Sex.
Had I done that to her?
“Rose, I—”
“No, you don’t have to. I don’t need you to explain. I get the whole no sex thing. We used it as a distraction and it’s probably not a brilliant way to.... What are we trying to do, exactly?”
“Let James and Rose get to know each other.” And ourselves. I still needed to figure out myself.
“If I agree to take the meds and go insane, do you promise not to leave me? Even if I don’t go insane, I don’t like the groggy feeling it gives me,” her voice started to shake as tears filled her eyes.
“Of course.” I caressed her cheek lightly with my thumb and she leaned into my touch, closing her eyes. Simply watching her was enough to rile my body down to every nerve ending. I brushed my lips against hers, inhaling the sweet minty smell of her hair.
She nodded. “Deal.”
“Go try to get comfortable, I’ll have him pick it up.” I made the call to Trent and settled with Rose in the living room. She laid across the couch, with her head in my lap staring up at me. I rubbed her forehead, although I was hesitant to believe it, it seemed like my touch at least soothed her superficial discomfort.
“Have you talked to Miles?” she asked.
“Yesterday afternoon, right after Trent came to see me.”
“Is he okay?”
“About as okay as he can be, I guess. He’s being held in a separate facility, usually under strict watch, but it’s the only way to keep him away from anyone who might find out he’s cooperating. It’s not the greatest solution, but he says the food is better. Once we confirm everything and make sure the Retreat is truly out of business, he’s going to get a reduced sentence.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. “I’d like to get him put in a different facility, where he can get more help rather than being locked in a room alone all day, but hopefully that’ll come with his deal. I was supposed to find Alley. She’s been missing for weeks.”
“Trent never said anything,” she whispered, squeezing my wrist so I’d resume rubbing her forehead. “I—I should have—”
“Don’t, Sugar,” I understood as much as anyone what the “should haves” could do. How they could drive someone insane in their relentless pursuit to cause agony. “You did what you had to do.”
“I should have been there for her. She was—she was....”
I wiped away the tears as they burst past her eyelids, and she took a deep breath and stilled.
“Has Trent been the only one looking in on you?” I figured her family and friends might have been in as well until I saw her reaction to her sister.
“Um—pretty much. I, uh, have psychiatric appointments twice a week, but I usually keep to myself. Charlene is back in Oklahoma staying with her folks. Yesterday was the first time I’ve had a prolonged conversation with my sister. They tried to check on me, but I never know what to tell them.”
She moaned, and I felt her body tense, becoming almost as rigid as a steel frame.
“He’ll be here soon.” Or so I hoped. He said it’d take only a few minutes, but he lived at least that far away—not counting the stop at the pharmacy along the way.
Rose closed her eyes, so I didn’t push her with any more questions. I trailed my fingers through her soft dark hair and traced the skin along her jawline and neck.
With another moan—a very different kind of moan, she opened her eyes again. They glittered with need—hard desire softened by her slack muscles. I considered giving her that distraction. Giving in to the tight line of attraction drawn between us.
But, thankfully, a knock on the door sent those desires back into hiding.
Rose groaned and grabbed ahold of the back of the couch to pull herself up, so I could answer it.
When I opened the door, Trent held up the bag. Something between a smirk and an inquisitive expression drew his features taut. “You two were made for each other. Could either of you be more stubborn?”
The cat sped down the stairs, trying to sneak by us and out the door, but Trent caught her first.
“Hey,” Rose said, peeking around the corner. She pressed her cheek against the wall frame. “She’s probably hungry. I’ll open her some food.”
“Take your meds,” Trent said, before I had a chance. Then, he patted my shoulder, “Take care of her, and I’ll feed Trapper.”
I raised my brow. He even knew where the cat food was. I didn’t know that—not that I’d even been around for twenty-four hours, but it still pissed me off. It had been a long time since I’d wanted to punch my best friend—even though I admitted that it was far from called for simply because he had done as I asked and kept an eye on Rose.
