Quickly, I filled him in on the events of the night, every wicked word bleeding from my mouth.
With each one, Austin’s distress seemed to increase. He jumped to his feet and gripped his shaggy brown hair. “What? Shea is Delaney Rhoads?”
I was surprised he even knew the name, considering he would have only been thirteen when Kallie was born.
He paced the sand, back and forth in front of me, like a partner to the wind. More upset than I ever expected him to be.
He turned his grey stare back to me, his face twisted up in confusion. More disappointment. “So you just walked away? Left her there to deal with all this shit on her own?”
“The shit I caused, Austin. She wouldn’t be dealing with this right now if it wasn’t for me.”
“The shit you caused?” Incredulously, he snorted. “Everything you do is to get someone else out of trouble. If this is anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”
“Not your fault,” I grated.
I’d told him what felt like a million times.
When was he ever going to start believing it?
“You know what, Baz? You act like you’re the only person around here strong enough to shoulder any blame. You go around protecting and protecting and protecting until it’s suffocating. You won’t even let me take responsibility for what I did.” Twice, he struck his fist against his chest to punctuate it.
I winced with the bite of his words.
Then he softened, remorse seeming to seep through. “And you know how much it means to me. All you’ve done. What you’ve given up. You became my entire world. My mom, my dad, my brother, and my best friend. You made sure I ate when Mom couldn’t get out of bed, put yourself in Dad’s line of fire to protect me. Fucking hauled me around, this little kid thinking he was on top of the world because his big brother allowed him to tag along.”
“That was the worst mistake I ever made.” My rough voice clashed with the air. “Dragging you into all that.”
“Really? Where do you think I’d be right now if you hadn’t gotten me out of that house? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t still be breathing.”
Pain clenched my heart. “I did it all wrong.”
“You were a kid, too. You think I don’t know you were doing the best you could?”
Disgusted, he shook his head. “We’ve had a whole lot of bad in our lives.”
His words echoed like my own. Have so much shit, Shea.
“And now you finally have something good. I don’t care who she is or what lies she told you, it doesn’t mean what brought you back here in the first place counts any less. She needs you. Fuck…she needs you, Baz.”
Hurt wound through me. Gutting. I ground my teeth.
He tilted his head, looking at me. Discerning eyes speared me in the shadows, the kid far more mature than I’d ever given him credit for.
Always watching.
“The way Shea looks at you? One day…one day I want someone to look at me like that. And guess what, you look at her the exact same way. And you’re really going to let that go because of an asshole like Jennings? You’ve fought for everyone your entire life, and now you’re going to step down—bow out—when you finally have something worth fighting for? Fight for her.”
“Austin.” I wanted to beg him to stop.
He just continued right on. “My entire life, I’ve looked up to you. Thought you knew everything. Even when I gave up, I somehow knew you were going to be there to save me. But if you think giving up on that girl is what’s right, then you’re a fool.”
He gazed back out over the sea, gentle waves lapping at the shore. The haze of clouds had begun to dissipate. A scatter of stars bled through.
He turned his face to the sky, before he glanced at me from over his shoulder. “I saw something better in you.”
Then he turned and left me there.
I dropped my face into my hands, rubbing my palms up over my head, too many voices clattering inside.
I saw something better in you.
I saw something better in you.
I saw…you…
I see you.
I see you.
I see you.
Shea had seen more in me than I could ever have imagined. Something better than I ever hoped I could be.
And it rushed me.
That sweet, soft girl.
Because the truth was?
I saw her, too.
MY HEART SLAMMED AROUND in my chest and my sight narrowed on one singular goal.
Her.
It felt like a lifetime to get to her house, and there was nothing stopping me now. Unlocking her front door, I charged up the stairs. I didn’t pause at her bedroom door. I threw it open. I needed to get to her.
With her back to me, Shea was curled around a pillow on the center of her bed. She startled with the sudden intrusion and jerked up to sitting. Caramel eyes blinked at me through the dim light, confusion and hurt and sorrow.
Motionless, I stood in the doorway as the silence hovered over all our uncertainties.
On all the questions.
But Shea was right.
None of that mattered.
And this was enough.
“Shea.” My voice broke on her name.
I took a step inside and latched the door shut behind me.
Shea’s chin quivered, and she lifted it because I knew this girl wanted to be brave. I knew she was playing through a million scenarios. Mentally going through all the ways I was going to let her go. How I was going to let her down. I knew the words she expected to spill from my mouth because for too long I’d been a coward and a fool, thinking sacrifice was the only way to make this right.
Because every time I turned around, I lost someone I loved.
Not this time.
I swallowed hard. “You want to know what I see when I look at you?”
When the intensity in my voice hit her, Shea choked out a tiny sob.
I took one step closer as I began to speak. “I see someone who’s so fucking sweet and kind that every time I look at her it just about knocks me from my feet, because I’ve had so much bad in my life I don’t know how to stand in her presence. I see someone who I know I don’t deserve, so every time I turn around, I’m runnin’ scared because I’m terrified of ruining everything she is.”
