Chapter Eleven
Duster thought about what he would tell Michael, the truth that he would tell him, for a long time. A powerful craving for crackleseeds gripped him, but he pushed it away. As much as they would help him think, they would make a mess, and he didn’t exactly have a pocket to put the spent pods in.
“Are you going to answer me, or are we leaning more toward the airlock?” Diane rose, and he pulled her down.
“Just let me think.” Lowering himself onto his side, he finagled Diane down with him. She didn’t put up a fight but seemed to want to be coaxed nonetheless. “Come here, please.”
“I wouldn’t want to be accused of seducing you.”
“Diane.” He said her name with a whispered warning. “I don’t want to fight. I want to touch you while I think. Please, come here.”
Lips parted to object, she closed them and moved to his side.
He rolled onto his back, with his left hand on his belly. Diane curled up and put her left hand on his. When their rings clinked together, he asked her to do it again, which she did. He pulled the covers up around their bodies, then held her close. Diane was naked, warm and soft. That compelling vanilla-musk of her distracted him, but Duster kept his focus on the truth he would tell Michael.
After giving it a lot of thought, Duster said, “I would tell Michael that I want to forgive you and start over. That it will take time for that to happen. I don’t want it so much for myself, which I do, but I want it more for my son. Because I want him to have what I never did. I want Scott to have a home. A normal and safe home. Where he doesn’t live in constant fear of cutthroats and killers. Where he doesn’t ever wonder where his next meal is coming from, and certainly not if he’ll ever live to see another day. Where he can play and be a kid and not have to grow up overnight, because if he doesn’t, someone will kill him just to get his shoes.”
Diane shuddered against him, and he knew she understood exactly what he was talking about. Her childhood held horrors similar to his. Worse, in many ways. Her father sold her into slavery right before her eighteenth birthday when he still could legally do so. He traded her for enough to keep drinking and gambling for at least another year. Duster’s parents had not sold him into slavery, but they’d turned a blind eye to him and his siblings as they indulged their addictions.
“There isn’t a place in the Void like Windmere. I built it, and I deserve to live there. So does Scott. By virtue of all of that, so do you.”
He felt Diane’s breath, moist and slightly fast, against his chest. When she sighed, he felt her whole body shimmy down the length of his. She felt indescribably wonderful. With only a few hours left, he knew exactly what he’d like to be doing.
“If not for Scott?”
“We’re not even going down that road, Diane. Don’t throw hypothetical questions at me when I’ve got enough givens to numb my brain.”
“Retracted.” She paused. “If you tell Michael the truth, what will he do?”
“Dunno.” Duster uttered a frustrated laugh. “As it stands, he won’t even let me tell him hello.” More than anything else, the fact that Michael refused to even speak to him crushed Duster. “Time after time, I’ve damn near given my life for Michael, and that ungrateful bastard won’t even speak to me, let alone listen to me.”
“You sound more hurt than angry.”
“Some big, strong man, huh? Hurt like a child because my best friend won’t even talk to me.” Duster heard that little voice in the back of his head berate him to stop spilling his guts to Diane at every opportunity. If she planned to take advantage of him again, he certainly was providing her with all the ammunition she’d ever need. “After the excruciating hell I went through with him over Kraft and then Mary—that asshole owes me big-time.”
Diane giggled, and it rumbled through his body in a blissful way.
“What?”
“You called Michael an asshole. That’s one of the words I’ve been trying to get Scott not to use. Sorry, but it just made me laugh. If I would pick any word to describe Michael, one that I would let Scott use it too, it would be that one.”
“Describes him to a tee. Thing is, if I called him an asshole right to his face, he’d just say, ‘Granted. I’m an asshole’, like he not only agreed with me but that I must be slow to have just noticed. Michael has a way of ripping the wind right out of my sails. Putdowns, especially expletives, make him laugh. His reasoning is that an intelligent person should be able to come up with something better.”
