by Rachael Craw
Ask her.
A wave of dizziness hits me. What if she says no? What if she tells Ethan?
You’re running out of time.
“I don’t know what you want …” I barely mouth the words. “Or what you’re planning …”
She pauses for a split second, a flicker in her eye, but she doesn’t look at me.
“But … I get the impression it includes me.”
She fastens the bandage, tucking it beneath a fold, securing it with stretchy white tape. She then sits back and meets my gaze head-on. Her expression is hard and careful but she whispers as soundlessly as me. “What do you want?”
Am I right? She has a plan? She’s admitting it? “To save my mother.”
Her careful mask fractures with surprise. “How?”
“Talk to Helena,” I whisper in a rush. “She said she would help me but she doesn’t have the security access. You do. If you can get us into ReProg – into the Actuation Vault – we’ll take care of the rest.”
She’s already shaking her head. “The new Proxy is out of the question. The security alone to get to her–”
“I’m the Proxy.”
And there is it, that hungry glint lighting up in her eyes. “You could die. You’d be no use to me dead.”
“And if I make it?”
A muscle twitches in her cheek and I imagine the fireworks going off in her brain. “The procedure is excruciating. Many Proxies die in the Isolation Tank.”
“I’m strong. Stronger than you think.”
“You risk your father’s research. His life’s work.”
“Not if we make it back before the Spark arrives. Plus he has Jamie. He only needs one Shield’s readings to complete the evidence.” I’m mostly sure this last bit is true, from what I gleaned listening to him explaining the process to Helena. One reading from each member of the triplicate: Spark, Stray and Shield, and Jamie is just as much the Shield in this case as I am. Please, let her be satisfied.
Voices rumble in Jamie’s cell.
Her face grows hard again. “If Knox finds out … if he gets hold of you … that tank will be your whole life. Your father will never forgive me.”
A terrible watery feeling churns my stomach and I squeeze my knuckles to steady myself. “I’ll do whatever – be whatever you want.”
She comes in close, her eyes glittering. “I want a new world, Evangeline.”
DAD
“Breathe,” Ethan says, the syringe poised in his large gloved hand. “The suppressant will lift almost instantly. You will have full cognitive and sensory awareness of the absence of the tether. It will be unpleasant and your physical pain may increase due to elevation of stress levels. Deep breathing will counter–”
“You’re making it worse,” I say through my teeth. “Drawing it out is making it worse.”
“I want you to be prepared.”
“I really prefer the rip-the-bandaid-and-get-it-done approach. So …”
The corner of his mouth twitches, a flicker of amusement beneath the weight of worry. “Like your mother.”
I hold my breath and glance through the open cell door. Helena is seated on a lab stool, collating data from the preliminary assessment, doing her best not to look at me and Ethan. Juno is in Jamie’s cell with sensors and a syringe full of adrenaline. The guys have gone up to the barracks. No one will hear me if I say it, if I whisper. I want to. He’s said stuff before. My child. Brünnhilde. Daughter. So … I should just say it – I might never get another chance.
Priming the needle, he cocks his head. “What is it?”
Say it.
My throat aches.
Say it.
I swallow painfully.
Say it, you coward.
“Dad.”
He grows stock-still then turns, his eyes like dark wells, reflecting my pale, battered face. He stares and doesn’t say anything.
My brain defaults to an excruciating back-pedal. “You don’t have to – I’m not … I just wanted to say it, you know? At least once.”
Leaning down, he cups the side of my hot face, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Tochter.”
“I don’t know what that means.” My voice comes out like a squeak and my nose must be red with the pressure of not crying.
“Daughter,” he whispers. “Not just once. Many times, over many years, laughing or shouting or rolling your eyes or a hundred other ways you will say my name. This is not the end. Ja?”
I sniff and nod. What else can I do?
“This is not the end.” He pulls me in and kisses my forehead, his thick stubble tickling my skin.
“That was a good speech.”
He smiles, brief but warming before the cloud settles again.
