Titanic

by Diane Hoh

  They’re only like that, Katie thought as she hurried along looking for an exit, ’cause they don’t know yet. When they do, they’ll be as afeared as everyone else.

  The first two doors she found provided no view of the well deck, so she kept going. When she finally found an open door that was far enough aft, she was once again repelled by sudden, icy cold as she stepped outside. Inside the ship, where it was warm, she’d forgotten how low the temperature outside had dropped.

  Clutching her coat around her, Katie stepped to the rail with a sense of urgency and looked down. People were milling about below her, their belongings piled at their feet. Some sat on their baggage, as if to protect it, while others stood in small clusters, conversing anxiously. While most of the younger children were playing, shouting and laughing as if they were in a park on a warm summer’s day, there was a perceptible air of bewilderment about the adults. If they knew what was happening, it seemed clear to Katie that they didn’t know what to do about it. And she saw no sign of anyone in authority telling them what course of action to take.

  She saw no lifeboats. She saw no crewmen. She saw no sign that anything was being done to direct these people to safety.

  Aware of the moments racing by, she leaned over the rail to shout, “Brian?” as loud as she could. “Paddy?” She didn’t see them, but there were so many people crowding the deck. If a Kelleher heard her voice, he’d come to the rail, look up and see her. Then the brothers would join her, and they could hurry to safety. If there was such a thing available to them.

  “Paddy? Brian?”

  A few people heard her and glanced up, but none of the faces staring up at Katie belonged to Paddy or Brian. She didn’t know what to do. She had come here to find them and she wasn’t leaving until she’d done so. She would have to go down there and look for herself.

  She turned and hurried back to the door. She opened it to find Brian standing there. His thick, dark, curly hair, so like his brother’s, was windblown and tousled, and there were streaks of dirt on his cheeks. His eyes looked tired, but he smiled when she threw herself into his arms, shouting his name.

  “Come inside,” he ordered, pulling her in and closing the door. “You’ll freeze to death out there.”

  “Where’s Paddy?” was the first thing she asked him.

  “He’s below. He’s fine, no need to fret about him. We’re tryin’ to talk people into comin’ up to the boats. But the women won’t go. Won’t leave their men. I’m not sure they know what’s really happenin’. One of the stewards, a fellow named Cox, he’s been helpin’, too, leadin’ both men and women up to the boat deck. But some o’ them won’t even put a life vest on.” Brian shrugged. “They say there’s no damage, when any fool can see that’s not so.”

  “You’ll come with me, will you not?” Katie asked with hope in her voice. “To the lifeboats? But you’ll go down and get Paddy first?”

  He shook his head. “Can’t do that, Katie. The women below got to be talked into goin’ up top. Paddy’s doin’ some good work down there.” He laughed. “You know yourself, Paddy’s got the gift of gab. He’s better at persuadin’ folks to leave the well deck than me.” Brian thought for a minute, then continued. “Still and all, Steward Cox asked if anyone knew anything about boats, sayin’ they might need people to man the lifeboats. I spoke up and said Paddy’d tried his hand at fishin’. If they could use him in a boat, he should go. He might if I told him he was needed up here. And,” he added, smiling, “if he knew you was waitin’ on him.”

  Katie’s heart leaped with hope. She didn’t want to leave Brian behind, not at all. But if she could at least get Paddy to come with her…

  Brian surprised her then by saying earnestly, “You need to be tellin’ him what’s in your heart, Katie.”

  When, stunned, she said nothing, he went on, “Now’s the time. He don’t know it’s him. He’s thinkin’ it’s me. That’s why he’s been frettin’ so over Marta. He thinks I’m betrayin’ you.”

  “But…but it’s not you I love!” Katie burst out bluntly. “’Tis himself!”

  Brian laughed. “I know that. But Paddy don’t. And it ain’t my place to tell him different. That’s for you to do, Katie.” His smile disappeared, his eyes turned bleak. “And you’d best be doin’ it now, tonight.”

  Katie looked doubtful. “And what makes you think ’twould mean anything to him? With him havin’ all them other girls, I mean.”