“Yes, we should be able to. What would you suggest?”
“A word I’d let Scott use?” Duster thought about it.
“One you would be proud for him to use.”
“Prime Bastard.”
“That’s two words.”
“It fits him, though. You know, that’s what he named his planet for two years? It got changed to Windmere because I won a bet and got to rename that ball of rock.”
“Why did the name matter to you?”
“I didn’t want to be sworn in as Master-of-Arms to Prime Bastard.”
“I see.” Diane laughed. “Why Windmere?”
After a long pause as he debated telling her the truth, he softly said, “Because at night, I thought I heard you coming to me, but it was merely the wind.”
“Oh, Duster.” Obviously pleased, Diane lifted up and kissed him. “That’s so sweet.”
“I have my moments.”
“Does Michael know you named his planet after me in a left-handed way?”
“God, no. And I don’t think now is the time to enlighten him. Besides, Mary said he named it back to Prime Bastard and had Windmere stricken from all the records.” Duster sighed. “Michael is ungrateful, insensitive and physically powerful to the point he can be a bully. He is also arrogantly self-possessed and relishes being in charge. He’s a total bastard and damn proud of it.”
“Then how could you stay with him for seven years?”
“Because that’s the Michael he wears like a mask, the one he shows to the outside world. Inside, he’s tormented by his past as a slaver, which is why he funnels a good portion of his wealth to eradicating the slave trade. He’s remarkably generous but hates when anyone notices.”
“What about with women?” Diane asked. She seemed to understand that he needed to talk through this. Maybe if they talked enough, an answer would present itself.
“Michael ran through women the way most men go through socks, but then he met Mary, a woman who was terrified of him but stood up to him nonetheless. Mary captivated him in ways no other woman could. Michael has no brain when his penis and his heart get aligned.”
“Sounds vaguely familiar.”
“Don’t I know it. You’d think he’d know it too, but nope. Michael had convinced himself he was in love with a dead woman—that would be Kraft—and he mourned her to the point of madness. Drank himself stupid and did stupid things. Like violate security. Over and over and over.” Duster rolled his eyes. “I damn near killed him myself to put him out of both our miseries.”
“That bad?”
“Just keeping Michael from killing himself was a full-time job. I can’t even tell you how bad it got over the course of those two years. He was like a cat with nine lives, and I pulled each and every one of them out of the fire. Twice. And then Mary. That woman.”
Duster felt Diane retreat just a bit. “You said at one point that you were in love with her.”
“I was jerking you around.” Duster remembered saying it in such a way that Diane would wonder. Very deliberately, he pulled her against him. “I don’t love her that way. But admire her? Oh, yeah. Fear her? You bet. I call her Scary Mary but only behind her back. Not a soul with half a brain would call Mary names to her face.” Duster again cautioned himself to stop spilling his heart, then reminded himself he may have only hours left to share his heart. He didn’t want to go to the great beyond with secrets still between them. “What is Mary? A seven-foot-tall, hulking Amazon?”
“Hardly. Mary looks like a waif. She’s a bit taller than you but thin, with mousy brown eyes and hair. Remarkably Average Mary. You’d never look twice at her. Thing is, she’s hiding an arsenal in her skull. That woman is deadly. Mainly because you’d just never suspect such a devious criminal mind from someone that innocent looking. Mary frightened a triple-platinum Runner, none other than Never-Fail Nash, mind you. I’m damn good at my job, but that woman got past me three times.”
“You really admire her.”
“I do. It’s been hard for me to admit, but that’s the truth. And honestly, I like Mary. And deep down, I think she likes me too, even though we’ve been at odds. I know she wants to help me. As head of security, she can.”
“But she’d have to betray her husband.”
