We usually went to the nearby mall's food court, but he said, "Mind if we go to the Griffin Café up the road instead? It'll take us ten minutes to get there, but it's less noisy."
"Sure. The walk will do me good. I need fresh air or I'll spend the afternoon asleep under my desk."
He looked over as we walked along. "You're that tired?"
I nodded.
"Nightmare again?"
"Yup."
"How many nights in a row is that now?"
I sighed. "I'm too tired to count. Six, I think."
He shook his head. "Brutal. And I assume nothing's changed in the dream?"
"Same old, same old."
We walked the last block to the café in silence, but he stopped me before I could open the door. "Let me help. Please."
But then he'd see me sleeping and crying again. "You can't stop me having it."
"I know. Wish I could. But if I woke you up at the right time again at least you might know what's not working with the speech you prepared."
I leaned against the café's brick wall and looked at his earnest face. That first time had been a fluke; we obviously hadn't expected to be together overnight. This time, if I said yes, it'd be planned and methodical. He'd show up at my apartment, spend the evening with me, then watch me sleep and wait until I needed his help the most.
I shut my eyes, suddenly so desperate for that. His help and support. Someone to comfort and take care of me. "You'll think I'm weird."
"I know you're weird."
I opened my eyes, surprised, and he grinned. "You told me that the day I met you."
He was so cute I had to smile back, but I was still so unsure.
When I didn't speak, he said, "Look, I know it's awkward. I feel strange too. But since I saw it the other time, I think I'll know the right point to wake you up. I really want to help."
His acknowledging the oddity of the situation made it better somehow. I held out for one last second before admitting, first to myself and then to him, "I'd really appreciate that."
He smiled at me and I had an overwhelming urge to throw myself into his arms. I hadn't been held by a man in so long.
Andrew closed his hand over my shoulder. "Thank you. I'll do my best."
"I know," I managed to get out through the longing for his embrace.
He gave my shoulder a squeeze then stepped back, and in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood and change the subject said, "Hey, anything to see my favorite cat again."
After a deep breath to push aside my emotions, I laid the back of my hand dramatically across my forehead. "You'll ignore me all night and just play with Ruby."
He grinned and opened the door for me. "Not all night. I promise to give you... ten minutes of attention."
"Wow, ten whole minutes." I walked through and made sure the door didn't close on him.
"Hey, I was going to say five."
I laughed. "Well, thank God for small mercies. Ruby'll be thrilled, I have to say. She liked you more than anyone else she's met, even Sandra."
"Who's Sandra?"
We were interrupted by the cashier, but once we had our food I told him about Sandra, and then we talked about MMA and running and work and the game and everything else that came to mind until he glanced at the café's clock and said, "Is that really the time?"
I pulled out my cell phone. Sure enough, we'd been gone well over an hour. "We'd better get going."
I slid down from my tall stool, then watched in surprise as he struggled first to get down and then to take the first few steps toward the door. "Are you okay?"
He shrugged, then winced. "Even that hurts. Yeah, I'm fine. Vicious MMA training session last night. I'm sore everywhere."
My mental movie had a single frame spliced into it, a fleeting image of what 'everywhere' might look like naked, and I had to turn away so he wouldn't see my blush. Over my shoulder, I said, "That's too bad. Can you rest for a few days now?"
He was walking normally once we got outside. "Yup. That was my last big workout before, um, my fight."
I turned to him. "You're fighting? That's your first one, right? Cool. When?"
"Next Saturday."
"Then no way can you stay over tonight. You need your rest."
He smiled and shook his head. "I'll be fine. And to be honest, I could use the distraction. I'm getting nervous."
"Well, good luck. And tell me how it goes. I'm sure you'll be great."
"Thanks. I hope so."
We walked along in silence, and I wondered if he'd ask me to go. Did I even want to go? Watch him smash or be smashed?
"Rhiannon?"
I looked over. "Yup?"
