by Parker Blue
“There’s a stairway to the roof,” Austin said. “You can check it out there.”
I followed him up to the roof and viewed the whole three-sixty, but still no column of green light, for as far as I could see.
Darn it, I’d used a spell for nothing. “Now Lola is weaker than ever.” Less than ten percent of her normal capacity.
“I can help with that,” Austin said. Strangely, his expression wasn’t mocking or amused. He grasped my wrist in a light hold. “Feed on me, here, while we’re alone,” he urged quietly.
Yes! Lola cried from deep inside me. Alarmed at how good that sounded, I jerked my arm away. “I don’t think so.”
“Why not? Let me replenish what you lost with that spell, at least.”
“Why?” I asked suspiciously.
He sighed. “Because the sooner you get back up to full speed as a succubus, the sooner I’ll be able to leave you on your own. I’ve been neglecting my duties.”
He wanted to leave? For some strange reason, that felt like a slap in the face.
Stupid. I wanted him to leave, didn’t I? “Okay, but just a little. Micah will be able to tell if I take too much.” And maybe the others would, too.
Austin nodded and moved deeper into the shadows until we were no longer silhouetted against the sky or revealed by streetlights. “What do we need to do?” he asked. “Like last time?”
I felt heat rising in my face. The last time I’d let Lola feed fully on Austin, I’d lost control, wrapped my legs around his waist in front of half the Demon Underground, and sucked face. It was necessary then to save Micah, Gwen and Shade. Did that pertain here? This was to help keep Shade safe, too, right? Besides, if I could get back up to full speed, Austin wouldn’t feel the necessity to act as my bodyguard anymore.
Well, that was incentive enough. Slowly, I placed my hand against his chest. His arms came around me, and I stiffened.
“Just trying to steady both of us,” he murmured. “I’ll try to contain myself,” he added dryly.
If Lola had been at full strength, he wouldn’t be able to, but she was so weak, this close proximity would probably only make him lust a little. I nodded and tried to relax as I leaned into him. He settled against me as if he belonged there, as if I was precious, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to hold me in his arms.
Trying not to admit to myself how good it felt to be cherished by someone, even Austin, I let Lola free. She quested greedily for the vampire’s chakras. It was easier with Austin than it had been with the rogue vampire. Lola already knew Austin very well, and he wasn’t fighting it. The energy flowing from him to me was still weak and sludgy, but definitely moving in the right direction. I resisted the urge to use the amulet. It had helped ease the flow last time, but hadn’t seemed to actually increase the volume.
Lola took long, slow, leisurely sips of the lovely, lusty energy, and I felt it flow into my starved chakras. Boy, I really needed this. I shouldn’t have waited so long. I’d been holding out for Shade, but if I’d gone much longer, I’m not sure I could have done this at all.
Austin, thankfully, let Lola feed without making any more comments or getting any more intimate. When I judged I was back up to about twenty percent again, I eased the flow and stopped.
When the flow ceased, I realized I was snuggled up to Austin, my head resting on his shoulder. And it felt really good.
Crap. I pushed away from him and brushed my hands against my pants, not wanting to see the knowing look in his eyes. “Thanks,” I said shortly. Then, remembering I should be more gracious, I added, “That really helped.”
“Good,” Austin said, and I was grateful he didn’t try to make a joke of it. “Shall we rejoin the others?”
“Sure.”
We came back downstairs and I reported to the rest, “Okay, no mage demons nearby,” hoping no one would ask why it had taken so long.
Micah frowned. “I’m sorry you had to had to use another spell and weaken your abilities even more.”
“Hey, I can help with that,” Austin said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
Oh, crap. And now everyone was staring at us, wondering if we were going to go off in a corner and make out or something. I didn’t know whether to be grateful that he didn’t reveal I’d already had a little snack, or ticked that he’d made me feel like a fool once again. “I’ll pass,” I said, avoiding looking at Shade. I didn’t want him getting jealous or thinking I was into Austin.
Micah frowned. “Are you sure? You do need to strengthen your gift.”
“I’m sure,” I said with finality.
All of a sudden, I felt a surge of liking for Austin, like he was totally hot and I was waaaay into him. I took a step toward him and smiled up at him like he was all that and a box of chocolates. Yum. I licked my lips, liking what I saw.
“Val!” Shade protested explosively.
That brought me back to my senses, sort of. Weird. I didn’t want to feel this way. In fact, I didn’t feel this way . . . did I? What the heck was going on? Then I saw Mood staring at me with a small quirk in her smile and her eyes all glowy violet. A dead giveaway.
“Damn it, Mood, cut it out,” I said. She was forcing me to feel this way—her and her blasted mood-enhancing powers.
She cut her gaze toward Micah. “But he said—”
“I’m pretty sure he didn’t tell you to force me to feel all girly and swoony over Austin.”
Austin grinned. “Interesting. Can she do it again so I can see what that looks like?”
“No. Period. End of sentence,” I enunciated clearly so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand.
