I laughed. "Tortoiseshell cats are known for their attitude."
"Gotta love a cat with 'tude."
He straightened, and I noticed he had a few inches on me. A few inches more height, and probably thirty pounds less weight. He'd also shaved when he went home, and he looked as fresh as if it were the start of the day. I highly doubted I did.
"Do you need me to hold her still for her shot?"
I shook my head. "She knows it helps so she lets me do it."
"Does she?" he said politely, clearly doubtful.
I kicked off my shoes and hung up my jacket and his, then went to the fridge for the insulin bottle. "You'll see."
Syringe and bottle at the ready, I went into the living room. Ruby trotted past the watching Andrew and climbed onto the couch then up onto its arm, facing away from me. "Come see if you want."
Andrew stood beside me as I filled the syringe, parted the fur on Ruby's hip, and gently slid the needle home.
"She didn't even flinch."
"Told you. She's smart."
Once the insulin was in, I withdrew the needle and gave Ruby a few pats. Andrew reached out, and after sniffing his hand Ruby let him pat her too.
"How long has she been getting the shots?"
"Nearly two years."
He shook his head. "You're a good owner. A lot of peeps wouldn't do that."
"Peeps? Like marshmallow peeps?"
He laughed. "Marshmallow peeps definitely wouldn't. No hands for the syringe. And all us gangster types say 'peeps'. You're out of touch."
I raised an eyebrow at him and the company sweatshirt and faded jeans he now wore instead of the button-down shirt and khakis he'd worn at work. "Gangster, huh?"
"Can't you tell?"
"First thing I thought when I saw you."
He grinned, and Ruby gave a meow.
"See, she agrees too."
"Actually, I think she's complaining. You're breaking the routine."
He stepped back. "My apologies, Ruby."
I headed to the kitchen with the syringe and bottle, calling "watch her" over my shoulder.
Andrew chuckled as Ruby jumped off the couch and ran to sit in front of her empty food bowl in the dining area. "She's well trained."
"Or I am." I filled her bowl. "She's nice to have around, though. Makes the place cozy."
We smiled at each other over the happily munching Ruby, then both seemed to realize at once that we were alone. Alone in my apartment.
"So, um, can I have a tour?"
I had to laugh. "It's a studio apartment. You're seeing everything right now." I'd had a much bigger apartment when I lived with Bill, but I hadn't been able to face staying there alone. This one was just big enough for Ruby and me. I pointed to various areas of the open concept space. "Kitchen, office, living room slash bedroom. That's about it. Oh, and the bathroom's behind that door."
"I like it. So, dinner. I was thinking I'd get us pizza since you've donated the work space."
My next WeightAway session was Monday. Pizza wouldn't help my cause in the slightest. But my mind filled with visions of melted cheese and glorious toppings and I couldn't resist, although I did ask Andrew to get a big salad too. I'd eat one small piece of pizza and then stick to salad.
We sorted out what we needed to get, including Coke for him since I couldn't keep anything sugar-filled in the house, and he fired up his computer to place the order online while I used the bathroom to change out of my work clothes. I rifled through my non-work clothes on the bathroom shelves, wanting to look nice but not like I'd tried too hard, and eventually chose my most flattering t-shirt and a long comfortable denim skirt. My makeup had indeed faded over the endless hours of work, so I re-applied it and redid my low ponytail.
"Fifty minutes or it's free," he said when I came out.
"Sounds good." I pulled a twenty from my purse and offered it to him.
He refused it, and I tried again and then said, "Well, thanks. Should we get to work?"
"I'd rather stick nails in my eyes," he admitted.
"Really? I'd rather work. But I would rather clean Ruby's litter box with my bare hands."
We wasted some time in increasingly ridiculous alternatives, then he said, "How about we work until the pizza gets here and then we take a break?"
"Only if cramming pussy willows up my nose until my head explodes isn't an option."
"They're out of season," he said straight-faced.
"Then I guess we have to work."