A pained moan issues from Jamie’s cell and Ethan releases me, frowning at the wall. Jamie swears and rattles his chains and swears some more. “Breathe, boy,” Juno commands. Clipped steps follow then the clang of Jamie’s cell closing. I watch her enter the lab and shut the door behind her. Her eyes meet mine with meaning. Stall Ethan.
Ethan raises the syringe. “Shall we?”
“Wait.” I push up to my feet, surprising him. He supports my arm as I wince with the strain. “There’s one other thing …” Juno bends close beside Helena, her lips moving as she points at the monitor, as though she’s discussing Jamie’s readings, “that I wanted to do before … beforehand.”
He looks down at me, intent. My stomach and my heart trade flips and I take a single step into his personal space. I slip my arms around his waist, ignoring the stinging pain in my ribs, and lean into his chest. The hollow of his shoulder fits the side of my face and when his big arms come around me we both exhale. Finally. I realise the pounding in my ears is his heart racing mine. I close my eyes, breathe in his foresty-mountain air scent that reminds me a little of Jamie, and bite hard on my lip to keep myself from howling. This is the dad hug. The holy grail of hugs, glimpsed in the occasional embraces of Leonard Gallagher – my closest dad equivalent.
I know I should feel crappy – really crappy – that my first real dad hug is tainted by diversionary tactics but I’m too desperate to care. Even corrupted it’s the Best Hug Ever. He murmurs German into the top of my head, kisses my hair and Jamie groans in the next cell ruining the mood. We sigh and separate, both of us shy. I tilt my head, exposing my neck. “Ready.”
“Breathe,” he says. The needle stings horribly and I make an embarrassing keening sound as the bolt of liquid lightning bursts through my veins. He steadies me but it’s like the lid’s ripped off my pain and I grit my teeth and stagger back against the concrete step, landing on my backside, which makes my ribs scream. I scream a little too. Ethan braces my shoulders. “Breathe.”
So I do. Great long gasps, trying to see straight. I clasp my stomach, agonised by the void behind my navel. I repeat some of the worst of Jamie’s foul language and my head whips towards the black static pulsing at me from the blank wall of the surgery. Panting, I glance at Helena and Juno. Heads close together, they exchange tense words, darting looks back at me. Juno gives me one crisp nod and I fill my lungs all the way. “Okay,” I croak. “I’m okay.”
Ethan rechecks the gauze sensor pads on my temples and wrists and I press the one over my heart. I can see his eagerness to get back into the lab and measure the readings. “Go. I’m fine.”
He kisses the top of my head once more and strides out. The clang of the door echoes through me. I hear the automated mechanism locking the whole block. He steps back into the lab. “Ready for phase two.”
HELP
“Lane is less likely to antagonise my agents,” Juno says, her voice drifting through the open door of the lab. Her agents are about to arrive and they’re planning the Spark’s safe delivery to the lower barracks. I listen from my cell, glancing surreptitiously, debating throwing up on my shoes. My panic for Miriam blares like a siren in my head. We’re running out of time. Pulling a Houdini and getting to the upper floors of the compound will be no
thing short of miraculous. This is never going to work.
Ethan glares at the monitor, distracted, his mind on his scrolling data.
“Davis is a professional.”
“He has more at stake down here,” she says, looking pointedly at my cell.
Understanding hits me. Juno’s plotting my exit. She thinks Davis is more likely to let me sneak out of the lower barracks, that his feelings for me will make him compliant. I almost laugh. Hell would freeze before Davis consented to me defying Ethan’s order – let alone endangering my life. This is going to be a disaster.
Ethan frowns. “Davis believes in the Initiative. He will protect the Spark. He goes with Lane. Benjamin stays here.”
Juno’s gaze shifts to me and I give a little nod. The thought of trying to get past Benjamin makes me woozy. This is a train wreck about to happen.
“Fine,” she says. “You know your team.”