Shade looked mollified, though I suspected he was a little embarrassed by his outburst. “Not so fun when you’re the one being controlled, is it?” he asked.
Okay, he had a point. Not that I’d admit he’d managed to make me feel guilty for trying to do the same to him.
Micah gave the demon girl a disappointed look. “I didn’t tell Mood to control you. Mood is here only to help Shade with his anger issues.”
Anger issues? Like the green cloud he was sporting over his head yesterday? Well, maybe that was necessary. “Just keep your mood-enhancing out of my chakras,” I told Mood.
She shrugged. “Sorry, I was just trying to help. I know how much we need our Paladin strong and whole,” she said, her tone full of sarcasm. “Why don’t you know that?”
Whoa, where was this hostility coming from? We’d been okay before. Not BFFs or anything, but certainly more than civil, especially since I knew how she felt about Josh. Had she changed her mind about him? Was she interested in Shade now?
COULD BE, BABE, Fang confirmed. JOSH FOUND OUT HOW SHE FELT ABOUT HIM AND GAVE HER A VERBAL DEAR JANE. SHADE COMFORTED HER.
And that’s probably all it took for a chick like Mood. Give her a little pat on the shoulder, and she probably assumed the guy was in love with her. Well, she could go play patty-cake somewhere else. I wasn’t ready to let Shade go.
But you aren’t ready to keep him, not really, are you? Especially since there’s another alternative.
No, I didn’t even want to go there. Firmly shutting out the small voice inside me, I asked Micah, “You really think Mood is necessary? I think Shade can handle his problems on his own.”
I glanced at Shade, but he didn’t comment. Maybe he wasn’t as sure as I wanted him to be.
“Perhaps,” Elspeth said, “but Mood’s presence assures we can help him calm down if he needs it.”
Use me, the amulet whispered seductively.
“You also have me,” I reminded them. “I can control Shade if necessary. We don’t need someone else here.”
Shade spoke up for himself. “I don’t think so, Val. As you just pointed out, Lola is weakened, and the only way you could control
me is with the amulet, which you promised not to do, right?” And when I didn’t answer, he persisted. “Right?”
“I guess,” I muttered. But Mood was going to make it hard to get close to Shade, especially since she’d just been given permission to make him feel all soft and gooey whenever she was around. What if she made him feel soft and gooey about her?
Crap. This was not a good idea.
Chapter Eleven
Shade
ANNOYED BY VAL’S reluctant agreement, Shade dumped his plates in the sink and headed for his room. He didn’t want to start a fight in front of anyone. Heck, he didn’t want to fight with Val at all.
What was the matter with him? Sometimes, he thought he really cared for her, which explained those surges of jealousy that erupted within him whenever she was around Austin. But at other times, he felt a deep distrust of Val and her motives, more than could be explained by the way the amulet seemed to control her. That was the problem with Val—she evoked strong emotions in him that led to feelings like jealousy and anger . . . feelings that could cause him to open a portal to the demon dimension.
And that would be catastrophic. He absolutely had to control his anger no matter what, so it was best to try to kill any feelings for Val at all.
He closed his eyes in pain. He didn’t want to lose these feelings. She’d been the only good thing that had happened in his life. Did he really have to push her away?
Sheesh, he didn’t know what to do.
He opened the door to his room, which irked him even more. Shade owed his safety and even the place he slept to Val and, worse, Austin.
DO YOU NEED ME? Princess asked from the living room. ARE MY CHILDREN OKAY?
I’m good, Shade said, not wanting Princess to catch his crappy mood. He glanced down at the puppies, all snuggled together in a pile. And your kids are still sleeping. I’ll call you if that changes. She needed the break.
OKAY.
Shade couldn’t help but smile. Val and the others only saw Princess as a self-centered egotist, but when the hellhound loved, she loved with her whole heart.
“Could I be of some help?” Elspeth asked from behind him. “I sense you have some conflict in your soul.”
Well, that was one way of putting it. Shade thought about denying it, but what the heck. Maybe the key to figuring this out was learning more about his past. She knew more about that than he did, which was just plain weird, in anyone’s book. “Sure,” he mumbled, and gestured her into the room, closing the door behind her.
When Mood tried to follow her in, Shade balked. What was it with the women in his life always thinking he needed to be controlled? “I don’t need you right now,” he told her.
Her face fell, and Shade grimaced at his blunt words. “Sorry, but I just need help with my memories. I’ll be fine.”
Mood reluctantly turned away, and the former Memory Eater sat gingerly on a chair next to the bed. Sighing, Shade sat on the bed and offered her his wrist to touch so she could see his face. That way he wouldn’t frighten her. “Why don’t you just tell me about my past?” he asked impatiently. “You know it all, don’t you?”
“I do,” she acknowledged, “but it is better for you if your memory comes back slowly and gradually, so you can deal with it appropriately. And, with recent events, I sense the past has started to affect the present, regardless of whether you choose it or not.”
“Huh?” What the heck did that mean?
