by M. C. Cerny
So badly there was a time I wanted to speak to her, confess my sins, but I know that will only complicate matters more. I can have her, but it comes with a terrible price I am not ready to pay for both our sakes.
Her head turns to look at me with a smile as I continued to walk down the hallway from her. The intent of the package under my arm nearly burned through my suit and scorched my skin with guilt. This was what I did. It was who I was and what I had been recruited and trained for.
Her name was Judith May Noire. Dark eyes, dark mahogany hair that shone red flames in the sunshine. A witty sense of humor and an angelic face that brought peace to my fractured soul for what I was about to do. It was for her protection and retribution for Lacy that I did this.
A group of three men were sentenced to die for their role in taking students from the private school and forcing them to a life involved in sex trafficking. They always picked the poor ones, easy targets until someone asked for something specific. They used the school like a fucking toy catalog. Two of the latest girls were the ones receiving scholarships to attend. The administrators said they ‘transferred’ to another school, because they didn’t perform well enough to keep their scholarship. It was the standard excuse given when they mysteriously disappeared. It was bullshit. Those fuckers had been doing it for years.
Years.
It would have been sad, tragic, but easier if she had died with the rest of them in the accident, but she didn’t. Jude is a tenacious little thing and a thorn in my professional career. All of my targets have gone down–except for one. It’s my fault he got away because I was tending to her. The only good thing is that my actions dried up the sex trafficking that occurred in Karim.
The explosion in the science lab on the edge of campus, technically not even on school grounds was supposed to take out the three administrators who were secretly meeting. An accident they called it. A convenient excuse for their failings. Chemicals that had not been properly stored and the residual fumes burned sensitive flesh and scared precious tissue and organs. Those that would die were meant to suffer. I had carefully timed it so the rest of the students would be at an assembly on the far side of campus. Far away from the havoc I was creating to re-establish the balance...of right and wrong.
I checked the building front to back and again twice making sure no one, absolutely no one else was there. I didn’t know those men–pillars of the community had called her to join them–that she was to be their next victim already.
There were only three ways a student got into Karim Academy. Belong to the society within, get a scholarship to attend or be the bastard of one of the administrators…
She ended up being collateral damage. The one contract I refused to fulfill because…of the guilt I carried. Only two of those men died in the accident. The third escaped in the days I waited for word on her condition. A contract killer isn’t supposed to develop a conscious or attachments, but Jude ruined me for all others. A slip of a girl who I’ve known most all of my life and I can’t utter a single word to her because guilt eats at my soul and paralyzes me for what I’ve done.
I waited for it to go off so I could watch them suffer and report back to my mentor. She jogged across the campus lawn quickly, across the street and into the building too fast for me to catch her lithe form. Dropping her books when she opened the door to the science lab, the fumes overtook her. Wearing my mask I chased after her, jumping out from my perch like a gorilla into the smoke pulling her back out, but not before it was too late. Blood seeped from her nose and her eyes swelled shut from the chemical contact. My skin itched and burned where it was exposed but it was nothing compared to her. She suffered, writhing in pain and throwing up all the lunch she’d consumed just moments before with her chirpy girlfriends. I held her steady waiting for her to succumb to the deadly gasses that snaked down her airway passages. I’d wanted those men to suffer, I’d wanted their lives snuffed out just as my sister’s had been. Instead my vengeance was painfully boring holes into my skull with her screams of pain as I held her down hoping it would end sooner rather than later.
I needed her to die peacefully.
I wasn’t a good man.
Each time I returned to Karim, she was the first person I saw and the ghost I needed to lay to rest–but don’t. I can’t. Each visit is another shot at penance for the life I return to when I leave her here. Austin is a mere blip when it comes to her. My fancy house, fast cars mean nothing. The gifts are a paltry consolation prize for touching her; I would give her the rarest gems in my collection. My actions have provided me a glamourous lifestyle far away from Karim, but I’ve no one to share it with and so I come back whenever I can and torture myself seeing her.
