I sent him a resigned smile. There was nothing I could do about it now. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
Sebastian finished changing, jogged downstairs, and made the call to get some of my stuff replaced, while I quickly dressed in the outfit Tamar helped me pick out for tonight—another pair of torn-up, cut-off shorts, a flowy cream top with thick, crocheted lace edging, and super high-heeled brown suede booties that made my legs look long, sexy, and sleek.
Country Chic.
“Don’t fix what ain’t broke,” Tamar had said with a flip of her red hair while we’d shopped, telling me I’d already perfected the look so I should just go with it.
I walked into the extravagant bathroom adjoining the bedroom, where the suite’s opulent theme overflowed seamlessly. I grabbed a tissue and allowed myself one more irritated groan for forgetting my stuff, then leaned toward the mirror and dabbed at my eye makeup to smooth out the creases, and wipe some of the sticky airplane residue away.
At least I had my face powder and some clear lip gloss in my purse.
It was going to have to do.
Sebastian appeared in the doorway, tattooed arms stretched across it, the man stealing a little more of my breath. “Just got a text. Boys are downstairs. We need to run.”
“I’m ready.” I followed him into the bedroom and grabbed my small purse from the bed, situated the strap over my head and shoulder. “Is Austin coming?”
“Nah…he always hangs back at the hotel. Shows aren’t the best atmosphere for him,” he said with a tinge of regret. Then he hefted a shoulder. “He seems pretty content though, so I guess it’s good.”
“It is good,” I promised, knowing how much he worried about his little brother, wishing I knew more and there was more I could do.
But I also understood there were things shared only between the two of them.
We rode the elevator down and walked hand-in-hand through the lobby and to the back entrance where the guys waited.
Lyrik’s cocky expression fell when he saw us. “You’ve got to be kiddin’ me.”
Zee broke out in some kind of rebel celebration. “Pay up, bitch.”
Lyrik punched at him and Zee jumped out of his reach, howling with laughter. “What…can’t handle it when someone half your age is again taking some more of your dough? You are losing your touch, old man.”
“Says the punk kid who’s barely old enough to make it into the casino? Don’t make me teach you a lesson, boy,” Lyrik taunted right back.
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at Lyrik as he opened the back passenger door. “Don’t look so happy to see me, asshole,” he said with one brow lifted.
Lyrik dug a one hundred-dollar bill from his wallet and slapped it into Zee’s waiting, gloating hand. The irritation on his face appeared a whole lot like he’d rather be slapping it across Zee’s face.
With Zee still cracking up, Ash and Zee climbed into the third row of the long, black Escalade, Lyrik hopped into the front passenger, and Sebastian ushered me into the middle row and climbed in behind me.
Lyrik looked over his shoulder. Dark eyes gleamed with amused disbelief. “That’s because seeing your ass come waltzing out of that hotel any less than half an hour late cost me a Benjamin, Baz Boy.”
“Bettin’ against me now, are we?”
Ash leaned forward, arms wrapped around my headrest as he poked his head forward. “Don’t sit over there acting all surprised, man. If I had a girl that looked like Shea…”
A low whistle dropped from him as he let his gaze travel down my legs. “You could bet your last dollar I’d be walking out of there late, too.”
Um. Wow.
I could feel the heat rush up my neck, the smile pulling at my face. Because they were too much, larger than life, every kind of right, Sebastian’s miss-matched family that had somehow become my own.
“Hey now…hey now,” Zee contended. “Don’t go demeaning my faith in my man, here. I knew he wouldn’t let the crew down. Got your back, Baz.”
I squeaked in shock when Sebastian suddenly hauled me from my seat onto his lap, draping me across him. He nuzzled his nose along my neck and palmed my exposed thigh, giving it a squeeze that wasn’t so gentle.
“Or maybe I just plan on taking the time to lay my girl out right. Doesn’t have a thing to do with any of you fuckers.”
Oh God.