His neck above his jacket collar turned a blotchy red. "I... what time tonight?"
*****
At first our evening was as awkward and uncomfortable as I'd feared. Andrew was quiet, almost nervous, and I was too afraid I'd embarrass myself in my sleep to find topics of conversation.
It felt like a date, but I knew it wasn't. But then what was it? I was making him dinner and he was staying the night. Significant date elements, to be sure.
We talked only about work while we ate the chicken and pasta I'd made, but as I brought out the fat-free frozen yogurt I'd bought for dessert he said, "I had a thought."
I put his bowl in front of him and sat with my much smaller serving. "Did it hurt?"
He squeezed his eyes shut in pretend pain, then opened them. "No, smartass, it didn't. I thought we should do whatever you'd usually do tonight. Keep to your routine."
Probably a good idea. I'd be more likely to have the nightmare that way, and for once I actually wanted to have it. "True. Well, I clean up after dinner, then hang out with Ruby and watch TV while I have coffee. Then I play the game until I'm tired enough to go to sleep."
What a pathetic existence.
He smiled. "Other than the Ruby part, it sounds like my usual evenings, so it'll be easy for me to follow your lead."
He did exactly that. We skipped TV in favor of chatting over our coffee, and Ruby sat on his lap instead of mine, but otherwise it was an ordinary night, made extraordinary by his presence.
I'd forgotten how fun playing the game with him was, and I stayed up later than usual because I didn't want it to end, but eventually I had to admit my need for sleep.
"You get ready then, and I'll keep playing."
I'd thought all afternoon about this, but as I stood staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror I still didn't have an answer.
Should I remove my makeup?
Going to bed with it on felt weird, but so did taking it off and showing Andrew my naked face. Without makeup I looked pale and washed-out, and I didn't want to expose myself to him like that. I'd be exposing my sleeping self, and my nightmare, again. Wasn't that enough?
I decided it was, so I washed my face and reapplied my makeup, making it as subtle as I could. I left off my eyeliner since it would scream "wearing makeup to bed" but layered on everything else. Then I brushed my teeth, changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt since that'd be less intimate than pajamas, and looked into my eyes.
Did you do everything you could do today?
The chicken and pasta fit well into the WeightAway guidelines, but the frozen yogurt put me seventy-eight calories over my daily allotment. I'd do my hour on the elliptical trainer tomorrow and then stay on for another seventy-eight calories' worth of time. As for work, I'd done well there, although I hadn't finished the last bit of coding I'd planned because of our long lunch. I'd do that over the weekend.
Routine complete, I headed out.
Andrew was still online but he looked away from the game. "Need me? I'm about to start a new series of missions but I can wait."
Actually, this was perfect. Less awkward to tuck myself into bed if he was busy. "No, go ahead. I'll get a blanket out for you then go to sleep. But could you turn down the sound a little?"
"Of course. Good night."
"Same to you. And thanks."
"Don't mention it."
We exchanged embarrassed smiles, then he went back to the game. I found a blanket and pillow for him and settled into my bed, the faint familiar sounds of monsters shrieking in pain lulling me to sleep.
*****
"Tell me where you are."
I obeyed the calm but commanding voice in my ear without thought. "In a little empty white room."
"What are you doing?"
I shuddered. "Staring at Julie."
"Are you talking to her? Saying your speech?"
Realizing I was waking up, I started to shift to a sitting position, but Andrew said, "No, stay there. I'm with you. Tell me what's happening."
His hand moved onto my shoulder, its weight comforting, and I relaxed and let myself slide back into the dream, describing it as I saw it.
Julie stood before me with that terrible mocking grin.
My knees felt weak and wobbly but the speech I'd prepared with Louisa rang through my brain. I knew the words. I had them ready.
But I couldn't speak.
I couldn't even breathe.
Julie laughed. "Nothing to say?"
My body might have been turned to stone. All I could do was stare at her.
Andrew's hand tightened on my shoulder. "Anything else?"