Helena gives me a tense look and slips into the surgery. I force myself to think of Miriam, to picture her in the cell next to mine. Whatever comes, the risk is worth it, to feel her signal again, to bring her back.
Ethan goes to follow Helena but Juno stops him, her hand pressed to his chest. He looks at her in question. Face tilted up, she leans close. “Ethan …”
My muscles tighten at the silk in her voice. Ethan stops like he’s been zapped with a freeze-ray. Why doesn’t he move? Push past her. Step back.
“I want you to know,” she murmurs, splaying her fingers over his heart. “Whatever happens, I stand with the Initiative. I stand with you.”
His lips part and his chest swells. “Your … belief in this work means a great deal.”
“I believe in you.”
He’s got three seconds to tell her to back off or I will.
One.
“Juno …” He covers her hand, taking it between both of his.
Two.
“Thank you.” He squeezes her fingers gently and releases her with a backwards step.
Jamie coughs and clinks his chains meaningfully in the next cell. Juno turns her back to us and Ethan makes for the surgery like he can’t escape fast enough. He pauses at the door. “I will await your notification of the Spark’s arrival.”
She spins on her heel and gives a brisk nod, her expression wiped clean.
The surgery door closes and Juno stalks into the corridor and pauses before my cell, no trace of embarrassment. “Helena has my clearance code. I will prime the Actuation Vault remotely. Davis and Lane will come with me now to the transport bay. I think we have thirty to forty minutes before my team arrives. It’s a very narrow window of opportunity, Evangeline. I risk everything in trusting you.”
“Wait. What?” Jamie says.
It burns my throat but I force myself to grind it out. “Thank you.”
“The metal slider has an override lock. Use it. It will protect your father and his work.”
I nod, head swimming, panting through my nose. Adrenaline sends stabbing pins and needles through my bones. She marches out of the cell block and I clasp my stomach, the gnawing hollow. Black static rolls like thunder in the bandwidth. Wait until the Spark arrives and it hits us full force.
“What was that about?” Jamie says, warning adding gravel to his voice.
I have no clue what to say. If it would take hell freezing for Davis to agree with what I’m about to do, I can’t even imagine what it would take to get Jamie onboard. Could I knock him out? I can’t risk entering his cell with broken ribs and I can’t drug him without messing with Ethan’s research. I clench my jaw. “Do you trust me?”
There’s a long pause then a loaded and drawn out, “Why?”
“Jamie.”
“No.”
“Listen–”
“No.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”
“Nothing good.”
Helena appears from the surgery looking pale and tense. She shuts the door behind her and grabs a large pouch from the counter, exiting the lab on tiptoes. She shuts the lab door with care. Unzipping the pouch, she rushes to my cell, pulling out a key. “Quickly, your chains.” She tosses the key to land at my feet. I slip to my knees to grab it, bending awkwardly and grimacing at the pain in my ribs.
“Helena?” Jamie calls. “You’re a part of this? Whatever she’s talked you into, please don’t do it.”
She darts to the control panel, releasing the lock on the whole cell block. “We will be back in less than an hour – before the Spark arrives. Everything will be fine.”
“Everything will not be fine. You can’t let her leave the lower barracks; Knox is monitoring her tracker. He’ll know the moment she makes it to the upper levels.”
“We will take care of Evie’s tracker.”
Jamie doesn’t reply, struck dumb by her decisive answer.
Helena rushes into my cell and takes the key from my clammy, trembling fingers. Her hands are rock-steady. She has me free of shackles, up on my feet and out of the cell in no time. Jamie stands in the opening of his cell, arms held back by the chains bolted to the floor. I pull out of Helena’s hold and rush towards him, tearing my sensors off. Jamie looks wild.
“Evie, please. Stop. Tell me what’s going on.”
“You said you didn’t want to know.”
“You can’t go. Not now.”
“I have to.” I stuff the gauze pads into his pockets making him gasp with the sudden intimacy of my touch. His heady scent almost makes me cross-eyed, my body swaying towards his like a magnet, exquisite tingling through my chest.