  It was Brian’s turn to look surprised. “You don’t know he’s frettin’ over you? Lordy, Katie, are you not as keen as I was thinkin’ you are? The boy is achin’ with worry over you. Only he wasn’t about to reach for somethin’ he thought was his big brother’s. It’s on you to set him straight.”

  Any other time, Katie would have protested that she didn’t want to seem too bold, too forward. But on this night, when no one knew what would happen but knew it was most likely going to be fearsome, she couldn’t fret about seeming bold.

  She nodded. “I’ll do it, then. If he’ll come up here, I’ll tell him.”

  “I’ll tell him you’re needin’ to see him. But I can’t promise that he’ll come. There’s still a lot of people in the public room and in their cabins, and Paddy’s makin’ it his business to pass the word to them to get out.” His expression grew very serious. “Steward Cox says there ain’t a whole lot of time, Katie. You wait here just five minutes. If Paddy ain’t up here by that time, you got to go and find yourself a boat. Promise me? I told your da I’d take care of you, and I mean to keep me word. It’s just about all I got. Don’t take that from me, Katie. Don’t stay out there at the rail waitin’ for Paddy when you should be gettin’ into a lifeboat. You promise?”

  “I promise.” She wasn’t sure she meant it, but she wanted that look of anxiety out of Brian’s eyes.

  It didn’t disappear, but it eased somewhat when she had given him her word.

  He drew her to his chest and hugged her tightly, saying, “It’ll be all right, Katie-girl, it’ll be all right.” Then he stepped back. Repeating, “Five minutes, remember?” he turned and hurried away.

  It was the longest five minutes of Katie’s life. She went back outside and stood at the rail, shivering with cold and studying the well deck for some sign of Paddy. She finally decided he must have gone below to get more people out, because while there were other young men on the well deck, he wasn’t among them.

  And then, just as she was about to give up and go inside, not because she wanted to but because she had promised Brian, there Paddy was, stepping out of the doorway to say to her, “I was thinkin’ I’d not be seein’ you again. The thought gave me a fierce pain, like someone was steppin’ on me chest.”

  Because he had confessed that his heart hurt thinking he wouldn’t be seeing her again, it was easy for Katie to blurt out, “I’d die if I wasn’t to see you again, Patrick Kelleher. And that’s the truth of it. Me own heart was hurtin’, not knowin’ where you’d got to, not knowin’ if you was safe.” There, she’d said it. Let him do with it whatever he wanted.

  She watched as the look on his handsome face changed from confusion to disbelief, and back to confusion again. His jaw dropped, and he asked, “What are you sayin’? Say it again, so I don’t get it wrong.”

  “I love you, Paddy.”

  Then he was at her side and she was in his arms. It was as if the great ship were in no trouble, disaster wasn’t looming, everything was fine and in its proper place, as it should be. And this time when Paddy kissed her, he didn’t draw back, fearful that he’d stepped into his brother’s territory.

  When he finally lifted his head, she asked tremulously, “Brian’s not with you, then?”

  “Wouldn’t come. They’re only lettin’ the women and children up top just now. They said the men can come along later.” His expression grew somber, just as Brian’s had. “Look here, Katie, I’ve got to be gettin’ back down there. There’s a lot of people won’t come up to the boats. They need to be talked into it, and I g
ot to help do that.”

  “I’ll be comin’ with you.” She spoke firmly, though her teeth were chattering from the cold.

  He looked at her with alarm. “Oh, no, you don’t! You’re gettin’ into a boat. I promised Bri I’d see to you before I came back down. He wanted me to offer to help in one of the boats, but we got to get the people up on deck first. But you’re not comin’ with me. I’ll take you to the boat, then I’ll go back down, and I’ll meet up with you later on the rescue ship.”

  “I’m comin’ with you.”

  “Katie!”

  “There’s no rush for the lifeboats, Paddy. It’s bound to take the Titanic hours and hours before it sinks.” She believed that only because she had to. There was no choice, not really. “I’ll come with you, help you bring the people up, and then we’ll both find a lifeboat together. And Bri, too. That way, we won’t have to be separated at all.”