However, it also reminded me that the last time I wanted to hit him was also about a girl.
Trent released the cat, and as Rose returned to the couch, he whispered, “I’m not the enemy.”
“Wha—”
“Saw the look you were giving me.” He flagged me toward the living room. “Go tend to your girlfriend.”
I opened the pill bottle and fished out one of the white oblong tablets.
“Can I just have half?”
“Does your shoulder only half hurt?” I handed her a full pill. I weighed knowing how much she didn’t like pain medicine with her reaction to the pain over the last twenty minutes, and making sure she wasn’t grimacing in pain every few minutes, the full dose won out.
“Is Trent staying, too?”
I shrugged. “Want him to?”
“Didn’t know if you’d want company after I passed out and started drooling on you.”
I returned to my seat, rubbing her shoulders and back before she curled up, using my lap for a pillow again. Trent took a seat in the armchair across from us.
“Stopped by the dairy bar for lunch, and Katie mentioned you left in the middle of the night.”
I scowled at him, feeling Rose jerk and her gaze burn through me.
“She’s my cousin’s wife,” I said to her, giving Trent a blatant glower, but he only shook his head. “I’ve been staying with them. Though I guess it’s about damn time I find an apartment, before everyone blabs to half the town my every move.”
Trapper jumped up on Rose’s chest and I tossed her back to the floor, but she only turned around and tried for a second attempt. I blocked her jump and she sat at my feet for a moment, flicking her tail at me. Her cranky expression remind me of Rose the first night at the Outlook. Even though she knelt quietly at my feet and managed not to anger Ross too much, she never lost the glare in her eye.
Perturbed by the situation, Trapper finally turned away and opted for Trent’s lap instead.
“I thought your post-retreat plans included becoming a cat person,” Rose whispered.
I scowled—in truth, cats were worse than kids. I’d only brought it up to lighten the situation. “Still not fond of fur.”
Rose laced her fingers through mine. She was obviously fighting to keep her eyes open and within the next ten minutes she’d succumbed to quiet sleep.
“I need to head to the station in an hour,” Trent said. It seemed he was waiting until Rose fell asleep to talk. “Alley’s family is coming into town tonight. I’d like to be there and make sure everything’s under control.”
“I’d assume I’m still banned from the station?”
“You,” Trent waved toward Rose’s sleeping form, “have enough to take care of right now. How the hell has she made it this long without her prescription?”
“Obstinance and Tylenol.” I’d come to appreciate just how much she could accomplish with sheer will alone. I was living proof of it. Having seen her in action, part of me wondered what I was so worried about. Rose wouldn’t take shit, not even from me. She’d be first in line to set me straight if, under some crazy circumstances, my nightmares became reality.
Except I didn’t believe it would require crazy circumstances for it to happen. Too much of my subconscious still longed for the pain and clung to the darkness.
I wanted her, but not just her body. I wanted everything—needed to see her on her knees. The control, the power, the look in her eyes as she reluctantly gives me what I want and I reward her for her generosity tenfold.
Reward.
What kind of sick twisted reward involved forcing the girl I cared about on her knees—holding her down and making her purposefully uncomfortable to suit my own twisted fantasies.
Trent snapped his fingers. “You’ve left earth again. Maybe I should leave.”
I shook my head.
“Didn’t you practically spend the night here? And you still don’t trust yourself with her?”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because I was on the other end of the line during every report. I know all the things you had to do. I’ve seen you nearly every day for the last month, when you’ve longed after her and teetered on the brink, barely able to stay away from her. And, I’ve known you for years.” He dropped Trapper onto the floor and dusted the fur from his pants. “She’s in good hands, and I do need to get going anyway. I should go home and change.”
He was dressed down, not his usual getup—even for a day off. And since he wanted to give me a hard time about everything, it was only fair to return the favor. “Should I ask where you were when I called?”
