by Parker Blue
I sighed and let the lust rise within me, feeling an answering desire in him. I snuggled into his embrace, breathing in his musky male scent, and lowered my guard to let Lola take over. Gleeful, she swept into his chakras and gloried in the wonderful male essence she found there. Given free rein for a change, she pulsed her joy to all the cells of his body.
Austin stiffened with a gasp of pleasure. Smiling secretly, I let him enjoy it for a moment before I began pulling on all that lovely, seductive energy. Slowly, drawing out the enjoyment for both of us, I siphoned off as much as I thought he could spare.
When I finished, I tipped my head up to gaze into his eyes. “You okay?”
“Very much so,” he said, his voice gruff. “Val—”
I didn’t want to hear what he said to say, so I stopped my lips with his. Just a brief kiss, a mere brushing of the lips. So why did it feel as though Lola had just pulsed inside me?
“Shh,” I said, placing my finger against his lips. “This never happened.”
I rested my head on his chest again, and he cleared his throat, then asked, “Did you get enough?”
“Yes. For now.” Lola felt stronger, back up to about forty-five percent again. Maybe if I did this every day, she could regain full power.
Is that really the reason? a small voice inside me asked. Or is it because it feels reeeeeeally good to be with Austin?
Little voices had no business confusing me. I thought about pulling away, but why should I? It felt good to be held, comforted, to have someone care about me, even if it was Austin.
“Good,” he said, and kissed the top of my head. “Go to sleep now.” With a swift series of movements, he shucked off his boots, crawled in beside me, and made room for me under the covers.
Sleepily, I mused that it was nice someone had finally made a place for me, someone who didn’t have one foot out the door. I sighed. This was probably a really bad idea, but I didn’t care. I fell asleep in Austin’s arms.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Austin
AUSTIN COULDN’T believe it—Val actually fell asleep in his arms. Was it because she finally trusted him, maybe even cared for him?
No. That couldn’t be right. She was exhausted, vulnerable. He couldn’t count on her having changed her mind. But he’d take whatever he could get.
Now that her succubus was happy and sated, the pull wasn’t quite as strong. Oh, he still felt the lust he couldn’t help every time he came within her field, but now, it was a lot easier to ignore. He could think rationally, feel truthfully. But how did he feel?
She made him feel protective, humbled by her generosity, floored by her strength of character. She couldn’t see how special she was, and he wasn’t sure the people around her even understood it fully. But he knew, and he knew he didn’t deserve her.
Why did she seem to trust him now, of all times? Not only had he killed a human, but he’d attacked the man Val thought she loved.
Yes, he’d been controlled by Emmanuel’s blood, but unlike the others, he remembered full well everything that had happened. Maybe because Alejandro’s blood had cleared his head before his command to forget had kicked in.
He’d stupidly let his guard down at the mission, wanted to play the hero for Val, try out his own brand of mental control on the blood demon. Unfortunately, he’d gotten too close to Emmanuel’s followers when they came out of the church.
He remembered seeing the blood demon only a few feet away and maneuvered close enough to capture Emmanuel’s intense gaze with his own. Obey me, he’d commanded the demon silently.
But his mental hooks had fallen limp and slid right out of the blood demon’s mind. Damn. It wouldn’t work on him.
Emmanuel’s eyes narrowed. “No, you will obey me,” he said, eyes glowing with satisfaction.
Austin felt a sting on his right buttock. Cold fire shot through his veins, bringing with it a kind of ecstasy. He wanted to move, to run away, but he was caught in Emmanuel’s gaze.
The blood demon grabbed him with a savage grip at the back of the neck and pulled him close. “Kill the shadow demon,” he whispered fiercely. “Then forget this ever happened.” He pushed him away abruptly and kept on walking as if nothing had happened.
Austin raged inwardly at his own stupidity, but there was nothing he could do about it. Every ounce of his being was concentrated on that one imperative: Kill the shadow demon.
He froze for a moment as the crowed surged around him, following the Pied Piper that was Emmanuel. Austin tried to fight the compulsion that had been planted in him, but there was nothing he could do. He had to kill Shade.
Some hidden part of him, deep inside, reveled in the idea of eliminating his rival. Another, more rational, part knew it was wrong, but that part wasn’t in control. Emmanuel’s dictate was.
And so Austin had gone back to the penthouse, his purpose burning inside him until he’d spotted the shadow demon. With a dark satisfaction, he’d sunk his fangs into Shade’s throat, giving him an illicit thrill that was both powerful and soul-satisfying, yet incredibly disturbing at the same time.
It shouldn’t have mattered that Austin had been forced to this. It shouldn’t have mattered that it wasn’t his choice. What should have mattered was his promise to Alejandro to never take blood from an unwilling donor.
Instead, he’d enjoyed it.
What kind of sick bastard was he?
Val moved in her sleep and cuddled up close to him, bringing him back to the present.
She didn’t deserve someone like him. But Shade wasn’t totally pure either, and if it came to a choice between the two of them, Austin opted for himself over the shadow demon.
He glanced down at Val and realized there was one other thing he could do for her, even if she’d hate him for it. Slowly, gently, he removed the crystal from around her neck and went out into the hall, debating what to do with it.