  Paddy looked doubtful. Katie could see that he was torn. “Bri’ll have me head.”

  “I’ll tell him it was my fault. He knows I can be just as pigheaded as the both of you. It’ll come as no shock to him that I wouldn’t do what you said. Come on, then. Sooner started, sooner finished.” Without waiting for any more argument, Katie took Paddy’s hand and pulled him to the door.

  Chapter 26

  Monday, April 15, 1912

  The ragtime music the orchestra continued to play did nothing to lift Elizabeth’s spirits. She stood on deck with her arms around Max, her parents just behind them, dreading the moment when her father would say, “It’s time.”

  Boat number three had settled on the sea. From where she stood, it looked as if the crewman was having trouble propelling the boat away from the Titanic.

  “That man doesn’t know what he’s doing,” her father said in disgust. “I’m glad we waited. I wouldn’t want you and your mother in that boat.” He took her hand. “Perhaps we’d best try port side. I haven’t seen the captain these past few minutes. He could be over there. If he is, I’ll make sure he gives your boat an experienced crewman. Come along, then.”

  They were making their way along the deck to port side when there was an explosion above them and a brilliant white light appeared in the sky, spilling out a shower of stars.

  “Rockets!” her father declared. Shaking his head, he urged them to hurry. “Everyone knows the meaning of rockets fired off at sea. Even people who have been clinging to a shred of hope will finally understand now what’s going on. They might rush the lifeboats. We’ve got to get you settled before that happens.”

  Martin Farr hurried them over to the port-side rail and boat number six, which was just loading forward of the first-class Grand Staircase. Captain Smith, as Elizabeth’s father had hoped, was indeed there. He was standing near the officer’s quarters, calling out, “Women and children first!” A second officer in uniform stood near the boat, repeating the captain’s words. Elizabeth, her face white and drawn, assumed he was responsible for keeping order. But how much order could he keep, now that a rocket had been sent up? Fear would sweep over the ship like a tidal wave. People would panic. It would surely take more than one lone officer to calm them.

  Five minutes later, as they stood in line, another rocket exploded with a startling bang. The sky lit up again.

  “That’s to lead the steamer to us,” Max explained to Elizabeth. “They can use the rocket to fix our position. Of course, the captain probably already sent any ship in the area a distress message when the iceberg first struck. But it’s pretty dark out here, and the rockets will help.”

  Elizabeth glanced up at the sky. She had never seen so many stars, shining down upon them as if eager to lend their light to the disaster scene. They failed to reassure her, nor did Max’s calm, matter-of-fact words ease her terror. He seemed so certain a ship would come to their aid quickly. She felt no such certainty. The lights in the distance seemed to her fixed exactly as they had been the last time she looked. If it was indeed a ship, it was moving very slowly, if at all.

  The rockets continued to light up the sky at five-minute intervals. Elizabeth found their explosive noise and bright glare painful, and shuddered with each new blast. If there were ships out there, as Max believed there were, how could they fail to see the telling rocket display? Why wasn’t one of them rushing to their aid? They should know exactly where to look for the wounded Titanic.

  Please, please, please, Elizabeth prayed, please come and save us so we don’t have to go out onto that cold, black sea in the dark of night! Please!

  But she could see no lights approaching.

  Other women were praying, too, many of them aloud. New brides cried and clung to their husbands. Elizabeth thought she saw tears in the eyes of more than one man, as well. She was surrounded by people of wealth, totally unaccustomed to showing any emotion in public and yet, in this darkest of hours, many had given up trying to hide their agony at being separated from those they loved, with no knowledge of when, if ever, they would meet again. Tears flowed freely as wives were wrenched from their husbands by well-meaning stewardesses, or pushed forcibly away and into boats by equally well-intentioned husbands. Elizabeth took in the sight of hands visibly shaking, faces stone-white with fear, mouths set in desperation, and knew that she was looking at mirror images of herself and her family.

  We all look like that, she thought, her heart pounding fiercely as her father pushed them forward toward the lifeboat, every one of us. We are all more frightened than we have ever been before.