Slowly, I approached her, and she watched me in the shadows. Her hands trembled in her lap as I neared.
“I see someone who deserves the greatest kind of joy.”
Another step closer, and Shea crept toward the side of the bed. She drew a single leg up to her chest. Clinging to it as if it could protect her from any more pain. Everything she felt and wanted and feared was exposed in the expression on her face.
I stopped at the edge of the bed and dropped to my knees.
A small cry escaped her mouth.
Reaching out, I gripped her face in my hands, my fingers burrowing in soft, soft hair.
“I see someone, who even though there’s not a chance in this world I could ever be good enough to have her…good enough to hold her…that’s all I want to do. I see someone I want to protect and love and fight for.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. She edged even closer and let her legs slip over the side.
I settled myself between her knees and met the storm in her eyes.
“I see beauty and light.”
Those eyes flashed, and emotion crushed my ribs. This girl had me twisted up in every way possible.
Shea gasped when I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to me. I shifted so I sat on the floor with my back propped against the bed.
Shea was straddling my lap.
Warmth enveloped me. Her heart was pounding, all tucked up against me, right where she belonged.
Her skin felt so soft. Mine lit on fire.
She searched my face and I kept on.
“I see the most fucking gorgeous girl I’ve ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on.” My voice dropped as I leaned up so I could brush my mou
th across her ear. “The pleasure to touch.”
A shiver rolled through her, and I gathered one of her hands between us, threading our fingers. I studied them as I struggled to form the words.
I lifted my gaze and spoke with the most honesty I’d ever allowed myself.
“When I look at you, I see a future I never thought existed, Shea.”
Everything went serious. My mind and my heart and my words. “I see my wife. I see the mother of my kids. I see all the shit I never wanted until I met you. I see everything I thought impossible.”
The corner of that perfect mouth trembled, and she watched me with hope. Hope that up until this moment, I’d continually tried to crush.
But this girl just kept bringing it back to life.
Refusing to let it go.
Her fingers were still woven with mine, and I brought the back of her hand to my mouth, as if I could seal my declaration with a kiss.
A promise.
She put her weight on her knees on either side of me. She rose up.
Hovering.
Her hands found their way into my hair. Gently she sifted her fingers through it.
It felt so damned good I wanted to moan.
I rolled my head back, getting lost in that face, my hands roaming up and down her sides. “You changed me, Shea.”
Soft, sad laughter tumbled from her, and cautiously she peeked at me. “You changed everything about me, Baz. You changed everything I wanted because what I ended up wanting was you. You and Kallie. That’s all I need.”
I sat up higher and took her mouth. My hands bunched in her hair. Forcing her closer. She opened to me as if she’d just found her lost supply of oxygen and was taking in a saving breath.
That’s what I wanted.
To be her breath.
She pressed up higher, rocking over me as her hold tightened in my hair. She muttered between kisses, “Don’t leave me, Sebastian. Don’t leave me.”
Words poured out against my lips, each one uttered between scrapes of her teeth as her kisses became more and more frantic.
“I just got you back and I won’t survive losing you again. Promise you’ll fight him with me…because you love me and this is where you always want to be.”
My fingers dug into her thighs. Squeezing. The promise came on a breath. “Yes.”
Palming her ass, I couldn’t do anything but rock her against my cock that was straining inside my jeans.
I shouldn’t have been hard. Our baby girl was gone.
But curls of lust twisted in my stomach and greed took over my kiss.
When she whimpered into my mouth, I took it upon myself to devour her sweet little tongue.
Because, yes, I needed this.
Yes, Shea needed this.
Maybe it was indecent.
But neither of us could stop.
We were drowning in desperation.
Dying in need.
Dying to love.
Seeking reprieve from all the misery and pain.
I was desperate to show her I’d never leave her. Not ever again.
Shea was still wearing those satin pajamas, and I couldn’t get through the buttons of the long-sleeved blouse fast enough. I pushed the fabric off her slender shoulders, letting my hands explore the expanse of soft skin as I dragged it down her back.
Hair tangled and wild, wild, wild. Her expression was just as desperate as the heat of her hands that yanked at my shirt and tore it over my head.
Hot palms pressed to my bare chest.
“You’re beautiful, Sebastian.” She felt along my shoulders. “My beautiful, beautiful man.”
“Baby,” I whispered, kissing her more. My teeth tugged at her bottom lip, then I set it free with a little pop, before I kissed her hard at the corner of her mouth. I didn’t slow down, just dove down to her chin, forcing it up as I went to work on the delicate slope of her neck.
Her fingers dug into my shoulders as she leaned back, keeping herself from falling as I kissed a path down her chest that heaved with every erratic beat of her heart.
Those perfect tits begged, nipples pink and pebbled tight.