He grinned and scratched the back of his head. “No. But it wouldn’t be news.”
I’d figured as much considering the voice I’d heard in the background when I called and his prompt arrival despite living on the opposite side of town. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You didn’t. Just put a new air filter on her car.”
“That what you’re calling it now?”
He snorted. “No. Unfortunately, that’s really what I was doing.”
“Why don’t you two just make it official, you’ve been on and off for years?”
“The key to that is the ‘and off’ portion. And it’s all past tense now, she’s seeing someone.” He picked another piece of fur off his pants and dropped it to the floor. “We’ve been off for months—nearly since you went under.”
“My head feels funny,” Rose murmured. She didn’t open her eyes but squeezed my hand.
At the sound of her voice, I immediately forgot about razzing Trent. “Funny how?”
“Drunky funny.”
“Sleep, sweetie,” I whispered, brushing her hair away from her face until it laid out in a shiny layer across my leg. I kept my eyes on her as Trent stood, still utterly amazed to have her back.
“Be good,” he whispered as he passed and let himself out.
“Did his girlfriend dump him?” she asked after the door closed.
“You’ve been eavesdropping again.” But for the time being, she was safe—and I hoped, no longer in so much pain.
“Not sure.” She yawned, arching her back as she stretched. “It’s kinda hard to tell if I’m awake or asleep.”
“She wasn’t really his girlfriend, more like....” I wasn’t sure how to put it nicely.
“Fuck buddy?”
I nearly choked trying to keep myself from laughing. “Something like that.”
“He needs a girlfriend. He’s a nice guy.”
“Don’t tell him that.” And don’t get any ideas. I didn’t need any fodder to add to my unwarranted suspicions.
“Why?” Her eyes drifted closed again, even though she was clearly fighting it.
“I—” My throat closed. I didn’t want to have that conversation. “He doesn’t take it well. Had a girl he loved once and it didn’t....”
“She break his heart?”
“She broke a lot of people’s hearts.” Mine. Trent’s. My entire family’s.
Rose’s eyes popped open and she shot upright, all traces of sleep suddenly gone. “He dated your sister? But—”
I pulled her back, lifting her so she sat in my lap, her head tucked against my shoulder. I wasn’t sure how she figured it out so easily or if it was just a fluke of a guess. “They started dating in junior high school—even though I wasn’t allowed to date in junior high, she managed to get her way fairly often. Even I tended to give her what she wanted—when we weren’t too involved in sibling rivalries. She grew up fast anyway. When she was in seventh grade, he took her to the junior high school dance, and they continued dating for the next two years. He was with us every time she was admitted to the hospital.”
He was with her until she died....
“You were friends back then?”
“Been friends since Kindergarten. He had a single mom, so my parents told her to drop him off any time she had to work. We were all close, but it was a surprise when he asked her out,” I shrugged. I’d wrestled with their relationship a few dozen times. Trent had nearly a year and a half on my sister, and their relationship also meant that she usually ended up crashing our weekend plans, but I generally acted more upset than I really was, just to give her a hard time.
Usually being the operative word. There were also the times I wanted to blacken his eye over it.
Couldn’t make everything too easy for her, and she’d have done the same to me.
“Is that why you don’t want kids?” Her eyes widened. “You can totally tell me to shut up at any moment. I think I get verbal diarrhea when I have no brain power to stop it.”
“You definitely do, Sugar.” I kissed the top of her head, nestling her into my arms until I was content that she was secure from going anywhere. “There are a lot of reasons, but that’s a big one.”
I considered telling her the rest, but that was suited for a conversation when she was coherent and not fighting a losing battle against her exhausted body.
Chapter 12
A Raini End
I carried Rose upstairs to her bedroom, tucked her into bed, and stretched out next to her. It was still early in the evening and daylight outside, but she had light-blocking curtains over the bedroom windows. Either she was having trouble sleeping or worried about people seeing in—a mix of both was my guess.