“Judith!” The screams of a fellow classmate come back to the smoky building searching for her. She’s barely breathing, but hanging on, my little fighter. I carry her outside and lay her down in the copse of flower bushes gently. Surrounded by soft white daisies she looks ridiculously angelic and she should because I’m killing her with what I’ve done. I remove my knife thinking I could make this merciful for her. She has no sins to atone for, but I do. She’s paralyzed from the shock and pain, all I can do is watch as she fights for clean air to enter her now scarred lungs. My hesitation causes me to lose too much time as people are calling her name looking for her.
“Keep fighting, Jude. I’ll find the last one and make him pay.” She doesn’t acknowledge me or my vow and I don’t expect her too. She’ll likely die, and that’s the most peace I can offer her.
Tonight, I left another gift. Time is getting short and the gift, a diamond studded Eye of Horus within the triangle is meant to protect her. I’m not wildly superstitious, but the symbol is well known among my set and should she wear it, it will protect her if they find her. I didn’t build a reputation for nothing. She’s mine and I won’t have anyone taking her from me now. I’m close to finding that third man from the school and I’ve been dragged back to Karim this time to finish the job.
After all, I am the Falcon and she is mine.
She was angry with me tonight and rightfully so, as I refused her request again. Her questions are valid, but trouble for us both if answered. If she heard my voice with her sharp senses she could eventually identify me. My family had been one of the underprivileged ones. My older half-sister babysat her before earning a scholarship spot to the school we all attended. She’d know me as the quiet boy who grew up searching for his missing sister.
It was better for all involved that I continued to play the mute.
I washed myself clean again to the point of scraping skin off–I was sure she could smell me a mile away. It was evident in the slight tilt of her face and the flare of her nostrils when I stood before her as if she was sensing me out. I was surprised to learn the caustic fumes didn’t damage her nose and lungs in the long-term once they were flushed from her system. It would seem the chemicals stripped one thing while giving her acute senses a boost I had to be careful with, though her eyes still held twin cataracts blinding her.
Jude is the only woman to kick me out, and yet I returned each time when the craving to see her gets the better of me. Her fiery attitude made me smile.
Keep fighting, my girl.
Three
JUDE
“Arrg, I am so fed up with this.” I slammed my water bottle down, the sound muffled on the carpeted flooring. My voice is forced out in a guttural whisper.
A chuckle to my right whispered back. “Judith May Noire, do I detect an attitude this morning?” My best friend Ella Parks muted her laugh behind something as I looked over at her. All I can see is a blob of blurred color in the bright studio and I close my eyes to avoid the headache lying back on my yoga mat inside the hot room. It was ordinarily quiet except for the chatter between mats. Our class never seemed to adhere to the respectful silence needed to maintain the meditative atmosphere.
At least here I was safe, surrounded by people I knew even if I couldn’t see the studio walls
were painted a bright red or the carpeted flooring under my feet was a dune brown color. All details were once imparted to me by others who thought I’d like to know. Did it really matter?
Sweat dripped between my confined breasts, my skin itching. Bikram yoga wasn’t for everyone and after practicing it for several years to keep in shape; I had mastered the movements in the sweltering hot room to be an expert.
“He came to see me again.” I stood up and moved into Tadasana pose, my right ankle resting easily in the joint of my left hip. Breathing deeply I struggled to clear my mind into that blank space and let my hands meet in supplication of prayer, palm to palm. I needed balance in my life not mute stalkers. I knew the lecture coming from Ella.
“Seriously? That shit is fucked up, Jude. Next time call the police, or me, or that useless uncle of yours. You should not be living alone.” I’m surprised she believes me, the first time I told her she accused me of making him up for attention. Since he began leaving delightful hickies the size of quarters on my neck for apparently all to see, Ella hasn’t questioned me since. A blind woman really isn’t able to fake that kind of stuff apparently.
