I cupped her face, wiping away the streaks of tears. “I went under because of the girls, because I wanted to see them freed and returned to their families. But the whole damn system didn’t work. I stayed away to protect you and you got shot. Alley died. The other girls—they’re not doing a whole lot better, and—”
“And it’s not your fault. You can’t fix everything.” Her fingers traced my skirt where the scar hid underneath, her breath sent prickles of sensation against my bare neck as she leaned closer. “I watched you enough to know which parts you liked and which ones made you miserable. You took me down to the lake on my birthday—you promised me a good day. I lost the battle that day and realized that I relished in your control. Even though it hurt to move the next morning.”
She wet her lips, clenching her fists against my shoulders. “I’m afraid of the pain. I’m afraid of giving you control again. And, I’m afraid of how I’ll react, but I want it. It is what it is.”
I can be reasonable, but you need to stop considering the impossible. You can’t go home, you can’t escape, and I can’t let you go. It is what it is.
How dare she use those words against me?
My anger swelled, vibrating through my muscles, but Rose didn’t move—she didn’t even look worried. Her head shook slightly, then she pressed her lips against mine. Coaxing me past the anger, and back to sanity.
I felt like a hundred pound weight sat on my chest by the time she finished. “Where’d all that come from?”
She dragged her hand through her hair. “I figured it was about time I give you a little reminder that I’m not so easily broken. Whatever it is you need, I’m game—I do like...watching you. The look you get when you’re up to no good and can’t hold back. I could get off on that.”
With a nervous giggle, she dropped her head forward, her hair creating a curtain around her face. I brushed it back, then pushed her to the floor again, pinning her under me.
“God, I love you.”
“What?” Her eyes popped open and she rose so fast, she nearly busted me in the nose with her head.
“Didn’t quite think about what I was going to say.”
Her shock melted into a smile. “You’re serious?”
I nodded, pressing her into the carpet as I leaned in for a kiss. Then, something vibrated against my leg. “That’ll probably be Trent about dinner.”
“Let it go,” she whispered.
I plunged my tongue into her mouth, silencing any other argument she had since I didn’t need to hear it. Kisses became like lifesaving breath for a drowning victim, but it wasn’t moving past that. Not now. Not after everything we’d been through.
Too much waiting, then rushing things along. I wanted this to be slow. I wanted to revel in the needy look in her eyes—in knowing that she ached for me as much as I did for her.
My cock was engorged by the time I pulled away, and I watched her eye it with a look of lust and hunger.
But I pulled out my phone and checked the message. “We’re meeting at Evan’s house in thirty.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Priorities.”
“Family’s important.” Pulling her upright, I kissed her forehead. She was visibly off balance, not knowing where the next touch was going to lead us. And she was fucking gorgeous. Her hair in a fluffy mess and clothes disheveled. “Tonight you meet mine.”
“Family includes Trent?”
“You surprised by that?” Blood or not, Trent had always been my brother. Even though they were young, he’d been the love of my sister’s life—and so far, I was fairly positive she’d been his as well.
“So it’ll just be the six of us?”
“That’s all there is, Sugar. Evan’s parents live in Florida—his mom is my dad’s sister, but they’re—” I tried to hold back from explaining too much of my family history, but it was part of us, and something she’d eventually need to know. “She wasn’t a carrier like Dad, so they never had to worry about it. My parents died a few years after my sister.”
“You never told me her name.”
“Taylor.” I stared down to where our torsos touched, hugging Rose close. This battle I wasn’t going to lose. I couldn’t let go of someone who meant so much to me again. “You asked if Cystic Fibrosis was the reason I don’t want to have kids.”
She nodded.
“But you were a little out of it at the time and I didn’t tell you everything. I never wanted to go through anything like that again, or watch someone I loved suffer so much.” It was one of the reasons it was so hard to deal with Rose and her nightmares—the reason I always wanted to make things better. I couldn’t stand the helpless feeling of not being able to do a damn thing—the same feeling this case was giving me, I realized.
“As soon as I turned twenty-one, I had a vasectomy,” I said. I let the news sink in before I said anything more or tried to elaborate—even though I wasn’t sure how to even begin.
Her jaw pulsed, eyebrows twitched—I just wanted her to say something.
“Okay,” she finally said. “I’m uh—I have no idea how else to respond to that.”
“Are you okay with it? I mean dating a guy with no chance of kids—a family of your own.”
Her face twisted. “Are you forgetting how I am with kids?”
I laughed, but let it go. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t change her mind. Evan had, time and time again, given me a spiel about how I’d one day change my mind and regret it, but I just wanted it done—to never have to worry about it.
I stood and pulled her to her feet as well. Much as I hated to go, dinner with friends would be good for us.
“Are we supposed to be bringing anything to dinner?”
“Trent didn’t say. I could go for a beer though.”
Rose shook her head and slipped on her shoes while I stared out the window next to the door. The late-June evenings were bright and although the air was usually heavy and oppressive with humidity, tonight was fresh and crisp as if a storm had just passed by.