Fang met him there and stared at him intently. Did the hellhound know what he’d done? Silently, he showed Fang the necklace. “Do you know what to do with this?” he asked softly.
Fang nodded and put his front paws on Austin’s thighs, taking the crystal gently from his hands. Good. If Austin didn’t know where it was, he couldn’t tell her.
He glanced back at Val, looking oddly vulnerable in her sleep. He ought to go to his own bed now and leave her the heck alone. Forever.
He ought to, but he was weak. And this might be the last time he could be with her. Sighing, he lay back on the bed and drew her close. Just this once . . .
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Val
I WOKE, FEELING all warm and snuggly. I was on my side, spooning with Austin. He lay with his arm around me and one jeaned leg thrown over mine, snoring softly.
Memories of the night before came flooding back. Crap. I’d been so shameless the night before, and with Austin of all people. Worse, I’d enjoyed it.
I tensed, and his snoring stopped, though he snuggled up, nestling closer to my back. How could I get out of this without embarrassing both of us?
Then again, did I want to? It had been a long time since I’d felt the comfort of a man’s arms like this—a couple of months at least. And though I felt like a traitor to Shade, it felt really good in Austin’s arms. I closed my eyes again, pretending it was Shade cuddled up to me, Shade who, even in his sleep, wanted to be as close as possible. To me.
It didn’t work, though. Austin’s distinctive masculine scent made it far too obvious that it was the cowboy vamp whose embrace I enjoyed . . . the man I really wanted to be with in this moment.
Austin made yummy noises, and his hand headed north, into a very intimate zone. Something strange thrilled through me. Should I—?
“Well, isn’t this cozy?” came a voice from the door. Sharra.
I jerked out of Austin�
�s arms and sat up, patting my hair, trying to look appalled, as if I hadn’t been awake for several moments enjoying his cuddle. “This isn’t what it looks like,” I assured Sharra.
“I know,” she said dismissively. “Fang told me.”
YEAH, Fang said from the other room. I LIED.
Oh, crap. I glanced at Austin, and he blinked sleepily at me with a wistful expression I really didn’t want to see.
“Shade is awake and back up here in his room,” she said. “I thought you’d like to know.”
Good. I scrambled out of bed and followed her, slapping my cheeks to wake myself up. I must have been delirious. That hadn’t really happened, had it?
IT DID, Fang confirmed.
Well, crap. Couldn’t lie to myself with a snarky little hellhound around.
NO BIGGIE. JUST HUMAN NATURE. OR, IN YOUR CASE, SUCCUBUS DEMON NATURE. NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
Yeah, right.
The snarkmeister in question kept his mouth shut as I entered Shade’s room. I checked on the adorable puppies and their mom and dad, both sacked out beside them, Fang with his head on Princess’s flank. Fang was obviously content to lie there and make rude remarks from the comfort of his bed. But before he could comment on my thoughts, I scratched his ears and kissed him on the nose. I actually missed having him in my bed since he’d been spending so much time with his new family.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, BABE. BUT THEY NEED ME MORE.
I know.
I turned my attention to Shade. “How are you doing?” I couldn’t see him all that well, even with the amulet’s help, since the room was still dark.
“Fine,” he said. “But Sharra won’t let me get up yet. Seems to think I’m a wuss or something.”
“No,” she said with obvious affection in her voice. “Just want to make sure I didn’t screw up the healing.”
“You didn’t,” he assured her. “You did it perfectly. Now, can I talk to Val alone?”
“Okay,” she said and left the room.
Fang and Princess stayed, preoccupied with giving their pups tongue baths. I’LL TUNE OUT, Fang promised me. I’M BUSY, ANYWAY.
I hesitated for a moment, seeing Shade in a different light now that I’d spent the night with Austin. And the light wasn’t exactly better. Still, I shouldn’t have done that while I was trying to win Shade back. Was the mortification written all over my face? Would Shade be able to tell?
I sat on the edge of Shade’s bed and reached out to turn on the bedside lamp on with one hand while I touched his wrist with the other.
He pulled away from me and said, “No, please.”
I froze. So much for him lighting up when he saw me. And, apparently, he wasn’t noticing anything but his own self at the moment. That was good, I told myself. I didn’t want him to see too much.
Surreptitiously, I used my crystal-enhanced vision to see his face. “Okay,” I said carefully. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. I’ll be fine. Sharra really did do a good job.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” I paused then had to ask, “What do you want to talk about?”
He sat up, but remained silent for a moment, apparently searching for the right words.
I said, “You know Austin was being controlled by Emmanuel, right? He wouldn’t have attacked you otherwise.”
His mouth twisted as if he’d bitten into something sour. “Yes, I know. That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
“Then what?”
“When Sharra healed me, you and I, we . . . shared a lot.” He looked suddenly uncertain, vulnerable even. Maybe I should have felt guilty about spying on his facial expressions when he didn’t know about it, but the heck with that. If it was the only way I could figure out what was going on in that swirly head of his, I was using it.
“Yep,” I said, trying to sound casual. “That’s the way it works. You warned me about that the first time I acted as template.”