  When a woman screamed hysterically that she was not leaving the ship, Elizabeth was not surprised. She wouldn’t have been surprised if every passenger on deck had begun screaming hysterically. The barely restrained panic emanating from the crowd had thickened to the point where Elizabeth felt she could reach out into the air and grasp a handful of it.

  If only I could stop trembling, Elizabeth thought as they pressed forward, other bodies pressing more urgently now behind them, seeking escape. If I could stop shaking, perhaps I wouldn’t feel so frightened.

  Before Nola Farr and her daughter boarded the lifeboat, her father boldly asked the second officer, whom he addressed as “Officer Lightoller,” if the crewmen in the boat would be experienced seamen. “You can understand the question,” he added. “I am entrusting my wife and daughter to them.”

  “I have two men,” the officer replied as he ushered two more women into the boat. “Mr. Fleet here is a lookout, and Quartermaster Hichens was at the wheel of this ship when the iceberg hit. He’s a senior crew member, and he’ll be in charge. You can trust him.”

  “I hope so.” Turning to Elizabeth and her mother, Martin Farr said with no apparent show of emotion, though his eyes were bleak, “It’s time. Get in, dears, and I shall meet you on board the steamer.”

  He sounded so convincing that Elizabeth tried desperately to believe him. There were still lifeboats suspended in the davits. Couldn’t he have been wrong about a shortage? On the forward port deck, she could see women, most of them weeping openly or protesting loudly, being loaded into boat number eight. Perhaps there weren’t as many women on board as men. The remaining women might all fit into boats six and eight. Then her father and Max and any other men could leave in the boats that were left. And they would all meet again on the rescue ship Max kept mentioning, though Elizabeth still saw no approaching lights in the distance.

  Telling herself that, Elizabeth was able to hug her father tightly and tell him she would look for him, first thing, on the rescue ship. She hadn’t forgotten that he didn’t know how to swim. Still, she was hardly crying at all. Then she let him go so that her mother could say her good-bye.

  But when Elizabeth hugged Max good-bye, a sense of foreboding swooped down upon her. It was so overpowering, her knees felt like seawater. She could barely whisper, “I’ll see you soon. I will, Max.” Even with the sense of dread filling her, she refused to say the word “Goodbye.” It was too final.

  He kissed her, just once, but the kiss lasted a
long time, because neither of them wanted it to end.

  The worst moment came when they had to leave the solid, sturdy, though tilted, deck of the great liner and step out over the churning black water and into the lifeboat. Icy fingers of terror clutched at Elizabeth, telling her this was a terrible mistake. Stay on the ship, a voice in her head warned. Do not go out into the unknown.

  But she had no choice.

  Other women seemed to be having the same reaction. Even the bravest among them quailed at the moment of getting into the lifeboat. Some had to be physically lifted by a crewman across the slight span from ship to boat and dropped to a wooden seat. One woman tried desperately to climb back out, shaking violently with terror, only to be restrained by two women on either side of her. Even as she gave in and took her place, she wept desperately.

  Elizabeth and her mother climbed in and sat down. Both kept their eyes fastened on the face of Martin Farr as long as they could.

  Officer Lightoller told Quartermaster Hichens to row toward the lights of the approaching steamer, drop off the women, and come back to the Titanic to pick up more passengers. He sounded so certain that this plan would work, Elizabeth was heartened again. “More passengers” meant Max and her father.

  Then Lightoller ordered the crew to lower away.

  As they prepared to do so, a beautifully dressed woman on deck, speaking with a heavy French accent, was exclaiming anxiously about her jewels, which were apparently still in the care of the purser. Mrs. Brown, the millionairess from Colorado so disliked by Elizabeth’s mother, was trying to persuade the woman to enter the boat. At the very last moment, the woman gave in and was helped to a seat beside Elizabeth.

  The boat began to descend. The sound of quiet, frightened weeping accompanied the creak of the davits.

  Above them, Elizabeth heard an authoritative voice say, “You are going, too.” She lifted her head, hoping to see Max and her father jumping into the boat. Instead, there was a cry of protest, and Mrs. Molly Brown dropped four feet from above and into the boat with a heavy thud, her hat tilting sideways on her head as she landed.