Drowning to Breathe

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Drowning to Breathe Page 30

by A. L. Jackson


  Faith.

  But it was difficult when the only thing we were met with were roadblocks and setbacks and disappointments.

  Four days had passed since I’d gone to my mother. Four days since I’d walked away and not heard another word. Four days of Kenny scrambling and Anthony encouraging, and all the guys doing everything they could to stand up and stand in, trying to make me and Kallie feel at home when I’d never felt so alone.

  Four days of going through the motions. Four days of pretending I could make it through this.

  In that time, I’d not even been granted clearance to visit him.

  God. I just wanted to see his face. To touch along the lines and the curves and the scars. To see that he was okay and then maybe I could be okay, too.

  The absolute worst part? It had also been four days of worrying what Martin might be planning to do, constantly looking over my shoulder, scared I would find those fears were valid.

  But still somehow sure he would bide his time. Unwilling to strike in the middle of this public battle.

  Now we were doing everything we could to strike first.

  “Be careful, Kallie Bug,” I warned when she started climbing a metal ladder to the elevated bouncy bridge stretched between two play towers.

  From the third step, she grinned back at me. “I’m bein’ so, so careful, Momma. Did you know I have to learn to climb way up high in the sky ’cause that’s were butterflies fly and I’m gonna be in big girl school? And I’m not scared at all, at all.”

  Okay.

  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that even with everything I was going through, my daughter still held the power to bring a smile to my face.

  “She’s beautiful.” The hoarse voice coming from behind froze my blood, and I went rigid when I felt her approach, the instinct to safeguard and shield flipping to high alert.

  But somehow I felt the resignation in her step.

  The surrender.

  My attention remained fixed on my daughter as my mother erased the space and came to stand directly beside me.

  Locks of her stringy hair whipped in the wind.

  Neither of us said anything for the longest time. The silence screamed back all the pain she had caused, my heart aching in a way it’d never ached before.

  Her voice cracked in the December air. “They were never supposed to hurt you.”

  My body quaked with the intrusion of her words.

  “I would never have given the okay for that. They were just supposed to shake you up. Scare you into making the decision you needed to make.”

  My eyes dropped closed as if it could shield me from this brutality.

  She’d known.

  But I already knew that, didn’t I? Still, the confirmation struck me like the sting of a lash.

  Something helpless seeped into her tone. “By then, I was in deep.” Her mouth pinched as if the confession was sour. “Got myself mixed up in things I never anticipated, but by the time I realized what was happening, it was already too late.”

  My head shook, rejecting any justification.

  She glanced at me as if she could read my thoughts. “I’m not sayin’ any of that gives me an excuse, Shea. I’m standing here taking responsibility for what I’ve done.”

  “Why now? Why did he come after me now?”

  She turned her attention away, back to my daughter, as if she couldn’t stand to look at me while she spoke the words. “Martin Jennings has always viewed you as a threat. As a loose thread that needed to be snipped. With everything I’ve gone through with him all these years, my guess is when he found out you were with Sebastian Stone, he thought it was time to take action. Martin couldn’t stand aside and wait to see what happened with the tie between Sebastian and Mark. He didn’t know what Mark had revealed to him or anyone else. He didn’t know if Sebastian had sought you out because of something Mark had said to him. He needed to end your relationship with Sebastian any way he could. And what better way to take you out than through your daughter?”

  She shook her head. “He loves instilling fear, controlling people that way. He gets off on it in some sick way.”

  An incredulous snort shot from my nose. As if I didn’t have front-row experience with that.

  Her voice spread through me like ice as she continued, “But make no mistake. He would have dealt with you if it weren’t for the fact he didn’t know if or who you’d confided in. Or if you hadn’t made that complaint to the police.”

  I shot her a glance full of old hatred.