That redness climbed all the way to my cheeks. The desire Sebastian had lit back in the room had barely just settled to a simmer, and here he was, stoking it again, the promise in his words enough to send a chill slithering through my body.
“This isn’t an awkward conversation or anything.” I widened my eyes at all of them who had no shame at all, eyes watching Sebastian and me as if we were the best kind of entertainment.
Considering the bets, apparently we were.
Ash cackled and smacked my now vacant seat as the driver pulled out into the heavy traffic congesting the strip.
“Come now, sweet, innocent Shea. You’re part of the band now, baby. There are no secrets between us and there’s not a subject that’s gonna be off limits. Can you handle it?”
It was all tease, but I could feel the caution behind it. The guy was always so cocky and smug, but there was a loyalty about him, too. Just like Sebastian, something good beneath all the brash. I knew he was warning me about what we were about to head into, wondering if I could handle it, the lifestyle they lived, the abounding outside forces Sebastian had wanted to shield and protect me from.
I snuggled further into Sebastian’s hold.
As long as Sebastian loved me the way he should, the way I loved him, there wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
Draping his arms over the middle seat, Zee leaned forward and began to tap out a beat on the black leather, quietly humming the tune.
Ash picked right up, singing the words under his breath as he began to bob his head along with Zee’s impromptu song. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but Lyrik chimed right in, the man who exuded menace and mayhem tapping his fingers on the thighs of his ripped-up skinny jeans as he joined in with Ash and Zee, as if they did this all the time.
Were they serious?
I looked up at Sebastian. He slanted me a rogue grin, dipped that gorgeous face down toward me as those full, full lips began to move.
That beautiful, beautiful voice for a beautiful, beautiful man singing that soothing sound, his mouth hovering an inch from my lips as if he were singing to me.
But those intense eyes glinted and gleamed, swimming with mischief and ease as he played along with the guys, those four big, bad rockers going retro.
They were singing Leaving Las Vegas by Sheryl Crow.
Giggling, I clutched Sebastian’s neck. Something giddy washed over me as the air in the car went light. The effortless bond between the four talented men filled me with joy, because I knew this was such a huge part of Sebastian’s life, being on the road with them, their day-to-day.
For so many years I’d silenced my voice. As if it were a part of my secrets locked tight. As if the words that danced on my tongue had been buried with Delaney Rhoads.
But today…today I couldn’t help myself…because I felt free.
Vindicated.
And I let it go.
Lifted my voice and joined in just as they hit the chorus, belted it out as I sang to Sebastian who sang right back. His hands clutched my sides. The joy in his eyes was something I felt all the way to my soul.
We trailed off and the rest of the cab was conspicuously silent.
As if a strange disturbance had stamped out the easy air.
Embarrassment held my tongue, my teeth gnawing nervously at my bottom lip while I buried my face in Sebastian’s neck, wishing there was a way to disappear.
What was I thinking?
Then Ash hooted. “Holy hell, woman. Did that really just come out of your mouth?”
I buried my frown in Sebastian’s neck, feeling the vibration of his chuckle as he held me a lit
tle tighter.
“Told you, man,” Sebastian muttered, scattering a bunch of kisses over the crown of my head.
“Told him what?” I finally got the courage to ask, peeking up at him as he dipped his chin down to meet my eye.
Typically, I wasn’t the shrinking-violet type. But when it came to singing, it brought back my childhood insecurities. The fact I’d been a constant disappointment to my mother. The pressure she’d exerted. The expectations I never met. Her never-satisfied hunger for more.
More fame.
More money.
Without a thought to the dire consequences that would result from her shortsighted intentions.
“That you, sweet girl, make me sound like a hack.”
“Hardly,” I whispered seriously.
He squeezed my thigh again, becoming playful. “Just do me a favor and don’t go singing backstage tonight or anything, okay? Don’t need you going and outshining me, especially on my birthday. Don’t think I can handle that kind of blow to my ego.”