He shivers, his voice low and rough with urgency, “Love. Love, whatever this is. Please. Stop. Think of your dad. This is the most important research of his life. Think of your brother.”
I touch his face just to feel his signal roll through me one last time. “He only needs one Shield.”
“Evie,” Helena hisses. “Now.”
It’s painful to pull myself away from him but I hurry to the far cell just as Helena wheels the end of Miriam’s gurney out into the corridor, the drip, bellows and portable monitor attached to the head of the bed. When I see her pale sleeping face, the breathing tube hooked in her mouth, “Mmm …” is all I manage. I’m not sure if I mean to say mom, or Miriam, before the hitch in my breath takes my power of speech.
As we trundle towards Jamie’s cell, his eyes widen with dark understanding. “No,” he whispers through his teeth and yanks on his chains, the muscles straining in his neck. “This is not what I think it is.”
“I can do it, Jamie.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
Helena stops the gurney. “I will be with her.”
“Helena,” he says, pale-lipped, struggling to control his voice. “Helena, listen – listen to me. Tell her no. It’s too dangerous. Tell her it’s not going to happen.”
“This is her mother.”
“Her mother would never let her do this,” he hisses, his face growing red with pressure. “I said I’ll be with you … I won’t make you wait. Helena, listen to me. I will do whatever you want. I’ll move back to Berlin, recite the words of the sanction, fulfil the conditions of the accord, all of it, just please, please don’t do this.”
She blinks at him, her face crumpling. “I made a promise.”
His mouth contorts, tears starting in his wild eyes, and he yanks so hard on his chains I’m afraid he’ll wrench his shoulder sockets. “The tank will kill her. Do you hear me? It will kill her and I will never forgive you. I will never be with you. I swear to God–”
“Jamie.” My whole body shakes, my voice weak as I try and fail to fill it with authority. “That is a bastard thing to say. I am not going to die. Don’t listen to him, Helena. He’s just trying to scare you and he doesn’t mean it.”
Helena looks like she’s having her guts ripped out.
He rounds on me, veins bulging at his temples, spittle on his lips. “Evie, if you love me – at all – you won’t do this.”
; “That’s not true,” I gasp, swiping my wrist at the tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry. We have to go.”
“No, no!” he roars. “Ethan!”
I grab the end of Miriam’s gurney, pulling so hard Helena stumbles. Pain slices through my side and I stifle a scream. The surgery door bangs open and I glimpse my father’s face. If Jamie’s words hadn’t already torn my heart from my chest the look in Ethan’s eyes would. He comes through the glass door of the lab so fast it crashes back against the wall and shatters.
“Helena!” I grab her arm and yank her through the opening, hauling the heavy sliding door into place. I drop the bolt as Ethan slams into it with a horrific clang.
A stream of furious German erupts on the other side. “Stop! You cannot do this! Evangeline! Helena! I am begging you!”
“What is this?” Benjamin thunders down the stairs and looms beside us, taking in my mother on the gurney, rolling slowly towards the middle of the gym. Helena’s tear-stained face. The bolted door. Me pressed back against it, hugging my broken ribs.
“Benjamin?” Ethan shouts. “Benjamin? Are you there?”
“Sir?”
“Open this door immediately!”
“No!” I lurch towards Benjamin, press both hands to his chest and his professional calm is undone – his signal unguarded. Memory rushes at me. The gym disappears and I plunge.
The scene opens from an angle I’ve never seen it from before. Low, floor level, looking up. The gun in the foreground, bruising the inside of my thumb. The reek of sweat and blood and cordite. Fierce pain in my face. My head like a storm. A clash of need and revulsion and terror. Before me, the reason for my rage. Perspective skewed – I squint through one eye and give in. My finger contracts on the trigger. Aiden falls, my bullet through his temple. Evangeline stands frozen, the dead-eyed Proxy beside her, holding her hand. Red splatter hits Evangeline’s face and Aiden collapses at his sister’s feet.