It was the first time I acknowledged the weather in a long time. The first time I could see past the fog of my own brain to enjoy the outside world.
As Trent promised, dinner with everyone was a good change of pace for us. Rose and Katie hit it off, chatting out back while Evan, Trent, and I sat in the kitchen with our beers. Jack had passed out after dinner, and was slung over Evan’s shoulder—apparently all of the company was too much for him.
I tossed my empty bottle into the recycling bin and peeked out the window. Both women were sitting on the porch swing laughing. I hated to think what they might be talking about.
A few minutes later, Katie came inside. “Want me to take him?” she asked, pointing to Jack.
As if he’d recognized the sound of his Mom from deep sleep, Jack lifted his head and slid to the floor and ran across the kitchen. But he didn’t stop at Katie. Instead, he breezed right passed, into the living room, around in circles, and back again.
“So much for that long nap,” I said, ducking out the door Katie had just come in.
“I guess Trent didn’t have such a bad idea after all,” Rose said, leaning against my shoulder as I sat down next to her.
There wasn’t much daylight left, and the sky was turning a bright shade of red. The door opened again, and Trent offered me another beer, which I happily accepted. He offered the second bottle to Rose, but she shook her head and took a couple of swigs of mine instead.
We all sat for a few moments, enjoying the peaceful silence of the beautiful evening until the screen door shook with a loud bang.
“Munchkin wants out,” Trent said.
I used my foot to push closed the baby gate on the porch stairs. “Let him run—he might sleep through the night.”
Jack had a yard full of toys, but I think Evan had more fun with most of them than the kid did. He also had about half of the large back patio dedicated to his little sheriff’s station and rocking pony.
As soon as Trent opened the door, Ja
ck ran straight for the pony, throwing himself over its back. He laid on his stomach draped over both sides, looking like a cowboy who had one too many nips at the whisky bottle.
Then he jumped up and smacked the horse in the head. I would have laughed if my stomach didn’t drop at the same time. The horse rocked back and knocked Jack flat on his back.
I was on my feet before he had a chance to make a sound, but by the time I picked him up, his eyes were red and he’d broken into a full bawl.
“You shouldn’t pick on horses, kid. They have a tendency to buck.”
Jack’s bottom lip jutted out and he buried his face against my shoulder.
I caught a glimpse of Katie and Evan watching from inside, but I waved for them to go back to whatever they were doing. In five minutes, he‘d be fine and back to playing.
When he went quiet, I swiveled back and saw that Trent had taken my seat, his arm resting over the back of the swing behind Rose.
I lowered my eyes to Jack, making sure that he was okay, and trying not to pay attention to what I assumed was an attempt at baiting me.
“Everything’s okay,” I whispered, rubbing Jack’s back. Nearly as quickly as it all happened, he was kicking to get down and ready to go again.
Now I had nothing to help me avoid facing Rose and Trent. Why’d he have to go and ruin a perfectly good night?
She handed me back my beer—which I didn’t even remember passing to her. Trent didn’t even offer to get up, and I knew that nothing that came out of my mouth was going to be positive.
It wasn’t just jealousy—it was pain and anger, betrayal—loss of control. So many emotions surged through my body.
Trent had called it insecurity, and hell, that may have played a part in it.
I claimed her at the Retreat—claimed a living human being to keep her alive. Even Ross called her mine, but I had to wake every morning and go through my day knowing that she wasn’t really. Knowing that someone could take her away at any moment.
“James?” Rose sat forward.
I shook my head, picked up Jack and went inside, handing him to Katie as I passed. “Sorry.”
Her face was questioning, but before she could say anything Trent followed me in.
“I need a few minutes. And if you follow me—” I pointed at Trent as I marched backward through the living room toward the stairs “I will rip your head off.”
“What the heck did you do?” I heard Katie whisper not so quietly to Trent, but I barricaded myself in the bedroom before I could hear the rest.
I pressed my forehead into the wall. I knew I had no reason to be angry, and it just made it worse. Trent was pushing me, and I fully admitted that on one level, I needed to be pushed. To see how irrational my anger was.
But the whole situation made my skin burn like I’d been dunked in acid.
“James,” Rose called, knocking on the door. “Can I come in?”
I didn’t answer. My muscles ached under the strain, and my eyes burned with overdue tears of every emotion.
“I know you don’t want to talk—”
I slid down the wall. I didn’t want to see anyone either. Not until I could pull myself together.
“Can you at least knock on the door, so I know you’re alive in there?”
I sighed and opened the door.
Without unnecessary words, she sat down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. “I get it.”
I closed my eyes as the hot trails burned down my face. Rose wrapped her arms around mine, but didn’t move or speak until the sun had set and the room darkened.
“I don’t have to leave tomorrow,” she whispered.
I kissed her head and swallowed all of the crud that had collected in my throat. “Go, Sugar. I want you to. You should see your family and have some fun.”
“Remember what you said earlier?” She squeezed my hand.
