“It’ll go by fast,” I promised.
“Says the guy who’s going to be out on the road in front of his fans night after night with endless parties to keep him entertained, while he leaves his girlfriend bored out of her mind and alone all the way across the country.”
It was a sulk filled with pure tease. I could picture those full lips pulling into a sultry pout, and I tried to stop my thoughts from rushing south, right along with my blood.
Laughing lightly, I rolled onto my side. “Hardly. After being on that bus for a few days, I’ll probably be hitchhiking my way back to you. I’ll be riding shotgun in some big rig, giving him a sob story about my girl I left behind and how I have to make it back to her.”
“Mmm…I like the sound of that. Just watch out for the creepers.”
A warm chuckle flowed from my lips. “Nothin’ to worry about, baby. Don’t you think I look like I can take care of myself?”
She giggled. “Oh, I’m sure you can. I have seen you in action before. Unless someone has a death wish, no one is going to stand in your way.”
I could almost see the roll of her eyes, before an edge of seriousness wove into her tone. “So…how did everything go today? You’re finished?”
“I’m done.” Tried to keep it out, but I knew she didn’t miss the shot of anger that found its way into my answer.
She wavered, before she whispered, “Was Martin there?”
I pushed out a strained sigh. “Yeah. He was there.”
“And...?” she prodded when I didn’t divulge more details.
I roughed a hand down my face, not wanting to get into it, wishing I could erase the conversation from my head. Really, I wished I could erase the conversation from my reality. “And he’s still an asshole. Followed me out to my car, started talking all kinds of bullshit about you and my family. Basically he said he’s just gettin’ started.”
From across the distance, I could almost see the expression on my girl’s face. The worry and fear she felt every time Jennings was mentioned. The way she wished she could erase it, too.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I murmured.
“No, don’t say that. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. This…we’re doing this together, whatever may come. Until then, we can’t give him any part of us. Any of our time or our thoughts or our energy. I refuse to give him any more.”
God, she was a fucking miracle. A positive light shining bright, bright, bright.
I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. What Jennings had said about her mom was nagging at my consciousness, every part of me needing to know more. I got the phone as close to my ear as I could, wishing there was a way it could get me closer. My voice went tender, because fuck, this girl eclipsed all my hard.
“Tell me a story, Shea from Savannah.”
HER BLACK PATENT DRESS shoes clicked on the wooden stage floor that was nearly as black as her shoes, except for the scuffed-up spots where Shea could only imagine instrument boxes had been dragged or where shoes had danced.
She knew she should have been looking up instead of studying that floor, but today the butterflies she normally got felt more like bees. Nerves droned in her ears and swarmed in her belly.
She just wanted to make her momma proud.
Coming to a stop at the front of the stage where a piece of tape made a line at the microphone, Shea forced herself to finally look up.
She could do this. She’d had enough lessons and enough auditions to know what was expected of her.
A spotlight blinded her from above. She squinted and tried to make out the few faces in the front row of the almost-empty music theater. It was impossible, but she knew they were there.
At the ready to critique, judge, and assess.
She was used to it by now.
Well.
Almost.
She wasn’t so sure she’d ever get used to some of the mean things people would say.
The rejection.
But it was the disappointment on her momma’s face that always bothered her most.
And this one was important.
During the entire car ride from Savannah to Memphis they’d made just for this audition, her momma had drilled it into her. It’s big, baby. You land this and we’re set. You have to be at your best and nothing less.
Her momma had purchased a brand new dress for this audition, the lacy material tight at her neck and wrists. It landed below her knees.
Her momma said it was modest and pretty. Just what they were looking for.
Shea scratched at the itchy material when those bees buzzed, and she shifted on her feet, feeling she might be sick while she waited for instruction.
A deep voice rolled through the milky fog. “Can you tell us your name, please?”
“Shea Bentley,” she drawled quietly into the microphone, having to hike up onto her tippy-toes to reach.
“Okay, Shea Bentley, you can begin.”
From where she sat at the piano, Shea’s momma looked at her from over her shoulder and played a single chord. A cue that went along with her stern look.
Focus.
And Shea did.
Just as her momma dove into the music, Shea dove deep and found that place inside where she felt it. Where she felt it right in the center of her heart.
Just like her grandma had told her to do.
Even though she sometimes didn’t feel quite right—and so many times felt like crying instead of smiling because she always seemed to mess everything up—standing there, singing this song?
Shea felt right.
She gave it everything she had. She allowed herself to rise above this place and imagined she was standing beside her grandma in church. Her grandma was holding her hand, squeezing it in quiet encouragement.
And Shea sang. Opened up her lungs the same as she opened her mouth.
It felt beautiful and important.
Significant.
The piano blinked out at the end of the song. Shea carried the tune on her voice, not needing the accompaniment to hit the highest note.
When she finished, Shea had to reorient herself, having forgotten where she was. Awkwardness filled her as she stared unseeing at the hidden faces in the front as the light continued to blare down on her.
“That was beautiful. Simply beautiful,” the same man’s voice said from behind the shimmering fog.