I moved a few things off my desk so he could sit across from me, and we settled down to our computers. We worked mostly in silence, with the occasional comment when we needed assistance or had found something that wasn't worth exploring any further, but it was comfortable silence. Ruby lay across my feet on the floor beneath the desk, purring, and for work it felt cozy.
When the pizza arrived, I tried to hold onto my willpower but the smell was intoxicating. I ate my one piece, which was gone far too fast, and tried in vain to sate myself with salad.
Andrew wasn't much help. "Just one slice?"
"I'm eating salad too."
"Yeah, but you've eaten nothing all day."
"I have too."
"What, that one bagel?"
"I ate other stuff too."
"Not that I saw."
"Maybe I ate when you weren't around."
"Did you?"
"Geez, Mom," I said in my best whiny voice, "get off my back." I grinned at him, though, so he'd know I wasn't really offended. I liked that he was worried about me.
"Not until you finish your dinner, young lady."
I looked pointedly at my empty plate.
"You haven't eaten enough. Three more slices."
"No way."
"Two more."
"One."
"One and a half."
I had to laugh. "Do you work for the pizza place? What do you care how much I eat?"
"You have to keep your strength up. Plus, if you have more I can too."
"You can have as much of it as you want."
"So can you," he said, and nudged the box toward me.
As much as I wanted? I hadn't had that since Sandra's engagement. My stomach gave an enormous growl and I gave in and picked up another slice.
"Good stuff," Andrew said, taking one for himself.
Not really. I was probably ruining everything I'd accomplished diet-wise during the week. But the pizza, actual food instead of the vacuum-packed monstrosities, tasted so good I didn't let myself think of how I'd feel when I officially weighed in on Monday.
Andrew provided a great distraction. Putting work aside while we ate, we chatted and learned about each other, about our families and friends and hobbies. His stories made me laugh, and his intense focus on me when I spoke made it clear he cared about my answers.
When we'd finished eating, he said, "I... you should know I know about your fiancé. I hope my asking you out for coffee didn't upset you. If I'd known then, I wouldn't have done it."
I hadn't wanted to bring it up, since some people gave me far too much sympathy and made me uncomfortable and a few men had figured I'd be happy to sleep with them to get rid of the pain, but I didn't mind him knowing. "You didn't upset me. I'm sorry I said no, I just felt weird about going. Maybe I should have—"
He held up a hand to stop me, shaking his head. "No 'should' about it. If it didn't feel right, it wasn't. I did wonder why you wouldn't go, I must admit, but when I asked about you it made sense. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that."
His obviously genuine sympathy touched me. "Thanks. He was a great person."
Andrew's smile was gentle. "He'd have to have been, to have been with you."
I took a second to puzzle through that convoluted sentence, and by the time I realized it was a compliment his cheeks were red and he was saying, "We should get back to work, right?"
"Right. Let me put away the pizza first."
I tidied up and made coffee, taking my time to l
et my own embarrassment and confusion subside. He'd been asking about me? He thought I was worthy of a great man? He'd said he wouldn't have asked me out if he'd known. Did that mean he'd really been asking me out, that he'd been interested in me?
I'd thought about him frequently since the seminar, and second-guessed my refusal to have coffee with him more times than I could count. But I still didn't feel ready for anything more than a friendly relationship with a man, no matter how cute and sweet he was.
Once I'd poured our coffee, I tore Andrew away from patting Ruby and we got to work.
And work and work, and by two in the morning I'd drunk more coffee than I'd had in the last month and I still couldn't let myself blink because my eyes stayed closed whenever I did.
"Take a break," Andrew said when he noticed I was using only one hand on my computer because the other was devoted to holding up my eyelids.
"I can't, we have to fix this."
He started to answer then his screen caught his attention. "Hey, I think I'm on the right track. It looks like the software's being sent off in a strange direction here."
I jumped up and looked over his shoulder. "You're right, it is. And I definitely didn't write that code."
"Great, then I am getting closer. So you go take a nap."
I didn't want to be a wimp, but my fatigue meant I wasn't much use at the moment. But it wasn't fair to bail out and leave him working. And if I had the nightmare while he was here...