  She caught onto it immediately. “Yeah…told you it was stupid. What you did was stupid. Trying to leave when he didn’t give a second thought to hurting you. But it gave you leverage he didn’t anticipate. Still, there’s no doubt in my mind it didn’t stop him from planning…conniving and figuring out how to erase the threat he viewed you to be. Until that boy Mark stumbled upon it.”

  She huffed like it wasn’t all that big a deal. “He would have taken me out a long time ago if he didn’t believe I was just as dirty as him.” Self-deprecating laughter rolled from her like a toll of death. “And I won’t deny that I am.”

  I stood there reeling. Trying to wrap my head around what my mother had dragged me into, where all the greed and selfishness had led us both.

  Kallie swooped down the slide and my mother choked over a sob, ushering in an entire shift of her demeanor.

  “I’ve done so much bad.” Bitterness made its way in. “Believe me, I’ve gotten everything I deserve. Don’t have a damned thing. Nothing. Not a dime of that money I wanted so bad, and I sure as hell don’t have the family I didn’t realize I needed. But it’s too late now, and now I’m going to be gettin’ more.”

  I looked at her, wind stinging the tears wetting my face.

  She met my gaze, chin raised.

  “My own daughter stood in my shithole apartment and demanded to know if I ever loved her…if I ever cared at all. You demanded to know if I had any decency left inside me. Truth is, there was never a whole lot of that to begin with.”

  Her voice grew thin and wispy. “But I do love you, Shea. Always have. But that took a back seat to everything I thought I had to have, and then got completely forgotten when every day was spent just trying to survive my deplorable life.”

  “All I ever wanted was to make you proud.”

  She nodded slowly. “And you were right. I made that ugly, too. I’m finished with making things ugly.

  Wistfully, she turned back to watch my daughter who laughed and played, before she looked back at me, expression going deathly sad. “You’re the only truly beautiful thing I ever made.”

  I sucked in a lungful of air. Then why did every action she ever made have to be opposite? I wanted to scream, why? Why’d she have to be so vile when I would have happily given her everything?

  She cleared her throat and straightened. “I’m leaving here and I’m going straight to the police station. I’m going to turn myself in. Tell them every last thing I know, every name and every detail. I’ll be going to prison, Shea. That is if I make it there. I imagine Martin will be going away for much longer. I just wanted you to know.”

  I felt something inside me splintering, old hurt and resentment breaking free. As much relief as her statement brought me, there was no satisfaction.

  Nothing to assuage the enormity of what she’d done. The danger she’d put her own daughter in, worst of all allowing it year after year.

  She could have stopped this so long ago.

  Kallie all of a sudden came skipping over to us, blonde curls a hurricane, her smile the most brilliant force. “Momma!”

  She grabbed onto my hand, swaying in my hold as she peered up at the woman who’d done everything to stop her life.

  “Hi,” she exuded with all that childlike curiosity.

  My mother smiled down at her.

  Softly.

  Flickers of a memory hit me, and I thought maybe…maybe she’d once looked at me that way.

  “An
d what’s your name?” my mother asked as she stooped down to bring them to eye level.

  A hint of interested shyness injected into her tone when she answered, “I’m Kallie Marie.”

  “Well…it’s an honor to meet you, Kallie Marie.”

  Chloe Lynn didn’t introduce herself to Kallie as anyone, not as my mother or her grandmother or a long-lost friend.

  Because both my mother and I knew Kallie would never see her again.

  For the briefest flash, my mother touched my daughter’s cheek, hesitating, before she stood.

  Sorrow crowded every crease in her weathered face. “Goodbye, my shining star.”

  Then she turned and walked away.

  Night echoed back from where I stood on the balcony off Sebastian’s bedroom. City lights gleamed and glinted where they stretched across the valley, the pool below in a slow roll from one color to another, the high-pitched drone of bugs floating in the cool night air.

  A chill blew across my skin. Thick strands of my hair and the silky material of my short nightgown billowed in the gentle breeze. The same as the billow of the shimmery drapes whipping out from where they hung just inside the room, the large French doors open and bleeding the darkness from within.