“I know….” I didn’t know, not at all, but the thought of him left my body wanting, and standing in the heat of the room didn’t help my uneasy arousal. My nipples puckered just thinking about him and I prayed this sports bra covered me, hiding my secret lust for him.
Her arm reached out for mine. “When are you going to call the police? Hire security of some kind?” She begged me.
“I don’t know,” and I knew I wouldn’t, because anytime someone was staying at my house he didn’t visit me and I craved him like a junkie craved their next fix.
“I know! We can get you one of those Seeing Eye dogs. A big one that bites and barks so loud that deaf neighbor of yours will hear you.”
Snickering, I think about Mrs. Goddard. That woman couldn’t hear worth shit and what a pair we made, she deaf and me blind. I was lucky to be living in Karim’s Independent Citizen’s complex, a housing unit dedicated to the disabled and fully funded by the town. The downside was that all my neighbors were typically older than seventy-five. I learned to navigate as best I could. Living alone was about as wild a life I was going to have since moving out of my parents’ house. They moved back to Connecticut to benefit my Mother’s aspirations of being a highly paid school administrator. Their goals were more important than my actual happiness.
“No, I don’t need a dog to take care of.” The idea wasn’t half bad but the thought of being responsible for a living thing dependent on me was scary. I had the funds to sustain myself since the accident awarded me enough money in damages and the school was more than happy to pay out quietly to avoid any public scandal.
“Is it at least good?” Ella nudged me.
“What?”
“The sex, you goose. You look like he mauled your neck.” I imagined her wiggling her eyebrows suggesting dark sexual acts I couldn’t quite picture.
“If he would ever finish me off I might find out.” I grumbled, my breasts aching thinking about last night. My fingers don’t quite do the job because I always wonder if he’s still there...watching…waiting?
“You know what you need.” Ella joked in the past that we should hook up and I didn’t know if I should have been offended or happy she was offering. If my mystery man wasn’t going to give it up, then what was a girl to do? I couldn’t do that with just anyone, could I? I didn’t want to be alone forever locked away in some ivory tower and my lady parts growing dusty cobwebs.
“Indeed, but I’m not going to just…with anyone.” A loud shushing noise alerted me to the fact our conversation was overheard and unappreciated. We continued the yoga sequence in silence and my mind wandered leaving my balance unsteady. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I didn’t want to be alone and unsatisfied for the rest of my life with mystery man the highlight to my dark days every few months leaving me confused, wet, and panting.
Getting into the private locker room after class, I took my time sitting on the bench drinking my water infused with strawberries and basil leaves. “It doesn’t have to be this way Jude.” I almost choked on the refreshing sip of water that soured my mouth. Ella sat next me brushing her hand against my spandex clad thigh. Her finger traced the raised spine of threads along the seam of my pants. Her sweat was a sweet combination of salt and citrus.
“What do you mean, Ella?” Modestly, I took my towel to wipe the dripping sweat off my brow wishing she would just get to the point. She takes it from me instead swiping down gently and catching the droplets before they fall.
“Well…there’s this club in town. They have an open night for newbies on Fridays. Maybe we could go? You, know check it out. Maybe experiment? I’ll take care of the details.”
Suspicions clenched my gut. “What kind of club is it?” Ella continued her ministrations of wiping the sweat from my chest now trailing the soft towel over my shoulders and breasts.
She doesn’t answer my question and proceeds to prattle on. “A friend of mine is a member. He’d be happy to sponsor us. A fun night, nothing more.”
“Ella.” Warning her has no affect and I wait for her answer.
“It’s a sex club, Jude.” Her hand slipped down and cupped my breast gently lifting it from underneath. “I’ve wanted to ask you for a while now, but it never seemed the right time.”
Her hand continues to round out over my breast with familiarity only another woman could have of female anatomy. She’s gentle but firm in all the ways that draw a groan from within me. I barely touched myself and never let another…until him. He pissed me off and if he were here, I almost wanted him to see that he had no control over the decisions I made in my life good or bad letting Ella touch me.
