by Amy Harmon
“Chad.” I could hardly speak over the dam in my throat.
“I talked to her before we… before things changed. Don’t worry. She knows things are different now, but she still wants to talk to you.”
“Does she know I’m a bank teller?”
“Of course. That’s not a problem. You can meet with her in the evening or on a Saturday. If she likes your ideas, I’m sure you can work things out with her. She’s a really nice lady.”
“I’m sure she is.” I was having a little trouble catching my breath. The sweetness of the gift had my mind in a muddle. Thoughts kept flitting through my head but I couldn’t say them. They wouldn’t be fair or appropriate.
Chad stood. “Mom’s number is on the back of that card. Just give her a call after Christmas and set something up.” I nodded. “Have a wonderful Christmas.”
I followed Chad to the door. He was halfway down the stairs and I still hadn’t said anything. I couldn’t let him leave like this.
“Chad?” He turned around and looked up the stairs at me. Why were words so elusive?
“Yes?” His voice sounded strangely hopeful and I was filled with guilt.
Finally, I forced myself to speak. “Thank you.” My voice sounded small in my ears.
“You’re welcome,” he said.
* * *
“You’ve been too quiet tonight,” Mom said. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Mom and I were the last ones up. After an evening of Christmas Eve festivities, Dad and James’s family had gone to bed. Mom and I were putting together a breakfast casserole before we went to bed.
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“I can tell you have something on your mind. You know you can tell me.”
“I know. I’m just so torn.”
“Torn about what?”
I told Mom about the gift from Chad. “It’s so thoughtful, but I don’t know if I can accept it.”
“Of course you can. Why wouldn’t you?” Mom asked.
“It’s Chad’s mom and we’re not dating anymore.”
“It isn’t about dating. It’s a job. For his mom. He didn’t ask you to decorate his house. Honey, this is what you studied and you’re good at it. You have to seize these opportunities when they come.”
“You think it’s okay if I do it?”
“Of course. It’s a great opportunity. Just be sure you tell Matt what you’re doing. Don’t make it a secret or he won’t trust you. Matt should want you to pursue opportunities like this.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“Of course it’s true. Just tell Chad thank you and then give it your best shot. This was really a nice thing for him to do.”
“I know. I don’t deserve it.”
“He must think you do.”
* * *
It was almost midnight and I couldn’t sleep. I felt sick when I thought of Chad’s face as he left. Did he know how grateful I was? Even if his mother decided not to work with me, Chad’s thoughtfulness was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me and I knew I wouldn’t sleep until I’d told him how much I appreciated it. I flipped open my phone and started writing.
LIZZIE: YOUR KINDNESS OVERWHELMED ME AND I COULDN’T FALL ASLEEP UNTIL I TOLD YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
Barely a minute had passed when my phone chirped.
CHAD: IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. YOU SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO SHOW WHAT YOU CAN DO.
LIZZIE: I HOPE I CAN DO SOMETHING SHE LIKES. ANYWAY, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE IT.
CHAD: CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
I knew I should say no. The smart thing to do would be to say goodnight and go to sleep. The problem was I didn’t feel very smart and I didn’t want the conversation to end.
LIZZIE: OF COURSE.
CHAD: IF I’D BEEN THE FIRST TO SAY I WANTED US TO DATE ONLY EACH OTHER, WOULD I HAVE HAD A CHANCE?
I knew I should have said goodbye. Now he was asking me a question I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t even want to think about it. Besides, Chad wouldn’t understand. No one would.
LIZZIE: I’M NOT EVEN SURE HOW TO ANSWER THAT. I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
CHAD: THAT’S NOT TRUE.
LIZZIE: YES IT IS.