Her momma was suddenly at her side, pushing her forward, offering her like a prize.
But his voice changed when he said the next, “Unfortunately, we’re looking for someone who is just a little older. A little more mature. I have no doubt this young lady has a bright future ahead of her.”
At her side, Shea’s momma went rigid, and Shea got that sour feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Thank you for your time,” her momma said gruffly, before she was hauling Shea by the arm off the side of the stage. She shoved Shea’s things into a bag, and Shea struggled to keep up when she again grabbed her by the arm. Her momma flung open the side door. Shea blinked off the blinding light and tried to adjust herself, this time because the afternoon sun blazed from above.
It seemed as if Shea could never keep up.
The hand on her forearm squeezed, the words grated as her momma stormed through the parking lot. “Can’t you do anything right? You manage to fuck up everything, don’t you? Every single time. Just like your deadbeat dad. Worthless. Do you know how much I’ve invested in you, Shea? The money? The time?”
Shea flinched when she felt the sting of nails digging into her skin. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she struggled to hold them back.
“I tried, Momma.” The quieted words wobbled from her aching throat.
Her momma flung the bag into the backseat of her old car while Shea eased into the front seat and buckled up, wishing she had someplace to hide.
Her momma started the car and jerked it out of the parking spot, peeling from the lot.
Embarrassment and shame had Shea’s head tipped
down, face turned so she could see the blur of buildings as her momma turned her anger to the street.
The tears she’d been trying to hold finally fell. They made her throat feel full and her eyes burn, and all she wanted was to go home. To go to her grandma’s house where it was safe.
She tried so hard to hold it back, but a sob heaved free, and she felt a shudder shake her shoulders as she tried to sink into the door and disappear.
Her momma released a muted curse, before she started talking quick. “I’m sorry, baby. It was that damned dress. You looked like a little girl. Should’ve gotten you something more mature.”
She felt the same fingers that had been digging into her arm softly touch her shoulder. “We’ll find something better for the next one…do your hair up real nice and make you look as pretty as you are. I bet you could pass for fifteen. How’s that sound?”
Hesitating, Shea turned to face her. Wiping her tears with the scratchy sleeve of the dress, she nodded in hope. “Okay, Momma.”
Her momma smiled. Her momma was so pretty when she smiled.
“That’s my shining star.”
“GO, BEFORE I HAVE to drag your skinny ass on that plane myself.” Tamar held me on the outside of both shoulders, giving me a slight shake, a shot of annoyance and a ton of mischief playing in her blue eyes.
I glanced down at Kallie who just grinned up at me with all her joy as she swayed her stuffed butterfly clutched to her chest.
Nerves rushed me again.
The only nights I’d ever spent without her had been the two Martin had had her in his clutches. Just the thought of leaving my baby girl now terrified me, something innate within me warning Martin was still out there, waiting for the next opportunity to strike.
But even without that threat, I’d still worry.
This was my daughter we were talking about.
April crossed her arms and huffed.
Charlie chuckled.
“She’s going to be fine, Shea Bear,” he encouraged with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He cast a slight grin my daughter’s way. “You really think we’re gonna let a single thing go wrong when we have this little one in our care? Not a chance. Now go. Have fun. Live it up a little. Act your age. Las Vegas is calling your name.”
It wasn’t Las Vegas calling my name.
It was Sebastian Stone.
My eyes drifted to my daughter again. Hesitation pressed at my ribs.
With a wide smile, she flashed me a row of tiny teeth. “Momma…you have to go or my daddy is gonna be way, way, WAY sad if he doesn’t get his burfday surprise and you got to give him his present for me.”
She said it with all her country flourish and little girl slur, the words rushed and jumbled with excitement.
She took a step forward, shoved the lanky stuffed brown monkey my direction.
She’d seen it in the window of a boutique shop near our house and insisted he would love it, declaring monkeys are his favorite as she’d rambled on about the green monkey tattooed on his side. Of course my sweet daughter had no idea the significance of the ink he’d permanently etched across his ribs, a reminder of a life he would never forget, the love of a brother he’d lost too soon.
Accepting it from her, I hugged it to my chest. “He’s going to love it, Butterfly.”
He would. I knew he would. Simply because it was a gesture from her pure, innocent heart.
Her smile grew and she swayed a little wider as a giggle erupted from within her.
“We have her,” April promised as she set a palm on Kallie’s head.
“Yes, we do,” Tamar added as she tossed a sly wink at my daughter. “We have nonstop fun planned for this little one. We’re gettin’ our girl on and are getting manis and pedis and are having us a pajama party, aren’t we, Kallie?”
Kallie jumped around. “Yes! Yes! Yes! I can’t wait. We’re gonna have so, so much fun and I’m gonna stay up all night until the sun comes up and have popcorn and watch all my movies and Auntie April and Auntie Tamar are gonna stay up all night, too.”
I held my laughter. Someone was a little excited.