“So, you know about what happened in New Mexico.”
Yes, and I ached for him, especially when I realized his mother had abandoned Shade and his sister when they started to manifest their shadow demon nature. Their father had tried to hide her horror of her own children from them, but they’d learned the truth anyway. “Yes, I know,” I said softly.
He closed his eyes in what looked like regret. Why? Because I’d found out, maybe? Fang wasn’t listening in to give me a clue this time.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “Sorry you had to go through losing your mother, father, and your sister when you were just a kid.” And even sorrier that he’d felt it necessary to erase all memories of the traumatic time. “It must have been difficult to live through it again,” I ventured.
Pain spasmed across his expression, as well as another strong emotion I couldn’t identify. “It was,” he said shortly. “I’m sorry you had to experience it, too.”
“I’m not,” I said softly. “It helps me know you better, to understand why you were so upset when I left you with Dina. Shade, I’m so sor—”
“Forget about it,” he said, cutting my apology short. But from the pain in his expression, it was obvious he hadn’t forgotten a thing. “That’s not important.”
Not important? Who was he trying to kid? Me? Or himself? “You know you have abandonment issues, right?”
Angry now, he said, “I don’t need your pop psychology.”
Ooookay. “Just trying to tell it like it is,” I said defensively.
He glared at me, and it was all I could do to pretend I didn’t notice his expression. “Then let’s do that,” he bit out. “Let’s talk about Austin.”
I sighed. “What about him?”
“That sharing feeling thing goes both ways. I know how you feel about him.”
“Really, how?” ’Cause I wasn’t so sure myself.
Shade’s gaze narrowed as he searched my face. “You like him. You’re attracted to him. A lot.”
“No, I—”
“Don’t lie, Val,” Shade said, anger twisting his features.
“I’m not,” I protested. “It’s Lola who’s attracted to him, not me.”
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. You might actually start believing it.
“Lola is a part of you. And, though you’re not willing to admit it, what Lola feels, you feel. You have a thing for a vampire.”
There might be some truth in that, but I didn’t want to admit any of it. “You don’t really get me, do you, Shade? If you read me at all, you know how I feel about you, too.” Every last, humiliating moment of it.
His face softened, thank goodness. So he had gotten that. “I know you think you do, but you also can’t stay away from the vampire who feeds your lust.”
“Shade,” I said helplessly, “someone has to, and you won’t.”
He closed his eyes in pain for a moment. “I can’t do that. Not until I figure out . . .”
“What?” I asked when he didn’t finish the sentence.
He shook his head and ran his hand over his face. “My life, myself. I’m still trying to piece my past back together, figure out what it means. The lust is too distracting.”
“I totally get that. But . . . are you ever going to find room for me in your future?” Like Austin had obviously done?
He looked sad, lonely, and totally screwed up. “I’m not sure we’re any good for each other.”
Unfortunately, I’d learned how he felt about that, too. “That’s dumb. I don’t blame you at all for losing my . . . uh, my strength and healing. I participated in that, too, you know. Willingly.” Very much so.
He shook his head. “It’s more than that.”
“I know. You’re afraid that if we’re together, you’ll lose control of your emotions. I can help with that.”
“No. I have to gain control myself, not have you using me like a puppet all the time.” He sounded bitter.
“It wouldn’t have to be all the time,” I protested. “I’ll back off once you learn to take charge of it yourself.”
“No,” he repeated. “I won’t be under the control of that damned amulet again. In fact, you should give it up entirely—it’s getting a hold on you I don’t like.”
I reached for the crystal teardrop, but it wasn’t at my throat. In fact, it wasn’t on me anywhere. “Where is it?” I asked. “Did you take it?”
“When have I been close enough to you to do that, Val?” he asked wearily.
True—and that was the root of our problem. But I’d just used it to see Shade’s expression. It must be somewhere nearby. Did I drop it? I glanced around.
Here, the amulet whispered seductively. I’m here.
Strangely, the whisper was coming from the pile o’ puppies on the floor. I leaned down to gently move one of them to the side, but Fang snapped at me.
I drew my hand back, fast. I’d expect that from Princess, but not Fang. “What the heck?”
LEAVE MY PUPPIES ALONE, Princess said.
“I don’t want your puppies. I just want my amulet—one of your kids is lying on it.”
NO, I AM, Princess informed me. AND YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT BACK.
What was this? Some kind of weird magpie nesting thing?
NO, Fang said. WE TOOK IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. AND WE’RE KEEPING IT.
MY HUMAN DOESN’T LIKE IT, Princess added for good measure.
Maybe I had been relying on it too much lately, but I needed it. “I can handle it,” I assured him. “It’s the best weapon I have to fight Emmanuel and his followers.” Besides, it helped me see the emotions Shade tried to hide. Not that I was going to tell him that.
“Fang’s right,” Shade said. “It’s dangerous.”
“Come on. I have to keep any weapons that will give me an edge to protect the Underground. It’s what I agreed to in the naming ritual. You know that.”
Shade shook his head. “What about after we take care of Emmanuel? Would you be willing to give it up then—to Micah?”