With every slow breath, her face remained calm—not twisted by nightmares and memories. Quite the blessing after the strain of the last two months. I trailed my fingers through her hair, taking full advantage of the quiet peace.
My momentary respite from everything.
The unease remained on a slow boil, but it had tucked itself into a back corner of my mind. From the moment she’d shown up at the Retreat, she’d tested everything about me—my commitment to the job, sanity, strength, will....
There were times I hated her for it. Times I couldn’t see straight because of what she’d done to me—because of the reality she’d forced me to confront.
But, she also gave me something to fight for after I’d begun to go numb. She made me feel again, reconnect with everything that was happening to the girls in the Retreat. She made me reconnect with my own horrors that I’d faced every day for months until the façade became a twisted mix of reality, fantasy, and nightmare.
I lost control around her and I sometimes fucking enjoyed it.
I picked up her hand and intertwined my fingers with hers, vowing to take care of her this time around.
A call from Trent shattered the silence. Rose moaned and curled on her side toward me, fisting my shirt so I couldn’t move away to answer.
“Hello,” I whispered.
“How’s Rose?” he asked with an even tone. If he’d called about something else, he wasn’t in a hurry to get to it.
“Trying to sleep. You’re not helping.”
Rose opened her eyes and shook her head in a silent admonishment.
“Alley’s parents IDed the body,” Trent said. “They’re making funeral arrangements.”
“That’s—,” I’d heard similar reports dozens of times, but they weren’t in reference to someone I knew. “Okay.”
“Not the news you wanted tonight, I know, but I thought you should know. We also have another girl in here from the Retreat.”
“What was she picked up fo
r?” I twisted Rose’s hair around my fingers, trying to concentrate on the conversation while staying as far from it as possible.
“She wasn’t. She was asked to come in because she knows another girl who was recently recruited for the escort company—the girl has been missing for forty-eight hours. I can’t believe we haven’t made a list of all the aliases yet—makes it a little difficult when we each know them by different names.”
“What’s she look like?” I didn’t want to remember or picture their faces as I tried to place an identity.
“Dark brown eyes, about five foot three, long curly black hair. Can’t weigh more than my right leg.”
“Sounds like Raini.”
Rose opened her eyes again and squirmed to sit up, but I kept my arm across her middle, earning a steely glare from a girl much too tired to fight. As far as I knew, she’d only encountered Raini in passing—if that.
“Can you come in?” Trent asked. “It’s a nuthouse here right now, and I could use some help.”
“Richards told me to steer clear or get fired, and let’s be honest, I’m enjoying my night off.”
“Unofficially then, I won’t take up much of your time, but I need to pick your brain.”
I leaned my head back and groaned, wincing when a finger dug into my side.
“Go,” Rose whispered. “If you need to, I’ll be fine.”
“Give me about fifteen,” I said and hung up the phone. “Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m in my happy place.” Her smile was faint, softened by exhaustion. She didn’t look like she’d manage to stay awake much longer, but I didn’t like leaving her to the mercy of sleep. Unavoidable as it was, sleep made for a fickle and sometimes sadistic bedfellow.
“I promised not to leave you alone.”
“Make it up by bringing dinner. And tell Trent if he keeps you too long, I’m coming for him.”
“I’m sure he’ll be shaking in his dress shoes.” I kissed her forehead, drawing her toward me for one final moment before I had to tear myself away.
The back of the station was a madhouse of cops and cruisers, so to avoid whatever drama was going on, I parked in front and took the long way around to our offices. Even the inside was an insane rush of people. Captain Richards was busy with a couple of uniforms and Trent was nowhere in sight. I watched the movement in the room, quite literally organized chaos—nothing seemed out of hand, but voices were raised, and there were far too many people cramped into the space and moving between our offices and the adjoining hallway.
Bend, Don't Break Page 13
