’s and my feelings for each other,” Zayne responded, and my whole brain zeroed in on the “most of the angels” part. “They let me Fall and remain as a new and improved version to fight Gabriel.”
“The Throne did tell me that none of the angels that could strip him of his wings and grace would come down here while Gabriel was here,” I said even though that didn’t answer what they’d do once Gabriel wasn’t a problem.
“You’re giving them way too much credit.” Cayman snorted. “Angels are self-righteous enough to try such a thing, no matter the risks. They’re not showing up to take his grace because he has all the power of an angel, but he’s not bound to angelic law.”
“Angelic law?” I twisted toward Zayne. “Like what kind of law?”
Zayne glanced at Cayman, his brow furrowing. “I think he’s talking about their law of combat. Apparently it’s forbidden for an angel to attack another.”
“Even in this kind of situation?” I asked, thinking that couldn’t be right. “Like even when one of their own is trying to end Heaven?”
“Yep,” Zayne confirmed.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Disbelief flooded me. “That has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“They believe that to take up arms against another is lifting a sword against God,” Zayne said. “It didn’t make sense to me, either, but he said it was a pledge they all took after the war. Obviously they didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the pledge.”
By war, I was guessing he was referencing when Lucifer was booted. I processed all of that and suddenly a lot of things made sense. Big things.
Like why I was here.
“That’s why I was... I was born,” I announced, and yeah, it sounded way overdramatic to me, but it was dramatic. “There’s no way that a single angel didn’t see what Gabriel was becoming. They just couldn’t stop him, because of the pledge. They must’ve realized this was as good a time as any to bring back the Trueborn and I guess they just rolled the dice to find out who would be the baby daddy.”
“Rolled the dice to see who would...” Zayne shook his head as he processed what I said.
“Okay. Maybe not rolled the dice, but you get what I’m saying.” I swallowed hard as I sat back against the cushion. I really was created to be a weapon. That wasn’t breaking news or anything, but I guessed there had been this tiny, childish part of me that had hoped my father had seen my mother and fallen for her. That there had been some emotion behind my creation. But there really wasn’t. “I was a loophole. With my father’s grace, I could fight Gabriel. And Gabriel knew about me, and he tried to do the same with Sulien.”
“That didn’t end well for him.” Zayne smirked.
No, it hadn’t. “While I was waiting in the Potomac Highlands to be summoned, I always thought it was for the battle that ended all battles, but my father was just waiting for Gabriel to make his move.” Thoughts whirling, I rubbed my hands over my thighs. “It makes you wonder if there were more... Trueborns? I mean, after they all died off. If my father had...made one each generation or if others—”
“I don’t think there were more,” Zayne interrupted. “At least not from Michael. He strikes me as the type that would bring up other Trueborns as a way to either compliment or insult you.”
Pursing my lips, I nodded. “You have a point there.”
“Look at you all, putting two and two together,” Cayman said.
“Like you knew any of that,” I scoffed.
“I didn’t,” he replied. “But what I do know is that Gabriel can most likely rip the head off a Fallen.”
I slowly turned to the demon.
“What?” He lifted his hands. “I’m just being honest.”
“Yeah, they told me that I’d probably still die,” Zayne answered. “They’re real motivators. That’s why some of them want to close Heaven now, but we stand a better chance together in defeating Gabriel. Even Michael believes so.”
“You all stand a better chance if Roth’s mission is a success,” Cayman tossed out. “That’s about the only chance you stand.”
“What?” Zayne glanced between us. “What mission?”
My eyes widened. “Uh...”
“He doesn’t know yet?” The demon’s yellow eyes grew as big as saucers.
“Know what?” Zayne demanded.
“I haven’t had a chance to tell him,” I said. “We’ve all been a little busy.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy in my life to be the bearer of news.” Cayman scooted across the couch, stopping once he was mere inches from us. A slow, wicked grin spread across his face, and he did look beyond thrilled. “Roth and Layla are trying to recruit reinforcements. Well, one reinforcement in particular.”
Zayne’s brows furrowed even further. “Why do I have a feeling this is something that’s going to disturb me?”
“Weeelll.” I drew the word out.
“Roth is trying to convince the one thing that can go toe to toe with an archangel to get involved,” Cayman s
aid, and even I could see that his eyes were glittering with glee. “Who would have no problem breaking any celestial rule. One who actually has a lot of experience in doing just that.”
Zayne didn’t speak for a moment. “Please tell me that what I’m thinking is wrong.”
The demon clapped his hands against his cheeks. “Depends on what you’re thinking.”
“There’s no way Roth is planning to get Lucifer topside. That would make no sense, right?” Zayne looked at me, and I shrunk as far as I could into the cushion. “Because wouldn’t that jump-start the biblical apocalypse and cause us to have even more problems to deal with?”
“Weeelll,” I repeated. “We’re sort of hoping that God will overlook his presence since we’re trying to save mankind and Heaven, and you know.”
“No. I do not know.” Zayne stared at me.
“What?” I threw up my hands. “We decided this when you were kind of dead.”
He blinked slowly.
“And even with you being a badass fallen angel and me being a badass Trueborn, we still need help,” I reasoned. “Look, Roth didn’t sound like he was going to be able to pull it off, anyway. So, we’ll probably have to find a different way.”
“I don’t know.” Cayman sat back, grinning. “Lucifer has one big bone to pick with Gabriel, and if he succeeds? Saves mankind and Heaven? What do you think that will do for his ego? He’ll never let it go. Pride is, after all, his favorite of all sins.”
I could think of a lot more fun sins, but whatever.
“Lucifer?” Zayne spoke his name like he’d never said it before. “What in the Hell are we supposed to do with him if he does come topside?”
“I don’t know, but he’s not staying with us,” Cayman said.
“He’s not staying with us.” I glared at him. “And you guys live in a huge mansion. You have room and you all are demons.” I paused. “Well, Layla is a half demon or whatever, but we are not demons and we live in an apartment.”
Grace and Glory Page 20