“You got it.” Duster sighed loud and long. “The other thing is, what Mary and I’ve been squaring off over is the fact that I don’t trust her not to betray Michael. Now I’m asking her to. Cute, huh? Are you beginning to see how deeply I’ve dug myself in here? Hell, not just myself, but you and Scott too? I’ve run us so far out we’re long past the point of no return. At this moment, we can’t even count on air in ten hours, or a few hours, since Michael could send a crew out to destroy us.”
“You did the best you could.” Diane’s voice held no animosity whatsoever. “You did what you thought was right. I’m not going to berate you for the choices you’ve made. Frankly, I don’t need to. You’re doing a damn fine job of beating the hell out of yourself.”
Pressing her to him, his hand stroking down her back, Duster whispered, “Because of me, what could be is over before it even gets started.” More than the truth he would tell Michael, that was the painful truth in his heart. Longing for a second chance with Diane, a first with Scott, Duster feared he’d blown it all by trusting his best friend to come through for him. If Duster couldn’t trust Michael, how could he ever trust Diane?
“It’s not over yet.” Diane tapped her ring to his, and he tapped back.
“Why aren’t you angry with me for screwing up? This is a perfect opportunity for you to let me have it. After what I’ve said to you…” Frankly, Duster couldn’t believe she wasn’t screaming at him and throwing things.
“As much as my being angry with you would make you feel somewhat better, it won’t actually solve anything.” Understanding arms enfolded him. “If you’ve doomed us all because you trusted Michael, then I forgive you.”
Duster rolled over until they were eye to eye and flesh to flesh. Diane made no move to stop him when he angled himself between her legs. Instead, she welcomed him. His breath caught when his cock slid against her slick pussy. Her arms came up, wrapping around his shoulders, holding him tight.
“How can you forgive me so easily after all I’ve said and done to you?” Lowering his head to her neck, he kissed softly against the fading mark he’d placed there.
“I forgive you because I understand.” She lifted her head and fused their lips together.
When he rocked his hips, sliding his erection along the wet length of her, they both moaned cries of bliss that tangled up between their kissing lips. So close. So sinfully close. And there was no question she wanted him as much as he wanted her. With only a few hours left…
Diane lifted her legs and embraced his hips, angling her sex so that she cradled his. All he had to do was pull back just a bit and he’d be able to slide inside her. Seven years of celibacy over in one smooth movement.
Below him she was soft, and wet, and that vanilla-musk scent rose from her body, wrenching away his critical mind and rendering him nothing but an animal. But he was not a young man of twenty-two anymore. He was a man with self-control. Moreover, the door was still open, and he didn’t want to wake Scott. Or become so lost he didn’t hear a distress warning of the ship. And it was possible for that to happen. Diane had a knack for blotting out everything in his attention but her.
But as hard as he tried to split his focus, the more his attention centered on her. Time was now so short. It would be a tragedy to waste the last few hours. Duster stopped fighting and allowed himself to be caught up in Diane’s allure. Ensnared by her, Duster let the rest of the world fade away as he found peace within her embrace.
“Nothing left to come between us. Not a blanket, lies, betrayal.” Duster lifted and lowered his hips, sliding his cock along her slick sex again, pressing hard against her clit, loving the way her breath caught when he did.
“Duster, please.” Diane worked her body frantically against his. “Fill me.”
As much as he wanted to do just that, he was enjoying the feel of her and the anticipation of that moment of penetration.
“Before, in the dark of the Damn You, we were always in a hurry. Now we should take our time.” Intellectually, he knew that their time was short, but there was nothing they could do about their circumstance. Even though Diane was willing to step outside the airlock to protect him and Scott, Duster was not ever going to make that choice. So, they were left to the actions of others. Whether they were shot down or allowed to land depended on Michael. If they were allowed to land, it was again up to Michael what happened to them. As frustrating as it was that Duster had no control over the situation, he also couldn’t avoid the curious relief his lack of control brought. Everything was out of his hands, and therefore the results would not be his fault.