CHAD: IF I’D DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT, THINGS WOULDN’T HAVE TURNED OUT THE WAY THEY DID.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him that no matter how wonderful he was, he wasn’t Mr. Darcy. I couldn’t tell him I’d started liking him but that Matt walking into the bank had to be fate. I couldn’t tell him I’d probably never have given him a chance if it hadn’t been for Janessa. All these things just reminded me that what I’d done to Chad wasn’t fair and that fate had stepped in and played a cruel trick. Why hadn’t I met Matt first and spared Chad dating me in the first place? I couldn’t tell Chad that hurting him hurt me too. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself or I’d have to figure out my feelings. It didn’t make sense. I had what I wanted. I should be happy. I was happy. I had no reason not to be happy.
I was still wrestling with myself when Chad sent another message.
CHAD: SORRY. I REALLY WANT YOU TO TALK TO MY MOM SO I DON’T WANT TO MAKE THINGS AWKWARD. FORGET I STARTED THIS. IT’S JUST LATE.
LIZZIE: I PROMISE YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I DECIDED I WANTED A LONG TIME AGO. I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN IT.
CHAD: AND HE’S WHAT YOU WANT?
LIZZIE: I THINK SO.
CHAD: ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?
LIZZIE: YEAH, I THINK SO.
CHAD: I HOPE SO.
LIZZIE: ME TOO.
CHAD: I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T SAY THIS, BUT I’VE MISSED YOU.
LIZZIE: I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T SAY THIS EITHER, BUT I’VE MISSED YOU TOO.
CHAD: GOOD NIGHT, LIZZIE.
LIZZIE: GOOD NIGHT. THANKS AGAIN.
I should have felt better but I didn’t. I rolled over and stared at the clock. It was almost one in the morning. That meant it wasn’t quite midnight in Arizona. I dialed Matt’s number.
“Hello Elizabeth.”
“Hi Matt. I hope it isn’t too late to call.”
“I’m just heading to bed. What are you doing up so late?”
“I just couldn’t fall asleep.”
“Like a kid on Christmas Eve, huh?”
“I guess so. Did you have a nice evening?”
“We played games and had Mexican food.”
“Mmm. Sounds good. Did your mom have it catered?”
Matt laughed. “Of course.”
“Was it delicious?”
“Everyone said it was. I had salad and Spanish rice.”
“Sounds boring.”
“There were other things. I just didn’t eat them. You’d have probably enjoyed it more than me. Sweetie, I’m really tired. Do you mind if we talk more tomorrow?”
“Sure. That’s fine.” A tear slid down my cheek. I quickly brushed it away.
“Thanks. I want to talk to you, I’m just so tired I don’t think I’d be very good company tonight.”
“No, it’s fine. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Great. I’ll call you tomorrow. Good night.”
“Good night.”
After almost an hour of restlessness, I tiptoed to the kitchen. Nothing in the refrigerator looked good. A tin of shortbread cookies sat on the table. Cute Mr. Klein. He’d been bringing a tin like this every Christmas since I was a baby. The cookie tasted good but did nothing to fill the hollow ache in my stomach.
Chapter Fifteen
It was Christmas evening. The excitement of the day had worn Jonah out so James and Laura had taken him home to sleep in his own bed. I was sitting in the family room with Dad and Mom watching The Best of Carol Burnett, a boxed set James had given Mom for Christmas.
Matt had said he’d call me, so I’d waited patiently all day. At least I’d waited all day. Sometimes I hadn’t felt very patient.
It was almost ten when my
phone rang. It was Matt. “I’ll be back in a bit,” I said and hurried out of the room. “Hello.” I walked down the hall to my childhood bedroom and sat cross-legged on the daisy comforter.
“Hi Elizabeth. How was your Christmas?”
“It was good.” I told him about the cruise Dad had given Mom and the antique rocker James had given to Laura. I didn’t tell him about the floral tights Laura had found for me at a little boutique in Seattle. “Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“It was the usual Christmas. My older sisters spoiled their kids. My parents spoiled my little sister. There were way too many presents and by the time we were through I was nearly catatonic.”