As I tried to decide, he blushed furiously. "God, Rhiannon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be... of course you're... I'm sorry. Should I leave?"
My tired brain couldn't fill in the gaps, and he said, his blush deepening even more and his eyes fixed on his computer, "I don't blame you. You don't know me that well, so of course you need to be cautious. I'll go."
I stared at him, confused, as he scrabbled to save his files so he could shut down his computer, then it finally sank in. "You think I'm afraid you'll hurt me if I sleep?"
He shrugged helplessly.
I shook my head, touched he'd think of that. "I feel guilty about leaving you to work alone, that's all. I don't remotely think you'd do anything to me. Besides, you'd be pretty stupid if you did, since I know where to find you."
His blush began to fade. "I guess that's true. But seriously, I don't mind. You haven't exactly been slacking off. And Ruby will keep me company. A little sleep would do you good."
The mere thought of sleep made me yawn hugely and I clapped my hand over my mouth to hide it.
"Go on, rest," he urged.
So tempting, but... "There's something else. I've been having a nightmare lately, and I probably shouldn't subject you to it."
He rested his elbows on the desk and looked up at me. "What's it about?"
I shrugged. "I've never been able to remember, but I wake up upset and saying 'no' over and over. I'm seeing a therapist for it, but so far it's not helping much."
"My sister had night terrors when we were kids. She'd wake up shrieking like she was being boiled alive. Trust me, nothing you can do would scare me after her."
When I still wavered, he said, "I'm used to staying up late, and I truly don't mind. Please. Take a nap."
I couldn't fight any longer, so I smiled, thanked him, and curled up on the couch. I covered myself with a throw blanket; unfolding the couch into my usual bed felt too intimate, and I'd only be there a short time anyhow.
"Are you sure?" I called, my voice already drowsy from my few horizontal moments.
"Totally. Besides, you got to work before I did today so you deserve it."
"Okay," I mumbled, too tired to say anything else.
*****
The next thing I knew, a calm voice was saying, "Rhiannon. It's okay. You're safe."
My eyes flew open and I blurted out, "I won't have a foursome with you." As the words left my mouth, pride and triumph swelled in me though I didn't know why.
Hardly able to focus, I squinted up at the confused Andrew, who said, "I'll keep that in mind. Are you all right?"
I hugged myself to control my shaking. "I was having a bad dream. The bad dream."
"I thought so." He laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Can you remember it?"
I let my eyes fall closed again and revisited the dream's world, somehow easier to tolerate with him nearby. "It was me, and a girl and two guys. I don't remember anything about the guys. The girl had her back to me and I thought I might know her but I didn't know who she was. We'd all been told we had to... umm..."
"You said it already," he said when I couldn't figure out how to tell him.
"Oh, okay. Anyhow, we seemed to think it was important somehow, so we were all agreeing to it but I knew we didn't want to." That was an understatement: we'd all looked revolted but nobody had had the nerve to refuse. "I was crying, and trying to say no, but I couldn't talk."
"What happened after that?"
"I kept trying to say no, but I couldn't get the word to come out. Then..." I saw it clearly in my mind, and knew the horror of it again, the same horror I'd felt in the dream. "Then the girl turned around and it was Julie." Her name came out on a sob I couldn't hold back, and I curled my head into my chest and locked my arms tighter around myself.
Andrew brushed his free hand gently over the back of my head. "I don't know who Julie is, but I'm sorry it upset you."
"Bill's ex. The one who..." I couldn't say it.
After a second, Andrew said, "Oh, God. I'm so sorry."
He tightened his grip on my shoulder and smoothed his hand over my hair again and again, and I kept talking, unable to stop now that I'd started. "She gave me this grin and said, 'Come on, it'll be fun,' and I kept trying to say no but I couldn't and the guys had left and she kept grinning at me and I wanted to kill her but I couldn't do anything. I just stood there, trying to talk. Trying to do something, anything. But I couldn't."