I took a deep breath, proving to myself that I could, that I was back in the real world. "Nothing." I opened my eyes, and the gentle tenderness on his face made a sob burst from me. "Why couldn't I say it?"
He rubbed my shoulder. "I don't know. But you had the words. That's something."
"It's not enough!"
My anger drove him back, but I grabbed his hand as he pulled it from my shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I'm not mad at you, how could I be. It's just frustrating. I'm so tired." I dissolved into tears. "I can't sleep and I need to, and now I'm yelling at you when you're so nice, and—" The sadness shut my throat and I collapsed onto my pillow.
I still held his hand, and he gave mine a firm squeeze then wrapped his other hand around it. "Let it out," he said softly. "Just let it go."
I tried, knowing I needed the release, but I couldn't relax enough to allow the tears to escape. A few managed to sneak by, but most stayed stuck, and I soon wiped my eyes with my free hand and said, "I think I'm okay now."
"You're not okay, you're amazing."
I sniffled and sat up. "That'd be you, not me."
"Maybe we're even."
I smiled. "Maybe." I doubted it.
"Can I get you anything? Water? Tissues? Ruby?"
"All of the above, please."
He released my hand, which made me wish he hadn't, then scooped up Ruby and laid her gently in my lap. The tissue box from the bathroom arrived next, and I'd blown my nose and rubbed under my eyes to remove any tear-damaged mascara and was hugging Ruby when he returned with a water glass and a dining room chair.
He set the chair down next to the bed facing me and settled onto it, then scratched behind Ruby's ears with one hand and passed me the water with the other. When I'd taken a few sips he said, "Any better?"
I nodded. "Thanks so much."
"Didn't I say not to mention it? Do you remember what you told me when I woke you?"
"Yup. Had the words but couldn't say 'em." I sighed. "Maybe someday."
"Definitely someday."
We sat for a while, the only sound Ruby's purring as we both patted her, then Andrew said, "Do you usually have the dream twice in a night?"
I shook my head, then qualified it with, "I don't think so, anyhow."
"Good. Then you can probably sleep the rest of the night."
I glanced at my alarm clock. Three o'clock. "I'm not ready yet." As always, I felt sick and sad post-dream, although his company helped. "But you can sleep. You must be exhausted."
He shook his head. "I'm here to help you, even if I have to stay up until seven."
Touched, I smiled. "What about seven-oh-one?"
He folded his arms and glared at me. "No way. That's so unreasonable."
We smiled at each other, and he said, "When you're ready to sleep I will too. But not before. Want to read? Watch TV? Play the game?"
"I'm actually comfy right here. Can we just talk for a bit?"
"Of course."
Naturally, we then sat in silence.
"I can't think of anything to say," he confessed.
"Tell me about MMA."
"Good idea. That'll put you to sleep for sure."
I poked his arm. "No, it's neat. And you're really fighting next weekend?"
"Apparently."
"Is it for money or anything?"
He shook his head. "It's between my school and a few others around Toronto. Mostly new fighters or guys who haven't fought for a while."
"Do you know your opponent?"
"I know of him. Looked up his past fights and all that stuff."
His voice had started to shake as he spoke. I turned toward him, but before I could assure him he'd be fine he said, "Would you come watch me?"
When he hadn't invited me at lunch I'd assumed he didn't want me there, but now I realized he'd started to ask then lost his nerve. "How could I say no after tonight?"
"Easily. If you don't want to go, you don't have to."
But did he want me there? He must, or he wouldn't have asked. But why me?
As I tried to find the words to ask that question, he answered it, speaking slowly as if hunting for words. "This fighting thing is foreign to me. If you were there, you'd be a link to my real life. I don't want to get too caught up in it all."
He'd been my link to the real world tonight. How could I do any less? Besides, I was curious to see how he'd do. "I'd love to go."
His shoulders dropped an inch. "Cool. Bring Sandra if you want."