“Don’t have too much fun without me,” I told her playfully as I brushed the back of my fingers down her soft cheek.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be having enough fun for all of us.” This time the wink Tamar tossed was at me, innuendo thick.
My stomach tightened in anticipation. The truth was, I couldn’t wait to get to him. Being without him was getting harder and harder every day.
April burst out laughing. “Oh, there is no question about that.”
Picking up Kallie, I hugged her tight and whispered in her ear. “I’ll see you in two days. Be a good girl while Momma is gone, okay? I’ll be thinking of you every second. I love you so much.”
“I know, Momma. I love you more than the whole wide world.” She squeezed my neck, her stuffed butterfly pressing into my face, my emotions on overload with my own excitement mixed with the flickers of fear from entrusting her to someone else’s care.
I set her down and passed out quick kisses to each member of my unconventional family. Those who again stood at my side, helping me surprise Sebastian on his birthday while the band played a show in Las Vegas. The short four-week tour was more than halfway in, and Sebastian and I had plans for Kallie and I to go to California as soon as they were finished.
But I couldn’t wait that long.
All the guys were in on the surprise.
It was his birthday, after all, and I wanted to be there to celebrate it with him, as hard as it was leaving behind my daughter, even for a short time. But Charlie had convinced me it was okay. That I wasn’t neglecting her or harming her in any way, but instead giving her coping skills, the ability to be separated from me without suffering anxiety.
Funny, I was the one with anxiety.
Of course, it was the ever-present worry about Martin that made it understandably more difficult to leave her. It made it harder to quell the innate need to wrap her up in my protection, to hold her in my arms forever and never let her go.
But this wasn’t me letting her go.
This was me investing in the future we had with Sebastian.
I set one last kiss to my daughter’s forehead and headed toward the security line. I twisted and lifted my hand in a small wave.
My own excitement flared as I boarded the plane and fastened my buckle. I sent Lyrik, Ash, and Zee a group text. “I’m on my way.”
I settled into the seat, lay my head back, and closed my eyes as I breathed in deep.
I’m on my way.
Horns blared within the heavy Friday afternoon traffic. A river of people streamed the sidewalks lining the busy strip. Groups traversed from one extravagant hotel to another, clutching tall colorful frozen drinks, stumbling and joking as they hopped from one indulgent destination to the next. Even within the confines of the town car, I could hear the riot of voices, the excitement that held fast to the air as people flocked to the City of Sin to indulge in exactly that.
You could feel it. A tremor of lust and letting go, all cares stripped away as abandon was cast into the wind.
Reckless and rash and wild.
The car made a quick right and wound into the lavish hotel’s passenger pick-up and drop-off, its towers reaching toward the sky where they peered down over the fountains of The Bellagio and the stunning replication of The Eiffel Tower—a bit of Paris brought to the dry desert of Nevada.
Anticipation clenched my stomach, and I fumbled out of the backseat as a ripple of anxious need tickled through my nerves and quickened the beat of my heart.
My phone chirped. With shaking hands, I clicked into the message where Lyrik sent instructions on where to find them. Lobby, north side.
I left my suitcase with a bellman. Sucking in a breath, I entered into the sensual oasis of glass and lights and nude silhouettes that flashed behind fogged glass, everything about the upscale hotel a sensory overload of suggestion and sex.
M
y feet moved across the shiny floor in his direction, my pulse increasing with each step. By the time I rounded the corner, every inch of me was shaking with the need to see his face. To feel his skin and soak in his presence.
An eager group of people were congregated around them, video cameras poised as Sunder stood answering questions about the show tonight and the upcoming album.
I’d made it just in time to catch the last of their scheduled press conference. The vibe was casual as the four of them posed for pictures and openly answered questions. Behind the media, a ring of onlookers had gathered, snapping pic after pic with their phones. A few called out to them, vying for a little attention from the group of guys who stood out even in the mess of this erotic wilderness, all of them oozing sex and disorder and a taste of delicious wickedness.
Sebastian was like a beacon among it all. The brightest light that was still the darkest dark.
Both hands were stuffed in his jean pockets and he rocked back on his heels, the way he always did when he didn’t know what to do with himself, his head angled to the side as his pretty, pretty mouth moved with whatever he said.
Tingles flooded me from head to toe.
I remained just in the distance of the crowd so I could take him in, my eyes roaming over him with hunger and need.
The man was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, so perfectly imperfect as he flashed his imposing grin for the camera, everything about him intriguing and mysterious and a little bit frightening.
I watched as he interacted with the press and his fans, engaged yet somehow reserved, the man giving them what they expected, the surface and the show.
But I saw everything written beneath.
Mid-sentence, he trailed off and for a moment he froze. Grey eyes lifted.
Seeking.
As if he felt the weight of my gaze upon him—the same way I always felt his.
When they latched onto me, I full out shook. His strange intensity filled the air, powering into me, wave after crashing wave.
We were locked in a stare.
Shock and confusion sifted through his expression.
But I saw it the second it hit him. The realization I was really there. The relief as he forgot everything else happening around him.
Drowning to Breathe Page 16