I rose up so I could press a kiss at the center of his strong throat, my words soft and rumbly where I murmured them at his Adam’s apple. “I could never outshine you.”
This dark, mysterious man had become my brightest light.
With a slight grin, I pulled back. “Besides, I’m not sure I could pull off all those growly screams you’re so famous for.”
Deep, seductive laughter rolled from him, and he hugged me closer, wrapping a single hand in my hair and murmuring low. “You scream just fine, baby. Just make sure what you’re screaming is my name.”
A slow ache settled between my thighs.
Later.
The venue was off the strip, and the driver made a couple turns before he pulled into a lot and rounded to the back entrance of the music hall. Everyone was quick to climb out. Sebastian never released my hand as we followed the guys into the dingy, dusky theater, up three concrete steps to a blackened-out door manned by a burly guard.
The second we stepped into the darkness, I could feel the sizzle of energy snap in the dense air. As if that magnetized energy drew strength from the guys who breathed it in, and radiated it back out. It only increased as they lifted their chins and sucked it down, as if they fed into the frenzy. A buzz of hyped eagerness seemed to come naturally, as their minds shifted gears in preparation for the show.
My eyes darted around, capturing everything.
It was strange because I was so accustomed to live music at Charlie’s, the energy that would hold fast to the air, an anticipation unlike anything other as someone took to the stage and brought a song to life.
But this…this seemed entirely different. The way roadies bustled around backstage, carrying gear and setting it in position, the test of the soundboard, the hustle and scramble to get everything set in place, the directions being shouted, an adept chaos I couldn’t imagine transpiring any other way.
Added to the feel was the deafening level of rock music that seemed to dictate every move and beat.
Sebastian squeezed my hand, leaned in close to my ear, and lifted his voice. “You all right?”
There was no missing the concern swirling in the depth of those attentive eyes as they peered at me, the man searching for any discomfort I might feel. For flickers of the regret and betrayal I’d sustained in a world so similar to this.
We’d only touched briefly on the hurt, the dreams I’d had that had never quite been my own, but were still seated so deeply within my spirit. I still ached for it every day.
The truth of how much I loved to play.
What Sebastian didn’t know was none of that could ever be worth the cost I’d been asked to pay.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been nervous when I’d boarded the plane this morning, that I hadn’t wondered what it might feel like to stand backstage again and know none of it would ever belong to me. Just an outsider looking in on something magnificent and inspired.
But, no.
There was no discomfort or ugly memories or pangs of regret.
“Better than all right,” I told him truthfully. “I’m just excited to see you play.”
His expression softened with a tenderness I was sure he only allowed me, and he wound me into the safety of those strong arms. His voice was hoarse. “Can’t tell you how damned happy I am you’re here. Hope you know that, baby. Want you with me. Always.”
My hands clung to his sides. “And I’m here because with you is where I want to be. Always.”
Deep satisfaction flashed across his face. “Come on…I’ve got a bunch of shit I have to take care of before we go on. Opening band’s gonna be hitting the stage soon.”
Sebastian led me down a dim, hazy corridor to a large reception room on the left. The light within was subdued but brighter than out in the hall and the areas backstage.
I peeked inside at the overstuffed, worn couches. Guys who screamed sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll lounged on them, slinging back beers and laughing loud, talking shit like all these guys seemed to love to do.
Really, the atmosphere seemed almost laid-back except for the glimmer of lust that seemed to cling to the air. Thick, dark, and ominous.
Girls who’d barely made the transition into women hung on the sidelines, chatting and clearly waiting to be noticed. Most fit in, as if they’d been drawn into the chaotic vibe, clothes as dark as the makeup painted around their eyes.
But I guess it wouldn’t be a real concert if there weren’t a few who looked as if they’d forgotten groupies went out of style in the eighties. Or maybe they were just giving it a good go to bring it back.
Sebastian introduced me to a couple of people, some of the road crew and his tour manager, and a few friends who followed them show to show.