“How many kids do your sisters have?” I asked.
“My oldest sister, Rachel, has three children. Mason is 12, Gabby is 8 and Ryder is… maybe 5. I’m not sure. Then comes JeNae. She has twins. Piers and Elliott. They’re six or seven.”
“And then there’s you.”
“Right. And then when I was ten they had Alexis. She’s 18 now. Graduates from high school this spring.”
“I’ll bet it’s nice to see everyone. I love seeing my brother’s family.”
“It’s nice for the first couple of days. Then I remember why I wanted to move away.”
“What made you choose Portland?”
“I wanted to live somewhere new and interesting. I’d read some things about Portland and so I took a trip. I liked the climate and the energy. I knew I wanted to own a bookstore but there weren’t any for sale so I decided to open my own.”
“Do you miss them when you’re here?” I asked.
“Sometimes, but they come visit and I go visit them. I find I love them more when I’m missing them than when we’re thrown together days on end.”
“Did you get anything good for Christmas?” I asked.
“My best present was a framed photograph of my book store. There’s this cute girl that lives in Portland who took the picture herself and had it framed.”
I was glad no one could see my goofy grin. “She must be pretty awesome to get you such a great present,” I said.
“She is. I like her a lot.”
“I’ll bet you really miss her when you’re in Arizona, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“I’ll bet she misses you, too.”
“She’d better.”
“I’m sure she does,” I said.
“Tell me what you got for Christmas, besides play tickets,” Matt said.
“Well, James and Laura got me a watch. Mom and Dad got a chair re-upholstered for my apartment.”
“A chair?” Matt asked.
“It’s not just any chair. It’s this great overstuffed chair with thick, pillowy arms. It was my favorite reading chair when I was growing up. It was threadbare and beat up but they knew I loved it so instead of getting rid of it, they had it re-upholstered so it would look great in my living room.”
“That was nice of them. Did you get to pick out the fabric?”
“I did but I didn’t know I was. Mom had me choose my favorite fabric because she was thinking of getting herself a new couch. There was no new couch. Just a perfect chair for me. Oh, and I was going to tell you. My friend, Chad, gave me something, too.”
“Chad. Is that the swim coach?”
“Yes. He arranged for me to have a consultation with his mom. She’s planning to redo her formal living room and dining room and she’s going to let me make a proposal. If she likes it, I’ll have the job.”
Matt was quiet so I waited. “So you get to go to her house, put in hours of work on a proposal and if she likes it you have the job? What if she doesn’t like it?”
“Then she’ll hire someone else.”
“After you’ve spent all that time there and put in all those hours?”
“Matt, this is the way interior design works. The only people who hire someone without a proposal are people who go on those reality shows. The great thing is I’ll get to do some real interior design work and then hopefully I’ll get to carry out the plan.”
“I guess that will be some good practice for you.”
“I studied this Matt. I think I’m good at it. I’m not just practicing. This is for real. This is a potential job.”
“Does it mean you’ll quit the bank?”
“No. I can’t. It would take more than one job to let me quit the bank. But it would give me something to present to some design places so they could see my work on a real job instead of just in the classroom. It’s a step.”
“I guess I should say congratulations. I can’t decide if that’s a really generous gift or a really cheap one.” I didn’t tell him that the beautiful $75.00 coffee table book sitting in my apartment was also part of the present. I also kept to myself how grateful I was and how thoughtful Chad had been. There was a long, awkward pause and this time I felt compelled to fill it.
“When are you coming back?” I asked.
“I’ll be home the 30th. Meg is having a New Year’s Eve party at her condo. I thought we could go there to celebrate.”
Meg. What would she wear to a New Year’s Eve party? I knew I’d look dowdy next to her no matter what I wore. Did I dare wear my floral tights? They were pretty festive. I’d have to think about that.
“That sounds fun.”
“I guess I’ll say goodnight. Merry Christmas, Miss Elizabeth.”