Andrew made a sympathetic sound and continued stroking my head, and eventually murmured, "Do you remember anything else?"
His touch was so calming I was barely clinging to consciousness. "No," I mumbled. "Just that. Then you were here." Sleep moved in, but as I began to disappear into it I realized where I was, and with whom. I had to pull myself back together.
I blinked several times and my mind cleared a bit. "Forget it, it was a stupid dream. Doesn't mean anything. Sorry. How long have I been asleep?"
"A few minutes. It doesn't matter. Go back to sleep."
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "No, I have to help."
"I'm well on my way to fixing it, so you can rest."
"That's not fair."
"I don't mind, honestly. Ruby's keeping me company, and I'm learning a lot about how you guys built the game by working through the code. Seriously, go back to sleep."
Ignoring this, I tried to swing my legs off the couch so I could get up, but the pain that ripped through them made me gasp and curl up.
"What's wrong?"
"My legs hurt."
He looked embarrassed. "When you first started talking in your sleep, you had your feet jammed against the arm of the couch. Maybe that's why?"
I tentatively flexed my feet and gasped again. "Yeah, that's it. My calves are killing me."
"I could... do you want me to rub them for you?"
It'd probably feel great, but I couldn't let him do that. "No, I'll be okay."
Another attempted stretch, another gasp of pain. Maybe I could let him. Didn't seem like I'd be getting up without it. "Are you sure you don't mind?"
He shook his head. "Not a bit. It's the best way to relieve a muscle cramp. Have to do it all the time at MMA practice."
I lay back, still stunned from my sudden awakening, and let my coworker reach beneath the blanket, and my skirt, and begin gently working my calves. His hands were cooler than my sleep-heated legs and it felt good.
"Is that okay?"
"Perfect," I murmured, letting my eyes close as my tension eased.
Something he'd said
before I fell asleep occurred to me. "You said you were at work later than me so I deserve a break. But you were already logged in when I got there."
He chuckled, still massaging my legs. "Even asleep she's brilliant."
Knowing he'd been working longer than me, I wanted to make myself get up. His touch was far too relaxing, though, and I drifted into a peaceful sleep on the gentleness of his hands.
*****
The next time my eyes opened, it was six in the morning and the apartment was silent save for two faint snores at very different speeds. I sat up and carefully flexed my feet. My legs felt tired but fine; Andrew's massaging had helped. Now that I was actually conscious I knew I'd taken a risk letting someone I didn't know well put his hands on me as I fell asleep, but I also knew he would never hurt me.
I looked around and saw him in the arm chair with his feet up on the coffee table and his jacket spread over his upper body, sound asleep. I hadn't even thought of giving him a blanket and pillow, and of course he hadn't wanted to dig through my closet to find them. I'd been a terrible hostess, especially after everything he'd done for me.
At least Ruby had kept him warm. She lay sprawled across his lap, and she didn't move even when I slid cautiously off the couch. Tired from her long night of work, no doubt.
Work! Had he managed to fix it?
Quiet in my bare feet, I went to my desk, where I found a note on my laptop's keyboard.
"The disease is cured. I decided I want a pony after all. So does Ruby."
I smiled and set the note aside, then started up the game and let it load while I headed for the bathroom and a quick shower. Andrew had seen me in the middle of the night, seen me mumbling like a moron, but that didn't mean he had to see me first thing in the morning.
The previous day's makeup, which I hadn't taken off, was smudged and faded. I should probably have washed it off before my nap but I hadn't expected to be sleeping so long and I wouldn't have wanted Andrew to see my naked face. I weighed myself before showering, then scrubbed my body clean with unnecessary force, livid over the full pound I'd gained since the day before. I knew pizza was bad for me, so why had I let myself indulge?
It was probably just water weight, but it usually took at least a few days to get rid of that after eating something inappropriate, and if I still had it clinging to me Monday night I'd have to deal with Joel's frustration and disappointment. I hated having to defend myself to him.
Toronto Collection Volume 1 (Toronto Series #1-5) Page 59