  My spirit stirred and I grasped the cool railing as I lifted my face to the sky and sent up a silent prayer.

  A thank you.

  My daughter was safe and sleeping down the opposite hall.

  Protected.

  Permanently.

  Thanks to my mother, the one who’d done so much damage and caused so much pain, Martin Jennings would no longer stand as a threat against my daughter.

  Would no longer stand as a threat against me.

  Yesterday, a warrant had been issued. DEA had swept in to search every pretentious inch of his home.

  Three hours later he’d been arrested.

  Fraud and theft and trafficking.

  It was all there, hidden in safes and files and computers.

  Arrogant, stupid man.

  Kallie and I were free.

  But my heart…my heart was bound. Tied to the only future I could see.

  Wind gusted—howled and thrashed.

  Chills skated across the surface of my skin as a swell of that energy crested.

  Pressing full.

  Consuming.

  My hands clamped down on the railing and my body swayed. My ear inclined to the muted click of a door, and my pulse spiked as footsteps moved across the bedroom floor.

  Slow yet filled with severity.

  And I could feel it. Everything he was. Everything I wanted us to be. Standing right behind me.

  I gasped over a breath when I looked over my shoulder to catch sight of this magnificent man.

  My magnificent man.

  The weight of his stare was overpowering, those strange grey eyes trained on me.

  Darkness clung to the defined curves of his face.

  All harsh lines and broken beauty and mystery.

  My eyes caressed, taking all of him in, the stunning bulk of his imposing body, gaze trailing across his full, full lips that were a little crooked on one side, on to the old scar that split through his right eyebrow, and the trace of another at the bottom of his chin. There was a new scar high up on his left cheekbone, a row of stitches standing as evidence of his stand for me.

  No, this man was not perfect.

  Just beautiful and dark and a little bit frightening.

  The one who’d led the chain of events that had finally set us free.

  “You see me, Shea?” The grating question slammed me like a full body blow.

  Powerful.

  Unyielding.

  A force I could never resist.

  I’d thought I’d had no time for distractions. No place for interference or disturbance in Kallie’s and my secluded, lonely life.

  But he was the one I didn’t know I’d been waiting for.

  Slowly I turned. My body was basked in moonlight while Sebastian remained obscured in the fluttering shadows that flitted like strobes across that gorgeous face.

  “Yes,” I whispered, swallowing around the emotion that rushed.

  I’d never seen anyone so clearly.

  The one who was willing to give it all.

  “Won’t apologize.” His voice was a hard rasp, and his eyes flashed. “Did it for you. Would’ve died for you. Killed for you. Rotted in that cell if I had to. As long as it meant you and that little girl are safe.”

  He had been willing to give up everything for Kallie and me so we could live in peace.

  Just like my mother had done.

  After everything, she’d offered herself up and knowingly taken Sebastian’s place. The state had dropped all charges against him late this afternoon when the evidence my mother provided had steadily mounted against Martin.

  Kenny Lane had scrambled to find favor on our side and pushed the legal envelope, citing a convoluted trail of self-defense. To keep Kallie away from the media frenzy, Anthony had picked him up and taken him to his place to shower and change out of his bloodied clothes.

  And now Sebastian was here.

  Some would say it might be too little too late.

  That the acts she’d committed were unforgiveable.

  But I’d make a case there was no such thing.

  Where there is repentance, there is always room for mercy.

  No.

  I wouldn’t visit or forge bonds broken long ago.

  But I would no longer cling to bitterness and sorrow.

  I was giving thanks and letting it go.

  Sebastian took one step from the shadows into the light.

  God.

  I’d thought there’d never been a more brutally beautiful man.

  And it was true. But that savage beauty was so much greater than the surface. And I didn’t just see it. I experienced it.

  Selfless loyalty.