He took it upon himself to hoist me onto a table where my boots swung a foot from the grimy floor, before he handed me a beer and sealed my mouth with a possessive, perfect kiss, then sent a look around the room at everyone who was watching us.
Off limits.
It was cute and sweet and protective, and I couldn’t help my own buzz of excitement that rippled through me as I sat back and enjoyed my time. Even though I missed Kallie, that beneath everything was the unending fear of the fight I knew was coming, tonight I felt liberated and unrestrained. There was no question my daughter was safe, that she was having a blast, playing butterflies and princesses and living in her fairy tales.
Showered with love and care.
So I let my reservations go. Let my body sway as the opening band took to the stage, and my mind wandered to the fans I could hear screaming through the walls.
I sat by myself for a long time, every so often making idle chat with the few people who approached me, all of them men. The only attention I received from the women were a few sneers and jealous stares.
An hour later, Sebastian appeared in front of me, all smiles and child-like exuberance. “We’re getting ready to go on, baby. You ready?”
“Absolutely.”
He helped me down, and I followed his long strides back down the hall where he led me to the side of the stage.
VIP.
“This is you.”
I grinned up at him, teeth going to my lip as I tried to hide the rush of emotions I felt. I couldn’t believe I was here, experiencing this with him. All the videos I’d watched of him onstage, night after night when I’d been missing him like crazy, wondering how he was and what he was doing while out on the road.
And here I was.
“Sebastian,” Ash called from where he stood with the rest of the guys across the space. “Get your ass over here.”
“Be right back,” Sebastian promised.
I watched as he sauntered away, my stomach twisting in knots at the raw, striking beauty of the man.
I turned and peered out from behind the long curtain where I was hidden in the shadows. Energy vibrated from the crowd and another round of nerves rustled through me. It seemed insane I was here, back in the midst of music
from which I’d run so far. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to stand backstage while that fervor held fast to the air, anticipation building strong as fans waited for their beloved band to take the stage.
But this was different than anything I’d ever experienced in my days as Delaney Rhoads.
There was an underlying charge here, a furor in the crowd that spoke of lawlessness and disorder.
Kerosene just itching for a match.
Bodies were crammed into the cavernous, hollow space, the ceiling high and the slanted floor bare. It was set at an incline, the floor high on the entrance side and tapering down the entire way until it met with the elevated stage. Standing room only, a riot of youth vied for a better position closer to the stage, pushing and shoving to get closer.
Darkness covered the crowd, and the sound of the roadies testing the equipment only made the rowdy atmosphere rise.
I felt a partner to it. Fuel for it. As if I was more desperate to see Sebastian on that stage than every fan combined. Even though I’d binged on posted on-line videos of Sunder, it didn’t come close to comparing to this.
No wonder he needed this.
Thrived on this.
Loved this.
Soon I’d be returning to Savannah, and I wanted to take this experience home with me. To tuck this memory deep with the love I had for Sebastian, so I would have something to sustain me in our separation when he went back on the road.
I wanted to be able to close my eyes while he was away and picture him onstage, knowing first-hand what he would be experiencing night after night.
A roadie beat on a drum.
Adrenaline rushed, and I sucked in a breath as I reveled in it all.
My body trembled in recognition when hot, needy hands gripped my waist from behind, and the breath I’d breathed was suddenly him.
Sebastian buried his nose beneath my hair. He ran it along the nape of my neck and up behind my ear. My flesh prickled in the most delicious way, every nerve alight at his touch.
I shook.
“It’s time,” he whispered against the sensitive shell of my ear.
He planted a lingering kiss to my neck. “Don’t move from this spot,” he warned against the skin, then he wrapped his arms completely around my waist. “Remember every last one of the assholes hanging out back here are exactly that. Assholes. Especially those punks who opened for us. Don’t want to have to come off the stage during the show to kill someone.”
Drowning to Breathe Page 18