She tried again. “You may not remember your past consciously, but the deeper you, your unconscious, recalls everything. So, events of the present may trigger emotions from your past, even if you don’t consciously understand them.”
That could explain a lot.
She cocked her head and looked at him curiously. “Have you remembered anything more, any of your dreams?”
“Not much,” Shade said, trying to sort through the vague impressions. “I think you were right, earlier. I think I did live somewhere else before San Antonio. I remember adobe walls when I was younger.” Thick walls that enclosed him, protected him from the world. Not that San Antonio lacked adobe homes, but he somehow knew the walls in his memory existed elsewhere.
“And were you alone inside those walls?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, logically, I probably lived with someone else, like parents, but I don’t remember them.”
“Nothing?” she asked gently.
“Just a few impressions, that they existed. And emotions.”
She nodded. “Good emotions or bad?”
Fear and pain mostly, whenever he tried to think of that time. And something like betrayal, that he didn’t understand. “Bad, mostly. And all mixed up.”
“What about the good times? What did you enjoy most as a child?”
“Playing online computer games.” That popped out of his mouth without him even thinking about it. “But I don’t know if that’s a memory, or simple logic.” He shrugged. “After all, I like them now. Stands to reason I enjoyed them as a kid.”
“Who was your best friend?”
“A girl,” Shade said, surprising himself. If he’d thought about it, which he hadn’t, he’d have assumed his best friend would have been a boy. Or, more likely, that he hadn’t had any friends. What sane kid would hang out with a shadow demon? Unless the other kid was part demon, maybe. “Was I a member of another Demon Underground?” he asked.
Instant negation and disgust filled him at the thought.
It must have showed on his face, because Elspeth said, “That caused a strong emotion. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure.” Did it mean he’d belonged to one and hated it? Or that he didn’t belong because there was something wrong with them?
“Let’s go back to the girl,” Elspeth said. “Do you remember what she looked like?”
He thought for a moment. “No, I don’t know that I ever saw her face. Maybe we never met. Maybe we just communicated online.”
“What was her name?” Elspeth asked.
He opened his mouth to answer. He almost had it, but then it was gone, whisked away behind a door that slammed shut in his mind and refused to open. He shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s gone.” But this girl, whoever she was, was evidently tied in to whatever it was he didn’t want to remember. He winced. “And now I have a headache.”
Elspeth patted his hand. “That is probably enough for today. We don’t want to push you too hard.”
This was stupid. “What if I change my mind? What if I decide not to remember?”
“That is your choice, but if you remain here, I fear you will eventually recall everything whether you want to or not. And you may not be able to control the emotions the memories engender.”
“Yeah,” he said bitterly. “And I have to learn to keep them under lock and key, or the entire world will suffer the consequences.”
She nodded. “As long as you remain a shadow demon, yes.”
He glanced at her sharply. “What does that mean? Are you saying I don’t have to be a shadow demon?” Impossible.
“Perhaps.”
“How? I was born this way. How could I possibly stop being part demon, short of death?”
“I was once part demon,” she reminded him. “And I am no longer.”
Holy crap, she was right. It was possible, with Val’s help. She’d used the exorcism spell to release the demon from Elspeth and others. She could do the same for him.
To be completely human . . . joy filled him at the thought. To be able to walk in public without hiding every inch of his skin, to not cycle through strange dimensions and feelings all the time, to not have to worry that losing his emotions would create devastating havoc . . . to not have strange men hunting him because of his abilities.
Wow. Incredibly empowering. Mind-blowing.
But . . . if he chose to do this, would he regret it later? After all, being part demon had defined him his whole life.
He’d have to think about it. Hard.
Chapter Twelve
Val
AFTER WE ATE and Shade went off to his room, Gwen drew me off into my bedroom, saying she needed to speak to me about something. After seeing her reactions earlier, I had a feeling I knew what she wanted to talk about. “Did you want to talk about Micah?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I wondered if you two had something going on.”
“No, no. Nothing going on.” Her mouth might say no, but the embarrassment on her face said yes.
“Yeah, right. Hey, I love you both, but a demon and a vamp together . . . can that really work?”
“Why not?” she asked, sounding defensive. “It’s not like we’re different species or anything.”
“Well, yeah, I know the plumbing matches up and all, but I mean . . .” Heck, what did I mean? “Uh, it’s not like you can have children together.”
Gwen winced. “I can’t have children, ever, now,” she said softly.
I cursed my stupid tongue. I just had to go and remind her that being a vampire was irreversible. “I’m sorry—”
“Well, different kinds of demons can’t have children together either, can they? Like you and Shade?”
“No, I guess not. But two demons . . . that’s different.”
“How?”
Crap. She had to go and call me on it. “Well, we’re both the same kind of woo woo creature. You and Micah are different.”
“Like you and Austin?” she said with an arched eyebrow.
I flopped down on the bed. “Huh? What does that have to do with anything?”
She sat on the bed beside me. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I noticed how you reacted to Mood and Shade, not to mention Austin. I thought maybe you might want someone to talk to.”