“I’ve said a lot of things.” I’d regained the ability to formulate sentences, but I still felt raw and empty.
She snorted and shook her head. “Well, I love you too.”
I squeezed her until I thought her bones were in danger of breaking, and then we moved to the bed, sitting in each other’s arms in silence until she fell asleep.
Chapter 16
Targeted
Tuesday night, I let myself into Rose’s empty house to feed Trapper. She’d already called to tell me that she wouldn’t be back until late Wednesday—three days later than she originally planned.
She needed more time with her family—I could give her that, but it didn’t mean it was easy.
I tapped her number on my phone while I straightened up in the living room where Trapper had once again played bulldozer and wiped everything out. It was an uphill battle to clean up after her, and usually useless, but it gave me something to do.
“Hey.” Her voice was light and chipper when she answered. “You should come rescue me before they try to put me on baby duty again.”
“Uh huh. And how long did you last? Five minutes?”
She made a sound but didn’t respond.
“Well, you can come relieve me from cat duty. Trapper’s a bigger pain in the ass.” I squinted toward a window at a car creeping down the road in front of the house. I couldn’t make out any details through the curtains, but I hit the light next to me, darkening the room.
A blast filled the air, leaving me surrounded by the sounds of shattering glass as I hit the floor.
The cellphone landed on the ground next to me, but I could still hear Rose’s voice. “James? What the hell?”
I picked up the phone, still unable to talk and surveyed my body. I didn’t feel pain, but everything was so shaky and numb I wasn’t sure.
No blood. No pain.
Rose yelled again.
“I’m okay,” I said, staying close to the floor. “I need to call Trent. Can I call you right back?”
“No. Something exploded. Tell me what the fuck is going on.” I had to hold the phone away from my ear to keep from being deafened again.
“Someone just shot at me, and I need to call it in.” Despite my best efforts, my voice still shook uncontrollably.
“What?”
I knew the onslaught of questions was coming, and I felt guilty for leaving her hanging. “I promise, Sugar. Give me ten. I’m safe.”
Unless the guy decides to come back and finish the job, but I wasn’t going to be the jerk to give her that idea if she hadn’t already considered it.
Rose was still speaking when I disconnected. I called the station first, then Trent.
“You okay?” he asked immediately. “I just heard it come over the radio.”
“Fine, he missed by at least an inch or two.”
“Amateur,” Trent said. “I’m on my way. Rose is still out of town?”
“Yeah, but she might not be for very long if I don’t call her back and convince her to stay where she is.”
The phone barely had a chance to ring before Rose answered. “What the fuck, James?”
“Calm down. I haven’t had a chance to figure out the whole story, but as you heard someone tried to shoot me.”
“In my house?” she shrieked.
“Through the living room window. The shot came from the street, but the car’s gone. Squad cars are on their way, and so is Trent.” I locked Trapper in the bathroom in case she got any ideas about escaping through the broken window or running through the broken glass. Then I sat down on the stairs, with Rose still on the line.
We both waited quietly as if anticipating that the other would have something to say, but my mind was too busy racing through the possibilities to speak much.
If they were after me, they knew my schedule and could have attacked at any time, but they chose to use my girlfriend’s house. The alternative was that they were after her, but any good hired killer worth his salt would have done enough research to know she was gone.
He was after me, I reasoned—I hoped. But either way, he now knew where Rose liv
ed and could come back for either of us if he figured out he missed. Unless even that was intentional.
If all the noise hadn’t given me a headache, the slew of possibilities would have.
There wasn’t anything else I could tell Rose, but she refused to let me off the phone until the other officers had arrived seven minutes later.
Trent pulled up behind the cruiser and ran up to the porch where we were all standing.
“I need to go, Rose,” I explained. It was difficult to keep up with her and everyone else at the same time.
“I’m coming home tonight,” she said.
“No, stay where you are until we figure it all out.”
“James,” her voice squeaked. “I don’t want to sit down here and worry between phone calls. I’ll stay out of the way, I just—”
“You’re safer there,” I said, but I knew that argument wouldn’t work. Safer for her wasn’t her concern.
Trent sniped my phone. “Rose?”
He paused a second while I watched and considered knocking his block off.
“I’m going to make sure he’s safe, but it’s much easier to keep track of one person and keep him guarded, rather than two. I know you want to help, and I know you don’t want to be out of the loop, but I need you to stay there so I can keep him safe.”
He waited for her response then handed the phone back to me.
“I’ll stay put,” she said quietly, “but if either of you get hurt, I’m coming after someone.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I have no doubt. I’ll call you later.”
As I began explaining what had happened, Trent’s phone beeped.
“Davis,” he said, stepping away from us. “Where?... We’ll be right there.”
He pointed to the officers. “Get the house secure, and let me know what you find.” Then, he motioned for me to follow. “A cell phone was left for you at the station. All it had was a post-it note with your name. They’re running finger prints and reviewing the cameras to see if they can determine where it came from.”
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