Oh! My! Goodness!
I fell back on my bed and pounded my fist on my chest to restart my heartbeat. Did he really just say that?
“Goodnight, Mr. Dawson,” I said.
I hung up the phone but didn’t move. I was too busy swooning.
“You all right in here?” Dad asked several minutes later.
“I’m more than all right,” I said.
“Mom and I are heading to bed. See you in the morning,” he said, smiling at me.
“Thanks for the chair, Dad. I really love it. And I love you.”
“We love you too, kiddo.”
* * *
A shopping trip with Janessa yielded a cocoa-colored, belted sweater dress. Janessa said I should wear my new floral tights but instead I wore a pair of dark brown tights and bronze flats.
Matt smiled when I opened the door. It was a good smile that reached his eyes. “Are you as happy to see me as I am to see you?” he asked.
“I sure am.”
Matt pulled me into his arms for a long, warm hug. “Let’s not ever go ten days again.” He kissed me lightly. “Let’s go ring in the new year.”
I was so happy to see Matt that I almost forgot how intimidated I was to go to Meg’s party. Who would be there? Judging by my reception at the bookstore and her extravagant wardrobe, I had a feeling I might be a little out of place.
I was completely unprepared.
Meg’s condo was on the 26th floor of a swanky downtown building. A doorman (I didn’t know anyone in Portland had a doorman) checked our names against a guest list and then stepped inside the elevator to enter a code that would let the elevator stop at the proper floor. The glass and brushed bronze elevator hummed quietly as we were quickly lifted up above most of the surrounding buildings. When it stopped on the 26th floor, it opened not to a hallway or foyer, but to Meg’s condo. I soon realized she owned the entire 26th floor.
The view was staggering. Portland glistened on all sides. The front half of the condominium was open and spacious with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking all of downtown. A glossy red grand piano sat in one corner. Sleek and stylish furnishings were everywhere. There was a recessed kitchen of stainless steel and quartz fit for an Iron Chef. Uniformed caterers worked quietly at the shiny black counters. The back half of the condo held three large bedrooms and four bathrooms.
A group of guests sat in comfortable couches and chairs watching a concert on a gigantic flat screen television. Other guests filled plates from two banquet tables loaded with delicacies—one was piled high with savory amuse-bouche. Another was filled with miniature
desserts. A bartender served drinks from a bar in the corner.
“Does Meg live here alone?” I asked. Matt nodded.
“Matty, I’m so glad you could come,” Meg walked up to us and took both of Matt’s hands in hers and kissed his cheek. She was dressed just as elegantly as I’d expected she’d be. She wore a strapless, black silk bustier with a slim black pencil skirt that hit just below the knees. Teardrop emerald earrings were her only accessories. Her heels were at least four inches and suddenly I felt like a pygmy standing beside her and Matt. “How was your flight home?”
“It was delayed while they waited for a flight from Colorado. I ended up sitting at the airport for about four hours,” Matt said.
“I told you you should just fly home on the same flight as me. I didn’t have any problems at all.”
“You were right. I should have.”
“It was great to see your family. I just love your mom.”
“She enjoyed seeing you, as well. Your mom seemed happy.”
“She’s doing better now that she’s adjusted to me moving to Portland. She still wonders why I didn’t want to buy a condo in Arizona.” A waiter walked by with a tray of stuffed mushrooms. “Oh Matt, you’ve got to come try this tofu tart. I told the caterer to bring some of his best vegetarian dishes, just for you. I tried one a while ago and it was delicieaux.” Was that French?
Meg linked her arm with Matt’s and started to pull him toward the banquet tables. Matt put his arm around my waist and we all moved together. “I hope you have some good things that aren’t vegetarian. I’ve had to wave a white flag when it comes to Elizabeth and vegetarian. I don’t think she’ll ever be converted.” Matt smiled at me and Meg raised an eyebrow.