"I'm sure she'd like to come. I'll ask her. Are you going to win?"
He laughed. "My coaches say you always say yes when someone asks that."
I held out my water glass like a microphone. "Will you win the fight?"
He told the glass, "Yes, definitely. Wait. No. I have no idea."
"What's your opponent's record?"
"Fifteen wins, one loss."
Fifteen. All I could think of to say was, "Hmm."
"Yeah. He's been out for a while and is trying to come back."
Why was Andrew doing this exactly? I cast about for something encouraging. "Hey, you have no losses on your record. So you're better than he is."
Andrew laughed. "I love that. I have a perfect record."
I grinned, glad I'd lightened his mood, and our conversation moved on.
Once I felt ready to sleep, I slipped Ruby off my lap and onto the couch, then used the bathroom and brushed my teeth again, hoping a clean start would give me a better sleep than I'd had so far.
When I came out, Andrew said, "Need anything else?"
"Nope. Thank you again, though."
"No need. You can repay me by hauling me out from under the judges' table next weekend if I'm too scared to fight."
I giggled at the image. "You won't be, but will do."
He turned toward his chair. "Ruby, can I share that chair with you?"
"Geez, don't ask her, she'll say no. Just put her on the floor."
"In her own house? How rude."
He gathered the cat into one arm then took her place in the chair. Once he'd spread the blanket over himself, he settled her onto his lap. She meowed once then started purring.
"Nice. That's twice you've got her to sit with you there. Another perfect record."
He chuckled. "Let's hope the fight's as easy. Good night."
"Good night." I had to say more. "Andrew, I really appreciate all—"
"Good night, I said." I could hear a smile in his voice. "That means no talking."
I smiled too. "Yes, sir."
I fell asleep with that smile still on my lips.
*****
I raced into the boutique, panting, to find it full of insanity. Women fighting over tiara
s, mothers insisting their daughters had to buy the classic gowns they wanted instead of the sexy ones the daughters craved, bridesmaids arguing over which dress to choose. But no Sandra.
When I managed to flag down a harried saleswoman, she pointed to the back, and I hurried off and found Sandra alone and adrift on a sea of white lace, satin, and tulle.
"Nice of you to show up," she said, cutting off my panicked apologies.
"I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it. Andrew's car wouldn't start this morning and—"
"Oh, that's right, he stayed over. Stayed over to help you. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? And so unselfish of him to spend the night with you."
I stared at her. Her voice held fury, and a strange pain I didn't understand. "It was unselfish, and yes, he helped me. He woke me up right when I was facing... her."
She was obviously still upset but she pulled herself together enough to say, "And were you able to talk to her?"
I shook my head. "Just stared at her. Just like in court."
Her eyes softened and she took a breath to speak, but the saleswoman's return cut her off. "Are you ready to try some gowns now?"
"You waited for me?"
"I did a few, but it's no fun alone," Sandra muttered.
She'd wanted it to be only the two of us for this first wedding-dress expedition. Her mother lived too far away and was too indecisive to be helpful anyhow, and she'd insisted she didn't want Lynne and Christine there although she'd never said why. "I'm so sorry," I said again, but she said, "You're here now, so let's get to it."
Something was clearly still bothering her, though, more than my lateness. She wasn't her usual cheery self. I touched the sleeve of the nearest dress. "Did you like any of these?"
She shrugged. "One wasn't bad."
"The strapless, right?" The saleswoman eased it off its hanger and held it out. Flirty, pretty, and so totally not Sandra. "Want to try it again?"
Sandra shrugged again and pulled off her sweater and jeans then slipped into the dress with the saleswoman's assistance. "What do you think?"
I let the saleswoman finish gushing then said, "It's beautiful."
Sandra looked away from her reflection in the huge gilt-edged mirror at the front of the room. "You're not here for random compliments. Tell me."
Toronto Collection Volume 1 (Toronto Series #1-5) Page 62