  Flawless faithfulness.

  This powerful man willingly becoming vulnerable for us.

  My heart beat frantically. Wildly.

  A stampede of desire and an onslaught of lust.

  Devotion and passion.

  Absolution.

  “Come here,” he commanded, voice low and seductive.

  As if I could ever say no.

  Slowly, I approached. Inhale. Exhale. Breathing him. Breathing me.

  He cupped my face, thumb caressing the pulse point on my neck. “Shea.”

  I watched the thick bob of his throat as he stepped back and stared down at me, hands gathering the silky material of the nightgown at my hips. Slowly, he peeled it away. Cool air skimmed my naked flesh. My hair fell in waves around my shoulders and tumbled down to brush over my breasts.

  Goosebumps scattered, the man managing to touch me everywhere when he wasn’t touching me at all.

  A sharp gasp fell from me when he picked me up, one arm around my bottom and the other sliding up my back to grasp onto my neck.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist.

  “Shea.”

  That pretty, pretty mouth slanted over mine.

  Savage.

  Raw.

  Unrelenting.

  Demanding tongue and nipping teeth.

  He poured his desperation into me, relief and salvation and deliverance.

  His kisses never ceased as he carried me across the room, careful when he laid me on the center of his bed.

  My hands fisted in the blankets and I arched.

  Slowly, Sebastian began to undress.

  He toed off his shoes and pulled off his shirt. Muscle and strength bristled across all that glorious skin while he looked me up and down.

  The words falling from his mouth dripped with sex. “Every fantasy I’ve ever had is right there. My wife naked and writhing on my bed. Wet for me. Dyin’ for me.”

  I absolutely burned.

  He unfastened his jeans, took his underwear with him when he shrugged them off. Need twisted through my belly at the sight of him.

&n
bsp; Sebastian crawled on the bed and situated himself between my thighs. He gathered my hands and pressed them into the bed over my head.

  He stared down at me.

  Falling.

  Falling.

  Falling.

  I’d been so scared of where I would land.

  Little did I know I’d be falling forever into the safety of his arms.

  Held and adored and never touching ground.

  Swimming in a sea of darkness and light.

  The bliss of eternity.

  He gathered my wrists in one hand. With the other, fingertips trailed across my face, gliding down my neck and brushing my breasts that tightened and tingled with need.

  That hand fluttered lower, pressing between my thighs, fingers sliding through my slick sex.

  I trembled, and a tiny moan rumbled up my throat, the intensity of those knowing eyes searing me.

  He gripped himself, aligning himself at my center, the nudge of the thick head of his cock filling me with fire.

  Every nerve came alive.

  Sebastian never looked away as he slowly pushed into me. So full he stole my breath.

  My lips parted on the force of it.

  Sebastian stilled, body rigid as he held himself in restraint.

  Silently screaming the promise.

  Forever.

  Forever.

  Forever.

  And I felt it.

  Sheer and utter completion.

  “Shea,” he said again, before he began to move.

  Unbridled and impassioned.

  Sweat slicked our skin. Pants and grunts fed the crackling air.

  And I knew. And I knew. And I knew.

  Sebastian had scarred me in the most beautiful ways.

  Pinpricks of pleasure lit up my body and Sebastian tipped me into ecstasy.

  I chanted his name while he chanted mine as we both fell into that blinding bliss.

  Struggling for air, he dropped his forehead to mine.

  My arms encircled his neck, hugging him tight. “We made it,” I whispered.

  Sebastian pulled back with the hint of a smile, shifting his weight off to the side.

  His big hand spread across my belly. “We made it.”

  I PUSHED MYSELF UP the steep hill, wiping the sweat from my brow as I rounded into the drive of the house. All too eager to get back to my girls after my run.

  Overhead, birds chirped in the still of the trees, branches outstretched and even though it was nearing winter, still shading everything in their spindly path, little darts of sunlight breaking through.

 

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