Sliding against Diane while kissing her and reveling in her pleas for completion, Duster thought he’d reached the end of his control. Centering his cock against that smooth, slick passage, he heard Diane’s encouragement, felt her body rising to meet him and couldn’t continue. Reluctantly, he moved to his side, shaking with frustration as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Duster?”
“I want to spend the last hours we have making love to you, but I can’t.”
“I’m not going to say no to you.”
“It’s too dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” She gave him a dubious frown. “Just what were you planning to do to me?”
“Nothing so terrible.” Duster cupped his hands around her upper arms. Pressing firmly, he stroked from her shoulders down to her elbows. “You don’t have a B-chip. Neither do I.”
Diane’s eyes went wide in the semi-dark, and he realized she hadn’t thought beyond this moment.
“It’s too great a risk. Even though, trust me, given only a few hours to live, I would like nothing better than to explore the pleasures of your body to the fullest.” He phrased that sweetly for her when in his mind he was thinking of fucking her until they both found blissful release. “Seven years is a long time. Problem is, I can’t protect you or even the child we already have. If I take you again—”
“You wouldn’t have to take.”
With a deep breath, fighting down the urges in his body, he said, “If we indulged ourselves, we would solve nothing and potentially make everything much worse.”
“Not if we only had a few hours.” Diane pressed against him, her body almost painfully alluring.
“And what if we didn’t?” Duster steadied her chin up so he could look deep into her eyes. “What if we do this, and we all live, and nine months down the road you bring our second child into the world? Where will we be in nine months? I don’t really know where the hell we’re gonna be in nine hours, let alone nine months. I won’t take that risk.”
“You’re right. I didn’t think…” Stunned, Diane shook her head as if trying to stop herself from what she’d been about to do.
“But we can be together for the time we have left. I want to hold you in my arms while we sleep. When we wake, we’ll make the last day we have together with Scott a happy one. No matter what happens.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You can. You’re strong.”
“I’m not. Not like you.”
“Physically? Yes, you are. You had to be to do what you did seven years ago.” When she pulled away, he thought that she might consider what he
’d said was another dig. To reassure her, Duster whispered, “I wasn’t being rude. You had to be strong to walk away from the man you love, have our child and raise him all alone. If you weren’t strong, Scott wouldn’t be the amazing child he is.” He kissed her. “You were willing to toss yourself out an airlock to save Scott.”
“I still will if—”
“Diane.” He said it softly into the amber dark. “We are not going down that road.”
Sighing with futility, Diane said, “If it is the only way to save you both, then I will.”
“I won’t let you.”
“Duster.” Diane said his name with the same warning tone he’d used. “If it’s the only way, then we would be foolish not to consider it.”
“Intellectually? Gee, let me think. I kill you to save myself and our son. One life for two. Sounds good mathematically. But the life I sacrifice is the mother of my son. My chosen mate. Could I and Scott live without you? We could, but emotionally, we’d both be so devastated that I’d seriously question my ability to parent him even half as well as you have.” Straight from his heart, Duster told her the truth. He couldn’t help it. Never had he or would he learn to keep the truth to himself.
“All his life I’ve told him about you. If he loves me, he practically worships you. You could make it work.” Diane’s voice edged around desperation.
“I’d have to lie to him. Tell him, what? ‘Your mother had an accident, and well, that’s the end of her’? What do I tell myself, knowing the truth, Diane? That I tossed you out an airlock to save myself?”
“To save Scott.”
“And me.” Duster hissed a sharp expletive.
“You said, above all, he overrode every other concern. If that’s true and the only way to save him is to dispose of me, then you have no choice.”
“I have a choice!” Gripping her firmly against him, he took a deep breath and feel of her, then caught her startled gaze. “I choose not to choose. Not between you and Scott. Hell of it is, I would choose myself, but if I do, I leave you both to a man without mercy.” Knowing full well the dark side of Michael, Duster thought he might take pity on Scott, but he would have none for Diane. “What would you have me do?”
Stripper: The Fringe, Book 4 Page 12