I flattened my tongue across one.
So fucking sweet.
I drew it into my mouth.
“Sebastian.”
I cupped the back of her neck, forcing her to look down at me.
“Sweet girl, I’m gonna take care of you.”
In every way.
“Stand up,” I commanded. She kept her hands braced on my shoulders as she slowly pushed to her feet. She was bent at the waist, her face hovering a foot above mine.
The tether that tied us together stretched taut.
Slowly, I dragged her pajama shorts and the lace hidden underneath down those long, long legs.
“Shit,” I hissed, watching the action as I revealed every delicious inch of this girl.
She was a vision.
Salvation.
A deliverance from my own personal hell.
Fire and light.
Shea stepped out of them, and I tossed them aside. Never letting go of my shoulders, she stared down at me, my head kicked back against the side of the bed.
I rushed through the buttons on my fly, toeing off my boots in the same second I pushed down my jeans and underwear.
My cock sprang free, and I shrugged my jeans the rest of the way off my legs.
That energy was glowing bright, this girl commanding every last one of my senses.
“Make me crazy, baby.”
Shea slowly dropped back down onto her knees, but those hands never let me go.
She swayed forward, and the inside of her thighs brushed my ribs.
I jerked.
“I need you,” she said.
And I totally fucking got it. Truth was, I needed her too.
“You have me.”
Her tongue swept along her bottom lip, and she sucked in a shaky breath as she eased back a fraction and wrapped her hand around my cock.
Our eyes locked as she slowly lowered herself on my length.
Fuck.
For the flash of a moment, I buried my face in her neck to cover my groan.
One touch.
One touch and my body was shaking like a teenager. But my soul had arrived somewhere far in the distance, in a future I’d never imagined.
Where this girl was always going to belong to me.
I took her by the hips.
Guiding her as she began to move.
Sliding sure up and down my dick.
A whimper fell from her when she edged back, our focus going to where we were connected.
My cock slick with her arousal.
Bare skin.
Perfect pussy.
She took me whole again and again.
“Shea.” I wound a fist in her hair. I tugged hard and nipped at her chin.
With both hands, she returned it with a fierce tug of her own. My scalp prickled with tiny spikes of exquisite pain. They skimmed down my spine, gathering low where a knot of pleasure built fast.
Quickly, I shifted, needing control. I held her around the waist as I shifted, crawling to my knees and taking Shea with me.
I laid her on the rug and I found myself wrapped up in miles of perfect legs as she locked herself around my waist. Fingertips dug into my back.
Pushing up on one hand, I looked down on the girl who’d shattered my world. Caramel eyes, dark and deep, and so fucking sweet.
“Don’t let go,” I warned, the demand gruff as I pulled out, the wide ridge of my head just barely hanging on. Then I slammed back home.
Shea cried out as her walls gripped me tight.
“Fuck…baby.”
I pulled in a breath, trying to keep my shit together. A furor of energy lifted high, dipping low, saturating our skin in sweat. Pulsing and pressing, a force neither of us stood a chance to resist.
And I knew if I ever lost her I’d no longer know how to survive.
I moved in her.
&nbs
p; With her.
Neither of us gentle.
Every touch rough, every thrust and bow of our bodies sharp and severe.
I slipped a hand between us and began to work Shea’s clit.
And I could feel it, the way every inch of her tightened, how she started to glow.
Heat covered us, ripples of energy, this girl a summer storm.
Fierce and turbulent and beautiful.
“Come, sweet girl,” I whispered, when I felt her hanging on, like maybe she didn’t know how to let go. I increased the pressure, increased my pace.
She was staring at me when she came undone.
Splintering.
Her focus went hazy, as if she were floating with the stars.
She took me right along with her.
We stayed there for the longest time.
Elevated.
Absent.
Present only to each other.
Finally, I slumped down on top of her. I propped my weight on the bend of my knee and an elbow so I didn’t crush her. I pushed back the mounds of her mussed hair, just needing to see her.
This girl who was so gorgeous and broken and scared.
The woman who’d become my responsibility.
My future.
Because I’d be damned if I remained a prisoner to my past.
One I’d never walk away from again.
I loved Shea Bentley and she loved me.
It’s where it started and where it ended.
Nothing before or after or in between mattered.
“Do you think this is wrong?” Shea’s muted voice broke into the heavy silence.
Where we lay under the covers in her bed, I pulled her closer. She curled her back into the den of my chest. “What?” I asked.
The house was quiet and the hour was late. Darkness clung to most of her bedroom. Only slivers of moonlight slanted in from the window.
“Me being here, finding comfort in your arms, when Kallie is alone.”
My heavy exhale scattered the hair on her shoulder. I understood her guilt, but I didn’t want her feeling it. “Let me ask you something. If you could be doing absolutely anything right now that would get Kallie home sooner, would you be doing it?”
“Of course,” she answered without hesitation.
Drowning to Breathe Page 4