“Oh.” Speechless I kept wondering if this was real or a wicked fraction of my mind imagining Ella’s gentle finger tips play with my nipples over the spandex on my damp sports bra. Her body scooted closer to mine and I felt her breath brush against my ear dizzily dipping lower to lick my collarbone.
“Yeah. Oh.” Her lips closed over the lobe of my ear biting down slowly, the sting matching the pinch of her fingers over the swollen buds of my breasts. Her touch feels like a match striking flint, sparking a fire, and I’ve got nothing left to extinguish it.
“Ella, I….” Protesting seemed futile. What Ella was doing to my body felt so good. Fuck, it was more than good, and when she grabbed my hand and led me into the handicapped shower stall I followed her eagerly to explore more of these feelings my nightly visitor had started within me but didn’t finish.
Just once.
For once, I wanted something solely for myself where I could let go of all this tension I seemed to be carrying on my shoulders. She started with my sports bra unzipping the front clasp and peeled my spandex leggings off only stopping to drop them somewhere outside the shower before kissing my belly. Her lips were soft and puffy pressing against me. Cold air aroused my skin before she turned the knob of water on to spray us both.
“I’ve wanted you for a long time Jude.” Ella pushed me back and my knees bumped on the seat of the shower, still standing as water sluiced down my body and cool gel from the body wash was rubbed into my skin. “I thought you would have picked up on this– about me–by now.” She’s wrong. I hadn’t really, but then again, I was so caught up in the mystery man who tormented my nights I had little space in my brain left to ponder if my best friend was into girls. We joked about it, but it was never a serious discussion.
“What are we doing Ella?” Breathless I sought answers to questions I already knew.
“Exploring the possibilities.” Her lips touched mine and it was nice. I can’t say sparks lit up the sky, but I wasn’t complaining when her mouth covered mine and our tongues played in tandem strokes. Hers darted forward with determination and mine merely curious. “Will you let me taste you?” Her finger tips caressed my cheek, brushing back my wet hair, and nodding I let her do more.
&n
bsp; “Please.” I sank down to the seat as she parted my thighs. Cool metal buffered my ass as water sprayed my body warming me. Ella’s fingers touched me everywhere and I no longer cared that we were in a gym, semi-public and about to make out. Her fingertips were small and the nails smoothly manicured, different from…his. Thinking of him kept me at a distance, almost hovering outside my body as an observer while Ella strummed me lightly.
“You are so lovely.” Her kisses began at the hollow of my neck followed by her tongue. Long, flat and licking my skin over the marks he left, I stayed detached, more in my head than in the heat of the moment. Her mouth sucked my breasts with full popping kisses. Her tongue circled each nipple before clamping down in a stinging bite. Wedging her body between my legs, she opened me further, and I could feel her stare on my bare skin. “God, I love a bare cunny.” Without time to process her appreciation, Ella kissed me, licking her way around my belly button and further south of my navel. I was glad someone appreciated my efforts below. Kisses peppered my thighs and her fingers more sure now parted my bare lips, swollen from arousal.
“Uh, yes.” I didn’t care who was touching me. Male, female, I couldn’t see shit except for dark peach blobs and what I assumed was Ella’s blonde head. The feelings of my burgeoning orgasm brought sharp color to my dull world. Maybe that explained my twisted addiction to him?
My thoughts stayed with him, wishing it was him doing these wicked things to me. Maybe it was wrong to let her go this far, but the release waiting for me clouded my selfish judgement. “How are you so fucking wet?” Ella licked me and pushed me back so I arched out from the wall of the shower, my hand gripping the railing for purchase as she spread my legs farther apart. I let her pull my body closer and whimpered when her mouth closed over the nub of my clit feasting. Pressure unlike before built in a delicious cramp of needs and wants cresting a wave of pleasure. Her tongue flicked against me, spearing me and spasms rocked my body awash in heat and shivers.
